三條實用的“成年秘密”

When author Gretchen Rubin embarked on a yearlong "Happiness Project" to figure out what true happiness looks like and how to actually -- realistically -- achieve it, the experience led her to some powerful revelations. Among them are Rubin's practical "secrets to adulthood," the principles she's managed to grasp as she has become an adult.

為了知道快樂是什么樣子，為了知道如何真正地在現(xiàn)實中得到快樂，作家格雷琴•魯賓開啟了一項為期一年的“快樂計劃”，這段經(jīng)歷讓她得到了一些充滿力量的啟示，其中包括了魯賓自己的實用“成年秘密”，這些是她在成長為成年人的過程中領(lǐng)悟到的。

Even though some secrets on the list may not be particularly profound, each one becomes a true revelation once you finally figure it out for yourself. And together, these principles help move you toward a happier life.

雖然列出來的秘密中有些可能不是特別高深，但等到你自己領(lǐng)悟到的那一天，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)每一條都是實實在在的。

Though Rubin acknowledges that her list of secrets is evolving and, as she tells Oprah during an interview on "SuperSoul Sunday," others may have different things on their own list, there are still three major secrets that seem to be universal.

魯賓承認(rèn)，她的秘密列表還在不斷完善中(在“星期天超級靈魂”節(jié)目的采訪中她也是這么告訴奧普拉的)，其他人自己的列表上也可能會有不一樣的東西，但仍然有三條主要的秘密似乎是大家共有的。

1. PEOPLE DON'T NOTICE YOUR MISTAKES AS MUCH AS YOU THINK THEY DO.

1. 人們沒有你想象中的那么關(guān)注你的錯誤。

Everyone stumbles in life, some more than others. But regardless of the scale of a screw-up, many of us end up feeling as if there's a massive spotlight on our missteps and flaws. It's an incredibly common concern, but Rubin has learned that it's mostly unfounded.

生活中每個人都會出錯，有的人錯得比別人都多。但每當(dāng)失足犯錯，不管錯誤是大是小，很多人都會覺得好像有盞聚光燈在照著他們。這種想法極其普遍，但魯賓已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)，在大部分情況下這么想是毫無根據(jù)的。

"We all feel like everyone's paying attention to us," she says. "But they're paying attention to a lot of other things."

“我們覺得每個人都在關(guān)注自己，”她說。“但其實人們還有很多其他事情要關(guān)注呢。”

Even someone as well known as Oprah has come to realize this. "Every time somebody would say something about me that wasn't true, I would get so upset," she admits. "It was Quincy Jones who said to me one time this exact law of adulthood. He said, 'Baby, if you knew how little people were thinking about you, you wouldn't even be upset.'"

連奧普拉這樣的名人也意識到了這點。“以前每次有人說我的是非，我心理總會很不舒服，”她承認(rèn)道。“直到有一次昆西•瓊斯把這條成年定律告訴了我。他說：‘寶貝，你要是知道別人是幾乎不怎么關(guān)注你的話，你壓根兒就不會覺得不舒服了。’”

2. IT'S OK TO ASK FOR HELP.

2. 尋求幫助沒什么大不了的。

You may understand this idea in principle, but welcoming it into your life as a practice is a real game-changer. And yet, asking for help is something that many adults -- including Rubin -- have a hard time doing.

你可能也大概明白這個道理，而真正在生活中貫徹它會讓一切都變得不一樣。但是，請求幫助對很多人(包括魯賓)來說都不是件容易的事。

"I don't understand why I struggle with this so much," she says. "It's OK to ask for help. And usually when you ask for help, you get help. Things get easier when you ask for help."

“我不明白為什么這對我來說這么難，”她說。“請求幫助是沒有問題的，而且通常只要你開口，別人都會幫你的，這樣一切都會變得更輕松。”

3. HAPPINESS DOESN'T ALWAYS MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY.

3. 快樂不會總是讓你感到快樂。

Strange, but true, Rubin says. As an example of this, she points to a story from a man who had been spending a lot of time at the bedside of his very sick father.

魯賓說，這很奇怪，但卻是事實。她舉了一個人的例子，這個人花了很多時間陪伴臥病在床的父親。

"His father had been a terrible father, so they didn't have a loving relationship. It was no fun to go to the hospital. And [the son] was saying, 'I don't know why I'm doing this,'" Rubin says. "Well, he wanted to be a good son. So, in one way, it was making him happy because he was being a good son."

“他的爸爸是個很糟糕的爸爸，所以他們關(guān)系并不親密。去醫(yī)院一點兒都不好玩，兒子一直在說：‘我不知道自己為什么會去看他。’”魯賓說。“他是想當(dāng)個好兒子吧。從某種意義上來說，他為自己當(dāng)了個好兒子而感到高興。”

This shift in your view of happiness is important to keep in mind. "People act like happiness is always going to send us skipping down the street. It doesn't always work out that way," Rubin says.

這種對快樂看法的改變很重要，我們要牢記在心。“人們表現(xiàn)得好像快樂總會讓我們高興得蹦蹦跳跳，但事實并不總是那樣的，”魯賓說。