Night
All was serene. As Biff dried his face and hands a breeze tinkled the glass pendants of the little Japanese pagoda on the table.He had just awakened from a nap and had smoked his night cigar.He thought of Blount and wondered if by now he had traveled far.A bottle of Agua Florida was on the bathroom shelf and he touched the stopper to his temples.He whistled an old song, and as he descended the narrow stairs the tune left a broken echo behind him.
Louis was supposed to be on duty behind the counter. But he had soldiered on the job and the place was deserted.The front door stood open to the empty street.The clock on the wall pointed to seventeen minutes before midnight.The radio was on and there was talk about the crisis Hitler had cooked up over Danzig.He went back to the kitchen and found Louis asleep in a chair.The boy had taken off his shoes and unbuttoned his trousers.His head drooped on his chest.A long wet spot on his shirt showed that he had been sleeping a good while.His arms hung straight down at his sides and the wonder was that he did not fall forward on his face.He slept soundly and there was no use to wake him.The night would be a quiet one.
Biff tiptoed across the kitchen to a shelf which held a basket of tea olive and two water pitchers full of zinnias. He carried the flowers up to the front of the restaurant and removed the cellophane-wrapped platters of the last special from the display window.He was sick of food.A window of fresh summer flowers—that would be good.His eyes were closed as he imagined how it could be arranged.A foundation of the tea olive strewn over the bottom, cool and green.The red pottery tub filled with the brilliant zinnias.Nothing more.He began to arrange the window carefully.Among the flowers there was a freak plant, a zinnia with six bronze petals and two red.He examined this curio and laid it aside to save.Then the window was finished and he stood in the street to regard his handiwork.The awkward stems of the flowers had been bent to just the right degree of restful looseness.The electric lights detracted, but when the sun rose the display would show at its best advantage.Downright artistic.
The black, starlit sky seemed close to the earth. He strolled along the sidewalk, pausing once to knock an orange peel into the gutter with the side of his foot.At the far end of the next block two men, small from the distance and motionless, stood arm in arm together.No one else could be seen.His place was the only store on all the street with an open door and lights inside.
And why?What was the reason for keeping the place open all through the night when every other café in the town was closed?He was often asked that question and could never speak the answer out in words.Not money.Sometimes a party would come for beer and scrambled eggs and spend five or ten dollars.But that was rare.Mostly they came one at a time and ordered little and stayed long.And on some nights, between the hours of twelve and five o’clock, not a customer would enter.There was no profit in it—that was plain.
But he would never close up for the night—not as long as he stayed in the business. Night was the time.There were those he would never have seen otherwise.A few came regularly several times a week.Others had come into the place only once, had drunk a Coca-Cola, and never returned.
Biff folded his arms across his chest and walked more slowly. Inside the arc of the street light his shadow showed angular and black.The peaceful silence of the night settled in him.These were the hours for rest and meditation.Maybe that was why he stayed downstairs and did not sleep.With a last quick glance he scanned the empty street and went inside.
The crisis voice still talked on the radio. The fans on the ceiling made a soothing whirl.From the kitchen came the sound of Louis snoring.He thought suddenly of poor Willie and decided to send him a quart of whiskey sometime soon.He turned to the crossword puzzle in the newspaper.There was a picture of a woman to identify in the center.He recognized her and wrote the name—Mona Lisa—across the first spaces.Number one down was a word for beggar, beginning with m and nine letters long.Mendicant.Two horizontal was some word meaning to remove afar off.A six-letter word beginning with e.Elapse?He sounded trial combinations of letters aloud.Eloign.But he had lost interest.There were puzzles enough without this kind.He folded and put away the paper.He would come back to it later.
He examined the zinnia he had intended to save. As he held it in the palm of his hand to the light the flower was not such a curious specimen after all.Not worth saving.He plucked the soft, bright petals and the last one came out on love.But who?Who would he be loving now?No one person.Anybody decent who came in out of the street to sit for an hour and have a drink.But no one person.He had known his loves and they were over.Alice, Madeline and Gyp.Finished.Leaving him either better or worse.Which?However you looked at it.
