真實(shí)的美國(guó)式教育和生活：美國(guó)的生理衛(wèi)生課什么樣

Let’s Talk (Frankly) About Sex

美國(guó)的生理衛(wèi)生課什么樣

Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Have to Go Tonight: If I wanted to talk about it, I would. / It’s my body. / It’s a waste of time. / It’s a waste of money. / I know what I need to know. / It sounds pretty stupid to me. / It’s so stereotypical because obviously I know this happens to everyone. / Considering I took the time out of my morning to write you these extremely reasonable and great reasons not to make me go (and it took forever because I can’t type very well), and the fact that I really, really, really, really . . . really, really, really strongly don’t want to go, please don’t send us to this horrible torture.

我今晚沒(méi)道理非去不可的理由如下：如果我想聊這些，我早就聊了;這是我的身體;這純屬浪費(fèi)時(shí)間;這純屬浪費(fèi)錢(qián);我知道我需要知道什么;我覺(jué)得這聽(tīng)起來(lái)好蠢;這太陳詞濫調(diào)了，我當(dāng)然知道每個(gè)人都會(huì)遇到這個(gè)問(wèn)題;鑒于我抽出了自己寶貴的晨間時(shí)光，給你寫(xiě)下這些極其正當(dāng)和漂亮的理由，來(lái)說(shuō)服您別讓我去(而且我不怎么擅長(zhǎng)打字，這實(shí)在花了我太長(zhǎng)太長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間)，加上我真的真的真的真的……真的真的真的完全不想去，求您就別讓咱倆去受這個(gè)罪了吧。

PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GO. I DON’T WANT TO GO.

求、您、別、讓、我、去。我、真、的、不、想、去。

The plea came from Leah Likin, a fifth grader. It was addressed to her mother, who had registered both of them for a two-part course on puberty called “For Girls Only.” The missive, which included additional objections, failed: Mother took daughter anyway. But Leah had plenty of company, peers who shared her resistance, their arms crossed, their eyes downcast. Last year, the course, which is split into sessions for preteen boys and girls and held mostly in and around Seattle, and also in the Bay Area, pulled in 14,000 attendees. They heard about it from their pediatricians, or through word of mouth.

這是五年級(jí)學(xué)生利婭·利金(Leah Likin)所發(fā)出的懇求。懇求的對(duì)象是她的母親——她剛剛為自己和女兒申請(qǐng)了一門(mén)介紹青春期的課程，共分上下兩堂，名為“女孩專修”。這篇抗議信中還含有更多的反對(duì)言辭，可惜卻未能如愿——母親最后還是把女兒帶去了。但是利婭有許多同伴，那些和她一樣抗拒的同齡人，雙臂抱胸，低垂著眼簾。這門(mén)課程又分為兩個(gè)專題，分別針對(duì)青春期前的男孩和女孩，主要在美國(guó)西雅圖及其周邊地區(qū)以及舊金山灣區(qū)進(jìn)行，在去年先后吸引了1.4萬(wàn)名參與者。他們有的是從兒科醫(yī)生那里得到的消息，有的則是從其他參與者那里聽(tīng)說(shuō)的。

The creator of the course, Julie Metzger, has been trying for nearly three decades to turn what’s so often at best a blush-inducing experience — the “facts of life” talk — into a candid dialogue between parents and children. In the mid-1980s, she was a graduate student at the University of Washington School of Nursing when she reviewed survey data on how women had learned about menarche, or the onset of menstruation, for her master’s thesis. Most reported getting information from gym class or their mothers. “You can picture those conversations lasting from 10 seconds to 10 hours,” Metzger says. “And I thought, Wouldn’t it be interesting if you actually had a class where you sit with your parents and hear these things from someone? What if that class were fun and funny and interactive?”

