蘋果新品來了,看看歪果仁是如何吐槽的

This week Apple unveiled three new iPhones and two new watches, which means its time for the tech conspiracy theorists to go off about their current phones glitching . Just like clockwork, each new product release comes with complaints and, of course, lots and lots of memes.

本周蘋果公司發(fā)布了三款蘋果手機新機型，還有兩款蘋果手表新機型。這意味著，那些持有陰謀論的技術宅們吐槽他們現(xiàn)有的手機的時候又到了。一環(huán)扣一環(huán)，每屆蘋果新品發(fā)布會都會引發(fā)一大撥的吐槽，當然，還有許許多多的惡搞段子。

1. The only upgrade I care about

我唯一關心的升級

Apple's accessories can last only a year. my chargers and headphones are shedding it's skin as soon as it hits a year. Then i thought, APPLE's way of making money every year.

蘋果的手機配件都只有一年的使用壽命。時間一到，我的充電線和耳機都開始脫皮了，然后我就會想，這不就是蘋果公司每年的生財之道嗎?

2. FaceTime with up to 32 people at once.

支持多人即時視頻聊天，最多人數(shù)32人。

Sorry but I don’t know 3 people who would want to talk to me at once.

不好意思，我認識的人中，想要同時跟我聊天的人不超過3個。

Imagine hearing "Can you see me? I can't see you!" 32 times at once! Al right, I can see the necessity of speaking with 20-30 people at once, but I really don't see a reason to use the phone at that time. Such a teleconference usually involves stationary computers, where it makes a lot of sense, much like any teleconference software.

想象一下，同時聽到32個人說“你能看到我嗎?我看不到你啊!”好吧，我承認我有時會需要同時跟20-30個人交談，但我找不出任何理由、在這種情況下用手機作為聊天工具。這樣的多人遠程會議通常會用到臺式電腦，或者其他遠程會議軟件，這樣合情合理的多。

3.With your current account balance, which apple product can you buy?

以你目前的財產收支情況，你買得起蘋果的什么產品?

Apple juice.

蘋果汁

Yeah with the price of the most expensive one I can easily get a new set of summer and winter tyres that I actually need. So it's new tyres, apple juice and sticking with my perfectly functioning IPhone 8.

是的，以售價最高的新機型的價格，我可以買下一套夏季輪胎和冬季輪胎，這才是我真正需要的。所以我得到的是新輪胎，蘋果汁，然后繼續(xù)使用我的蘋果8手機，性能完美喲。

4.New Apple Watch can detect if you’ve fallen down and will call emergency services if you are immobile for one minute.

新款蘋果手表能檢測到你是否摔倒，如果你一分鐘之內保持靜止不動，它就會為你呼叫救護車。

Drinking with an Apple Watch on just got interesting.

帶著蘋果手表去買醉，變成了很有趣的事情喲。

If you trip on a banana skin, brush your knee, and an ambulance comes, will you be ready to pay for the huge insane bill??

如果你不小心踩到香蕉皮滑了一跤，擦傷了膝蓋，你的蘋果手表就為你找來了救護車，你愿意支付高額的急救醫(yī)療費嗎?

5.Yes, for many people it's all about the brand

沒錯，對很多人來說，他們只在乎那個商標。

6.Me: Please make durable charging cables.

我：請生產些耐用的充電線。

Apple: Here take a phone similar to the last one.

蘋果公司：請收下這個跟舊機型差不多的新款手機!

Me: But cable

我:可是我想要充電線。

Apple: Okay take a new watch too

蘋果公司：好吧，請再收下這個新手表。

Me: What about the cable though

我：可是充電線怎么辦……

Meanwhile, the cables get old after a month.

不僅如此，充電線用一個月就老化了。

7.Don’t buy the new iPhone. Impree your friends and save money by simply writing “Sent from my IPhone XS Max” at the end of each email.

