演講MP3+雙語文稿:我們都應(yīng)該成為女權(quán)主義者

聽力課堂TED音頻欄目主要包括TED演講的音頻MP3及中英雙語文稿，供各位英語愛好者學(xué)習(xí)使用。本文主要內(nèi)容為演講MP3+雙語文稿:我們都應(yīng)該成為女權(quán)主義者，希望你會(huì)喜歡！

【演講者及介紹】Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

奇瑪曼達(dá)·恩戈齊·阿迪契(Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)的小說和故事受到尼日利亞歷史和悲劇的啟發(fā)，幾乎被近幾代西方人遺忘，是散居文學(xué)皇冠上的寶石。

【演講主題】我們都應(yīng)該成為女權(quán)主義者

【中英文字幕】

翻譯者 Wei Wu校對(duì)者 Jiawei Ni

00:12

So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother. If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion. Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash in Nigeria in December of 2005. Almost exactly seven years ago. Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to. He was also the first person to call me a feminist.

今天我打算從一個(gè)我最好的朋友開始講起， 他叫 Okoloma Maduewesi。 Okoloma 跟我住一個(gè)街區(qū)像大哥哥一樣照顧我。 像是暗戀這樣的事情我都會(huì)問Okoloma的意見。 Okoloma死于尼日利亞Sosoliso空難時(shí)間是2005年12月。 差不多已經(jīng)快七年了。 我跟Okoloma無話不談，毫無保留。 他也是第一個(gè)稱我為“女權(quán)主義者”的人。

00:47

I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing. Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read. I don't remember what this particular argument was about, but I remember that as I argued and argued, Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist." It was not a compliment.

當(dāng)時(shí)我才14歲，在他的家里爭(zhēng)論某些話題。 當(dāng)時(shí)我們因?yàn)閷?duì)書中知識(shí)的理解不同而爭(zhēng)的面紅耳赤。 我已經(jīng)忘記當(dāng)時(shí)爭(zhēng)論的是什么了， 但是我記得吵著吵著， Okoloma看著我說： “你知道嘛？你是個(gè)女權(quán)主義者?！?這可不是在夸獎(jiǎng)我。

01:07

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:08

I could tell from his tone, the same tone that you would use to say something like, "You're a supporter of terrorism."

我來形容一下他的語氣， 大概類似于現(xiàn)在這個(gè)時(shí)代說 “你支持者恐怖主義”一樣。

01:14

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:17

I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant, and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know. So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue. And the first thing I planned to do when I got home was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.

我當(dāng)時(shí)不知道女權(quán)主義者是什么意思， 我更不想讓Okoloma發(fā)現(xiàn)我不知道。 所以我當(dāng)時(shí)沒接這個(gè)話茬， 繼續(xù)爭(zhēng)論之前的話題。 當(dāng)我回到家的第一件事情就是去字典里查“女權(quán)主義者”是什么意思。

01:32

Now fast forward to some years later, I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife and whose story doesn't end very well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. And for the Nigerians here, I'm sure we're all familiar with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice. He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist and his advice to me -- and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke -- was that I should never call myself a feminist because feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands.

時(shí)間快進(jìn)到若干年后， 我寫了一本書，情節(jié)包含了一個(gè)男人打自己的老婆然后（他的）下場(chǎng)不是很好。 當(dāng)我在尼日利亞為小說進(jìn)行宣傳時(shí)， 一個(gè)記者，一位善良好心的男人， 告訴我他希望給我一點(diǎn)建議。 我想在座的尼日利亞人一定都非常熟悉我們的同胞是多么急切地要提供建議。 他告訴我說人們覺得我的小說是女權(quán)主義的 并且他建議我—— 當(dāng)他說的時(shí)候悲傷的搖著頭—— 我應(yīng)該再也不要提及自己是女權(quán)主義者因?yàn)榕畽?quán)主義者都是一些不開心的女人因?yàn)樗齻冋也坏秸煞颉?/p>

02:16

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

02:21

So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist." Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn't African, and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corrupted by "Western books." Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist. I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before I was sixteen. And each time I tried to read those books called "the feminist classics," I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them. But anyway, since feminism was un-African, I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist." At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.

