演講MP3+雙語文稿:我們對完美主義的癡迷越來越危險

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【演講人】Thomas Curran

【演講主題】我們對完美主義的癡迷越來越危險

【演講文稿-中英文】

翻譯者 psjmz mz 校對：Ling An

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Now, how many times have you heard that one? Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving. It's everyone's favorite flaw, it's that now quite common response to the difficult, final question at job interviews: "My biggest weakness? That's my perfectionism."

我是個完美主義者。你們聽過這話多少次了呢？也許是在和朋友一起喝酒時，也許是和家人一起過感恩節(jié)時。這是人人鐘愛的小缺點，在求職面試中，人們現(xiàn)在對于最后一個，也是最難的問題，往往有共同的回應(yīng)：“我最大的缺點是？我是完美主義者。”

You see, for something that supposedly holds us back, it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up and say we're perfectionists. But there's an interesting and serious point because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms. What does it say about us and our society that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?

像這樣會阻礙我們進步的東西，很明顯，有如此多的人非常樂意舉起手承認我們是完美主義者。但一個有趣和嚴肅的觀點是，因為我們對完美的艷羨是如此普遍，以致我們從沒真正停下來 質(zhì)疑這個觀點本身。我們和我們的社會存在頌揚完美的現(xiàn)象，說明了什么？

We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth. The emblem of the successful. Yet, in my time studying perfectionism, I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful. Quite the contrary -- they feel discontented and dissatisfied amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough. We know from clinician case reports that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties, including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation. And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years, we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate. And at the same time, we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before. Rates of suicide in the US alone increased by 25 percent across the last two decades. And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada, and in my home country, the United Kingdom.

我們傾向于把完美主義作為價值的象征，成功的象征。然而，在我研究完美主義的過程中，我很少看到有證據(jù)表明，完美主義者會更加成功。恰恰相反——他們感到失落和不滿，處于一種揮之不去的不完美感覺之中。我們從臨床病例報告中得知，完美主義掩蓋了許多心理上的問題，包括抑郁，焦慮，厭食癥，暴食癥，甚至是自殺的想法。更讓人擔(dān)憂的是在過去25年中，我們看到完美主義出現(xiàn)的頻率，以驚人的速度上升。同時，我們在年輕人中看到的精神疾病病例比以往任何時候都多。僅是美國的自殺率在過去20年間就上升了25%。我們在加拿大和我的祖國英國也看到了類似的趨勢。

Now, our research is suggesting that perfectionism is rising as society is changing. And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact with each other and the world around them. And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society that include things like unrestricted choice and personal freedom, and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing to almost epidemic levels of this problem.

我們的研究顯示，隨著社會的發(fā)展，完美主義的現(xiàn)象也層出不窮。社會的變化反映了個人認同感的變化，同時，也帶來了年輕人之間，以及他們與周圍環(huán)境互動方式的差異。我們這個卓越的、以市場為基礎(chǔ)的社會，有一些獨特的特征，包括不受限制的選擇和個人自由，我們認為這些特征導(dǎo)致了這個問題的流行程度。

So let me give you an example. Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle. In terms of their image, status and wealth. Data from Pew show that young people born in the US in the late 1980s are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich as among their most important life goals, relative to their parents and their grandparents. Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations, and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods and status possessions. These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. In this new visual culture, the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.

讓我給你們舉個例子。今天的年輕人更專注于追求完美的生活和生活方式，也就是個人形象，地位和財富方面的影響力。皮尤數(shù)據(jù)顯示，出生于80年代晚期的美國年輕人認為物質(zhì)富裕是他們最重要的人生目標的人數(shù)比例，比他們的父輩和祖輩高出了20%。年輕人也比老一代人借貸更多，他們把收入的很大一部分花在形象商品和身份財產(chǎn)上。這些財產(chǎn)，他們的生活和生活方式如今非常生動地展示在，無處不在的Instagram Facebook和SnapChat等社交媒體上。在這個新的視覺文化中，完美的外表遠比現(xiàn)實重要。

If one side of the modern landscape that we have so lavishly furnished for young people is this idea that there's a perfectible life and that there's a perfectible lifestyle, then the other is surely work. Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough. Or so we're told. This is the idea at the heart of the American dream. Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work. The notion that hard work always pays off. And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny. These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status and our image with our innate, personal value.

