The following evening Newland was waiting at Jersey City station for the Washington train. In his senseless schoolboy happiness he pictured Madame Olenska getting out of the train, then her arm in his as he guided her to the carriage, and then a journey that would go on for ever. He had so much to say to her!
The train came in, and he saw her pale face in the crowd of passengers. They reached each other, their hands met, and he drew her arm through his. 'This way – I have the carriage,' he said. After that it all happened as he had dreamed.
Do you know,' he said, as they drove away from the station, 'I almost couldn't remember you? How can I explain? Each time you happen to me all over again.'
Oh, yes, I know! I know! It happens to me too!'
Ellen – Ellen – Ellen!'
She made no answer and he sat in silence, watching her as she looked out of the window. How little they knew of each other, after all! The precious moments were slipping away, but he had forgotten everything he meant to say.
What a pretty carriage!' she said, suddenly turning her face from the window. 'Is it May's? She sent you to fetch me, then? How kind of her!'
Her mentioning May's name made him angry, so he burst out, 'Your husband's secretary came to see me, you know.'
I'm not surprised. He'd met you in England, hadn't he?'
Ellen – I must ask you one thing. Was it Rivière who helped you to get away – when you left your husband?'
Yes. I owe him a great debt,' she replied calmly.
I think you're the most honest woman I ever met!'
Oh no – but probably one of the least difficult.'
Well – you've had to look at things as they are.'
Yes – I've had to look at wickedness, it's true.'
It hasn't blinded you!'
It doesn't blind one, but it dries up one's tears.'
The answer seemed to come from depths of experience beyond Newland's reach.
If you're not blind, then, you must see this can't last,' he said. 'Our being together – and not together.'
No. You shouldn't have come today,' and suddenly she turned, threw her arms around him and pressed her lips to his. In a moment she drew away, and they sat silent and unmoving, until Newland started speaking hurriedly.
Don't be afraid of me. A stolen kiss isn't what I want. Look, I'm not even trying to touch your sleeve. When we're apart, and I'm looking forward to seeing you, every thought is burnt up in a great flame. But then you come and you're so much more than I remembered, and what I want of you is so much more than an hour or two, with weeks of thirsty waiting between, that I can sit perfectly still beside you like this, just quietly trusting my dream to come true.'
For a moment she was silent. 'What do you mean by trusting it to come true?' she whispered.
Why – you know it will, don't you?'
Your dream of you and me together?' She burst into a sudden hard laugh. 'You choose a good place to tell me about it!'
You mean, in my wife's carriage? Shall we get out and walk? I don't suppose you mind a little snow?'
She laughed again, more quietly. 'No, I don't want to walk, because I want to see my grandmother as soon as possible. We'll sit quietly, and we'll look, not at dreams, but at realities.'
The only reality for me is this.'
There was a long silence. 'Is it your idea, then, that I should live with you as your mistress, since I can't be your wife?'
He was shocked by her plain speaking, and had difficulty finding the words. 'I want – I want to get away to a place where we could simply be two human beings who love each other, who are the whole of life to each other, and nothing else will matter.'
She laughed. 'Oh my dear – where is that country? Have you ever been there? Believe me, it's a miserable little place!'
Then what exactly is your plan for us?' cried Newland.
For us? But there's no us in that sense! We're only Newland Archer, husband of Ellen Olenska's cousin, and Ellen Olenska, cousin of Newland Archer's wife, trying to be happy behind the backs of the people who trust them.'
Ah, I'm beyond that,' whispered Newland.
No, you're not! You've never been beyond. And I have,' she said in a strange voice, 'and I know what it looks like there.'
He sat silent, in wordless pain. Then he rang the bell to tell the driver to stop. 'I'll get out here,' he said, opening the door and jumping out. 'You're right, I shouldn't have come.' She bent forward, about to speak, but he had already called out the order to drive on. As the carriage rolled away, he felt something stiff and cold on his face, and realized that he had been crying, and the icy wind had frozen his tears.
