過早與父母分離給中國孩子帶來隱秘創(chuàng)傷

How would Sainiya, a 14-year-old girl from theChinese region of Inner Mongolia, cope with life in aEuropean boarding school? The question from awoman working in admissions at a prestigiousschool in Ireland provoked incredulity from Sainiya’sfather, He Xiongfei, a Beijing publisher.

來自中國內(nèi)蒙古的14歲姑娘塞尼婭(Sainiya)，怎么能應付歐洲寄宿學校的生活?愛爾蘭一所名校負責招生工作的一位女士提出的這個問題，讓塞尼婭的父親、身在北京的出版商賀雄飛感到難以置信。

‘‘She’s been in boarding school since she was 3,’’ hesaid, as if that settled it. But did it?

“從3歲開始，她就在寄宿學校上學了，”他說，似乎這一點能回答上面的問題。但事實是這樣嗎?

 

 

Mr. He is one of thousands of Chinese parents each year who choose an overseas education fortheir children, hoping they will learn world-class skills grounded with liberal, democraticvalues in a healthy environment.

每年都有成千上萬的中國家長為孩子選擇海外的教育，希望他們在健康的環(huán)境中，以自由和民主的價值觀為基礎(chǔ)，學習世界級的技能。賀雄飛便是其中之一。

He’s also one of millions of parents who have sent their children to ‘‘boarding kindergartens,’’ atradition that began after the 1949 Communist revolution, where children as young as 3 (occasionally even 2) live at school during the week — sometimes, but not always, returninghome for the weekend.

他也是將孩子送去“托兒所”的數(shù)百萬家長之一。這種傳統(tǒng)始于1949年的共產(chǎn)黨革命，只有3歲大(有時甚至是2歲)的孩子一周都待在學校里，有時會回家過周末，但并非總是如此。

Sainiya appeared to do fine during the year she spent at St. Columba’s College — except forthe food, which she disliked. But the jury is still out: Emotional trauma can be harder to detectthan an aversion to boiled vegetables.

在圣哥倫比亞學院(St. Columba’s College)的那一年里，除了不喜歡那里的食物，塞尼婭似乎適應得很好。但這個結(jié)論恐怕并不明確，因為比起對水煮蔬菜的厭惡，情感創(chuàng)傷更難察覺。

In China, a new generation of young, Western-trained psychoanalysts is concerned that earlychildhood separation from parents or primary caregivers, considered normal here forgenerations, has caused profound, hidden trauma in millions of Chinese.

在中國，新一代受過西方教育的年輕精神分析學家擔心，幼年與父母或主要看護人分開的做法，給數(shù)百萬中國人造成了深刻而隱秘的創(chuàng)傷。在這里，一代又一代人都認為，這樣做是正常的。

They believe early separation, a documented psychological phenomenon, has led toemotional problems in adults who may fail to form healthy relationships. Feeling abandoned aschildren, they struggle with worthlessness and depression.

這些專家認為，早年與家人分離作為一種有文獻記錄的心理學現(xiàn)象，在成年后造成了情感問題，他們可能無法形成健康的家庭關(guān)系。覺得幼時遭到拋棄的他們，會深深地覺得自己沒有價值，感到沮喪。

Trying to help fix China’s soul, Liu Yiling, an analyst accredited with the InternationalPsychoanalytic Association; Dr. Zhong Jie of Peking University; and Dr. Wang Xiao of theTavistock Center in London are holding two public lectures and a four-day seminar next monthat Peking University titled ‘‘Early Separation and Psychoanalysis.’’ These are for people whowant to learn more about themselves and those considering a career in psychoanalysis.

下個月，國際精神分析協(xié)會(International Psychoanalytic Association)認證的分析師劉翼靈、北京大學的鐘杰博士和倫敦塔維斯托克中心(Tavistock Center)的王虓博士將在北京大學舉辦兩場公開講座，以及一場名為“精神分析中的早期分離”的研討會，研討會將持續(xù)四天時間。他們試圖以此幫助修復中國的心靈。這些活動面向的是那些希望更深入地了解自己，以及考慮以精神分析為職業(yè)的人。

China built many ‘‘boarding kindergartens’’ after the revolution in order to free parents,especially mothers, to work outside the home, part of the official goal of women’s emancipationthat in reality was geared to the needs of the Communist Party.

