如何把孩子培養(yǎng)成人?

如何把孩子培養(yǎng)成人?

I can safely declare that I'm not going to end up on any list of media dirtbags. Like most men I know, I have managed to have a professional career and personal relationships free of assault, harassment or even run-of-the-mill jerkiness.

我可以很有把握地宣布，我不會被列入任何一份媒體垃圾名單。和我認(rèn)識的大多數(shù)男人一樣，我的職業(yè)生涯和人際關(guān)系都很順利，沒有受到攻擊、騷擾，甚至沒有一般的不穩(wěn)定。

I feel confident in saying that because all the recent news coverage of indefensible -- and in many cases criminal -- male behavior has caused many men like myself to do some personal, sober mental accounting. A lot of guys I've talked to have been auditing their past actions, which is great, although it's largely for others to judge our behavior as we may have blind spots in the rear-view mirror.

我有信心這么說，因為最近所有關(guān)于不可辯解的——在很多情況下是犯罪的——男性行為的新聞報道，已經(jīng)導(dǎo)致許多像我這樣的男人做了一些個人的、清醒的心理分析。我和很多人交談過，他們一直在審查自己過去的行為，這很好，盡管我們的行為在很大程度上是由別人來評判的，因為我們可能在后視鏡上有盲點(diǎn)。

I tie my self-awareness on this front directly to being raised by my strong and supportive single mother.

在這方面，我把自己的自我意識直接與我堅強(qiáng)、支持我的單身母親撫養(yǎng)成人聯(lián)系在一起。

For nearly 16 years growing up, it was just the two of us. She raised an only son, with no money for vacations and brand-name sneakers, much less paid childcare. In fact, when I was a kid, she worked primarily as a nanny, so she'd be home for me after school when I was young, and that meant she helped raise other kids as well.

在將近16年的成長過程中，只有我們兩個人。她養(yǎng)大了唯一的兒子，沒有錢去度假，也沒有錢買名牌運(yùn)動鞋，更不用說支付育兒費(fèi)用了。事實(shí)上，當(dāng)我還是個孩子的時候，她主要是做保姆的，所以當(dāng)我小的時候，放學(xué)后她會在家陪我，這意味著她也幫助撫養(yǎng)其他孩子。

I recently asked her whether she consciously thought about raising a good male and whether she had any guiding philosophies or values that informed how she brought me up.

最近我問她，她是否有意識地想要培養(yǎng)一個優(yōu)秀的男性，她是否有指導(dǎo)我成長的哲學(xué)或價值觀。

"Yes," she told me. "I wanted you to be the kind of person other people would like and admire, because I wouldn't always be around, and you'd need other people to help you. So it was for your safety and also for the world."

“是的，”她告訴我。“我想讓你成為那種別人會喜歡和欽佩的人，因為我不會一直在你身邊，你需要別人的幫助。所以這是為了你們的安全，也是為了全世界。”

And so, here is my mom's guide to raising good men.

所以，這是我媽媽關(guān)于培養(yǎng)好男人的指南。

Promote kindness and empathy

促進(jìn)友善和同理心

Throughout my childhood, she imparted what it meant to be a gentleman: being attuned to others' needs and meeting them without being asked. I still think about those discussions. Her guiding virtues included being sensitive, compassionate, empathetic and self-disciplined. And she also wanted to pass on "the best qualities of a spiritual life, if not any particular religion: kindness, being charitable."

在我的整個童年，她教給我什么是紳士的含義:迎合別人的需要，不需要別人要求就能滿足他們。我仍然在思考那些討論。她的指導(dǎo)美德包括敏感、富有同情心、體恤他人和自律。她還想把“精神生活中最好的品質(zhì)，傳遞下去:善良，慈善，如果那不是任何特定的宗教。”

Let them know words matter

讓他們知道語言很重要

My mother also has a zero tolerance policy for derogatory language.I'll never forget the day I swore at her in a fit of rage.""She growled, inches from my face.I haven't done it since.

我媽媽對貶義語言也采取零容忍政策。我永遠(yuǎn)不會忘記我在勃然大怒之下罵她臟話的那一天。”她在離我的臉只有幾英寸遠(yuǎn)的地方咆哮道。從那以后，我再也沒有這樣做過。

Build up self-worth

建立自我價值

"I also wanted you to feel secure and have a high sense of self-worth," my mom told me. She often encouraged me to engage with the wider world, even strangers, rather than retreat from it to build up that self-confidence.

“我也想讓你感到安全，有高度的自我價值感，”媽媽告訴我。她經(jīng)常鼓勵我去接觸更廣闊的世界，甚至是陌生人，而不是逃避去建立自信。

She said she sees how I now help cultivate this same sense with my daughters. My wife and I reckon their strong-willed and forthright personalities are strengths that will serve them well their entire lives (especially if they come up against men to whom these kinds of lessons were not imparted).

她說她看到我現(xiàn)在如何幫助我的女兒們培養(yǎng)同樣的意識。我和妻子認(rèn)為，她們堅強(qiáng)和直率的性格是她們終生受益的優(yōu)勢(尤其是當(dāng)她們遇到?jīng)]有接受過這類教育的男人時)。