如果你的孩子表現(xiàn)不好，他們可能只是難過

如果你的孩子表現(xiàn)不好，他們可能只是難過

The pandemic brought a major upheaval to the lives of Amber Sparks and her 5-year-old daughter, and her daughter is exhibiting unruly behavior because of it.

流行病給安珀·斯帕克斯和她5歲的女兒的生活帶來了巨大的改變，她的女兒因此表現(xiàn)出不守規(guī)矩的行為。

Sparks, a Washington, DC-based writer and author of the short story collection "And I Do Not Forgive You," recently witnessed her daughter having a meltdown over "something incredibly trivial, like a crayon breaking or something like that."

斯帕克斯是華盛頓特區(qū)的一位作家，也是短篇小說集《我不原諒你》的作者，她最近目睹女兒因“一些極其瑣碎的事情，比如蠟筆斷裂之類的事情”而崩潰。

"She started screaming and throwing things around, and it lasted for half an hour, I think. She never has tantrums like that, until now," Sparks said.

“她開始尖叫，亂扔東西，我想這持續(xù)了半個小時。她從來沒有發(fā)過這樣的脾氣，直到現(xiàn)在，”斯帕克斯說。

"She just kind of wore herself out. At the end she was just crying quietly on her bed, and I was hugging her, and she said very quietly, 'I miss school and I miss my friends.' It was so sad."

“她只是有點累了。最后，她在床上靜靜地哭了，我抱著她，她非常平靜地說:“我想念學校，我想念我的朋友們。’這太讓人傷心了。”

Sparks and her daughter live in a small apartment in the city, where they used to walk to parks, museums, restaurants, libraries and bookstores. Now they mostly stay home alone, Sparks said. And her daughter never hit her mother or anyone else until this crisis.

斯帕克斯和她的女兒住在城市的一個小公寓里，她們過去常常步行去公園、博物館、餐館、圖書館和書店。斯帕克斯說，現(xiàn)在她們大多獨自在家。直到這次危機之前，她的女兒從來沒有打過她的母親或其他任何人。

"I can see her get so frustrated, all the feelings rising up, and her little body can't quite contain them all," Sparks said. "I just try to hug her because what else can I do?"

斯帕克斯說:“我能看到她變得很沮喪，所有的情緒都高漲起來，她的小身體無法完全容納這些情緒。”“我只是想擁抱她，因為我還能做什么?”

Kids are sad because they're missing their friends, routines, structure and predictability, said Christopher Willard, a psychiatry lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of "The Breathing Book".

哈佛醫(yī)學院的精神病學講師、《呼吸之書》一書的作者克里斯托弗·威拉德說，孩子們會感到悲傷，因為他們失去了朋友、日常生活、結(jié)構(gòu)性和可預測性。

They're feeling the same emotions that adults are about the pandemic, Willard said, but expressing them in different ways: They cry, cut their hair, yell, scream, argue and fight with their siblings.

威拉德說，他們對流行病的感受和成年人一樣，只是表達方式不同:他們會哭，會剪頭發(fā)，會喊叫，會尖叫，會和兄弟姐妹爭吵和打架。

With the advice of a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specialize in working with children, parents can pause and respond productively. They can help their children through the hard moments and prevent (some) future meltdowns by supporting their emotional stability and giving them the tools to express their feelings.

在專門研究兒童問題的精神病醫(yī)生和心理學家的建議下，父母可以停下來做出有效的反應。他們可以幫助孩子度過難關(guān)，通過支持他們的情緒穩(wěn)定，給他們表達情感的工具，來防止(某些)未來的崩潰。

Recognizing the root of bad behavior

認識到不良行為的根源

Even the best parents are having trouble keeping up with the basics as they work from home and try to keep regular daytime schedules, get three healthy meals on the table, make sure their kids get enough exercise and keep to bedtime routines, Willard said.

威拉德說，即使是最優(yōu)秀的父母，在他們在家工作的同時，也很難跟上基本的生活節(jié)奏，他們要保持有規(guī)律的白天作息時間，在餐桌上吃三頓健康的飯，確保他們的孩子得到足夠的鍛煉，并遵守就寢時間。

"That's been hard for our kids," Willard said. "That's also going to impact their mental health. It's going to impact their impulse control and their ability to regulate their emotions."

“這對我們的孩子來說很難，”威拉德說。“這也會影響他們的心理健康。這將影響他們的沖動控制和控制情緒的能力。”

If they're engaging in more destructive behaviors, such as cutting their hair, they could be bored, said Mary Alvord, a Maryland-based psychologist specializing in treatment of youths and coauthor of "Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens."

馬里蘭州專門治療青少年的心理學家、《征服青少年的消極思維》一書的合著者瑪麗·阿爾沃德說，如果他們表現(xiàn)更具破壞性的行為，比如剪頭發(fā)，他們可能是無聊的。

Wanting a parent's attention could be the reason behind a meltdown or more challenging behavior, he added. And when parents are stressed out and impatient, they're more likely to snap at their kids, which creates a vicious cycle.

他補充說，想要得到父母的關(guān)注可能是導致孩子崩潰或做出更具挑戰(zhàn)性行為的原因。當父母感到緊張和不耐煩時，他們更有可能對孩子發(fā)脾氣，這就形成了一個惡性循環(huán)。

Helping kids cope

幫孩子處理

If at the end of a tantrum a child admits what's really wrong, that's a great moment because it means that he or she trusts the parent, Willard said.

威拉德說，如果孩子在發(fā)脾氣的最后承認了真正的錯誤，那是一個偉大的時刻，因為這意味著他或她信任父母。

Parents can try to connect with their child by validating his feelings, Willard suggested.

威拉德建議，父母可以試著通過認同孩子的感受來與他建立聯(lián)系。

Ask the child what he was thinking and feeling at the time so you can get to know his triggers, Alvord recommended.

詢問孩子當時的想法和感受，這樣你就能了解觸發(fā)他(情緒)的因素，阿爾沃德建議道。

Parents can also help children become more comfortable with what's not currently available to them by focusing on what they can control. But still be honest with them, lest you lose their trust, Alvord said. Just don't let children catastrophize everything.

父母也可以通過關(guān)注孩子們所能控制的事情，來幫助孩子們更加適應他們目前所不能得到的東西。但仍然要對他們坦誠，以免失去他們的信任，阿爾沃德說。不要讓孩子們把一切都小題大做。