這門(mén)課程的創(chuàng)始人朱莉·梅澤爾(Julie Metzger)，近三十年來(lái)一直在努力將這種在最好的情況下也容易令人臉紅的活動(dòng)——有關(guān)“人生真相”的談話——轉(zhuǎn)化為父母與子女之間的坦誠(chéng)對(duì)話。20 世紀(jì)80年代中期時(shí)，她還是一名華盛頓大學(xué)護(hù)理學(xué)院(University of Washington School of Nursing)的研究生，正在瀏覽有關(guān)女性了解初潮(即首次月經(jīng))途徑的調(diào)查數(shù)據(jù)，用來(lái)為自己的碩士論文做準(zhǔn)備。大部分女性都表示，她們是從體育課或自己的母親那里了解到有關(guān)知識(shí)的。“你可以想象這些短至10秒鐘、長(zhǎng)則10小時(shí)的談話都是什么樣子，”梅澤爾說(shuō)。“于是我想，要是有一種課程，能讓你和父母坐在一起，聽(tīng)別人介紹這方面的事情，不是很有趣嗎?要是這堂課程還好玩、搞笑又充滿互動(dòng)呢?”

Metzger, who is 56 and vigorous, with flushed cheeks and blue eyes, says she has always been comfortable talking about sexuality; her father was a urologist, her mother a nurse. “Hand me a microphone,” she says. “I get so into this topic that I can make myself cry in front of the class, and it’s real.”

梅澤爾今年56歲，精力充沛，臉色紅潤(rùn)，有一雙藍(lán)眼睛。她說(shuō)她一直都能很自在地討論性方面的話題;她的父親是泌尿科醫(yī)師，母親是護(hù)士。“給我一支話筒，”她說(shuō)，“我會(huì)全身心地投入這個(gè)話題，甚至能在全班面前哭出來(lái)，而且是真哭。”

Her class on puberty debuted in 1988 at Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh, where she was the nurse manager of the pediatrics unit. The class was so crowded, she says, that “we had to run it twice.” That reception convinced her that there was an appetite for a forthright talk about growing up. Soon after she moved back West in 1990 — she was raised in Portland, Ore. — Metzger began offering the course at Seattle Children’s Hospital.

她開(kāi)設(shè)的青春期課程，于1988年在匹茲堡的阿勒格尼醫(yī)院(Allegheny General Hospital)首度問(wèn)世，那時(shí)她正是這間醫(yī)院的兒科護(hù)士長(zhǎng)。她說(shuō)，當(dāng)時(shí)來(lái)參加的人多到不行，以致于“我們只好辦了兩次”。課程如此大受歡迎，讓她確信，大眾之間確實(shí)存在著強(qiáng)烈的需求，想要直率地聊聊成長(zhǎng)的話題。她在1990年搬回美國(guó)西部(她是在奧勒岡州的波特蘭市長(zhǎng)大的)后不久，便開(kāi)始在西雅圖兒童醫(yī)院(Seattle Children’s Hospital)開(kāi)設(shè)同類課程。

“Parents walk in feeling almost victimized by preteens and puberty, and my job is to utterly transform their ability to connect,” she says. “That sounds so arrogant, but I know when I walk in that room, that is my work.”

“父母?jìng)儙е钍芮啻浩谇昂颓啻浩谧优嗟男那樽哌M(jìn)來(lái)，而我的工作就是徹底轉(zhuǎn)變他們的能力，讓他們能夠與子女建立親密關(guān)系，”她說(shuō)。“這聽(tīng)起來(lái)很是妄自尊大，但是我只要走進(jìn)那個(gè)房間，就知道該怎么做，這就是我的工作。”

On a recent winter evening, Metzger stood at the door to the hospital auditorium and greeted every mother-daughter pair with animation, as if she’d known them for years, and told each girl to take an index card and a ballpoint pen with the name of her company, Great Conversations, on it. The first hour of each class amounts to an informative stand-up routine — Metzger sticks a sanitary pad on her shoulder to show that it won’t slip around — but the second hour is devoted to answering the girls’ questions. Metzger believes that having kids pose questions fosters intimacy and allows parents to hear for themselves what their children’s concerns are. In the first class, when the focus is on the physical changes caused by puberty, Metzger tends to be asked: Why do we have pubic hair? What does it feel like to have a growth spurt? How do I know when I’m getting my period?