And Mick. The one who in the last months had lived so strangely in his heart.Was that love done with too?Yes.It was finished.Early in the evenings Mick came in for a cold drink or a sundae.She had grown older.Her rough and childish ways were almost gone.And instead there was something ladylike and delicate about her that was hard to point out.The earrings, the dangle of her bracelets, and the new way she crossed her legs and pulled the hem of her skirt down past her knees.He watched her and felt only a sort of gentleness.In him the old feeling was gone.For a year this love had blossomed strangely.He had questioned it a hundred times and found no answer.And now, as a summer flower shatters in September, it was finished.There was no one.
Biff tapped his nose with his forefinger. A foreign voice was now speaking over the radio.He could not decide for certain whether the voice was German, French, or Spanish.But it sounded like doom.It gave him the jitters to listen to it.When he turned it off the silence was deep and unbroken.He felt the night outside.Loneliness gripped him so that his breath quickened.It was far too late to call Lucile on the telephone and speak to Baby.Nor could he expect a customer to enter at this hour.He went to the door and looked up and down the street.All was empty and dark.
“Louis!”he called.“Are you awake, Louis?”
No answer. He put his elbows on the counter and held his head in his hands.He moved his dark bearded jaw from side to side and slowly his forehead lowered in a frown.
The riddle. The question that had taken root in him and would not let him rest.The puzzle of Singer and the rest of them.More than a year had gone by since it had started.More than a year since Blount had hung around the place on his first long drunk and seen the mute for the first time.Since Mick had begun to follow him in and out.And now for a month Singer had been dead and buried.And the riddle was still in him, so that he could not be tranquil.There was something not natural about it all—something like an ugly joke.When he thought of it he felt uneasy and in some unknown way afraid.
He had managed about the funeral. They had left all that to him.Singer's affairs were in a mess.There were installments due on everything he owned and the beneficiary of his life insurance was deceased.There was just enough to bury him.The funeral was at noon.The sun burned down on them with savage heat as they stood around the open dank grave.The flowers curled and turned brown in the sun.Mick cried so hard that she choked herself and her father had to beat her on the back.Blount scowled down at the grave with his fist to his mouth.The town's Negro doctor, who was somehow related to poor Willie, stood on the edge of the crowd and moaned to himself.And there were strangers nobody had ever seen or heard of before.God knows where they came from or why they were there.
The silence in the room was deep as the night itself. Biff stood transfixed, lost in his meditations.Then suddenly he felt a quickening in him.His heart turned and he leaned his back against the counter for support.For in a swift radiance of illumination he saw a glimpse of human struggle and of valor.Of the endless fluid passage of humanity through endless time.And of those who labor and of those who—one word—love.His soul expanded.But for a moment only.For in him he felt a warning, a shaft of terror.Between the two worlds he was suspended.He saw that he was looking at his own face in the counter glass before him.Sweat glistened on his temples and his face was contorted.One eye was opened wider than the other.The left eye delved narrowly into the past while the right gazed wide and affrighted into a future of blackness, error, and ruin.And he was suspended between radiance and darkness.Between bitter irony and faith.Sharply he turned away.
“Louis!”he called.“Louis!Louis!”
Again there was no answer. But, motherogod, was he a sensible man or was he not?And how could this terror throttle him nice this when he didn't even know what caused it?And would he just stand here like a jittery ninny or would he pull himself together and be reasonable?For after all was he a sensible man or was he not?Biff wet his handkerchief beneath the water tap and patted his drawn, tense face.Somehow he remembered that the awning had not yet been raised.As he went to the door his walk gained steadiness.And when at last he was inside again he composed himself soberly to await the morning sun.