所以我開始稱自己為 “快樂的女權(quán)主義者” 后來一位學(xué)者，一位尼日利亞的女性告訴我女權(quán)主義不是我們文化的一部分， 女權(quán)主義也不是非洲的， 我之所以自稱女權(quán)主義者是因?yàn)槲铱戳颂唷拔鞣降臅薄?這個(gè)說法讓我覺得很有趣， 因?yàn)槲以缒觊喿x的那些書百分百跟女權(quán)主義無關(guān)。 我想我一定是在我16歲之前就已經(jīng)通讀了Mills & Boon 出版的所有書籍每當(dāng)我打算閱讀那些書那些”女權(quán)主義經(jīng)典“ 我都會(huì)覺得很無聊，很難看下去。 但是不管怎樣，既然女權(quán)主義不是非洲的， 我決定稱自己為 “快樂的非洲女權(quán)主義者” 現(xiàn)在我變成了一個(gè)不討厭男人的快樂的非洲女權(quán)主義者喜歡涂潤(rùn)唇膏根據(jù)自己而不是男人的喜好來穿高跟鞋。

03:08

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:09

Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek, but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage. You hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, that sort of thing.

當(dāng)然我剛才很多話都是半開玩笑的， 但是“女權(quán)主義者”這個(gè)詞帶著很多負(fù)面的歷史包袱。 你厭惡男人，你厭惡文胸， 你厭惡非洲文化，如此種種。

03:22

Now here's a story from my childhood. When I was in primary school, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Now, class monitor was a big deal. If you were a class monitor, you got to write down the names of noisemakers --

我要講一個(gè)我小時(shí)候的故事。 當(dāng)我上小學(xué)的時(shí)候， 我的老師說在開學(xué)時(shí)會(huì)有一場(chǎng)考試考試分?jǐn)?shù)最高的人將當(dāng)上班長(zhǎng)。 各位，當(dāng)班長(zhǎng)可是件大事。 一旦你當(dāng)上了班長(zhǎng)， 你就有權(quán)把搗蛋的小朋友記下來

03:41

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:43

which was having enough power of its own. But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers. Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be the class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test. Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was ... obvious.

這個(gè)權(quán)力可是很大的哦。 而且我的老師還會(huì)拿根教鞭交給班長(zhǎng)在班級(jí)里巡邏揪出搗蛋鬼的時(shí)候攥在手里當(dāng)然，使用教鞭打人是被禁止的。 對(duì)于9歲的我來說太激動(dòng)人心了我非常想當(dāng)上班長(zhǎng)。 而且我也順利考到了第一名。 然后我非常驚訝的聽老師說， 班長(zhǎng)必須是男孩。 她在考試前忘記澄清了因?yàn)樗X得這是很……自然的。

04:16

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:18

A boy had the second highest score on the test, and he would be monitor. Now, what was even more interesting about this is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane, while I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor. And I've never forgotten that incident.

第二名是個(gè)男孩， 他被提名當(dāng)班長(zhǎng)。 有意思的是這個(gè)男孩很溫和靦腆， 并沒有興趣拿著教鞭在教室巡邏， 而我則非常渴望能這么做。 但是我是女孩他是男孩， 所以他當(dāng)上了班長(zhǎng)。 這件事情我一輩子都不會(huì)忘。

04:46

I often make the mistake of thinking that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else. Now, take my dear friend Louis for example. Louis is a brilliant, progressive man, and we would have conversations and he would tell me, "I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women. Maybe in the past, but not now." And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident. Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends. And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos, there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture, the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments and very dramatically "help" you park your car. I was impressed with the particular theatrics of the man who found us a parking spot that evening. And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip. I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag, brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work, and I gave it to the man. And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy, took the money from me, looked across at Louis and said, "Thank you, sir!"