不久前的一個(gè)冬日晚上，梅澤爾站在醫(yī)院的大禮堂門(mén)口，熱情地迎接著一對(duì)又一對(duì)母女，仿佛早已與她們熟識(shí)。她讓每個(gè)姑娘都去拿一張索引卡和一支印著她公司名字“偉大談話”(Great Conversations)的圓珠筆。每堂課的頭一個(gè)小時(shí)，是一場(chǎng)例行的教育性獨(dú)角戲：梅澤爾會(huì)把一片衛(wèi)生巾貼在肩膀上，讓大家看到它并不會(huì)左右滑動(dòng)。但是第二個(gè)小時(shí)則全部留給姑娘們來(lái)問(wèn)問(wèn)題。梅澤爾認(rèn)為，讓孩子們來(lái)提問(wèn)可以培養(yǎng)親昵感，也能讓這些家長(zhǎng)們親耳聽(tīng)聽(tīng)自己的孩子都關(guān)心些什么。在第一堂課中，當(dāng)大家的關(guān)注點(diǎn)都放在青春期所帶來(lái)的生理變化時(shí)，梅澤爾常常會(huì)被問(wèn)到：為什么我們要長(zhǎng)陰毛?經(jīng)歷身體的迅速發(fā)育是什么感覺(jué)?我要怎么知道自己何時(shí)會(huì)來(lái)月經(jīng)?

As the girls scribbled on their index cards, some used their elbows to block an inquisitive mother’s gaze. (Bolder girls will sometimes go so far as to write things like “This is from Susan in the third row, in the red shirt.”) After intermission, during which Metzger collected the cards into a disorderly pile, she put on a pair of thick red reading glasses and began.

姑娘們?cè)谒饕ㄉ蠈?xiě)字時(shí)，有的會(huì)用自己的手肘擋住母親好奇的視線。(大膽一些的姑娘有時(shí)則敢于寫(xiě)下這樣的文字：“我是第三排的蘇珊，穿著紅色的襯衫。”)梅澤爾在課間休息時(shí)收回了所有的卡片，隨意地疊成一摞，然后戴上一副紅色厚底的閱讀鏡，就此開(kāi)始。

“Can boys stick a tampon in their penis?” she read. “Absolutely not. They can try, but I wouldn’t recommend it.” She flung the card to the floor.

“男生能用衛(wèi)生棉條插在陰莖里嗎?”她念道，“絕對(duì)不行。他們是可以試試看，但我不建議他們這么做。”她將這張卡片丟到了地上。

“Do you always get a baby from having sex?” she read. “My husband and I have been married 28 years. We may have had sex over 1,000 times. I am happy to report we do not have 1,000 children. There are ways to show and share your love without having a baby.” Another card flew out of her hand.

“只要發(fā)生性行為就一定會(huì)有小孩嗎?”她念道，“我和我丈夫結(jié)婚28年了。我們大概已經(jīng)發(fā)生了1,000多次性行為。我很樂(lè)意告訴大家，我們并沒(méi)有因此就生出了1,000個(gè)小孩。有辦法讓你不用懷上寶寶，也能表達(dá)和分享你的愛(ài)意。”又一張卡片從她的手中丟了出去。

“Does having sex hurt?” she read. “When people bring their bodies together, their ear might go into your elbow, but because you have chosen someone you love and trust, you say, ‘Please get your elbow out of my ear.’ And they would say, ‘Of course.’ Do I look like someone who would choose something 1,000 times if it was painful? No, I do not.”

“發(fā)生性關(guān)系的時(shí)候會(huì)疼嗎?”她念道，“當(dāng)兩個(gè)人的身體重合在一起時(shí)，一方的耳朵可能會(huì)撞到另一方的手肘，但因?yàn)槟氵x的是一個(gè)你愛(ài)和信任的人，你會(huì)說(shuō)：‘請(qǐng)把你的手肘從我的耳朵上拿開(kāi)。’然后他們就會(huì)說(shuō)：‘沒(méi)問(wèn)題。’我看起來(lái)像是那種明明覺(jué)得很疼，卻還會(huì)選擇去做1000次的人嗎?不，我才不會(huì)。”

The second class of every course delves into the opposite sex’s puberty, along with reproduction and decision making. Metzger can count on at least one girl asking how you know if you want to have sex with someone. At the class I attended, she got the expected question, then walked briskly to one side of the auditorium and said: “Let’s say it’s 8:12 on a Tuesday night, and you walk by a complete stranger. What would you do?”