如果我們?yōu)槟贻p人提供的現(xiàn)代景觀的一面是如此的奢華，即有一種完美的生活，有一種完美的生活方式，那么另一面就肯定是工作。對于那些迫切需要它的人來說，沒有什么是遙不可及的。至少人們是這樣告訴我們的。這是美國夢的核心思想。機遇、任人唯賢、自力更生、努力工作。天道酬勤的觀念。最重要的是我們對自己命運的主宰。這些觀念將我們的財富、地位和形象，與我們與生俱來的個人價值聯(lián)系起來。

But it is, of course, complete fiction. Because even if there were equality of opportunity, the idea that we are captains of our own destiny disguises a much darker reality for young people that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal. Metrics, rankings, lead tables have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.

當(dāng)然，這完全是夢幻泡影。因為即便有平等的機會，我們有主宰自己命運的想法，仍然為年輕人掩蓋了一個更為黑暗的事實，那就是他們受制于一個幾乎正在進行的經(jīng)濟評判。指標、排名、排名表已經(jīng)成為衡量學(xué)生成績的標準，并被用來將年輕人在校園中劃分等級。

Education is the first arena where measurement is so publicly played out and where metrics are being used as a tool to improve standards and performance. And it starts young. Young people in America's big city high schools take some 112 mandatory standardized tests between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade. No wonder young people report a strong need to strive, perform and achieve at the center of modern life. They've been conditioned to define themselves in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.

教育是第一競技場，在那里測驗是如此的公開，度量指標被用來當(dāng)作工具去提升標準和表現(xiàn)。人們小小年紀就要經(jīng)歷這樣一個過程。在美國大城市的高中生，從學(xué)前班到12年級結(jié)束，總共要參加112次強制性標準化考試。難怪年輕人報告說，在現(xiàn)代生活的中心有一種強烈的奮斗、表現(xiàn)和成就的需要。他們習(xí)慣于用嚴格而狹隘的分數(shù)、百分位數(shù)和排名表來定義自己。

This is a society that preys on their insecurities. Insecurities about how they are performing and how they are appearing to other people. This is a society that amplifies their imperfections. Every flaw, every unforeseen setback increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else, bluntly, you're a failure. That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive -- just talk to young people. "How should I look, how should I behave?" "I should look like that model, I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer, I must do better in school."

這是一個以他們的不安全感為食的社會。他們對自己的表現(xiàn)以及自己在別人眼中的形象缺乏安全感。這是一個放大他們不完美的社會。每一個缺點，每一個意想不到的挫折，都增加了下一次要表現(xiàn)更完美的需要，否則，坦率地說，你就是一個失敗者。這種缺陷和不足的感受尤其明顯——只需要跟年輕人聊聊就知道。“我該怎么看，我該怎么做？”“我應(yīng)該像那個模特，我的粉絲應(yīng)該像那個Instagram上的意見領(lǐng)袖一樣多，我必須在學(xué)校做得更好。”

In my role as mentor to many young people, I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand. And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly. John, not his real name, was ambitious, hardworking and diligent and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving, often getting first-class grades for his work. Yet, no matter how well John achieved, he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures, and in meetings with me, he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down. John's justification was quite simple: How could he be a success when he was trying so much harder than other people just to attain the same outcomes?

在為很多年輕人做導(dǎo)師的角色中，我親眼看到了完美主義這些活生生的影響。有一個學(xué)生我仍然記憶猶新。約翰（不是真名）是個雄心勃勃，勤奮好學(xué)的人，并且從表面上看，他有非常高的成就，常常成績排名第一。然而，不管約翰取得了多大的成績，他似乎總是把自己的成就視為可悲的失敗，在與我交談時，他會公開談?wù)撍侨绾瘟钭约汉退耸摹＜s翰的理由很簡單：他比別人努力那么多，卻只獲得同樣的成績，這怎么能叫成功呢？

See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic, was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness to himself and to others. Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism as a way of being in the world. Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks. It's not about striving for excellence. John's case highlights this vividly. At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self. Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.

這就是約翰的完美主義，他堅持不懈的工作理念只是在向自己和他人暴露他內(nèi)心的弱點。像約翰這樣的例子說明了完美主義作為一種生存方式的危害性。與普遍的看法恰恰相反，完美主義從來不是關(guān)于完善事物或完成任務(wù)。這跟追求卓越無關(guān)。約翰的案例生動地說明了這一點。根源上講，完美主義在于完善自我?；蛘?，更準確地說，是完善不完美的自己。

And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling. And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit, then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something." But what perfectionism doesn't tell us is that soon after reaching that summit, we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame, just to try and scale that peak again. This is the cycle of self-defeat. In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off. And it's why it's so difficult to treat.

