《四季隨筆》節(jié)選 - 春 08

《四季隨筆》是吉辛的散文代表作。其中對(duì)隱士賴(lài)克羅夫特醉心于書(shū)籍、自然景色與回憶過(guò)去生活的描述，其實(shí)是吉辛的自述，作者以此來(lái)抒發(fā)自己的情感，因而本書(shū)是一部富有自傳色彩的小品文集。

吉辛窮困的一生，對(duì)文學(xué)名著的愛(ài)好與追求，以及對(duì)大自然恬靜生活的向往，在書(shū)中均有充分的反映。本書(shū)分為春、夏、秋、冬四個(gè)部分，文筆優(yōu)美，行文流暢，是英國(guó)文學(xué)中小品文的珍品之一。

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The early coming of spring in this happy Devon gladdens my heart. I think with chill discomfort of those parts of England where the primrose shivers beneath a sky of threat rather than of solace. Honest winter, snow-clad and with the frosted beard, I can welcome not uncordially; but that long deferment of the calendar's promise, that weeping gloom of March and April, that bitter blast outraging the honour of May—how often has it robbed me of heart and hope. Here, scarce have I assured myself that the last leaf has fallen, scarce have I watched the glistening of hoar-frost upon the evergreens, when a breath from the west thrills me with anticipation of bud and bloom. Even under this grey-billowing sky, which tells that February is still in rule:

春天早早地來(lái)到了德文郡，我的心情好不歡暢。一想到在英格蘭的某些地方，迎春花在陰云密布的天空下瑟縮發(fā)抖，我便感到渾身發(fā)涼，很不舒服。冬天是真誠(chéng)的，銀裝素裹，胡須結(jié)霜，我并非不歡迎它；但是日歷上的承諾一再被推遲，三、四月份陰雨連綿令人郁悶，五月份寒風(fēng)凜冽又蹂躪春天的榮光—屢屢讓我失望,心情不佳。這里，我自己剛剛確信最后一片葉子已經(jīng)落下，也剛剛看到常青樹(shù)上掛著晶瑩白霜時(shí)，一縷西風(fēng)就悠然而至，讓我對(duì)春暖花開(kāi)充滿(mǎn)期待。即使在今天這個(gè)仍是二月掌管的烏云翻滾的天空下—

Mild winds shake the elder brake,

和風(fēng)搖動(dòng)著接骨木叢，

And the wandering herdsmen know

漫游的牧人曉得

That the whitethorn soon will blow.3

山楂花快要開(kāi)放了。

I have been thinking of those early years of mine in London, when the seasons passed over me unobserved, when I seldom turned a glance towards the heavens, and felt no hardship in the imprisonment of boundless streets. It is strange now to remember that for some six or seven years I never looked upon a meadow, never travelled even so far as to the tree-bordered suburbs. I was battling for dear life; on most days I could not feel certain that in a week's time I should have food and shelter. It would happen, to be sure, that in hot noons of August my thoughts wandered to the sea; but so impossible was the gratification of such desire that it never greatly troubled me. At times, indeed, I seem all but to have forgotten that people went away for holiday. In those poor parts of the town where I dwelt, season made no perceptible difference; there were no luggage-laden cabs to remind me of joyous journeys; the folk about me went daily to their toil as usual, and so did I. I remember afternoons of languor, when books were a weariness, and no thought could be squeezed out of the drowsy brain; then would I betake myself to one of the parks, and find refreshment without any enjoyable sense of change. Heavens, how I laboured in those days! And how far I was from thinking of myself as a subject for compassion! That came later, when my health had begun to suffer from excess of toil, from bad air, bad food and many miseries; then awoke the maddening desire for countryside and sea-beach—and for other things yet more remote. But in the years when I toiled hardest and underwent what now appear to me hideous privations, of a truth I could not be said to suffer at all. I did not suffer, for I had no sense of weakness. My health was proof against everything, and my energies defied all malice of circumstance. With however little encouragement, I had infinite hope. Sound sleep (often in places I now dread to think of) sent me fresh to the battle each morning, my breakfast, sometimes, no more than a slice of bread and a cup of water. As human happiness goes, I am not sure that I was not then happy.