That evening Newland had dinner at home with May, who did not mention Ellen Olenska once. After dinner they sat together in the sitting room. May was doing her sewing, while Newland was reading. Occasionally he raised his eyes from his book and looked at May with secret despair. He would always know her thoughts; never would she surprise him by an unexpected mood or a new idea. Now she was simply becoming a copy of her mother, and mysteriously, in the same way, trying to turn him into a Mr Welland. He stood up impatiently, and at once she looked up.
What's the matter, dear?'
The room's too warm. I want a little air.' He pulled the heavy curtains and opened a window, so that he could put his head and shoulders out into the icy darkness.
Newland! Do shut the window. You'll catch your death.'
Catch my death!' he echoed, and felt like adding, 'I've caught it already. I am dead – I've been dead for months now.'
As he walked back to his chair, he laid a hand on her hair. 'Poor May!' he said.
Poor? Why poor?' she asked with a little laugh.
Because I shall never be able to open a window without worrying you,' he replied, also laughing.
For a moment she was silent. Then she said very low, her head bent over her sewing, 'I shall never worry if you're happy.'
Ah, my dear! And I shall never be happy unless I can open the window!'
In this weather?' she said. Without replying he buried his head in his book again.
Six or seven days passed. Newland heard nothing from Madame Olenska and became aware that her name would not be mentioned in his presence by the family. He did not try to see her, but a plan was slowly taking shape in the back of his mind.
Then one day May told him her grandmother wanted to see him, and Newland hurried over to Mrs Mingott's house. His plan was simple. He would see Ellen there and find out on which day and by which train she was returning to Washington. He would join her on that train, and travel with her, as far as she wanted to go – his choice would be Japan. He would leave a note for May that would prevent his ever coming back.
But old Mrs Mingott told him with great delight that she had managed to persuade Ellen to stay in New York and look after her. Newland felt confused. He would be able to see Ellen now and then, but their future would be limited to secret meetings and letters. He would find himself telling more lies to May, and going against habit and honour and all the ancient rules he and his people had always believed in...
As he was walking down Fifth Avenue, he saw Mrs Mingott's carriage outside the Beauforts' house, and knew Ellen must be visiting Regina Beaufort. He waited, and stopped Ellen as she was coming out of the front door.
I must see you tomorrow – somewhere we can be alone,' he said. 'At the Museum of Art, in the park? At half-past two?'
She turned away without replying, and got quickly into the carriage. 'She'll be there!' he told himself confidently.
In the Museum of Art they walked slowly through the rooms. There were no other visitors, and their steps echoed loudly.
It's a strange place,' said Madame Olenska.
Some day, I suppose it'll be a great museum.'
He sat down and watched the light movements of her figure, so girlish even under her heavy furs, as she looked at the paintings.
What is it you wanted to tell me?' she asked.
I believe you came to New York because you were afraid of my coming to Washington. Did you know I was planning to?'
She looked down. 'Well – yes. I knew.'
Well, then?' he insisted.
Well, then. This is better, isn't it? We shall hurt others less. Isn't it, after all, what you always wanted?'
To meet you in this way, in secret? It's the opposite of what I want. I think it's horrible!'
Oh, I'm so glad! So do I!' she cried out.
Then, what is it, in God's name, that you think is better?'
Instead of answering, she whispered, 'I promised to stay with Grandmother, because I thought I'd be safer here.'
Safer from me? Safer from loving me?'
Safer from harming other people.' She looked at him with a kind of terror, and blushed. 'Shall I – once come to you, and then go home?' she suddenly said in a low clear voice.
Dearest!' said Newland, the blood rushing to his forehead. 'But what do you mean by going home?'
Home to my husband.'
And you expect me to say yes to that?'
What else is there? I can't stay here and lie to the people who've been good to me. I can't go away with you and destroy their lives, when they've helped me to remake mine.' She turned away. 'I must go,' she said.
He followed, and caught her hand. 'Well, then, come to me once,' he said, unable to bear the thought of losing her. 'When?' he insisted. 'Tomorrow?'
