(雙語(yǔ))月亮和六便士 第30章(4)

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there is in love a sense of weakness, a desire to protect, an eagerness to do good and to give pleasure—if not unselfishness, at all events a selfishness which marvellously conceals itself; it has in it a certain diffidence. These were not traits which I could imagine in Strickland. Love is absorbing; it takes the lover out of himself; the most clear-sighted, though he may know, cannot realise that his love will cease; it gives body to what he knows is illusion, and, knowing it is nothing else, he loves it better than reality. It makes a man a little more than himself, and at the same time a little less. He ceases to be himself. He is no longer an individual, but a thing, an instrument to some purpose foreign to his ego. Love is never quite devoid of sentimentality, and Strickland was the least inclined to that infirmity of any man I have known. I could not believe that he would ever suffer that possession of himself which love is; he could never endure a foreign yoke. I believed him capable of uprooting from his heart, though it might be with agony, so that he was left battered and ensanguined, anything that came between himself and that uncomprehended craving that urged him constantly to he knew not what. If I have succeeded at all in giving the complicated impression that Strickland made on me, it will not seem outrageous to say that I felt he was at once too great and too small for love.

愛情中需要有一種軟弱無(wú)力的感覺，要有體貼愛護(hù)的要求，有幫助別人、取悅別人的熱情——如果不是無(wú)私，起碼是巧妙地遮掩起來的自私；愛情包含著某種程度的靦腆怯懦。而這些性格特點(diǎn)都不是我在思特里克蘭德身上所能找到的。愛情要占據(jù)一個(gè)人莫大的精力，它要一個(gè)人離開自己的生活專門去做一個(gè)愛人。即使頭腦最清晰的人，從道理上他可能知道，在實(shí)際中卻不會(huì)承認(rèn)愛情有一天會(huì)走到盡頭。愛情賦予他明知是虛幻的事物以實(shí)質(zhì)形體，他明知道這一切不過是鏡花水月，愛它卻遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過喜愛真實(shí)。它使一個(gè)人比原來的自我更豐富了一些，同時(shí)又使他比原來的自我更狹小了一些。他不再是一個(gè)人，他成了追求某一個(gè)他不了解的目的的一件事物、一個(gè)工具。愛情從來免不了多愁善感，而思特里克蘭德卻是我認(rèn)識(shí)的人中最不易犯這種病癥的人。我不相信他在任何時(shí)候會(huì)害那種愛情的通病——如醉如癡、神魂顛倒；他從來不能忍受外界加給他的任何桎梏。如果有任何事物妨礙了他那無(wú)人能理解的熱望（這種熱望無(wú)時(shí)或止地刺激著他，叫他奔向一個(gè)他自己也不清楚的目標(biāo)），我相信他會(huì)毫不猶疑把它從心頭上連根拔去，即使忍受莫大痛苦，弄得遍體鱗傷、鮮血淋漓也在所不惜。如果我寫下的我對(duì)思特里克蘭德的這些復(fù)雜印象還算得正確的話，我想下面的斷語(yǔ)讀者也不會(huì)認(rèn)為悖理：我覺得思特里克蘭德這個(gè)人既偉大、又渺小，是不會(huì)同別人發(fā)生愛情的。

But I suppose that everyone's conception of the passion is formed on his own idiosyncrasies, and it is different with every different person. A man like Strickland would love in a manner peculiar to himself. It was vain to seek the analysis of his emotion.

但是愛情這個(gè)概念，歸根結(jié)底，因人而異；每個(gè)人都根據(jù)自己的不同癖性有不同的理解。因此，象思特里克蘭德這樣一個(gè)人一定也有他自己的獨(dú)特的戀愛方式。要想分析他的感情實(shí)在是一件徒然的事。