你可以把它想像成一座成就的大山，完美主義讓我們想象自己在擴張。我們對自己說，“一旦我抵達巔峰，那么人們就會認為我是完美的，我是有價值的。”但完美主義不會告訴我的是，一旦我們抵達那個巔峰，我們將再次被召喚到不安全與恥辱的新低地，只得再次攀登那個高峰。這就是自我挫敗的循環(huán)。在追求無法達到的完美時，完美主義者就是走不出來。這就是為什么很難治療。

Now, we've known for decades and decades that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems, but there was never a good way to measure it. That was until the late 1980s when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism. So that's right, folks, you can measure this, and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism. The first is self-oriented perfectionism, the irrational desire to be perfect: "I strive to be as perfect as I can be." The second is socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding: "I feel that others are too demanding of me." And the third is other-oriented perfectionism, the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people: "If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."

盡管我們已經(jīng)知道幾十年了，完美主義會導(dǎo)致一系列的心理問題，但從來沒有一個好方法能衡量它。直到1980年代晚期，當(dāng)時有兩個加拿大人， 保羅·休伊特和戈登·弗雷特，發(fā)明了一種自我報告的完美主義評估方法。沒錯，各位，完美主義是可以評估的，它本質(zhì)上是抓住了完美主義的三個核心要素。第一個是自我導(dǎo)向型的完美主義，追求完美的非理性欲望：“我要努力做到盡可能完美。”第二種是社會定向型完美主義，對社會環(huán)境對他們要求過高的感覺：“我感到其他人對我要求太高了。”第三種是其他導(dǎo)向型的完美主義，把不切實際的標準強加于人：“假如我讓人做事情，我期待結(jié)果是完美的。”

Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism associate with compromised mental health, including things like heightened depression, heightened anxiety and suicide ideation. But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism is socially prescribed perfectionism. That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect. This element of perfectionism has a large correlation with serious mental illness. And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind, I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.

研究顯示這三種完美主義要素與精神健康受損相關(guān)，包括高度抑郁，高度焦慮和自殺意愿。但是，到目前為止，完美主義最成問題的要素是社會定向型的完美主義。那種對每個人都期待我完美的感覺。這種完美主義要素與嚴重的精神疾病有很大的關(guān)系。今天我把對完美的強調(diào)放在了首位，我很好奇這些完美主義的要素是否在改變。

To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations, but we wanted to look at it at a broader level. So we took all of the data that had ever been collected in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure, and we isolated the data in college students. This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people from American, Canadian and British colleges, and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend. And in all, it took us more than three years to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers, and write our report. But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming. All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time. But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.

迄今為止，這一領(lǐng)域的研究主要集中在直系親屬關(guān)系方面，但我們想在更廣泛的層面看這個問題。所以我們收集了自保羅和戈登提出完美主義測量方法以來的27年里的所有數(shù)據(jù)，并且單獨分析了大學(xué)生的數(shù)據(jù)。結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)有超過4萬位來自美國，加拿大和英國大學(xué)的年輕人，有這么多數(shù)據(jù)在手，我們開始觀察是否存在趨勢。我們總共花了三年多的時間去收集，批量處理這些數(shù)據(jù)，并撰寫我們的報告。但這是值得的，因為我們的分析揭開了一些讓人警醒的事情。所有這三個完美主義要素都在隨著時間增長。但目前看，社會定向型的完美主義增長最快。

In 1989, just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations. By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent. And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested indicate that almost one in three young people will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Remember, this is the element of perfectionism that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness, and that's for good reason.

在1989年，只有9%的年輕人報告達到臨床程度的社會定向型完美主義。這些水平在臨床人群中非常常見。到2017年，這個數(shù)據(jù)翻倍到18%。到2050年，基于我們測試的模型預(yù)估，幾乎3個年輕人中就有1個人會報告臨床水平相關(guān)的社會定向型完美主義。記住，這種要素的完美主義跟嚴重的精神疾病有最大的相關(guān)性，而且這是有原因的。

Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need to meet the expectations of other people. And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection, they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree because these folks believe that the better they do, the better that they're expected to do. This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.