第二堂課則深入探討另一性別的青春期，同時(shí)講解生殖和如何做決定。梅澤爾很有把握，至少會(huì)有一個(gè)姑娘問(wèn)到，你怎么知道你想不想跟一個(gè)人發(fā)生性關(guān)系。在我參加的那堂課上，果然有人問(wèn)了這個(gè)問(wèn)題，于是她敏捷地走到了禮堂的一頭，說(shuō)：“假設(shè)現(xiàn)在是周二晚上8點(diǎn)12分，你經(jīng)過(guò)一個(gè)完全陌生的人。你會(huì)怎么做?”

“Nothing,” the girls chirped.

“什么也不做。”姑娘們高聲答道。

“What if it’s 8:12, and you run into Ralph from Jamba Juice, and your family gets a Jamba Juice every Saturday. What would you do?”

“那如果還是晚上8點(diǎn)12分，你偶然遇到了堅(jiān)寶果汁(Jamba Juice)店里的拉爾夫(Ralph)，而你們?nèi)颐恐芰紩?huì)去買(mǎi)一杯堅(jiān)寶果汁。你又會(huì)怎么做?”

“Say hi,” someone yelled. With each question, Metzger moved a few steps toward the other side of the room. “What if it’s your friend whom you haven’t seen since 2:30? What’s your feeling?”

“向他問(wèn)好，”有人大聲答道。每問(wèn)一個(gè)問(wèn)題，梅澤爾就會(huì)朝著房間的另一頭走上幾步。“如果那是你在下午2點(diǎn)半之后就再也沒(méi)見(jiàn)著的朋友呢?你會(huì)有什么感覺(jué)?”

“Happy!”

“開(kāi)心!”

“What are the consequences? Sleepover! Now what if you spot your grandmother? You give her a big hug, and what’s the consequence? She takes you shopping. But what if I go over to a stranger and shake her hand? What if I give Ralph a huge hug like you did your grandmother?”

“結(jié)果會(huì)怎么樣呢?到朋友家過(guò)夜!那如果你看到的是你的祖母呢?你深深地?fù)肀Я怂?，結(jié)果又會(huì)怎么樣呢?她會(huì)帶你去購(gòu)物。但如果我走向一個(gè)陌生人，和她握了握手，又會(huì)如何?如果我像你擁抱祖母那樣抱了抱拉爾夫呢?”

The girls snickered. By now, Metzger had reached the other side of the room, her movement reinforcing the notion that different relationships call for different behaviors. “Ohh,” Metzger said with exaggeration. “You’re saying my actions don’t reflect my feelings for these people? If you’re telling me that, then if two people brought their bodies so close that a penis actually went inside a vagina, that’s enormous. If it’s true what you’re telling me, that this seems to be one of the biggest human-being actions, I have to put it together with some of the biggest human-being qualities — trust, respect, love, commitment. That’s why some people say this action belongs only to grown-ups, and that’s why some people say this action belongs only in marriage.”

姑娘們咯咯地竊笑了起來(lái)。此時(shí)，梅澤爾已經(jīng)走到了房間的另一頭，她用動(dòng)作來(lái)加強(qiáng)說(shuō)明，不同的關(guān)系會(huì)引發(fā)不同的行為。“噢!”梅澤爾夸張地說(shuō)道，“你說(shuō)我的行為沒(méi)有表現(xiàn)出我對(duì)這些人的感覺(jué)?如果你這么跟我說(shuō)，那么要是有兩個(gè)人的身體能夠靠近到足以讓男生的陰莖插入女生的陰道的話，這可是件了不得的大事。如果真的如你所說(shuō)，這看上去的確是人類最了不得的行為之一，那我也得把它與人類最偉大的品質(zhì)結(jié)合起來(lái)——信任、尊重、愛(ài)、承諾。所以才有人說(shuō)這件事只有成年人才能做，還有人說(shuō)這件事只有在結(jié)婚后才能做。”

Boys and girls experience puberty differently. For girls, puberty typically begins at 10 or 11 and lasts five to six years, punctuated by distinct events — breast development and the onset of menstruation. Puberty for boys starts later, around 11 or 12, and lasts longer. Many girls are done with puberty — over, by definition, when growth stops — in their sophomore year of high school. Boys, on the other hand, may still be growing in college, and some secondary sex characteristics, like beard growth, may not show up until they are in their 20s.

