首次約會比較好不要一起吃飯

　　Restaurants are the go-to for so many social andprofessional occasions. Whether you're in for aprofessional meet-up, brunch with friends, or anoverdue date night with your longtime partner, theconvo-and-cuisine combo is, in general, the perfectfallback option.

　　很多時候，社交和工作可能要在餐館進行。無論是工作洽談、與朋友吃早午餐，還是與人生伴侶共赴一場早就定好的約會，一邊討論問題一邊進餐都是非常完美的備選方案。

　　But as a first date? No thanks, I'd rather shovebamboo under my fingernails while listening to Yoko Ono songs on repeat.

　　但第一次約會呢?還是算了吧，我寧可邊循環(huán)播放小野洋子的歌，邊往指甲里扎竹片。

　　Just because it's been a courtship staple since forever doesn't mean it's a good idea, any morethan ordering garlic bread and onion soup just before going in for the first kiss is a good idea.Not convinced? Let's break it down.

　　僅僅因為共進晚餐是求愛的永恒主題，并不意味著這是個好方法，這和點了蒜蓉面包和洋蔥湯后再獻初吻是一樣的性質。你不信嗎?看我慢慢給你分析。

　　You've got spinach in your teeth

　　你牙縫里有菠菜

　　Let me be blunt here: no one looks attractive while they're eating. Not you, not your date, noteven Hollywood celebrities. (Ever seen a tabloid photo of a famous person wolfing down adouble-stacked hamburger? I rest my case.)

　　我就直白一點說吧：沒人吃相好看。你不好看，你的約會對象不好看，甚至好萊塢明星也不好看。(你在小報上見過明星狼吞虎咽吃雙層漢堡的照片嗎?我不用再多說了吧。)

　　Sure, the way he slurps his spaghetti like a child or the way she always takes 20 minutes toorder might become an endearing quirk later on. But when it comes to first impressions,gnawing on BBQ ribs is far from alluring. Salad isn't any safer. For whatever reason,restaurants love to serve giant-sized leaves of lettuce in their salads that are all butimpossible to fit into a human-sized mouth without unhinging your jaw like a snake. You couldtry taking a knife to your edible jungle, but then you're likely to get that look that says, "Areyou crazy? Why are you using a steak knife on your salad?"

　　當然了，他吃意大利面時吧唧嘴的樣子像個孩子，她點菜總要花上20分鐘的時間……這些怪癖也許恰恰促成了你們后來的愛情。但是想要留下良好的第一印象，大口嚼著烤肋排可一點都不吸引人。沙拉也安全不到哪兒去。不知道為什么，餐館提供的沙拉里面的生菜葉總是很大，你不像蛇一樣把嘴張到最大根本沒法把它塞進嘴里。你也可以拿把刀切一下這些菜葉，但那樣的話別人也許就會投來異樣的眼光，好像在說：“你瘋了嗎?怎么用切牛排的刀來切沙拉?”

　　By the way, if you do somehow find yourself at the local eatery during your first romanticrendezvous, bring a toothbrush. Murphy's law of dating says that if you can get a huge glob offood stuck in your front teeth while trying to woo your potential future SO, you will.

　　順便提醒一下，如果你確實發(fā)現(xiàn)自己不小心把第一次浪漫約會設在了當?shù)匾患也蛷d，那就帶把牙刷吧。墨菲的約會定律說，如果你有可能在追求潛在伴侶的時候門牙上粘了一團食物，那么，這樣的事就會發(fā)生。

　　Two words: gastrointestinal distress

　　四個字：腸胃不適

　　Even if you manage to choose a restaurant with an appealing menu and reasonable prices --both of those are BIG ifs! -- you're still running a dangerous risk by trusting your stomach todo the right thing. Our gastrointestinal systems work in mysterious ways, and there's notelling if or when two seemingly innocuous foods might have an unexpected reaction thatwill lead to embarrassing results.

　　如果你選到了一家菜品美味、價格合理的餐廳(大寫的“如果”)，即使你覺得你的腸胃到時候可以正常運轉，那么你還是冒了很大的風險。我們的腸胃系統(tǒng)運作方式非常神秘，不會提前告訴你：是否以及何時，兩種看上去相安無事的食物會發(fā)生意想不到的反應，并導致非常尷尬的結果。

　　There are a million different factors working simultaneously to determine if and when yourfood will disagree with you. Even ordering an old favorite doesn't guarantee that it won’tsend you racing to the bathroom halfway through your meal, or force you to make theimpossible choice between whether to let one rip (and hope your date doesn’t hear) or bravelytry to hold it in.

　　你的食物什么時候會在體內作怪是百萬個因素共同作用的結果。即使點你一直喜歡的菜也不能保證你在吃到一半時不會沖向衛(wèi)生間，或者你猶豫一番，到底是排下氣呢(還要祈禱你的約會對象不會聽到)，還是勇敢地忍住——這種選擇真是兩難啊。

　　And if you did order that garlic bread and onion soup? Well, I just hope you carry an emergencysupply of breath-freshening mints in your pocket at all times. Otherwise, you're screwed.

