雙語(yǔ)·當(dāng)呼吸化為空氣 她似乎很清楚前進(jìn)的方向

她似乎很清楚前進(jìn)的方向，我也樂(lè)于追隨。我開(kāi)始說(shuō)服自己，也許，再次拿起手術(shù)刀是有可能的。我感覺(jué)自己輕松了些。
She seemed clear that this was the way to go, and I was happy to follow. Maybe, I began to let myself believe, performing surgery again was a possibility. I felt myself relax a little.

“我能抽煙嗎？”我開(kāi)了個(gè)玩笑。
“Can I start smoking?” I joked.

露西哈哈大笑。艾瑪卻翻了個(gè)白眼。
Lucy laughed, and Emma rolled her eyes.

“不行。還有什么嚴(yán)肅的問(wèn)題嗎？”
“No. Any serious questions?”

“卡普蘭-邁耶——”
“The Kaplan-Meier—”

“那個(gè)我們就不談了。”她說(shuō)。
“We’re not discussing that,” she said.

我不明白她為什么這么抗拒。畢竟，我是個(gè)醫(yī)生，很熟悉這些數(shù)據(jù)。我自己也能查到……那我也只好這么干了。
I didn’t understand her resistance. After all, I was a doctor familiar with these statistics. I could look them up myself. . . so that’s what I would have to do.

“好吧，”我說(shuō)，“那一切都很清楚了。就等明天你拿到EGFR結(jié)果了。如果有突變，我們就開(kāi)始吃那個(gè)藥——特羅凱。如果沒(méi)有，那就周一開(kāi)始化療。”
“Okay,” I said, “then I think everything is pretty clear. We’ll hear from you tomorrow about the EGFR results. If yes, then we’ll start a pill, Tarceva. If no, then we start chemotherapy Monday.”

“對(duì)。我還希望你清楚一件事：現(xiàn)在我是你的醫(yī)生。你有任何問(wèn)題，不管是初級(jí)治療還是其他什么，你都要第一時(shí)間來(lái)找我們?！?br>“Right. The other thing I want you to know is this: I am your doctor now. Any problem you have, from primary care to whatever, you come to us first.”

又是一陣強(qiáng)烈的親切感。
Again, I felt a pang of kinship.

“謝謝，”我說(shuō)，“住院部值班好運(yùn)。”
“Thanks,” I said. “And good luck on the inpatient wards.”

她離開(kāi)了，但片刻之后又探頭進(jìn)來(lái)：“這事兒你想拒絕就拒絕，不過(guò)有些肺癌相關(guān)的募款組織想見(jiàn)見(jiàn)你。你別急著表態(tài)，自己先想想，感興趣的話就跟艾麗克西斯說(shuō)一聲。別做任何你不愿意做的事。”
She left the room, only to pop her head back in a second later. “Feel free to say no to this, but there are some lung cancer fundraisers who would love to meet you. Don’t answer now—think about it, and let Alexis know if you might be interested. Don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

我們離開(kāi)診室，露西說(shuō)：“她很棒，很適合你。不過(guò)……”她笑了，“我覺(jué)得她喜歡你。”
As we left, Lucy remarked, “She’s great. She’s a good fit for you. Although. . . ” She smiled. “I think she likes you.”

“所以呢？”
“And?”

“嗯，有個(gè)研究說(shuō)，醫(yī)生在診斷有自己個(gè)人感情的病人時(shí)，表現(xiàn)比較糟糕?！?br>“Well, there’s that study that says doctors do a worse job prognosticating for patients they’re personally invested in.”

我大笑一聲，說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在那么多煩心事，這事兒估計(jì)是最不用操心的了?！?br>“On our list of things to worry about,” I said, with a laugh, “I think that’s in the bottom quartile.”