深夜
萬(wàn)籟俱寂。比夫擦干手和臉,一陣微風(fēng)吹來(lái),桌上那個(gè)日本小塔上的玻璃墜子叮當(dāng)作響。他剛打了個(gè)瞌睡醒過(guò)來(lái),抽完了每夜必抽的那根煙。他想起布朗特,很想知道他現(xiàn)在是否已經(jīng)走遠(yuǎn)了。一瓶佛羅里達(dá)香水放在浴室架子上,他用瓶塞涂了下太陽(yáng)穴。他用口哨吹起一首老歌,走下狹窄的樓梯時(shí),嘴里的曲子在身后留下斷斷續(xù)續(xù)的回音。
路易斯應(yīng)該在柜臺(tái)后面值班才對(duì),但他開(kāi)了小差。店里空無(wú)一人,大門開(kāi)著,外面是空蕩蕩的街道。墻上的鐘表指著十一點(diǎn)四十三分,收音機(jī)開(kāi)著,里面的人正在談?wù)撓L乩战o但澤帶來(lái)的危機(jī)。他回到廚房,發(fā)現(xiàn)路易斯在椅子上睡著了。這個(gè)男孩脫掉了鞋子,解開(kāi)了褲子的紐扣,腦袋垂在胸前,襯衫上濕了長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的一片,說(shuō)明他已經(jīng)睡了好一會(huì)兒了。他的兩條胳膊直直地從兩側(cè)耷拉下來(lái),他居然沒(méi)有臉朝前摔下來(lái),真是個(gè)奇跡。他睡得很沉,根本沒(méi)法叫醒他。這將是個(gè)寂靜的夜晚。
比夫躡手躡腳地穿過(guò)廚房,走到一個(gè)架子跟前,上面放著一籃子的茶桂花,還有滿滿兩大水壺的魚尾菊。他把這些花拿到餐館前面,然后從櫥窗里取下上面用玻璃紙蓋著的大淺盤,里面是上一餐的特色菜。他厭倦了食物。一櫥窗的新鮮夏季花卉——那會(huì)很美。他閉上眼睛,想象著應(yīng)該怎樣擺放這些花。下面鋪上一層茶桂花,清爽,蔥綠。上面用陶瓷盆裝滿燦爛的魚尾菊。這些就夠了。他開(kāi)始認(rèn)真地布置櫥窗。這些花里有一株很奇怪,這棵魚尾菊有六個(gè)古銅色花瓣和兩個(gè)紅色花瓣。他仔細(xì)看看這件稀罕物,先留到了一邊。櫥窗布置完畢,他站到街上,欣賞著自己的手藝。那些笨拙的莖干被彎曲得恰到好處,營(yíng)造出一種閑適的松散。電燈破壞了效果,等太陽(yáng)出來(lái)以后,這個(gè)布置會(huì)展現(xiàn)最佳效果。完美的藝術(shù)品。
星光熠熠的黑暗夜空似乎離地面非常近。他沿著人行道緩步前行,中間停下一次,用腳把一塊橘子皮踢進(jìn)了排水溝。在下個(gè)街區(qū)的遠(yuǎn)端,有兩個(gè)男人手挽手地站在一起,從遠(yuǎn)處看很小,一動(dòng)不動(dòng)的。周圍空無(wú)一人。這條街上,只有他家的店大門洞開(kāi),燈火通明。
為什么?鎮(zhèn)上所有其他的咖啡館都關(guān)了門,只有他的店徹夜開(kāi)放,到底是為了什么?經(jīng)常有人問(wèn)他這個(gè)問(wèn)題,他卻說(shuō)不出答案。不是為錢。有時(shí)候,一伙人進(jìn)來(lái)喝啤酒,要盤炒雞蛋,花上五塊或十塊。但這種情況少之又少。大多數(shù)情況下,他們一個(gè)一個(gè)地進(jìn)來(lái),幾乎不點(diǎn)什么東西,卻會(huì)逗留很久。有些夜里,十二點(diǎn)到五點(diǎn)之間沒(méi)有一個(gè)客人進(jìn)來(lái)。店里沒(méi)有盈利——這顯而易見(jiàn)。
但他夜晚永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)關(guān)門——只要他還干這一行,就不會(huì)關(guān)門。夜晚才正是時(shí)候。如果不是夜晚,有些人他永遠(yuǎn)見(jiàn)不到。有幾個(gè)人每星期都會(huì)固定過(guò)來(lái)幾次,有些人則只來(lái)過(guò)一次,喝杯可口可樂(lè),然后便再也沒(méi)有出現(xiàn)過(guò)。