男孩與女孩所經(jīng)歷的青春期是不一樣的。就女孩而言，青春期通常是在10歲或11歲時(shí)開(kāi)始，然后持續(xù)五到六年的時(shí)間，中間夾雜著幾項(xiàng)特別的表現(xiàn)——胸部發(fā)育和月經(jīng)初潮。男孩的青春期則開(kāi)始得晚一些，大約會(huì)是在11歲或12歲的時(shí)候，持續(xù)的時(shí)間也會(huì)更久。許多女孩在高一時(shí)就已結(jié)束了青春期——根據(jù)定義，也就是身體發(fā)育停止的時(shí)候。而男孩則可能直到進(jìn)了大學(xué)后都還在發(fā)育，而部分第二性征，例如胡須生長(zhǎng)，可能要到他們20多歲的時(shí)候才會(huì)出現(xiàn)。

The first night of the boys’ course includes a musical interlude, “The Penis Opera,” in which the falsetto of the boys is set off by the bass of their fathers. Preteen boys think saying “penis” is funny, and my son, then 11, guffawed even as he looked around to gauge others’ reactions — perhaps because no one anywhere else ever shouts “penis” at the top of his lungs.

在男孩專修課的第一晚，還包含一段音樂(lè)間奏——《陰莖歌劇》(The Penis Opera)，內(nèi)有數(shù)名男孩的假聲合唱，并由他們父親的低音來(lái)為他們和聲。青春期前的男孩總覺(jué)得講出“陰莖”這個(gè)詞是件很滑稽的事，我兒子(當(dāng)時(shí)11歲)在四下環(huán)顧觀察他人的反應(yīng)時(shí)，便哄笑了起來(lái)——這或許是因?yàn)樵谄渌魏蔚胤蕉疾粫?huì)有誰(shuí)會(huì)用最高的音量高唱“陰莖”吧。

“Maybe you’ve been using the word ‘willy’ or ‘stick’ or ‘twig,’ ” the instructor, Greg Smallidge, a sexuality educator who teaches many of the boys’ classes, told the audience. “We were brought up for generations with people thinking it wasn’t O.K. to name these body parts. That’s why we need ‘The Penis Opera.’ We need to talk about sexuality.”

“也許你一直以來(lái)用的都是‘小雞雞’、‘老二’、‘小弟弟’這樣的說(shuō)法，”講師格雷格·斯茅利智(Greg Smallidge)對(duì)觀眾說(shuō)，他是一名性教育工作者，負(fù)責(zé)教授男孩專修課中的很多內(nèi)容，“撫養(yǎng)我們長(zhǎng)大的那代人，都認(rèn)為直接叫出這些身體部位的名稱是不合適的。所以我們才需要這首《陰莖歌劇》。我們需要討論性器官。”

Yet what that conversation should include is far from settled. In 1913, Chicago’s became the first major school system in the United States to include sexuality as a subject. More than 100 years later, there is still no standardized curriculum. Detailed guidelines, released in 2012 as a resource for school districts, recommend minimum standards for comprehensive K-12 sex ed, but compliance is voluntary. “No state or school district I’m aware of has adopted them in full,” says Danene Sorace, who coordinated the development of the guidelines for Future of Sex Education, a partnership of three nonprofits. As a result, sex ed varies widely in schools. Some places, like New Jersey and Chicago, deliver age-specific lessons starting in kindergarten and continuing all the way through Grade 12. Other places, like Clark County, Nev., home to Las Vegas and the nation’s fifth-largest school district, teach abstinence-based curriculums. Many states have no policies; more than half receive a share of the $50 million that the federal government hands out each year to promote abstinence through community programs.