社會定向型完美主義者感到一種無休止的滿足其他人期望的需求。即便他們達到了滿足昨天對完美的期望，他們也會把標準提到更高的程度，因為這些人相信他們做得越好，他們就被期望做得越好。這孕育了深深的無助感，甚至更糟糕，絕望感。

But is there hope? Of course there's hope. Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things -- they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking. And yes, treatment is complex. But a little bit of self-compassion, going easy on ourselves when things don't go well, can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success. And then there's what we can do as caregivers.

還有希望嗎？當(dāng)然存在希望。完美主義能夠，也應(yīng)該堅持特定的事情——通常是聰明、有抱負、認真、勤奮。是的，治療是復(fù)雜的。但要有一點自我寬慰，當(dāng)事情不順利的時候?qū)ψ约簩捜菀稽c，可以把這些品質(zhì)更多地轉(zhuǎn)化為個人平靜和成功。我們作為護理人員也可以有所行動。

Perfectionism develops in our formative years, and so young people are more vulnerable. Parents can help their children by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed. And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent, as a lot of anxiety is communicated when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.

完美主義是在我們性格形成階段形成的，所以年輕人更容易受到傷害。當(dāng)他們努力過但卻失敗時，父母可以無條件的支持他們的孩子。在當(dāng)今激烈競爭的社會中，父母們可以盡量避免成為望子成龍的直升機父母，當(dāng)父母把孩子的成敗當(dāng)作自己的事情時，會給孩子帶來很多焦慮。

But ultimately, our research raises important questions about how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people. It's become commonplace for public figures to say that young people just need a little bit more resilience in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures. But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue because we have a shared responsibility to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection in the first place.

但最終，我們的研究提出了,我們?nèi)绾螛?gòu)建社會和我們的社會過度強調(diào)競爭，評估和測試是否有利于年輕人這個重要的問題。公眾人物常說，面對這些前所未有的新壓力，年輕人需要更強的適應(yīng)力。但我認為，這恰恰表明了我們在逃避核心問題，因為我們首先有共同的責(zé)任去創(chuàng)造一個年輕人不需要感覺必須那么完美的社會和文化。

Let's not kid ourselves. Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge, and for a generation of young people that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight of metrics, lead tables and social media, perfectionism is inevitable, so long as they lack any purpose in life greater than how they are appearing or how they are performing to other people.

別自欺欺人了。創(chuàng)造這樣一個世界對一代年輕人來說是一個巨大的挑戰(zhàn)，他們生活在無時無刻不在的指標，排名表和社交媒體的聚光燈下，完美主義是不可避免的，只要他們在生活中缺乏比他們的外表或在他人面前的表現(xiàn)更重要的目標。

What can they do about it? Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop, they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again. The ancient Greeks knew that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness. Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus, doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down and have to start again. So long as we teach young people that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives than this hopeless quest for perfection, then we are going to condemn future generations to that same futility and despair.

他們能做什么呢？每次當(dāng)他們從巔峰跌落，他們看不到其他選項，只得努力再次攀登那個高峰。古希臘人知道，在同一座山上上上下下不是通向幸福的道路。他們對地獄的想象是一個叫西西弗斯的人，注定要永遠把同一塊巨石推上山，只能眼睜睜看著它一次次滾下來，并不得不重新再來。只要我們教年輕人在他們的生活中，沒有什么比這種無望的追求完美更真實或更有意義的事情，而我們將使后代遭受同樣的徒勞和絕望。

And so we're left with a question. When are we going to appreciate that there is something fundamentally inhuman about limitless perfection? No one is flawless. If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism, then we will teach them that in a chaotic world, life will often defeat us, but that's OK. Failure is not weakness. If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare of impossible perfection, then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.

那么我們還要面對一個問題。我們什么時候才能意識到無限的完美本質(zhì)上是違反人性的？人無完人。如果我們想要幫助我們的年輕人逃出完美主義的陷阱，那么就要告訴他們，在這個混亂的世界中，我們常常會遭遇挫折，但沒關(guān)系。失敗不是軟弱。如果我們想幫助我們的年輕人擺脫這種不可能完美的自我挫敗的陷阱，我們就需要在一個不再抱有同樣幻想的社會中撫養(yǎng)他們。

But most of all, if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional and psychological health, then we will invite them to celebrate the joys and the beauties of imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.

但最重要的是，如果我們想要年輕人享受精神上，情感上，心理健康上的快樂，那么我們就要邀請他們?nèi)ベ澝篮徒蛹{去贊美和接納不完美，把它作為日常生活和關(guān)愛中正常而自然的一部分。

Thank you very much.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）