She hesitated. 'The day after.'
Dearest!' he said again. For a moment they continued to look into each other's eyes, and he saw that her face, even paler now, was flooded with a deep inner happiness. Then she walked hurriedly away, turning in the doorway to wave goodbye.
The next evening Newland and May went to the opera, as guests of the van der Luydens. The Swedish singer Christine Nilsson was singing in Faust, just as she had done two years before, when Newland had first seen Ellen in her grandmother's box. Tonight Newland had moved to sit with some of his men friends, and from here he had a good view of his wife as she sat in the van der Luydens' box.
How innocent and trusting she looks!' he thought. He remembered how nobly she had once offered to give him up, and suddenly he decided to tell her the truth, to throw himself on her generosity, and ask for the freedom he had once refused.
He got up and walked round the theatre, slipping into the back of the van der Luydens' box. 'I've got a bad headache,' he whispered to May. 'Will you come home with me?'
May said a few words to her mother and Mrs van der Luyden, and soon she and Newland were driving home.
They went into their sitting room together. 'Hadn't you better go to bed at once?' she asked anxiously.
My head's not as bad as that,' Newland replied. 'There's something important I want to say to you – about myself.'
She sat silent, looking extremely pale, but calm.
Madame Olenska —' he said, but his wife raised her hand to stop him. The gaslight shone on her gold wedding ring.
Oh, why should we talk about Ellen tonight? Is it really worthwhile, dear? You've understood her, no doubt, better than we all did; you've always been kind to her. But what does it matter, now it's all over?'
All over – what do you mean?'
Why – she's going back to Europe. Grandmother agrees, and has arranged to make her independent of her husband.'
Newland turned away and covered his face. May sat without moving or speaking. At last he turned back to her.
It's impossible,' he said. 'How do you know that?'
I saw Ellen yesterday – at Grandmother's. And I had a note from her this afternoon. Do you want to see it?'
He could not find his voice. She handed him a short letter, which Newland took with a trembling hand and read. It said:
May dear, I have at last made Grandmother see that if I return to Europe, I must live by myself – she has been as kind and generous as ever. I am going back to Washington to pack, and I sail from New York next week, with poor Aunt Medora. If any of my friends want to try to change my mind, please tell them it would be useless. Ellen
Newland burst out laughing wildly. 'Why did she write this?' he asked.
May looked at him with her clear blue eyes. 'I suppose because we talked things over yesterday. I told her I understood how hard it had been for her here. I knew you'd been the one friend she had always felt sure of, and I wanted her to know that you and I were the same – in all our feelings. 'She added slowly, 'She understood my wishing to tell her this. I think she understands everything.'
She went up to Newland, and taking one of his cold hands, pressed it quickly to her face. 'My head aches too. Good night, dear,' she said, and turned to the door.
It was, as Mrs Archer smilingly said to Mrs Welland, a great event for a young couple to give their first big dinner. It had been May's idea to give a dinner for Ellen, the evening before she sailed for Europe. Now, as Newland looked round at the familiar faces at his table – May, the van der Luydens, Lawrence Lefferts, Sillerton and Sophy Jackson, the Lovell Mingotts, and Ellen – he began to realize that New York society almost certainly thought he and Ellen were lovers, but they were pretending his was a wonderfully happy marriage. And now that Ellen was leaving, it was easy for them all to pretend that they admired and respected her. He hated this dishonesty, and began to feel like a prisoner, constantly guarded by his friends and relations.
He could not remember what he said to anyone during dinner, and soon it was time for his guests to leave. There had been no chance to speak privately to Ellen. 'Goodbye,' he said to her in the hall, as he helped her on with her coat. 'But I shall see you soon in Paris.' His voice sounded loud in his ears.
Oh,' she whispered, 'if you and May could come...!'
And then she was getting into the van der Luydens' carriage, and he could no longer see her face.
A few minutes later May came to find him in the library. 'It did go well, didn't it?' she said.
Newland made an effort to speak. 'Now that you're here, there's something I must tell you. I tried to, the other night.'