但是這番對(duì)話所應(yīng)包含的內(nèi)容還遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有固定下來(lái)。1913年，芝加哥成為美國(guó)第一處將性教育納入科目的主流學(xué)校體系。100多年過(guò)去了，這門(mén)課程依然沒(méi)有一套標(biāo)準(zhǔn)化的教學(xué)大綱。詳細(xì)的教參，還是在2012年作為學(xué)區(qū)資料發(fā)放的，這套教參為K-12的全方位性教育給出了最低程度的建議，但是是否遵從全憑學(xué)校自愿。“就我所知，目前尚無(wú)哪個(gè)州或?qū)W區(qū)全面采用了這套教參，”負(fù)責(zé)為一個(gè)由三家非營(yíng)利機(jī)構(gòu)合作的項(xiàng)目“性教育之未來(lái)”(Future of Sex Education)協(xié)調(diào)方針制訂的達(dá)南·索拉切(Danene Sorace)說(shuō)。結(jié)果便導(dǎo)致不同學(xué)校的性教育普遍存在著巨大差異。有些地方，例如新澤西和芝加哥，就開(kāi)設(shè)了針對(duì)不同年齡的性教育課程，從幼兒園開(kāi)始，一直持續(xù)到12年級(jí)。其他地方，例如內(nèi)華達(dá)州的克拉克郡，也就是拉斯維加斯的所在地和全美第五大學(xué)區(qū)，采用的則是基于禁欲主義的性教育大綱。許多州都沒(méi)有相應(yīng)的政策;有半數(shù)以上的州共同分享聯(lián)邦政府每年下發(fā)的5千萬(wàn)美元的資金，通過(guò)社區(qū)計(jì)劃宣揚(yáng)禁欲。

Great Conversations represents a distinct shift from the usual approach to sex education. Metzger believes that adolescence and puberty should be the purview of children and their parents, not solely that of children and their teachers. “The idea that we are talking to two generations at the same time is at the core of this,” she says.

“偉大談話”代表著一次偏離傳統(tǒng)性教育路線的獨(dú)特轉(zhuǎn)變。梅澤爾認(rèn)為，青春期和發(fā)育期應(yīng)該納入親子交流的范疇，而非僅僅局限于師生交流。“我們同時(shí)與親子兩代對(duì)話的想法，就是這一觀念的核心所在，”她說(shuō)道。

In a 2012 survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 87 percent of teenagers said “open, honest” conversations with their parents could help them put off sex and avoid pregnancy. Students who take part in comprehensive sex-ed programs delay having sex for the first time, have less sex and fewer partners and rely more on contraception than their peers. (Conversely, abstinence-only instruction has not succeeded in extending virginity.) “As parents of young children, we are really engaged,” Sorace says. “But sexuality is such a taboo topic in our culture that when it comes to adolescence, we freeze.”

全國(guó)防止少女意外懷孕運(yùn)動(dòng)(National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy) 于2012年進(jìn)行的一項(xiàng)調(diào)研顯示，87%的青少年都表示，與父母“坦率、誠(chéng)懇”的對(duì)話能幫助他們推遲性行為，避免懷孕。參與了綜合性教育計(jì)劃的學(xué)生發(fā)生首次性行為的時(shí)間均有所推后，發(fā)生性行為的次數(shù)和伴侶的人數(shù)也會(huì)更少，并且比他們的同齡人更加注重避孕措施。(相反，單純的禁欲要求從未成功延長(zhǎng)過(guò)青少年保持童貞的時(shí)間。)“作為年輕子女的父母，我們的事情真的很多，”索拉切說(shuō)，“但是性在我們的文化中是一個(gè)如此忌諱的話題，乃至于只要一談到青春期的話題，我們就失語(yǔ)了。”

That’s probably why information about sex, whether from parents or schools, is so often delivered in serious, white-coat fashion, its clinical messages heavy with the fear of consequences. To those who advocate abstinence until marriage, attitudes like Metzger’s foster permissiveness. But limiting the conversation to abstinence, Metzger says, “isn’t a full-enough understanding of sexuality.” Because they are voluntary, Great Conversations courses are free to be more frank than school-based sex ed; they can sidestep detractors who think kids shouldn’t be taught about masturbation, for example. “We are not saying you have to learn this,” Metzger says. “People get to choose to come to us.”

這或許就是為何無(wú)論父母還是學(xué)校，通常都會(huì)從一種嚴(yán)肅的醫(yī)學(xué)角度來(lái)傳達(dá)性的相關(guān)信息，這些臨床信息中充斥著對(duì)性行為后果的畏懼。在那些提倡婚前禁欲的人看來(lái)，梅澤爾這樣的態(tài)度根本是在鼓勵(lì)性開(kāi)放。但是將這方面的談話內(nèi)容僅僅局限在禁欲的話題內(nèi)，“對(duì)性的理解并不全面”，梅澤爾如是說(shuō)。“偉大談話”的課程由于俱為自愿參與，因而可以比學(xué)校主導(dǎo)的性教育更放得開(kāi);他們能夠避開(kāi)那些抱持著種種反對(duì)意見(jiàn)的批評(píng)者，比如認(rèn)為不應(yīng)教導(dǎo)孩子有關(guān)自慰的知識(shí)。“我們并沒(méi)有強(qiáng)迫大家必須了解這些，”梅澤爾說(shuō)，“大家都是自己選擇加入我們的。”