　　如果你確實點了蒜蓉面包和洋蔥湯呢?這樣的話，我希望你隨時隨地攜帶救急用的口氣清新薄荷糖。否則的話，你就完了。

　　It's like a job interview, only worse

　　就像面試一樣，只是比面試更糟

　　Even when I’m out with a familiar face, I prefer to sit next to the person, rather than acrossfrom them. It's cozier, more intimate, and less confrontational. Bonus: it puts you in primeposition to snag a bite off their plate before they can fight back.

　　即使我是和熟人一起出去吃飯的，我也更喜歡坐在那人旁邊，而不是與他面對面。這樣更舒適，也更親密，也不顯得太對立。給你點兒額外福利：這個位置使你能在他們還沒反應過來的時候，從他們的盤子里搶一口吃的。

　　Sitting across from someone in a one-on-one setting is far too reminiscent of an interview,especially given all the questions you'll be asking each other. Unless, of course, you're stuck inperpetual awkward silence, which is far, far worse. In fact, a lot of dating advice columnshave pointed out the similarities between a first date and a job interview: in both cases, you'redressing up and trying to put your best foot forward in the hopes of securing a callback.

　　和某人面對面坐著簡直太像面試了，特別是你們還要問對方很多問題。當然，除非你們處在長時間尷尬的沉默中才能不像面試，但那樣會比糟糕更糟。事實上，很多約會建議專欄都說過第一次約會和面試的相似之處：在這兩個情境中，你都會打扮得光鮮亮麗，試圖給人留下個好印象，期待著能有下次。

　　Realizing the connection, of course, only makes it seem that much more nerve-wracking. Atleast at the end of a job interview, you get to go home knowing you’ll never have to see thatperson again unless they actually liked you. Rarely will you get so lucky in the world of romance.

　　意識到這些聯(lián)系，當然只會讓約會看起來更令人精神緊張。至少，在面試后，你在回家的路上就知道，你永遠不會再見到他了，除非那個人確實喜歡你。而你在情場中很少能有這么好的運氣。

　　Nerves, of course, are part and parcel of a first date. So why would you want to put yourself ina situation that'll just ramp up the anxiety even more?

　　當然，第一次約會的時候緊張不可避免 。那么為什么你還要把自己置于緊張的情境中，加劇自己的焦慮呢?

　　Talk about being under pressure...

　　既然說到了壓力……

　　Let's say, for argument's sake, you actually like sitting across from people. Fine. But what aboutthe comparison factor? First date dinners are such a cliché, it's nearly impossible to avoidthinking back to all the other times you took a guy or girl out to eat for the first time. Not tomention the quintillion dinner-date scenes Hollywood has managed to squeeze into every rom-com ever.

　　為了全方位論證我的觀點，我們就打個比方，假設你確實喜歡和人面對面坐著。那好。但比較起來該怎么辦呢?第一次約會共進晚餐總是這么的老套，會讓你不可避免地回想起你以前帶男孩或女孩第一次出去吃飯的時光。更不要說好萊塢拍了無數(shù)個愛情電影，每個里面都有共進晚餐的約會場景了。

　　The thing is, the compare-and-contrast game is unwinnable. One of two things will inevitablyhappen: your brain will kindly dredge up the worst faux-pas you've ever committed and giveyou debilitating social anxiety, or you’ll think of Cameron Diaz and Jude Law chatting in afancy French bistro and realize this date doesn't even come close. Inevitably, you'll find yourselfsubconsciously struggling to either avoid the mistakes of the past or to measure up toimpossible standards. Neither of these, of course, will accomplish anything besides addingextra pressure to an already stressful event.

　　問題是，在這種比較加對比的游戲中你是不會獲勝的。你腦海中會不由自主地浮現(xiàn)出最失態(tài)的那次經(jīng)歷，加劇你的社交恐懼;或者你會想起卡梅隆·迪亞茲和裘德·洛在一家有情調的法國酒吧聊天的場景，然后意識到自己的這次約會可遠遠比不上人家。你會不可避免地發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在潛意識中掙扎，要么試圖避免過去的錯誤，要么以不可能的標準要求自己。而這兩種情況，除了給已經(jīng)夠緊張的事增加額外壓力，別的什么都實現(xiàn)不了。

　　Break the mold and opt for a better, more casual alternative. Consider mini golf, or a trip tothe museum, or attending a local festival -- literally anything more creative and enjoyable thanthe nightmare of the first date dinner. The future yin to your yang will thank you for it.

　　打破常規(guī)，選擇一個更好更輕松的方式吧?？紤]一下去打迷你高爾夫、參觀博物館，或者參加當?shù)氐墓?jié)日慶?；顒?，這些都比像噩夢一般的晚餐更新鮮、更愉快。你未來的另一半也會因此感謝你的。