Yes, dear. Something about yourself?'
Yes. I've been horribly tired lately —'
Oh, I've seen it coming on, Newland! You've been so wickedly overworked at the office!'
Perhaps it's that. Anyway, I want to make a break – to go away at once. On a long trip, away from everything —'
A long trip? Where, for example?'
Oh, I don't know, India – or Japan.'
She stood up, and came nearer to his chair.
As far as that? But I'm afraid you can't, dear.' Her voice trembled a little. 'Not unless you take me with you. That is, if the doctors will let me go... but I'm afraid they won't. You see, Newland, I've been sure since this morning of something I've been hoping for so much...'
But I'm afraid you can't, dear,' said May. 'Not unless you take me with you.'
He stared up at her, his face deathly white, and she knelt down to hide her face against his knee.
Oh, my dear,' he said, with his cold hand on her hair. There was a devilish kind of laughter inside his head.
You didn't guess?' asked May.
Yes – I – no. That is, of course, I hoped...' They looked at each other for a moment and again fell silent. 'Have you told anyone else?' he added.
Only my mother and yours.' She paused, blushing. 'And Ellen. You know I told you I'd had a long talk with her one afternoon?'
Ah...' said Newland, his heart stopping.
He felt that his wife was watching him closely. 'Did you mind my telling her first, Newland?'
Mind? Why should I?' He made a last effort to think clearly. 'But that was a fortnight ago, wasn't it? I thought you said you weren't sure till today.'
Her colour burned deeper, but she kept her eyes on his. 'No, I wasn't sure then – but I told her I was. And you see I was right!' she cried, her blue eyes wet with victory.
passenger n. someone who is travelling in a vehicle, plane, boat etc, but is not driving it or working on it 乘客
precious adj. something that is precious is valuable and important and should not be wasted or used without care 珍貴的
slip away if something such as an opportunity slips away, it is no longer available (時間等)悄然逝去
blind v. to permanently destroy someone's ability to see 使瞎,使失明
impatiently adv. in a way annoyed because of delays, someone else's mistakes etc 不耐煩地
echo v. if a sound echoes, you hear it again because it was made near something such as a wall or hill 發(fā)出回聲
girlish adj. behaving like a girl, looking like a girl, or suitable for a girl 像女孩子的
remake v. to build or make something again 重制,翻新
generosity n. a generous attitude, or generous behaviour 寬宏大量,胸懷寬廣
gaslight n. the light produced from burning gas 煤氣燈光
dishonesty n. behaviour in which you deceive or cheat people 不誠實
overworked adj. made to work too hard 過分勞累的
devilish adj. very bad, difficult, or unpleasant 邪惡的,魔鬼似的
fortnight n. two weeks 兩星期
victory n. the success you achieve by winning or achieving something 勝利
第二天傍晚,紐蘭在澤西城車站等候從華盛頓開來的火車。他懷著學生時代那種懵懂的幸福感,想象著奧蘭斯卡夫人從車上下來,挽著他的手臂,在他的帶領下走向馬車,然后踏上了永無止境的旅途。他有那么多話要和她講!
火車到站了,接著他在成群的乘客中間發(fā)現(xiàn)了她蒼白的臉。他們走向對方,手握到了一起,他讓埃倫挽著他的手臂。“這邊走——我駕來了馬車。”他說。此后的情形和他夢想中的一模一樣。
“你知道嗎?”他說,馬車正駛離車站,“我?guī)缀跸氩黄鹉愕臉幼恿?。怎么說呢?每次見到你,都好像初次見面那樣。”
“哦,對,我知道!我知道!我也有這種感覺!”
“埃倫——埃倫——埃倫!”
她沒有回應。他一言不發(fā)地坐在那里注視著她,而她則望向窗外。他們之間畢竟互相了解得太少了!寶貴的時光在一點點流逝,而他卻把想說的話忘得一干二凈。
“好漂亮的馬車啊!”她說著突然從窗邊轉過臉來,“是梅的嗎?那么,是梅讓你來接我的?她真是太好了!”