我經(jīng)常犯的一個(gè)思維的誤區(qū)是我覺得對(duì)我而言非常明顯的道理對(duì)別人也是自然而然的。 讓我以我的好朋友 Louis 舉個(gè)例子。 Louis是一個(gè)聰明有上進(jìn)心的男人， 當(dāng)我們聊天的時(shí)候他時(shí)常跟我說， “我不知道你為什么老說女人做起事情更加困難” “過去或許是，但是現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)不同了?！?我不理解Louis怎么會(huì)看不到如此明顯的事實(shí)。 有天晚上，我跟Louis在拉各斯市 （尼日利亞首都）跟朋友聚會(huì)。 各位可能不太熟悉拉各斯市， 這個(gè)城市的標(biāo)志性組成之一， 就是散布在各個(gè)建筑外的精力充沛的男人舉止非常夸張地“幫助”你泊車。 我那天對(duì)于幫助我們找到停車位的 那個(gè)男人的行為表現(xiàn)非常滿意。 所以當(dāng)我從車上下來之后我決定給小費(fèi)。 我打開我的包， 把我的手伸進(jìn)我的包， 拿出我的錢， 然后給了那個(gè)男人。 這個(gè)男人非常地感激和開心， 從我手里拿到了錢， （卻）把目光投向Louis 說道，“謝謝您，先生！”

05:57

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

06:03

Louis looked at me, surprised, and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money." Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face. The man believed that whatever money I had had ultimately come from Louis. Because Louis is a man.

Louis很驚訝的看著我， 問，“為什么他要感謝我？ 又不是我給他的錢。” 然后我看到Louis恍然大悟的表情。 那個(gè)男人相信我手里的錢最終都是來自于身邊的男人Louis的。 就因?yàn)長(zhǎng)ouis是男的。

06:24

Men and women are different. We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs, we have different biological abilities. Women can have babies, men can't. At least not yet.

男人和女人是不同的。 我們有不同的荷爾蒙， 有不同的性器官， 在生理能力上也各有千秋。 女人可以生孩子，男人不行。 至少現(xiàn)在不行。

06:36

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

06:37

Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women. There's slightly more women than men in the world, about 52 percent of the world's population is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai, put it simply and well when she said: "The higher you go, the fewer women there are." In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law, and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified, and the man being paid more because he's a man.

男人有睪丸酮，身體比女人更強(qiáng)壯有力。 女人的數(shù)量比男人稍多一些， 全球大概52%是女性。 但是男人攫取了絕大部分權(quán)力和威望。 那位肯尼亞諾貝爾和平獎(jiǎng)得主 Wangari Waathai， 她闡述的非常明確： “當(dāng)你爬的越高，你發(fā)現(xiàn)女人越少?！?在最近的（2016年）美國(guó)大選中 Lilly Ledbetter 法案經(jīng)常被提到， 這個(gè)法案的名字雖然好玩， 但是進(jìn)一步了解你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這實(shí)際上是說一個(gè)男人和女人如果工作內(nèi)容和產(chǎn)出都相同， 那么男人會(huì)拿到更多的薪酬， 僅僅因?yàn)樗悄腥恕?/p>

07:20

So in the literal way, men rule the world, and this made sense a thousand years ago because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physically stronger person was more likely to lead, and men, in general, are physically stronger. Of course there are many exceptions.

