為什么課外活動(dòng)讓家長(zhǎng)感到痛苦?

為什么課外活動(dòng)讓家長(zhǎng)感到痛苦?

There are oh-so-many studies and expert opinions evaluating the ways our parenting choices affect our kids and oh-so-few considering how we grown-ups will fare.

有那么多的研究和專家的意見(jiàn)來(lái)評(píng)估我們的父母的選擇是如何影響我們的孩子的，而很少考慮我們成年人的未來(lái)。

This is particularly the case when it comes to time management. We're told that children need lots of unstructured time, and it's up to us to cultivate it. But we're also told that children need to be challenged and inspired, and it's up to us to arrange it. So off we go to karate and violin and religious school and soccer and dance, while making sure there is enough time for wandering in the woods or building a treehouse.

在時(shí)間管理方面尤其如此。我們被告知，孩子們需要大量非結(jié)構(gòu)化的時(shí)間，這取決于我們?nèi)绾闻囵B(yǎng)。但我們也被告知，孩子們需要接受挑戰(zhàn)和啟發(fā)，這取決于我們?nèi)绾伟才?。所以，我們?nèi)タ帐值?、小提琴、宗教學(xué)校、足球和舞蹈，同時(shí)確保有足夠的時(shí)間漫步在樹(shù)林里或建造一個(gè)樹(shù)屋。

As a parent of a 5- and a 1-year-old, I'm fairly new to the scheduling trenches. And yet a small voice has emerged, repeating: Where do my needs fit into all this?

作為一個(gè)5歲和一個(gè)1歲孩子的父母，我對(duì)日程安排相當(dāng)生疏。然而，一個(gè)微弱的聲音出現(xiàn)了，重復(fù)著:我的需求與這一切有什么關(guān)系?

How do I want to spend my weekends and evenings? Isn't watching kids play sports or struggle in music class the fun I want?

我想怎樣度過(guò)周末和晚上?看著孩子們做運(yùn)動(dòng)或者在音樂(lè)課上掙扎不是我想要的快樂(lè)時(shí)光嗎?

I worry that these thoughts mean I am selfish. Then, I worry about who I will become if I see such thoughts as selfish.

我擔(dān)心這些想法意味著我很自私。然后，我擔(dān)心如果我認(rèn)為這些想法是自私的，我會(huì)變成誰(shuí)。

A few facts from Dell'Antonia's book: Unsupervised and unstructured playtime has decreased for all children since 1981. Parents spend more time driving children to and from activities and organizing and attending activities than they have in previous generations. Twenty-seven percent of all trips taken in 2012 were for the sole purpose of attending an organized sporting event.

戴爾·安東尼亞書(shū)中的一些事實(shí):自1981年以來(lái)，所有孩子的無(wú)監(jiān)督和無(wú)組織的玩耍時(shí)間都在減少。與前幾代人相比，父母開(kāi)車接送孩子、組織和參加活動(dòng)的時(shí)間更多。2012年，27%的旅行僅僅是為了參加有組織的體育項(xiàng)目。

And 35% of parents, according to a single survey, say that managing their child's school and extracurricular arrangements is more stressful than taxes. These changes have been more significant for better-educated parents.

一項(xiàng)調(diào)查顯示，35%的家長(zhǎng)表示，管理孩子的學(xué)校和課外活動(dòng)交通安排比納稅更有壓力。這些變化對(duì)受教育程度較高的父母來(lái)說(shuō)更為顯著。

Related, also from Dell'Antonia's book: Parents today are spending less time with their spouses than they did in the past.

與此相關(guān)的還有來(lái)自戴爾·安東尼婭的書(shū):如今的父母與配偶相處的時(shí)間比過(guò)去少了。

Saying 'no'

說(shuō)“不”

There is no universally correct formula for how many extracurriculars a child needs. Some might thrive with none or close to none, and others might live their best lives when studying Mandarin on the way to violin practice and texting with their lacrosse team about tomorrow's big game on the way home. Although there is evidence that some extracurricular activities can benefit our children, benefit them in the long run. If anything, most research on the subject warns parents about the potential downfalls of limiting children's free time.

對(duì)于一個(gè)孩子需要多少課外活動(dòng)，沒(méi)有一個(gè)普遍正確的規(guī)定。有些人在成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中可能沒(méi)有或幾乎課外活動(dòng)，而另一些人則可能在練習(xí)小提琴的同時(shí)學(xué)習(xí)普通話，在回家的路上與長(zhǎng)曲棍球隊(duì)發(fā)短信談?wù)撁魈斓闹匾荣悾^(guò)著最好的生活。雖然有證據(jù)表明，一些課外活動(dòng)可以讓我們的孩子受益，從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)看對(duì)他們有好處。如果有什么不同的話，大多數(shù)關(guān)于這一課題的研究都警告家長(zhǎng)們，限制孩子的自由時(shí)間可能會(huì)帶來(lái)潛在的負(fù)面影響。

Parenthood can feel so intense, so all-consuming, that it is easy to forget that we parents are an important part of the family equation. We'd all be happier -- parents and children -- if we worried a little less about the life we are building and a little more about whether we are building it together.

為人父母的感覺(jué)是如此緊張，如此耗費(fèi)精力，以至于我們很容易忘記我們父母是家庭平衡的重要組成部分。如果我們少擔(dān)心一點(diǎn)我們正在建設(shè)的生活，多擔(dān)心一點(diǎn)我們是否在一起建設(shè)它，我們所有人——父母和孩子——都會(huì)更快樂(lè)。