她提到梅的名字讓他氣惱,于是他脫口而出:“你丈夫的秘書來見過我,你知道吧。”
“我并不覺得意外。他是在英國和你相識的,對嗎?”
“埃倫——我必須問你一件事。是里維埃幫你逃走的嗎——當你離開你丈夫的時候?”
“是的,我欠他一個大人情。”她平靜地回答。
“我想你是我見過的女人中最誠實的一個!”
“噢,不——不過也許算個最不難對付的女人吧。”
“嗯——你不得不實際地看待事實。”
“對——我不得不正視邪惡,這是事實。”“這并沒有讓你失去判斷力!”
“它沒有讓我失去判斷力,可它擠干了我的眼淚。”
這個回答好像來自經(jīng)歷的深淵,一個對紐蘭來說遙不可及的地方。
“如果你沒有失去判斷力,那么你一定知道事情不能這樣繼續(xù)下去,”他說,“我們在一起,卻又不在一起。”
“對,今天你就不應該來。”她突然轉過身,伸開雙臂摟住他,雙唇緊緊貼在他的唇上。她隨即抽身離開,然后他們靜靜地坐著,一動不動,直到紐蘭匆忙發(fā)話。
“不要怕我。我想要的并不是一個偷偷摸摸的吻。瞧,我甚至都沒想要碰你的衣袖。我們分開的時候,我一直盼望著見到你,所有的想法都被熊熊烈火燃盡了??涩F(xiàn)在你來了,遠遠不止我記憶中的那樣;在無數(shù)個星期焦急的等待后,我想要從你身上得到的,也遠遠不止一兩個小時。因此,我才能像這樣安安靜靜地坐在你身邊,平靜地期待著夢想成真。”
她沉默了片刻。“你說期待夢想成真是什么意思?”她小聲問。
“呃——你知道它會實現(xiàn)的,對嗎?”
“你夢想著和我在一起?”她猛然大笑,“你真是選了一個好地方來告訴我!”
“你的意思是說在我妻子的馬車里?那我們下去走走好嗎?我想你不會介意外面下著點兒雪吧?”
她又笑起來,不過聲音輕了一些:“不,我不想下去走走,因為我想盡快見到奶奶。我們就這樣安靜地坐著,不要看夢想,而是來看一看現(xiàn)實吧。”
“對我來說,這就是唯一的現(xiàn)實。”
接下來是長時間的沉默。“那么,你的想法是我應該跟你在一起,做你的情婦,既然我不可能成為你的妻子?”
她直白的話語令他感到震驚,他艱難地尋找著措詞:“我想——我想逃到一個地方,在那兒我們僅僅是兩個彼此相愛的人,我們是彼此生活的全部,其他任何事情都無關緊要。”
她笑了:“哦,親愛的——那個國度在哪兒?你去過嗎?相信我,那只是一個糟糕的小地方!”
“那你對我們的事到底作何打算呢?”紐蘭大聲說。
“我們的事?從那個意義上講并不存在我們!我們僅僅是埃倫·奧蘭斯卡的表妹夫紐蘭·阿徹,和紐蘭·阿徹妻子的表姐埃倫·奧蘭斯卡,兩個企圖背著信賴他們的人尋歡作樂的人。”
“啊,我要的不只是這些。”紐蘭低聲說。
“不,你要的僅此而已!你從來沒有嘗試過要得更多,可我嘗試過,”她用一種陌生的聲音說,“我知道那是什么樣子。”
他靜靜地坐著,心中感到無言的痛苦。接著,他拉鈴叫車夫把車停下。“我要在這兒下車。”他說完打開車門跳下去,“你說對了,我就不應該來。”她俯身向前,想要說什么,可他已經(jīng)大聲吩咐車夫繼續(xù)趕車。馬車向前駛去,他覺得臉上有些又硬又冷的東西,這才意識到自己哭了,刺骨的寒風冰封了他的眼淚。
當天晚上,紐蘭和梅在家里吃飯,梅對埃倫·奧蘭斯卡只字未提。晚飯后,他們一起坐在會客廳,梅做她的針線活兒,紐蘭則在看書。他偶爾從書本上抬起眼睛看著梅,心里感到絕望。他對她的想法總是一清二楚,她絕對不會有他意想不到的情緒或新想法。如今,她逐漸變成她母親的翻版,而不知怎的,她還試圖用同樣的方法把他變成另一位韋蘭先生。他煩躁地站起身,她立刻抬起頭。
“怎么了,親愛的?”