所以，男人真的掌控著世界， 而且數(shù)千年前這樣是合理的， 因?yàn)槿祟惿娴沫h(huán)境， 當(dāng)務(wù)之急是在惡劣環(huán)境中求生存。 身體強(qiáng)壯的人更可能做首領(lǐng)， 而男人身體普遍更強(qiáng)壯。 當(dāng)然也有很多男人很虛。

07:43

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

07:45

But today we live in a vastly different world. The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person; it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person, and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, to be innovative. We have evolved; but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

但是今天我們生活在完全不同的世界。 現(xiàn)在成為首領(lǐng)的要素， 已經(jīng)不再是身體強(qiáng)壯， 而是要求有創(chuàng)造力，更加睿智， 更加有創(chuàng)新精神的人， 這些特質(zhì)都不受荷爾蒙的支配。 在智力上男人女人沒有什么差異， 在創(chuàng)新和創(chuàng)造能力上也是如此。 我們?cè)谶M(jìn)化； 但是看起來我們的性別觀忘記進(jìn)化了。

08:13

Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels. I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't. And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions, because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker. And by the way, why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply rather than the demand for sex workers? In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs. They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone, you have to be accompanied by a man. Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man, the waiter greets the man and ignores me. The waiters are products --

幾周前，我走進(jìn)一個(gè)酒店大廳，那是尼日利亞最好的酒店之一。 我在想要不要點(diǎn)出酒店的名字， 但是在這里我想還是算了。 酒店門口的保安攔住了我， 問些讓人惱火的問題， 因?yàn)樗麄兝硭?dāng)然的以為， 單獨(dú)走進(jìn)酒店的當(dāng)?shù)嘏裕欢ㄊ羌伺?而且順帶一問， 為什么這些酒店在乎表面的服務(wù)對(duì)于性工作者的需求卻視而不見？ 拉各斯很多有“名望”的酒吧和俱樂部， 我一個(gè)人是進(jìn)不去的。 他們不允許女人單獨(dú)進(jìn)入， 你要進(jìn)去就必須有男人陪著。 每次我?guī)е粋€(gè)男人進(jìn)入尼日利亞的餐館， 服務(wù)生總是招呼男人，忽略我。 這些服務(wù)生是產(chǎn)品——

08:59

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

09:01

At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!" The waiters are products of a society that has taught them that men are more important than women. And I know that waiters don't intend any harm. But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset. I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man, that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment. These are little things, but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.

這時(shí)一些女人的反應(yīng)是， “沒錯(cuò)！我想也是！” 這些服務(wù)生是社會(huì)的產(chǎn)物社會(huì)教育他們男人比女人重要。 我也知道服務(wù)生無意冒犯我。 但是理性分析是一回事， 感覺和情緒是另一回事。 每次我被人忽略，我感到被無視了。 我感到沮喪。 我想告訴他們我也是人，跟男人一樣， 我也理應(yīng)被認(rèn)可。 這些都是小事， 但有時(shí)恰恰是小事最能刺痛你。

09:33

And not long ago, I wrote an article about what it means to be young and female in Lagos, and the printers told me, "It was so angry." Of course it was angry!

不久之前，我寫了篇文章 描述在拉各斯生活的年輕女性要面對(duì)什么， 后來印刷商跟我說， “文章怒氣滿滿啊。” 當(dāng)然很有怒氣了！

09:44

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

09:48

I am angry. Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change; but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.

我很生氣。 性別在今天依然存在著嚴(yán)重的歧視。 我們都應(yīng)該感到憤怒。 歷史上憤怒帶來過很多積極的進(jìn)步； 但是在憤怒之外我還滿懷希望。 因?yàn)槲疑钌畹南嘈湃祟愑蟹N能力 我們可以不斷改變讓自己更好。

10:08

Gender matters everywhere in the world, but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general, because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world, a fairer world, a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them; we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way, masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!" In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers, both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay, to prove his masculinity. And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.

