生活大爆炸 第五季:第17集 謝爾頓和同事的辦公室之爭(上)
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It was a nice retirement party.
這退休歡送會(huì)不錯(cuò)啊，
I guess. Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
可能吧，真可惜，羅思曼教授不得不退休
What choice did the university have? He snapped.
學(xué)校有啥辦法呢? 他都瘋了
It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
這對(duì)理論物理學(xué)家來說很常見
I wonder how long Sheldon's got.
不知道謝爾頓啥時(shí)能瘋
These shrimp are all the same size.
這些蝦居然都大小一樣
There's no the logical order to eat them in.
根本沒辦法按次序吃
Can't be very long.
我看快了
Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
看，這就是羅思曼空下來的辦公室。悲催啊
Mm, indeed. Yeah. So sad. Dibs.
可不是，太悲催了。我要了
What's up, fellas?
大家好啊
What are you doing here, Kripke?
你在這兒干啥，克里普克
Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
量一下我的新辦公室，好做窗簾
This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
這可不是你的辦公室，院里還沒分配呢
Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the Toys for Tots collection box.
在圣誕派對(duì)上，羅思曼教授要和，募捐箱里的玩具嘿咻時(shí)我就說我要了。
Dibs?! This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs. You just called dibs. Shut it.
你要了?這里是大學(xué)，不是小學(xué)操場，不會(huì)因?yàn)槟阏f你要了，辦公室就分給你。你剛才也說了。閉嘴
Offices are assigned by seniority.
辦公室的分配應(yīng)該按資歷來
I arrived at the university first.
我先來這所大學(xué)的
I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.
我還先到的辦公室呢，早起的鳥兒有蟲吃
Gentlemen. Professor Rothman. Good evening.
先生們。羅思曼教授。晚上好
I'm glad that men are wearing hats again.
真開心男人又開始興戴帽子了
They're so distinguished.
顯得多高貴啊
I got you a little something.
我要送你個(gè)小東西
A little something? Oh, this is huge.
小東西?好大啊
What's huge is what you've done for me.
不及你為我所做的
Oh, no, Amy, I haven't done anything.
艾米，我并沒做什么
No, no, before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower.
才不是，在遇到你之前，我只是個(gè)膽小的丑小鴨
But look at me now.
但看看我現(xiàn)在
I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl.
整個(gè)一時(shí)尚風(fēng)流女
With a posse, a boyfriend and a new lace bra that hooks in the front, of all things.
有保鏢，有男朋友，穿前扣蕾絲胸罩那種
Open it. Open it. Okay.
快打開，快打開。好吧
I wanted to get you something you didn't have.
我想送個(gè)你沒有的東西
Wow, I...I don't know what to... Wow... Do you like it? Do I like it? Wow
哇哦，我真不知道該說啥...哇哦...喜歡嗎?喜歡嘛?哇哦
So, uh, where are you gonna hang it? Oh, my God. hang it? Wow, Um,
你要把它掛哪兒?天啊，還要掛著?哇哦，嗯，
you know, I'd have to go get a hook and nails and a hammer and... No problem.
我得找掛鉤，釘子，錘子，還有...沒問題
Oh, look. You got...You just... you got it all right there. Wow
你已經(jīng)...你已經(jīng)帶來了，哇哦
I found him. He's in the bathroom.
我找到他了，他在廁所
President Siebert?
西伯特校長?
Can't this wait? I'm sorry.We just need a word. Now?
不能等等嘛?抱歉，我們需要談?wù)劇，F(xiàn)在?
You realize I'm your boss, and I am holding my penis?
你應(yīng)該知道我是你老板，而且我在舉著我的老二
Sheldon, give the man some privacy.
謝爾頓，尊重下隱私吧
I'm sorry. This guy's got no respect for boundaries.
抱歉了。他根本就不知道啥叫尊重
What do you want?
你們想干嗎?
Will you tell this lunatic that Professor Rothman's office is rightfully mine?