“房間里太熱了,我需要透透氣。”他拉開厚重的窗簾,打開窗戶,這樣他就能把頭和肩探到冰冷的黑夜中。
“紐蘭!關上窗戶吧。你會生病的。”
“生?。?rdquo;他重復道,很想接著說,“我已經(jīng)生病了。我正病著——已經(jīng)病了好幾個月了。”
他走回座椅,一只手放在她頭發(fā)上,說道:“可憐的梅!”
“可憐?為什么可憐?”她略微一笑,問道。
“因為只要我打開窗戶,你就會擔心。”他回答,也笑了起來。
她沉默了片刻。然后低聲說:“只要你高興,我絕不會擔心。”她邊說邊埋頭做著針線活兒。
“啊,親愛的!除非我把窗戶打開,否則我永遠不會高興的!”
“在這種天氣?”她說。他沒有回答,又埋頭去看他的書。
六七天過去了。紐蘭沒有聽到奧蘭斯卡夫人的任何消息。他開始明白,家里人不會再當著他的面提起她的名字。他也不想見她,不過一個計劃已經(jīng)在他腦海中慢慢成形。
一天,梅告訴紐蘭,外婆想見他,于是紐蘭匆匆趕往明戈特老太太的家。他的計劃很簡單。他會在那里見到埃倫,然后弄清楚她返回華盛頓的日期和車次。他要到車上與她會合,并和她一起去旅行,只要她想,去多遠都行——他個人會選擇去日本。他還會給梅留下一封信,以杜絕他回來的任何可能。
然而,明戈特老太太滿懷喜悅地告訴他,她已經(jīng)設法說服埃倫繼續(xù)留在紐約照顧她。紐蘭覺得腦子里亂糟糟的。他將能夠時常見到埃倫,但他們的未來僅僅局限于幽會和通信。他將對梅說更多的謊言,而他的行事將違背他及他圈子里的人一直深信不疑的習慣、名譽和所有古老的規(guī)則……
他沿著第五大道往前走時,看見明戈特太太的馬車停在博福特家外面,他知道肯定是埃倫在拜訪雷吉娜·博福特。于是他等在那里,當埃倫從前門出來的時候攔住了她。
“我明天一定要見你——在一個我們可以單獨相處的地方,”他說,“在公園的藝術博物館如何?兩點半?”
她沒有回答便轉身離開,很快上了馬車。“她會去的!”他自信地對自己說。
在藝術博物館里,他們慢慢地出入于各間展室。里面沒有其他參觀者,他們的腳步聲發(fā)出了響亮的回音。
“這地方真奇怪。”奧蘭斯卡夫人說。
“我想,有一天它會成為一個很棒的博物館。”
他坐下來,欣賞她在看畫作時身體輕盈的動作。即使穿著厚重的毛皮外衣,她的動作也顯得像個小姑娘似的。
“你想和我說什么?”她問。
“我認為你來紐約是因為害怕我到華盛頓去。你知道我打算要去嗎?”
她低下頭說:“嗯——是的,我知道。”
“嗯,那怎么樣?”他繼續(xù)問。
“嗯,那么還是這樣更好,不是嗎?我們給別人的傷害會少一些。說到底,這不正是你一直希望的嗎?”
“就這樣與你幽會?這與我想要的剛好相反。我覺得這糟透了!”
“哦,真高興,我也這樣覺得!”她叫道。
“既然這樣,你究竟認為怎樣才更好呢?”