性別問題在全世界都存在， 但是我聚焦于尼日利亞， 以及整個(gè)非洲， 這是我的故鄉(xiāng)，我的心之所向。 今天我希望大家能夠開始?jí)粝牒突I劃一個(gè)不一樣的世界， 這個(gè)世界更加公平， 這個(gè)世界男人和女人都更加開心和真實(shí)。 我們要從這里開始改變： 我們要改變教育我們女兒的方式。 我們要改變教育我們兒子的方式。 我們培養(yǎng)男孩的方式給他們 帶來了極大的傷害： 我們抹掉了男孩子人性的那一面。 我們對(duì)男子氣概的定義非常狹隘， 男子氣概就像是一個(gè)堅(jiān)硬狹小的牢籠， 我們把男孩子塞了進(jìn)去。 我們讓男孩子不敢坦誠(chéng)自己的害怕。 我們讓男孩子不敢暴露自己的脆弱。 我們讓男孩子藏起真實(shí)的自己， 教他們必須成為尼日利亞人口中的“硬漢”。 在中學(xué)，相同年紀(jì)的男孩和女孩， 口袋里有同樣多的零花錢， 結(jié)伴出去玩的時(shí)候，男孩默認(rèn)要付錢， 這樣才體現(xiàn)男子氣概。 與此同時(shí)我們還疑惑為什么男孩喜歡從家里偷錢。

11:29

What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity with money? What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay" but rather "whoever has more should pay?" Now, of course because of that historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today, but if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity. But by far the worst thing we do to males, by making them feel that they have to be hard, is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. And then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much."

如果我們?cè)陴B(yǎng)育男孩和女孩的時(shí)候不把男子氣概和錢掛鉤會(huì)這樣？ 如果我們把“男孩付錢”的風(fēng)俗改成 “誰錢多誰付錢”那么會(huì)不會(huì)更好？ 當(dāng)然，由于歷史積累的差異， 絕大部分情況下男人更有錢一些， 但是如果我們開始改變教育孩子的方式， 五十年后，一百年后， 那時(shí)男孩子將不再需要被迫證明自己的男子氣概。 但是我們對(duì)于男人做的最糟糕的事情， 是讓他們覺得自己必須要“硬” 卻相反的讓他們的內(nèi)心非常脆弱。 一個(gè)男人給我的“硬漢”感覺越強(qiáng)烈， 他的內(nèi)心就越脆弱。 我們教育女孩的方式給她們帶來了極大的傷害， 因?yàn)槲覀兘逃齻內(nèi)ズ亲o(hù)男人的脆弱內(nèi)心。 我們教育女孩子收斂，放低自己， 對(duì)女孩說， “有野心挺好的，但是不要太大?！?/p>

12:29

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

12:31

"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man." If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you're not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.

“你要努力成功，但是一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)就好，” “不要威脅到男人的地位?！?如果你比你老公更能賺錢養(yǎng)家， 你必須假裝賺的沒有老公多， 尤其是公開場(chǎng)合， 不然會(huì)讓你的男人看著不像男人。

12:46

But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation." A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all. In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who would be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.

但是這個(gè)前提本身我們是否質(zhì)疑過呢？ 為什么一個(gè)女人事業(yè)有成就會(huì)威脅到男人了？ 為什么我們不能夠直接棄用那個(gè)英語單詞， 那個(gè)在英語里我最不喜歡的一個(gè)詞： ”emasculation“（失去男子氣概） 一位尼日利亞的朋友問我 是否擔(dān)心我會(huì)嚇到男人。 我一點(diǎn)兒也不擔(dān)心。 事實(shí)上也從未擔(dān)心過 因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)可能被我（的成功）嚇到的人 完全不會(huì)是我喜歡的男人類型。

13:17

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

13:18

(Applause)

（掌聲）

13:26

But still I was really struck by this. Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage; I'm expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a good thing; it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?

但是這件事對(duì)我觸動(dòng)很大。 因?yàn)槲沂桥?，我被要求以婚姻為重?人們期待我每次的人生選擇 都首先要考慮對(duì)婚姻可能的影響。 婚姻可以是美好的； 婚姻可以帶來快樂、愛和精神支持。 但是我們?cè)谂囵B(yǎng)女孩子的婚姻觀的時(shí)候， 我們有沒有同樣的教育男孩子婚姻觀？

13:52

I know a woman who decided to sell her house because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her. I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences, wears a wedding ring because according to her, she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect." I know young women who are under so much pressure from family, from friends, even from work to get married, and they're pushed to make terrible choices. A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure. And a man at a certain age who is unmarried, we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.

