洋女婿不好當!婚前婚后被中國家長挑挑揀揀

　　導(dǎo)讀:在中國父母眼中，兒女的婚姻大事是重中之重，誰都恨不得上來摻和一下。一談到外國女婿，家長普遍覺得靠不住。那洋女婿們，在國內(nèi)的生存現(xiàn)狀如何呢?
 

　　Bruno Dubois, a 29-year-old Frenchman, was not surprised when news broke on October 9 that Chinese pop singer Zhang Liangying’s mother strongly opposed her marriage.

　　10月9日，中國流行歌手張靚穎的媽媽，強烈抗議女兒婚事的新聞曝光，29歲的法國人布魯諾·杜波依斯一點兒都不覺得奇怪。

　　Some Chinese parents tend to interfere in their kid’s relationships and marriage, he said. "I experienced it myself."

　　他說：“一些中國家長想要干涉孩子的戀愛和婚姻，我自己也經(jīng)歷過。”

　　He still remembers the pain he felt when his Chinese ex-girlfriend broke up with him a year ago. Her parents did not want a foreigner for their son-in-law.

　　一年前，他的中國前女友和他分手，他依然記得那種傷痛的感覺。她的父母不想讓外國人當女婿。

　　He met his Chinese ex-girlfriend, Sophie Li, in 2013 when he was reading for his bachelor’s degree at a university in Beijing. From the beginning, Li had always hesitated about whether to tell her parents about him because she was afraid her parents would not be okay with the relationship.

　　2013年時，他在北京讀本科，認識了自己的中國前女友蘇菲李。剛開始，李一直猶豫要不要告訴父母關(guān)于他的事，因為她害怕她的父母不會看好這段關(guān)系。

　　It took her about two months to muster up enough courage to tell her parents about her foreign boyfriend, and it did not go well.

　　她大概用了兩個月的時間，才鼓起勇氣告訴父母，她交了一個外國男朋友，但是結(jié)果并不那么理想。

　　Li’s parents commanded her to break up with me immediately, said Dubois.

　　杜波依斯說：“李的父母建議她馬上分手。”

　　As it is a tradition for Chinese parents to play a part in their kid’s relationships and marriage, Dubois is not the only expat in China to encounter interference from them. While there are those, like Dubois, whose romance ended because of interfering parents, there are also others who don’t mind it. According to Dubois, when his girlfriend tried to tell her parents about him, they stopped her right there and did not even let her finish.

　　在中國傳統(tǒng)中，中國父母總是在孩子的婚姻和戀愛中扮演一定的角色，杜波依斯并不是第一個在中國遇到干涉的外國人。那些和杜波依斯一樣的人，因為父母干涉而終結(jié)感情，也有其他一些人對此不介意。據(jù)杜波依斯說，當他的女朋友試圖告訴父母他的事情時，他們立即打斷了她，甚至沒讓她講完。

　　Although he already knew from his girlfriend that it would not be easy for her parents to accept him, he never expected that they would order their daughter to break up with him.

　　盡管他已經(jīng)從女朋友那里得知，讓她的父母接納他很不容易，但是他從來沒想到，她的父母會命令她和他分手。

　　In my country, parents may express their opinions concerning their kid’s relationship, but they never actually interfere and force their kids to do anything, he said.

　　他說：“在我的國家，父母可以就孩子的戀愛表達想法，但是，他們從不在實際上干涉和強迫孩子做任何事情。”

　　Not wanting to make her parents angry and sad, his girlfriend eventually gave in and broke up with him.

　　為了不想讓她的父母生氣難過，他的女朋友最終選擇妥協(xié)，和他分手。

　　Later, he found out that the main reason her parents did not want a foreign son-in-law was that they had little trust in foreigners.

　　之后，他發(fā)現(xiàn)她的父母不想要外國女婿的主要原因，是因為他們不信任外國人。

　　Li told him that in her parents’ mind, most foreigners do not take marriage seriously and thus could not be relied on.

　　李告訴他，在她父母眼里，大部分外國人對婚姻都不嚴肅，因此不可靠。

　　They believed I would dump their daughter and want a divorce once I fall in love with another woman, which, according to them, is something I will certainly do, he said. "I admit that there are some foreigners who just want to have fun and do not take their relationships seriously, but not me, yet they tagged me from the very beginning."