您能告訴這個(gè)瘋子，羅思曼的辦公室是我的嗎?
Can't you take this up with your department chairman?
你不能找系主任嗎?
We tried. His assistant said he was on sabbatical.
我們?cè)囘^了，他助理說他在休假
Although we distinctly heard his office window open and shut.
不過我們聽到了，他辦公室窗戶的開關(guān)聲
Gentlemen, there's a task I'm trying to accomplish here, and I'm having trouble doing it.
先生們，我正要完成一個(gè)任務(wù)，而且現(xiàn)在變得很難
Oh, my. President Siebert, I don't mean to be an alarmist,
天哪，西伯特校長，我并不想危言聳聽
but difficulty initiating a urine stream could be a symptom of benign prostatic hyperplasia.
但撒尿困難可是，良性前列腺增生的征兆
If you're interested, I can send you a link to a YouTube video that'll show you how to perform your own rectal exam.
如果你感興趣，我可以給你個(gè)Youtube視頻的鏈接，它會(huì)教你怎么做直腸檢查
Uh, helpful hint--trim your nails first.
溫馨提示，先把你指甲剪了
Ignore him, President Siebert. I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly... healthy prostate.
不用搭理他，西伯特校長，我肯定您這樣年輕，肯定有個(gè)...健康的前列腺
Oh, he's just trying to butter you up. And for the record, butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.
他只是在拍你馬屁，強(qiáng)調(diào)下，黃油可是直腸檢查中，很好的潤滑劑
Gentlemen, I'm going to allow the two of you to work this out
我還是把這事交給你們解決吧
because A) you're both brilliant scientists, and B) as far as who gets Rothman's office, I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind.
因?yàn)椋?.你們都是優(yōu)秀的科學(xué)家，2.Rothman辦公室的歸屬問題跟我沒有半毛錢關(guān)系
Well, as long as we're here, I might as well take a leak.
既然都到這兒了，那我就撒泡尿吧
Kripke? Yes? You're in my spot.
克里普克，恩?那是我的位置
That is big. So big.
好大啊。相當(dāng)大
And ugly. so ugly
也很丑，確實(shí)
What am I gonna do?
我該怎么做?
I don't know. You can't take it down.You'll break her heart.
我不知道。你不能拿下來，她會(huì)傷心的
Look at that face.
看這張臉
That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
又大又丑又詭異
Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
我有可能喜歡上它嗎?
That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?
那得看情況了。你喜歡畫里的自己像個(gè)爺們嗎?
All right, it's got to go.
好吧，不能放這兒
What will you tell Amy?
要怎么給艾米解釋呢?
How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
就說因?yàn)楫嬂餂]有你，你嫉妒了，怎么樣?
What if she gets me one?
她要是也給我弄一個(gè)呢?
I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.
我已經(jīng)有張我跟霍華德老媽，編玉米須發(fā)型的了，威尼斯海灘拍的，一張就夠我受的
Well, I guess I could take it down and put it up when she comes over, but it's kind of heavy.
那就搬下來，她來了再掛上，但貌似很重的樣子
Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.
真可惜啊，你沒畫里那哥們那么壯
Would you look at this?
看看這是啥?
I paid $25 to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand.
我在易趣上花了25美元跟一小孩兒，買的哈利波特手工魔杖
He sent me a stick.
他就發(fā)來一根棍
He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
他走到后院，隨便拿的一根棍
It's numbered.
有編號(hào)呢
Ooh, limited edition. Nice.
限量版，不錯(cuò)哦
Oh, that'll be Kripke.
應(yīng)該是克里普克
What's he doing here?
他怎么來了?
We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen.
我們要文明地解決辦公室歸屬紛爭
And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.
要是沒用的話，我就在他茶里下毒
Cooper. Kripke. Come in.
庫珀?？死锲湛?。請(qǐng)進(jìn)
I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
我在泡茶。要來一杯嗎?
Am I wearing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea.
我又沒穿連衣裙，不喝
Let's get down to brass tacks. Fine.