那場革命結(jié)束后，為了給家長，尤其是母親們騰出時間，讓他們能離開家門去工作，中國修建了許多“托兒所”。讓母親們走出家門是解放女性這個官方目標的一部分，但實際上是為了滿足共產(chǎn)黨的需要。

The phenomenon reached a peak during the Great Leap Forward from 1958 to 1962, whenchildren were boarded in droves as Mao Zedong ordered China to outstrip the United Statesand Britain through agricultural collectivization and industrial production.

在1958年到1962年的大躍進時期，這種現(xiàn)象達到了頂峰。當時，毛澤東下令中國實行農(nóng)業(yè)合作化和加大工業(yè)生產(chǎn)，從而超越美國和英國，于是許多孩子被送去了寄宿學校。

In ‘‘Mao’s Great Famine,’’ the historian Frank Dikötter documented appalling conditions inkindergartens of that time. Hunger, disease and neglect were common.

在《毛澤東的大饑荒》(Mao’s Great Famine)一書中，歷史學家馮客(Frank Dikötter)記錄了當時幼兒園駭人聽聞的情況。饑餓、疾病和玩忽職守的現(xiàn)象相當普遍。

Today, separation trauma may also be caused by the widely accepted cultural practice of givingchildren to grandparents to raise, so parents can work long hours amid intense economicpressures, Ms. Liu said.

如今，把孩子留給祖父母撫養(yǎng)，好讓承受著巨大經(jīng)濟壓力的父母長時間工作的做法，在文化上也被人普遍接受。但劉翼靈稱，這種做法可能也會造成分離創(chuàng)傷。

‘‘Everyone says it’s fine for the grandparents to raise the kids,’’ she said. ‘‘But that’s not whatmy patients tell me. They tell me they really missed their mother and father.’’

“所有人都說爺爺奶奶帶孩子沒問題，”她說。“但患者告訴我的情況卻不是這樣。他們和我說，當時真的很想爸爸媽媽。”

Chinese families are no longer scattered because of political campaigns, but what of the impactof boarding kindergartens today? On the Internet, parents ask: I’m so busy at work, where isthere a boarding kindergarten in Nanjing, or Shanghai? How much does it cost?

中國的家庭不再會因為政治運動而分居多地，但現(xiàn)在的托兒所會產(chǎn)生什么影響呢?在網(wǎng)上，家長們問道：“我工作太忙了，南京或上海哪兒有托兒所?收費是多少?”

What of the approximately 55 million children left behind on the farm with relatives while theirmigrant parents work in the cities, seeing them perhaps once a year?

中國約有5500萬名兒童被進城打工的父母留給了農(nóng)村的親戚，興許一年只能和父母見一次面。他們的情況又如何呢?

Both there and in urban, middle-class families, more separation looms when the grandparentshand the children back to their parents, whom they may hardly know, at a later date. ‘‘This is areally big problem,’’ Ms. Liu said.

無論是在農(nóng)村，還是在城市的中產(chǎn)階級家庭，祖父母把孩子交還給父母時，孩子可能已經(jīng)認不得父母了，這又是一種分離。“這真的是個大問題，”劉翼靈說。

Sainiya changed dramatically at her Irish school, though she stayed only a year. She lost weightand seemed popular with her classmates. But her father worried. ‘‘Do you think she’s havinglove affairs?’’ he asked. I didn’t know, and I doubt Sainiya told him.

在愛爾蘭那所學校，塞尼婭的變化很大，盡管她只待了一年。她瘦了，并且似乎很受同學歡迎。但她父親有些擔心。“你覺不覺得她談戀愛了?”他問。我不知道，我猜想塞尼婭也不會告訴他。