我回想起早年在倫敦度過(guò)的歲月，那時(shí)，我?guī)缀鯊臎](méi)在意過(guò)四季變遷，也很少抬頭仰望天空，身處無(wú)邊無(wú)際的街道的圍困中也不覺(jué)得痛苦。現(xiàn)在，回想到我居然有六七年的時(shí)間沒(méi)看過(guò)草地一眼，甚至連綠樹(shù)環(huán)繞的郊區(qū)都不曾去過(guò)，便會(huì)感到奇怪。我當(dāng)時(shí)在為寶貴的生活而打拼，大多數(shù)時(shí)間，我都不能確定一周后我還能否有吃有住。當(dāng)然，在八月炎熱的午后，我的思緒可能會(huì)飄到大海上；這種愿望實(shí)現(xiàn)的希望太渺茫，所以并沒(méi)有讓我太煩惱。有時(shí)，我似乎已經(jīng)忘記世人還有度假這種消遣。在我棲身的倫敦的貧窮區(qū)域，四季沒(méi)有明顯的分別，也沒(méi)有載著行李的馬車(chē)讓我想起愉快的旅途。我身邊的人們都在日復(fù)一日地奔波勞碌，我也是如此。記得在倦怠的下午，書(shū)本讓人昏昏欲睡，困乏的腦子里擠不出任何思想。這時(shí)我會(huì)到公園去恢復(fù)一下精神，但不會(huì)享受到季節(jié)變化帶來(lái)的愉悅。天哪，我那時(shí)多么辛苦??！當(dāng)時(shí)的我卻根本不覺(jué)得自己是值得同情的對(duì)象！直到后來(lái)，因?yàn)檫^(guò)度勞累，糟糕的空氣，粗劣的食物和許多磨難，我的健康開(kāi)始受損。那時(shí)，我對(duì)鄉(xiāng)村、海灘還有更遙遠(yuǎn)事物的瘋狂渴望開(kāi)始在心底蘇醒。然而，在最辛苦的那些歲月，現(xiàn)在看來(lái)簡(jiǎn)直是可怕的窮困潦倒，但事實(shí)上我卻不能說(shuō)自己那時(shí)候在受苦。我沒(méi)有受苦，原因是我沒(méi)有軟弱的感覺(jué)。我的健康是抵御一切遭遇的屏障，我的精神抗阻著一切厄境的進(jìn)攻。不管受到的鼓勵(lì)多么微不足道，我心里都存著無(wú)限的希望。美美睡上一覺(jué)后（通常在我至今都怕想起的地方），第二天一早我就能重整旗鼓投入戰(zhàn)斗，而我的早餐有時(shí)只是一片面包一杯水。如人類(lèi)幸福所言，我不能說(shuō)自己當(dāng)時(shí)就不快活。

Most men who go through a hard time in their youth are supported by companionship. London has no pays latin4, but hungry beginners in literature have generally their suitable comrades, garreteers in the Tottenham Court Road district, or in unredeemed Chelsea; they make their little vie de Boheme, and are consciously proud of it. Of my position, the peculiarity was that I never belonged to any cluster; I shrank from casual acquaintance, and, through the grim years, had but one friend with whom I held converse. It was never my instinct to look for help, to seek favour for advancement; whatever step I gained was gained by my own strength. Even as I disregarded favour so did I scorn advice; no counsel would I ever take but that of my own brain and heart. More than once I was driven by necessity to beg from strangers the means of earning bread, and this of all my experiences was the bitterest; yet I think I should have found it worse still to incur a debt to some friend or comrade. The truth is that I have never learnt to regard myself as a "member of society." For me, there have always been two entities—myself and the world, and the normal relation between these two has been hostile. Am I not still a lonely man, as far as ever from forming part of the social order?

許多年輕時(shí)吃苦頭的人都有朋友的支持。倫敦沒(méi)有拉丁區(qū)，但是如饑似渴的文學(xué)新手們通常都有相處融洽的同伴，大都是托特納姆法院路或破敗的切爾西區(qū)閣樓房客。他們創(chuàng)造著自己的“波希米亞人的生活”，并且心下為之自豪。而我的特殊之處在于不是任何圈子的成員，我有意避免濫交朋友，在那段陰暗的歲月中，只有一個(gè)時(shí)常談心的朋友。我本能地不愿求人幫忙，或者尋求晉升的機(jī)會(huì)，我的任何一點(diǎn)進(jìn)步都是憑自己的力量取得的。我對(duì)外界的幫助不屑一顧，也藐視別人的建議；我從不會(huì)采納除自己頭腦和心靈之外任何人的建議。曾經(jīng)不止一次，我迫不得已向陌生人乞討謀生的機(jī)會(huì)，這在我所有經(jīng)歷中是最苦澀的，但可能讓我更無(wú)法忍受的是欠某個(gè)朋友或同事的債。事實(shí)上，我從沒(méi)學(xué)會(huì)將自己視作“社會(huì)成員”。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，永遠(yuǎn)只有兩個(gè)實(shí)體存在—我自己和世界，兩者的正常關(guān)系是敵對(duì)的。就組成社會(huì)秩序之一部分這個(gè)意義上來(lái)講，現(xiàn)在的我不仍然是一個(gè)孤獨(dú)的人嗎？

This, of which I once was scornfully proud, seems to me now, if not a calamity, something I would not choose if life were to live again.

曾經(jīng)我對(duì)此還有一種居高臨下的自豪感，而現(xiàn)在，即使這不算什么災(zāi)難，如果生活能重新來(lái)過(guò)，我想我也不會(huì)作出同樣的選擇了。