咱開門見山吧。好
In the interest of preserving our friendship... We're not friends.
為了不影響我們的友誼...我們不是朋友啊
Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right.
你這話讓我有點(diǎn)傷心呢，但好吧
As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise.
如你所知，外交的精髓在于妥協(xié)
With that in mind, I propose the following.
請(qǐng)記住這點(diǎn)，我有如下建議
I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.
羅思曼的辦公室歸我，你想辦法接受這事實(shí)
How about I take Rothman's office, and you go suck a lemon?
辦公室歸我，你去死怎么樣?
You sure I can't get you that cup of tea?
你確定不想喝茶嗎?
How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors Lizard-Spock?
你們用Spock拳決定唄
What the frig is that?
那是啥東西
Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors.
Spock拳由互聯(lián)網(wǎng)先驅(qū)山姆發(fā)明，是剪刀石頭布的升級(jí)版
All hail Sam Kass. Hail.
山姆萬歲。萬歲
How does it work?
怎么個(gè)玩法?
Oh, it's very simple.
很簡單
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard,
剪刀裁紙，紙包石頭，石頭砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒Spock，Spock砸剪刀，剪刀斬蜥蜴
lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
蜥蜴吃紙，紙(文章)反駁Spock，Spock蒸發(fā)石頭，還有原版的石頭砸剪刀
I'm sorry.Can you repeat that? Well, of course.
不好意思，能再說遍嗎?當(dāng)然
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard,
剪刀裁紙，紙包石頭，石頭砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒Spock，Spock砸剪刀，剪刀斬蜥蜴
lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
蜥蜴吃紙，紙反駁Spock，Spock蒸發(fā)石頭，還有原版的石頭砸剪刀
Almost got it. One more time. Surely. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock... Sheldon, stop.
快記住了，再說遍唄？好的。剪刀裁紙，紙包石頭，石頭...謝爾頓，別說了
He's screwing with you. Is he?
他耍你呢。是嗎?
Well, then, it seems we have reached an impasse.
那好，看來咱們沒得談了
I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel.
那我就只能向你提出決斗挑戰(zhàn)了
I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.
我想用手套決斗來著，但上周我的過冬用品都收起來了
It's the 21st century. You can't have a duel. H-Hang on, Howard.
現(xiàn)在是21世紀(jì)，你們不能決斗。等下，霍華德
Barry, how good of a shot are you?
巴里，你槍法準(zhǔn)不?
Not pistols. Minds. A trivia contest, and you may choose the field of battle.
不是用手槍。是智力對(duì)決，冷知識(shí)競賽，題目范圍任你選
Star Trek trivia, Star Trek: Next Generation trivia, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine trivia, Star Trek: Voyager trivia, or model trains.
"星際迷航"冷知識(shí)，"星際迷航:下一代"冷知識(shí)，"星際迷航:深空九號(hào)"冷知識(shí)，"星際迷航:重返地球"冷知識(shí)，還是火車模型冷知識(shí)
You have a complete advantage in trivia. You have an eidetic memory.
冷知識(shí)方面，你有絕對(duì)的優(yōu)勢(shì)，你記憶力很強(qiáng)
Plus, I haven't watched Star Trek since I discovered the strip club near my apartment has a free buffet.
而且，自從我發(fā)現(xiàn)我家旁邊的脫衣舞店，有免費(fèi)自助餐，就沒再看過"星際迷航"
It's gonna be hard to find something you're both equally good at.
很難找到你倆都擅長的東西啊
Is there anything you're both equally bad at? Sports.
你倆有都不擅長的嗎?體育
All right, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins the office. Any questions?
好，單挑，誰先到五，辦公室歸誰。有疑問嗎?
Yes, Sheldon. Five what?
請(qǐng)說，謝爾頓，五個(gè)啥?
Balls in the basket.
五個(gè)進(jìn)球
It's out, right?
是出界了，對(duì)吧?
Time. Ran out of room.
暫停。場地不夠用了