比夫把胳膊交疊在胸前,走得更慢了。在弧形的街燈下,他的影子棱角分明,黑乎乎的。夜晚的安寧與靜謐占據(jù)了他的身心,這是休息和冥想的好時(shí)候。也許,這就是他為什么會(huì)一直待在樓下不去睡覺(jué)的原因。他最后快速地瞥了一眼空蕩蕩的街道,走進(jìn)店里。
收音機(jī)里的聲音還在談?wù)撝C(jī),天花板上的風(fēng)扇旋轉(zhuǎn)著,令人舒適。廚房里傳來(lái)路易斯的鼾聲。他突然想到可憐的威利,決心找個(gè)時(shí)間盡快給他送一夸脫威士忌過(guò)去。他轉(zhuǎn)身拿起報(bào)紙,看著上面的字謎游戲。中間是個(gè)女人的照片,讓猜名字。他認(rèn)出了這個(gè)女人,在橫著的第一欄里寫下名字——蒙娜·麗莎。豎著的第一列是個(gè)表示乞丐的詞,“m”打頭,有九個(gè)字母。托缽僧[24]。橫著的第二欄,這個(gè)詞的意思是遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地挪開(kāi),有六個(gè)字母,“e”打頭。消逝[25]?他大聲試著各種字母組合。移至遠(yuǎn)處[26]。但他很快興致索然。沒(méi)有這種字謎,他的謎也已經(jīng)夠多了。他疊好報(bào)紙收了起來(lái)。以后再做吧。
他仔細(xì)看著特意留下的那枝魚尾菊。他把花放在手心里湊近燈光,這朵花也不是多么新奇的標(biāo)本,不值得保存。他摘下柔軟艷麗的花瓣,最后一個(gè)花瓣因愛(ài)而開(kāi)。但愛(ài)誰(shuí)呢?他現(xiàn)在愛(ài)著誰(shuí)?沒(méi)有誰(shuí)。任何一個(gè)穿著體面的人都可以從街上走進(jìn)來(lái)坐下,待上一個(gè)小時(shí),喝一杯,卻沒(méi)有哪個(gè)是他愛(ài)的人。他明白自己的所愛(ài),但一切都結(jié)束了。愛(ài)麗絲、瑪?shù)铝?,還有基普。都結(jié)束了,留下他,不好也不壞。到底是怎么樣?隨你怎么看。
還有米克。最近幾個(gè)月,她在他的心里揮之不去,感覺(jué)很奇怪。那種愛(ài)也完結(jié)了嗎?是的,完了。傍晚時(shí)分,她會(huì)進(jìn)來(lái)喝杯冷飲,或吃個(gè)圣代。她已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了,身上那種粗野和孩子氣沒(méi)有了。相反,現(xiàn)出一種淑女般、很精致的東西,很難說(shuō)清楚。耳環(huán)、懸著的手鐲以及她蹺二郎腿的新樣子,她還會(huì)把裙邊拽下來(lái)蓋住膝蓋。他注視著她,只感覺(jué)到一種溫柔。他心里原來(lái)的那種感覺(jué)消失了。有一年的時(shí)間,這種愛(ài)以奇怪的方式盛開(kāi)在他的心里。他質(zhì)疑過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次,卻沒(méi)有找到答案?,F(xiàn)在一切都完結(jié)了,猶如夏日的花朵凋零在九月。沒(méi)有人了。
比夫用食指輕叩著鼻子。收音機(jī)里,一個(gè)外國(guó)人正在說(shuō)話。他無(wú)法確定說(shuō)的到底是德語(yǔ)、法語(yǔ),還是西班牙語(yǔ),但它聽(tīng)上去像厄運(yùn)來(lái)臨一般,讓人心神不寧。他關(guān)掉收音機(jī),隨之而來(lái)的是深沉的寂靜,綿延無(wú)盡。他能感受到外面的夜色。孤獨(dú)扼住了他的喉嚨,呼吸都變得急促起來(lái)。時(shí)間太晚了,不能給露西爾打電話,跟巴比說(shuō)話了。他也不指望這個(gè)時(shí)候還有顧客上門。他走到門口,看了看左右的街道??諢o(wú)一人,漆黑一片。
“路易斯!”他喊道,“你醒了嗎,路易斯?”