她沒有回答,而是小聲說:“我答應和奶奶呆在一起,是因為我覺得在這里危險較少。”
“危險?因為我這個人還是因為愛我?”
“因為不會傷害到其他人。”她面帶恐懼地看著他,兩頰泛起紅暈。“我來你身邊一次,然后就回家好嗎?”她突然問道,聲音低沉但清晰。
“最親愛的!”紐蘭說,額角通紅,“可你說回家是什么意思呢?”
“回我丈夫家。”
“你指望我會同意嗎?”
“那還有什么辦法呢?我不能留在這里,對那些善待我的人撒謊。我也沒法在他們幫助我重新開始生活之后,和你一走了之而毀掉他們的生活。”她轉身離開。“我必須走。”她說道。
他跟了上去,一把抓住她的手。“好吧,既然這樣,那就來找我一次吧。”他說。一想到要失去她,他就無法忍受。“什么時候?”他追問道,“明天嗎?”
她猶豫了一下,“后天吧。”
“最親愛的!”他又說。他們的目光繼續(xù)對視了一會兒。他發(fā)現(xiàn)她的臉此刻更加蒼白,卻洋溢著一種內心深藏的愉悅。然后,她匆匆離開,走到門口時轉過身來揮手告別。
翌日傍晚,紐蘭和梅受范德盧頓夫婦之邀去了歌劇院。瑞典歌唱家克里斯蒂娜·尼爾森正在演唱《浮士德》。兩年前紐蘭第一次看見埃倫出現(xiàn)在她祖母的包廂里時,尼爾森唱的也是這一曲。這天晚上,紐蘭和他的一些男性友人坐在了一起,從這里他可以清楚地看到坐在范德盧頓夫婦包廂里的妻子。
“她看起來多么單純、多么容易信賴別人??!”他想。他記起她曾經(jīng)多么高尚地提出要放棄他。突然,他決定對她說出真相,以便仰仗她的寬宏大量,請求得到他曾經(jīng)拒絕過的自由。
他起身繞行到范德盧頓夫婦的包廂,悄悄從后面溜了進去。“我頭疼得厲害,”他小聲對梅說,“跟我回家好嗎?”
梅跟母親及范德盧頓夫人說了幾句話,很快便同紐蘭一起駕車回家了。
他們一起走進了自己家的會客廳。“你趕緊上床休息不好嗎?”她擔心地問道。
“我的頭痛不那么厲害。”紐蘭回答,“我有一件重要的事想對你講——是關于我自己的。”
她默默地坐著,臉色非常蒼白,但表情卻很平靜。
“奧蘭斯卡夫人——”他說道,但妻子舉起一只手示意他住口。煤氣燈光照射在她那枚金制的結婚戒指上。
“噢,今晚我們干嗎要談論埃倫呢?真的有意義嗎,親愛的?毫無疑問,你比我們所有人都更理解她,你一直對她很好。不過,既然都已經(jīng)過去了,這還有什么關系呢?”
“都過去了——你這話什么意思?”
“嗨——她要回歐洲了。外婆同意了,并且已經(jīng)作好安排,讓她能不依靠她丈夫而獨立生活。”
紐蘭轉過身去,捂住了臉。梅坐在那里,沒有動,也沒有說話。最后,他回轉身來面朝著她。
“這不可能。”他說,“你是怎么知道的?”
“我昨天見到埃倫了——在外婆家里。今天下午我收到她一封信。你想看看嗎?”