Metzger’s greatest challenge might be figuring out how to speak in one voice to families from radically different backgrounds and viewpoints. For the most part, the course, which costs $70, attracts a well-educated, mostly homogeneous demographic. But over the years, Metzger and her business partner, Robert Lehman, who also runs the boys’ curriculum, have tried to appeal to lower-income parents. They found success in Palo Alto, where the class is regularly taught in Spanish. But in Seattle, Metzger says, she has struggled to find a community partner. A deal with the Y.M.C.A. fell through because of the need to simultaneously translate instructors’ rapid-fire delivery into several languages.

梅澤爾的最大挑戰(zhàn)，或許仍在于要如何找出一種特定的方式，與背景及觀念存在著巨大差異的眾多家庭同時(shí)交流。這門(mén)收費(fèi)70美元的課程，吸引到的多是一批受過(guò)良好教育、質(zhì)素基本相當(dāng)?shù)娜巳?。不過(guò)這幾年來(lái)，梅澤爾和她的事業(yè)伙伴，同樣負(fù)責(zé)管理男孩專修課的羅伯特·雷曼(Robert Lehman)，也在嘗試引發(fā)低收入父母的興趣。他們?cè)谂谅灏柾惺蝎@得了成功，那里的課程會(huì)定期以西班牙語(yǔ)講授。但是在西雅圖，據(jù)梅澤爾說(shuō)，她卻一直在苦苦尋找合適的社區(qū)合作方。他們?cè)驹c基督教青年會(huì)(Y.M.C.A.)定下合作，可惜最后卻化為了泡影，因?yàn)樗麄冃枰獙⒅v師語(yǔ)速極快的講授內(nèi)容同步翻譯成數(shù)種語(yǔ)言。

Earlier this month, Metzger got an email from a middle-school teacher she knows: Would Great Conversations want to teach a group of disadvantaged students — some homeless, others victims of abuse? Two of her instructors are interested, and Metzger is imagining what shape such a class would take. “It wouldn’t be the same song and dance,” she says.

本月早些時(shí)候，梅澤爾收到她認(rèn)識(shí)的一位中學(xué)老師發(fā)來(lái)的電子郵件：有批弱勢(shì)學(xué)生，有的是無(wú)家可歸的孤兒，有的是虐待行為的受害者，偉大談話愿意為他們講課嗎?她的公司有兩名講師對(duì)此很感興趣，梅澤爾正在構(gòu)想這樣的一堂課應(yīng)該采取何種形式。“不能是同樣的一套東西。”

Metzger’s course might need to evolve in other ways. Lindsey Doe, a clinical sexologist whose YouTube channel, Sexplanations, tackles subjects ranging from kissing to anal sex, attended Great Conversations with her daughter. She was disappointed that the focus was limited to either boys or girls. Where would a transgender or an intersex child fit in? “I loved the curriculum so much that I wanted it to be perfect, and that was the piece that would have completed my experience,” Doe says.

梅澤爾的課程或許還需發(fā)展出其他形式。臨床性學(xué)家林德賽·朵爾(Lindsey Doe)在YouTube上開(kāi)設(shè)了一個(gè)個(gè)人頻道“性釋”(Sexplanations)，涉及的話題從接吻到肛交，無(wú)所不包。她也和女兒一起參加了偉大談話的課程。讓她失望的是，課程的焦點(diǎn)僅囿于男孩或女孩的話題。那些跨性別或雙性的孩子又該何去何從?“我非常熱愛(ài)這門(mén)課程，所以我真心想讓它變得盡善盡美，而這就是本可以讓我的課程體驗(yàn)盡善盡美的那部分，”朵爾說(shuō)。

Metzger is open to the idea. Finding the right words to include adoptive families was tricky when she started teaching the course; now, it’s how to deal with sexual identity. “There was a titanic shift five years ago when the audience began demanding a more open conversation around homosexuality and transgender experiences,” she says. “We’re always trying to balance the readiness of the room, and we may be running a bit behind.”