沒(méi)人答話。他把胳膊肘支在柜臺(tái)上,雙手捧著頭。他長(zhǎng)滿黑胡子的下巴左右挪動(dòng)著,他慢慢皺起眉頭。
那個(gè)謎。那個(gè)問(wèn)題已經(jīng)在他心里生根發(fā)芽,不肯讓他安生。辛格的謎,其他人的謎。距離這一切的開(kāi)始已經(jīng)過(guò)去一年多了。距離布朗特第一次來(lái)到這里喝得酩酊大醉,并且第一次見(jiàn)到啞巴,已經(jīng)過(guò)去一年多了。距離米克開(kāi)始跟著他進(jìn)進(jìn)出出,已經(jīng)過(guò)去一年多了。而現(xiàn)在,距離辛格去世和下葬,已經(jīng)一個(gè)月了。而那個(gè)謎,卻依然在他心底,讓他不得安生。這一切,有種不自然的東西——這種東西像個(gè)丑陋的笑話。他想到這里便覺(jué)得不安,不知道為什么還有些害怕。
他操持了葬禮。他們把所有的事情都交給了他處理。辛格的事情一團(tuán)糟。他所有的東西都有分期付款到期,而其人壽險(xiǎn)的受益人已經(jīng)過(guò)世。剩下的錢只勉強(qiáng)夠給辛格下葬。葬禮安排在中午。他們站在一個(gè)開(kāi)闊的陰冷墓地周圍,太陽(yáng)無(wú)遮無(wú)攔地炙烤著,那些花兒在太陽(yáng)底下打了卷,變成棕褐色。米克哭得很傷心,幾乎喘不上氣來(lái),她爸爸不得不使勁拍打她的后背。布朗特望著墓地,怒容滿面,一只拳頭抵在嘴巴上。鎮(zhèn)上的那個(gè)黑人醫(yī)生好像跟可憐的威利有什么關(guān)系,他站在人群邊上,暗自垂淚。還有以前從沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)、從沒(méi)聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)的一些陌生人,天知道他們是從哪兒來(lái)的,或者他們?yōu)槭裁吹竭@里來(lái)。
屋里的寂靜如同夜色一般深沉。比夫定定地站著,陷入沉思。突然,他感覺(jué)心跳加速,一陣暈眩,他向后靠在柜臺(tái)上支撐住自己。眼前有亮光瞬間閃過(guò),他瞥見(jiàn)了人類的奮斗,還有英勇;瞥見(jiàn)了人類在無(wú)窮無(wú)盡的時(shí)間中無(wú)窮無(wú)盡的流動(dòng);瞥見(jiàn)了那些勞作的人,還有那些——一個(gè)字——愛(ài)著的人,他的靈魂自由馳騁。但只是短短的一瞬間。他在心里感覺(jué)到一種警告,一陣恐懼。他被懸吊在了兩個(gè)世界之間。他看到,他正盯著面前柜臺(tái)玻璃上自己的那張臉,太陽(yáng)穴上閃著汗珠,臉龐扭曲,一只眼睛睜得大,一只眼睛睜得小。左眼瞇著,深深地看著過(guò)去;而右眼圓睜,驚恐地凝視著黑暗、錯(cuò)誤、毀滅的未來(lái)。他被懸吊在光明和黑暗之間,在辛辣的諷刺和信念之間。他猛地扭過(guò)頭去。
“路易斯!”他喊道,“路易斯!路易斯!”
依然沒(méi)有回應(yīng)。但是,天哪,他是神志正常,還是已經(jīng)瘋了?他甚至不清楚這種恐懼到底從何而來(lái),但為什么它會(huì)這樣令他感覺(jué)窒息?他要一直像個(gè)神經(jīng)質(zhì)的傻瓜一樣站在這里,還是要振作起來(lái),做個(gè)清醒的人?他究竟是神志正常,還是已經(jīng)瘋了?比夫在水龍頭底下打濕手帕,然后用濕手帕拍拍疲憊緊張的臉。不知怎的,他想起遮雨棚還沒(méi)有支起來(lái)。他朝門口走去,步子逐漸恢復(fù)了穩(wěn)定。等終于又回到屋里的時(shí)候,他定下神來(lái),等待著早晨太陽(yáng)升起。
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