我認(rèn)識(shí)的一個(gè)女人賣掉了自己的房子 因?yàn)樗幌Ｍ尨蛩闳⑺哪腥烁械嚼_。 我認(rèn)識(shí)一位尼日利亞的女性，每次出去開會(huì)， 都要戴一枚戒指 因?yàn)樗f， 她希望其他參會(huì)人員“尊重她”。 我知道年輕女人的壓力有多大親朋好友都逼著她結(jié)婚， 有些在這樣的壓力下做了糟糕的選擇。 一個(gè)女人到了一定年齡還沒嫁出去， 輿論會(huì)讓她覺得這是極大的個(gè)人失敗。 一個(gè)男人到了一定年齡還沒有結(jié)婚， 我們會(huì)說他僅僅是還沒有遇到合適的。

14:34

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

14:36

It's easy for us to say, "Oh, but women can just say no to all of this." But the reality is more difficult and more complex. We're all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often the language of ownership rather than the language of partnership. We use the word "respect" to mean something a woman shows a man but often not something a man shows a woman.

我們很容易這么說， “哦，但是女人可以說不呀。” 但是現(xiàn)實(shí)要復(fù)雜和困難的多。 我們都是社會(huì)的一份子。 我們內(nèi)在的想法來自我們所處的社會(huì)。 甚至我們談?wù)摶橐鰰r(shí) 我們的語言都會(huì)對(duì)我們有影響。 我們的語言描述婚姻更像是一種所有關(guān)系， 而不是一種對(duì)等的伙伴關(guān)系。 我們使用“尊重”一詞 來更多的描述女人對(duì)男人的態(tài)度 而不是男人對(duì)女人的態(tài)度。

15:08

Both men and women in Nigeria will say -- this is an expression I'm very amused by -- "I did it for peace in my marriage." Now, when men say it, it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.

尼日利亞的男人和女人都會(huì)說—— 這是我非常著迷的一個(gè)現(xiàn)象—— “我做這個(gè)是為了維持這個(gè)家?！?當(dāng)男人這么說的時(shí)候， 通常是指那些他們本來就不應(yīng)該做的事情。

15:21

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

15:23

Sometimes they say it to their friends, it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way, you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are, how needed, how loved. "Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night, so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."

有時(shí)男人會(huì)跟朋友說， 有時(shí)男人會(huì)對(duì)他的朋友用一種 深情又有點(diǎn)惱怒的口氣， 你知道就是那種最能夠體現(xiàn) 他們男子氣概的方式 充滿了愛和體貼。 “哎呀，我妻子不讓我每天晚上來俱樂部，” “所以為了這個(gè)家我只有周末來。”

15:39

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

15:41

Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage," she's usually talking about giving up a job, a dream, a career. We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors -- not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends. But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.

但是當(dāng)一個(gè)女人說出同樣這句 “我做這個(gè)是為了這個(gè)家” 她說的是放棄一份工作， 放棄夢(mèng)想， 放棄事業(yè)。 我們教育婦女在為了維持婚姻， 妥協(xié)退讓是女人的本分。 我們教育女孩們將對(duì)方視為競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者—— 不是工作或成就上的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者， ——這種競(jìng)爭(zhēng)我覺得很好， 而是為了吸引男人而競(jìng)爭(zhēng)。 我們告訴女孩子不能打扮太性感 而對(duì)男孩子就無所謂。 如果我們的兒子有了女朋友，我們不會(huì)介意。 但是女兒有了男朋友？絕對(duì)不行。

（由于后臺(tái)字符數(shù)量限制，剩余字幕會(huì)發(fā)布到評(píng)論中，大家可以點(diǎn)贊置頂讓更多用戶看到）