無需買新款的蘋果手機，你只需要在每封電子郵件下面寫上“來自我的新蘋果XS Max”就行，這樣既能省錢，還能在朋友面前炫耀一下。

How does owning an iphone impress people, i wonder...

擁有一只蘋果手機就能在朋友面前炫耀嗎?我表示懷疑……

8.Apple Watch series 4 detects fall, detects low heart rate, can do ECG.

蘋果手表4能監(jiān)測佩戴者是否異常摔倒或者心跳異常，還能做心電圖

So they were right“an Apple a day keeps doctor away.”

所以說那句話是對的，“一天一個蘋果，醫(yī)生不來找我。”

That's actually very cool - and something like this would be VERY helpful for older people who live alone.

這個功能確實挺棒的——對于獨居的老人來說，這個功能會非常有用。

9.No, just more expensive to buy and more difficult for the children in China to build.

不，只是賣價更貴，中國的工人做起來也更難了。

10.Method of payment for the new XS and XS Max

購買新款 XS 和XS Max的支付方式

It literally sound like "excess" and "excess max". I think they're just mocking their customers now.

聽起來很像 "excess"(過于昂貴的) and "excess max"(過于昂貴且最大的)。我猜蘋果公司已經開始嘲笑他們的買主了。

11.The new Apple Watch will detect low heart rate and make ECGS.

新款蘋果手表可以檢測心跳異常，可以做心電圖。

The next iPhone will also perform the surgery required to sell your kidney to pay for it.

下一款新型手機說不定會有操作外科手術的功能，你買下手機后，它能幫你摘除腎臟拿去賣掉，以支付新手機所需的費用。

Never fails to make me laugh

看一次笑一次。

12.Now that the new iPhone is out…I can now finally afford a second hand iPhone 4

現(xiàn)在蘋果推出新機型了……我終于可以買下一只二手蘋果4手機了。

As a fellow South African, I feel this on a spiritual level.

作為一個南非土豪，我只能在精神層面上理解你……

13.Once upon a time

很久很久以前。

Does Less. Costs More. It's That Stupid. -Apple

功能更少，價格更高。就是這么傻。——蘋果

14.My iPhone immediately after the Apple Event.

蘋果新品發(fā)布會之后，我的蘋果手機突然就這樣了。

OMG YES! They do it on purpose!

就是這樣，他們肯定是故意的!

15.This is how I see the new iPhone.

這是我眼中的蘋果新機型。

True

千真萬確!

16.Do you remember the time?

你還記得這個時候嗎?

To be fair that was the on contract price Which I would gladly go back to doing.

公允的說，這是協(xié)議價，不過，我還是非常樂意重返這個時候。

17.Difference between iPhone X and iPhone XS Max

蘋果X與蘋果XS Max兩者之間的區(qū)別

barely anything

幾乎沒有區(qū)別

18.Apple doesn’t always launch new products

蘋果公司不會經常發(fā)布新品。

But when they do, they don’t.

萬一他們發(fā)布了新品，他們發(fā)布的也不是新品。

Sigh. I miss him.

哎，我想他了。

19.This is how I see the new iPhone.

我眼中的蘋果新機型。

accurate

就是這樣!

20.The iPhone XXX be like

蘋果XXX會不會是這樣的

iPhone XXXL

加大號蘋果

21.How I feel eveytime I watch an Apple Event.

每次我看蘋果的新品發(fā)布會，我的感受都是這樣的。

Don’t be fooled. She’s just a regular Malibu Stacy with a stupid , cheap hat.

別被騙了，她就是一個普通的Malibu Stacy娃娃，加上一頂又傻氣又便宜的草帽!

But she’s got a new hat.

可是她有新草帽呀!

I want it. I want it. I want it.

我想要!我想要!我想要!

Barbie doll makers = phone makers. same same , diff year is all.

蘋果制造商和玩偶制造商一樣。年年歲歲機相似，僅此而已。