梅澤爾對(duì)于這個(gè)主意抱持著開(kāi)放的態(tài)度。在她剛開(kāi)始教授這門(mén)課程時(shí)，要找到得當(dāng)?shù)谋硎鰧㈩I(lǐng)養(yǎng)家庭也囊括在內(nèi)，是一件很需要技巧的事;而今，需要她費(fèi)心思的，則是如何解決性別認(rèn)同的問(wèn)題。“我們的課程在五年前曾經(jīng)有過(guò)一次大范圍的調(diào)整，當(dāng)時(shí)我們的聽(tīng)眾紛紛開(kāi)始要求圍繞著同性戀和跨性別者，談?wù)撘恍└鼮殚_(kāi)放的話題，”她說(shuō)，“我們一直都在努力平衡我們課程的適用面，可能我們?cè)谶M(jìn)度上有點(diǎn)落后了。”

In November, my 10-year-old, Shira, and I attended For Girls Only. There was an undercurrent of nervous tension as we waited for the class to start. Mothers looked stressed, daughters embarrassed. Shira hadn’t wanted to come. “I don’t want to learn about puberty,” she pouted. “I don’t even like the word.” But as the girls looked around, some of them spying friends, they seemed emboldened: Maybe theirs weren’t the only parents to drag them to a talk about penises and vaginas.

11月份時(shí)，我又和我10歲的女兒席拉(Shira)一同參加了“女孩專修”課程。在我們等候課程開(kāi)始的時(shí)候，現(xiàn)場(chǎng)充滿張力的緊張空氣中，似有一股暗流涌動(dòng)。在場(chǎng)的母親們看起來(lái)都很有壓力，女兒們則一臉窘迫。席拉本來(lái)也不想來(lái)。“我不想學(xué)什么青春期的東西，”她撅了撅嘴，“這個(gè)詞就讓我不喜歡。”但是當(dāng)姑娘們四下張望的時(shí)候，有的卻暗暗找起了朋友，也有的似乎壯起了膽子：也許并不是只有自己的父母會(huì)硬拖著自己的孩子來(lái)聽(tīng)什么陰莖和陰道的事情。

And then Metzger won them over. At one point, she handed out a diagram of a woman’s reproductive organs and challenged the girls to go home, stand naked in front of a mirror and superimpose the image over their abdomens to get a sense of where things were in their bodies. When Shira’s drawing fell to the floor, she gave me an impish grin and asked, “Mom, could you pick up my uterus?”

然后梅澤爾就征服了她們的心。中間有一個(gè)時(shí)候，她給大家發(fā)了一份女性生殖器官的圖示，要姑娘們?cè)诨丶液螅嗦阒眢w站在鏡子前，將這張圖擺在自己的肚子上，感受一下這些器官都在自己體內(nèi)的什么位置。當(dāng)席拉的圖畫(huà)掉到了地上時(shí)，她沖著我頑皮地咧嘴笑了幾聲，問(wèn)道：“媽媽，你能把我的子宮撿起來(lái)嗎?”

Later still, she leaned forward, intrigued, when the talk turned to how to insert a tampon; I’d never explained that to her. “Some people worry they’ll put it in too far,” Metzger was saying. “What if you’re in social studies and it comes out your ear?” She pantomimed stumbling across the room and pulling a tampon out of her ear; lots of laughter followed her. “That — ” Metzger paused dramatically — “cannot happen.”

少頃，當(dāng)話題進(jìn)行到要如何放入一根衛(wèi)生棉條的時(shí)候，她向前靠了靠，露出了一臉的好奇——我從沒(méi)跟她解釋過(guò)這個(gè)問(wèn)題。“有些姑娘擔(dān)心自己會(huì)放得太深，”梅澤爾說(shuō)道，“萬(wàn)一自己正在參與義工活動(dòng)，而棉條突然從耳朵里跑了出來(lái)，那可怎么辦?”她假裝磕磕絆絆地走過(guò)房間，然后從耳朵中掏出了一根棉條;這段表演引發(fā)了一陣哄堂大笑。“這種事……”梅澤爾戲劇性地停頓了一下，“是不會(huì)發(fā)生的。”