　　他說：“他們相信我會甩了他們的女兒，一旦我和另外一個女人相愛了，就會離婚。據(jù)他們的理解，我一定會這么做。我承認有些外國人只是想尋樂子，不嚴肅對待戀愛，但那不是我，他們從一開始就給我貼上了標簽。”

　　Not trusting foreigners also makes some Chinese parents, especially those whose daughters are aged 23 or above, very reluctant to approve foreign suitors. Some even block their kid’s cross-cultural relationships because they consider foreigners unreliable and disloyal and thus not husband material. Many Chinese parents expect their daughter to get married or at least meet a prospective husband in their early 20s, said Adam Peter Woodward, a 27-year-old Briton and English teacher in Beijing. He met his Chinese girlfriend three months ago and her parents around three weeks ago.

　　在北京教書，27歲的亞當·彼得·伍德沃德說，不信任外國人，也讓一些中國父母，尤其是那些女兒在23歲以上的中國父母，非常不情愿接納外國求婚者。一些人甚至阻擋他們孩子的跨文化戀愛關(guān)系，因為他們覺得外國人不可靠，不忠誠，不是當丈夫的料。許多中國父母，希望他們的女兒在二十出頭的時候就結(jié)婚，或者至少遇見一個理想的丈夫。三個月前，他遇見了自己的中國女友，大約三周前，見了她的父母。

　　The major concern they have is that their daughter is 23, so they constantly ask about marriage plans, he said. "Although my girlfriend’s parents haven’t really interfered with my relationship with my girlfriend, I’m sure they are incredibly worried, and they will pester her more and more the longer we are together."

　　他說：“他們主要擔心女兒已經(jīng)23歲了，所以不停的問結(jié)婚計劃，盡管我女朋友的父母并沒有真的干涉我和女朋友的戀愛，但我確信，他們非常擔心，我們在一起時間越長，她的父母就會越煩惱。”

　　Chinese parents also interfere after the couple gets married. Many of them live with their kids and tend to step in to help raise their grandchildren.

　　即便夫妻結(jié)婚以后，中國父母也會干涉。很多父母和孩子住在一起，想要幫助撫養(yǎng)孫子孫女。

　　For most expats, having their in-laws live with them can make them feel uncomfortable. But for others like Joe Walsh, a 31-year-old American and English teacher in Beijing, living with one’s in-laws has its perks.

　　對很多外國人來說，和岳父岳母住在一起很不舒服。但是對其他人來說，比如31歲的美籍北京英文老師約翰，和岳父岳母住是一種福利。

　　Walsh married his wife three years ago and has been living with his in-laws since then. He conceded that living together has its drawbacks, like limited personal space and a lot to get accustomed to in daily life. But having survived the initial phase of adaptation, he started to find many benefits to living with his in-laws.

　　三年前，沃爾什和他的老婆結(jié)婚，自那以后，就一直和岳父岳母住在一起。他承認，住在一起有弊端，比如個人空間受限，有很多日常生活中需要習(xí)慣的地方。但是度過最初階段的適應(yīng)期后，他發(fā)現(xiàn)和岳父岳母住有很多好處。

　　For example, noticing that Walsh talked in a very direct manner and sometimes offended the other person when he was talking with a Chinese, his father-in-law taught him how to express his opinions the Chinese way.

　　比如，沃爾什提到，自己說話的方式很直接，有時和中國人談?wù)摃r，會冒犯到他人，他的岳父會教他怎樣用中國人的方式表達自己的觀點。

　　He taught me to speak less directly and to speak in different ways when dealing with different people, said Walsh.

　　沃爾什說：“他教我怎樣不太直接的說話，在和不同人打交道的時候，用不同的方式講話。”

　　At first, he thought it was annoying because he felt his way of talking was always being criticized, but then he realized it could be quite helpful.

　　最初，他覺得這很惱人，因為他覺得自己說話的方式總是會被批評，但是隨后，他意識到這很有幫助。

　　[My father-in-law] helped me better fit into the Chinese society and culture, he said. "I want to have my own company here in the future, and a good understanding of Chinese culture will help me a lot."

　　他說：“我的岳父教我更好的融入中國社會和文化。未來，我想在這里成立自己的公司，良好理解中國文化對我很有幫助。”

　　Also, since his wife gave birth to their son last year, his in-laws have been taking good care of the child.

　　同樣，自從他的妻子去年生產(chǎn)以后，他的岳父一直悉心照料孩子。

　　The load on my wife and me was greatly lightened, said Walsh. "Sometimes we do have disagreements as to how to raise the kid, but we can always communicate and compromise."

　　沃爾什說：“我和妻子肩上的壓力，很大程度上減輕了。有時，我們在如何養(yǎng)育孩子的問題上，確實有分歧，但是我們總會交流并且妥協(xié)。”