他一時張口結舌。她遞給他一封短信,紐蘭用顫抖的手接過,看了起來。上面寫著:
親愛的梅,我終于讓奶奶明白,假如我回到歐洲,我必須自己生活——她一向都是這么善良,這么寬宏大量。我要趕回華盛頓打點行裝,下周和可憐的梅多拉姑媽一起從紐約乘船離開。如果我的朋友有誰想勸我改變主意,請告訴他們那是沒有用處的。埃倫
紐蘭爆發(fā)出一陣狂笑。“她為什么要寫這些?”他問道。
梅用清澈的藍眼睛望著他。“我想是因為我們昨天談論了一些事情。我告訴她,我理解她在這里的處境有多么艱難,我知道你是她一直信賴的唯一朋友。我想讓她明白,我和你一樣——我們的感情是完全一致的。”她緩緩地接著說,“她理解我想跟她說這話的心情。我覺得她一切都明白了。”
她走到紐蘭跟前,拿起他一只冰冷的手,迅速按在自己的臉頰上。“我的頭也有些痛。晚安,親愛的。”她說完,轉身朝門口走去。
正像阿徹太太笑著對韋蘭太太說的那樣,一對年輕夫妻第一次舉辦大型宴會可是件大事。梅提議,在埃倫乘船去歐洲前夜為她舉辦一場宴會。此刻,紐蘭環(huán)顧餐桌旁那些熟悉的面孔——梅,范德盧頓夫婦,勞倫斯·萊弗茨,西勒頓·杰克遜和索菲·杰克遜,洛弗爾·明戈特夫婦和埃倫。他開始意識到,紐約社交圈幾乎可以認定他和埃倫是一對情人,可他們卻裝作認為他的婚姻非常幸福美滿。如今埃倫即將離開,他們所有人也輕而易舉地裝出他們欽慕并尊敬她的樣子。他討厭這種偽裝,他開始感覺自己像個囚犯,一直被他的朋友和親人們看守著。
他記不得自己在宴會期間和其他人說過些什么。很快就到了賓客們告辭的時間了,他卻一直沒有機會和埃倫私下交談。“再見,”他在門廳里對她說,同時幫她把外套穿上,“不過我很快就會到巴黎去看你。”他覺得自己的聲音聽上去很響亮。
“噢,”她小聲說,“如果你和梅能來……!”
她踏進了范德盧頓夫婦的馬車,他再也看不到她的臉了。
幾分鐘之后,梅來圖書室里找他。“宴會確實進行得很順利,對嗎?”她說道。
紐蘭鼓起勇氣說:“既然你來了,那我有件事必須告訴你,那天晚上我就想說的。”
“好啊,親愛的。一件關于你自己的事?”
“是的。我最近一直覺得特別累——”
“嗯,我看到你越來越累了,紐蘭!你在事務所一直勞累過度!”
“也許是吧。不管怎樣,我想休息一段時間——馬上就走。去一個長途旅行,拋開一切——”
“長途旅行?到什么地方去?”
“哦,我不知道,去印度——或者日本。”
她站起身來,走到他的椅子跟前。
“要去那么遠嗎?不過恐怕你不能走,親愛的。”她的聲音有些顫抖,“除非你帶上我。就是說,如果醫(yī)生讓我去的話……不過恐怕他們不會允許。你知道嗎,紐蘭,從今天上午起,我已經(jīng)肯定了一件我一直非常期盼的事……”
他盯著她,臉色煞白。她蹲下身子,把臉埋在他的膝蓋上。
“噢,親愛的。”他說著,用冰冷的手撫摸她的頭發(fā),腦海內回蕩著一陣邪惡的狂笑。
“你沒有猜到?”梅問道。
“猜到了——我——沒有。我是說,當然我希望……”兩人對視片刻,再次陷入了沉默。“你告訴過別人嗎?”他又問。
“只有我媽媽和你母親。”她停頓了一下,臉漲得通紅,“還有埃倫。你知道,我告訴過你,有一天下午我們進行了一次長談。”
“啊……”紐蘭說,他的心幾乎停止了跳動。
他感覺到妻子在目不轉睛地注視著他。“紐蘭,我先告訴了她,你介意嗎?”
“介意?我為什么要介意?”他盡最后努力理清思路,“不過那是兩個星期之前的事了,對嗎?你剛才不是說今天才確定下來的嗎?”
她的臉紅得更厲害了,不過她繼續(xù)注視著他。“對,當時我還沒有把握——但我告訴她我有了。你看我說對了!”她大聲說,藍色的雙眼噙滿了勝利的淚水。