雙語散文|胡 適——差不多先生傳
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差不多先生傳
你知道中國最有名的人是誰？提起此人，人人皆曉，處處聞名。他姓差，名不多，是各省各縣各村人氏。你一定見過他，一定聽過別人談起他。差不多先生的名字天天掛在大家的口頭，因為他是中國全國人的代表。
差不多先生的相貌和你和我都差不多。他有一雙眼睛，但看的不很清楚；有兩只耳朵，但聽的不很分明；有鼻子和嘴，但他對于氣味和口味都不很講究。他的腦子也不小，但他的記性卻不很精明，他的思想也不很細(xì)密。
他常常說：“凡事只要差不多，就好了。何必太精明呢？”
他小的時候，他媽叫他去買紅糖，他買了白糖回來。他媽罵他，他搖搖頭說：“紅糖白糖不是差不多嗎？”
他在學(xué)堂的時候，先生問他：“直隸省的西邊是哪一?。?rdquo;他說是陜西。先生說：“錯了。是山西，不是陜西。”他說：“陜西同山西，不是差不多嗎？”
后來他在一個錢鋪里作伙計；他也會寫，也會算，只是總不會精細(xì)。十字常常寫成千字，千字常常寫成十字。掌柜的生氣了，常常罵他。他只是笑嘻嘻地賠小心道：“千字比十字只多一小撇，不是差不多嗎？”
有一天，他為了一件要緊的事，要搭火車到上海去。他從從容容地走到火車站，遲了兩分鐘，火車已經(jīng)開走了。他白瞪著眼，望著遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的火車上的煤煙，搖搖頭道：“只好明天再走了，今天走同明天走，也差不多?？墒腔疖嚬疚疵馓J(rèn)真了。8點(diǎn)30分開，同8點(diǎn)32分開，不是差不多嗎？”他一面說，一面慢慢地走回家，心里總不明白為什么火車不肯等他兩分鐘。
有一天，他忽然得了急病，趕快叫家人去請東街的汪醫(yī)生。那家人急急忙忙地跑去，一時尋不著東街的汪大夫，卻把西街牛醫(yī)王大夫請來了。差不多先生病在床上，知道尋錯了人；但病急了，身上痛苦，心里焦急，等不得了，心里想道：“好在王大夫同汪大夫也差不多，讓他試試看罷。”于是這位牛醫(yī)王大夫走近床前，用醫(yī)牛的法子給差不多先生治病。不上一點(diǎn)鐘，差不多先生就一命嗚呼了。
差不多先生差不多要死的時候，一口氣斷斷續(xù)續(xù)地說道：“活人同死人也……差……差不多，……凡事只要……差……差……不多……就……好了，……何……何……必……太……太認(rèn)真呢？”他說完了這句格言，方才絕氣了。
他死后，大家都很稱贊差不多先生樣樣事情看得破，想得通；大家都說他一生不肯認(rèn)真，不肯算賬，不肯計較，真是一位有德行的人。于是大家給他取個死后的法號，叫他做圓通大師。
他的名譽(yù)越傳越遠(yuǎn)，越久越大。無數(shù)無數(shù)的人都學(xué)他的榜樣。于是人人都成了一個差不多先生。——然而中國從此就成為一個懶人國了。
Mr. About-the-Same
Do you know who is the most well-known person in China?The name of this person is a household word all over the country. His surname is Cha and his given name, Buduo, which altogether mean "About the Same". He is a native of every province, every county and every village in this country. You must have seen or heard about this person. His name is always on the lips of everybody because he is representative of the whole Chinese nation.
Mr. Cha Buduo has the same physiognomy as you and I. He has a pair of eyes, but doesn't see clearly. He has a pair of ears, but doesn't hear well. He has a nose and a mouth, but lacks a keen sense of smell and taste. His brain is none too small, but he is weak in memory and sloppy in thinking.
He often says, "Whatever we do, it's OK to be just about right. What's the use of being precise and accurate?"
One day, when he was a child, his mother sent him out to buy her some brown sugar, but he returned with some white sugar instead. As his mother scolded him about it, he shook his head and said, "Brown sugar or white sugar, aren't they about the same?"
One day in school, the teacher asked him, "Which province borders Hebei on the west?" He answered, "Shaanxi." The teacher corrected him, "You are wrong. It's Shanxi, not Shaanxi." He retorted, "Shaanxi or Shanxi, aren't they about the same?"
Later Mr. Cha Buduo served as an assistant at a money shop. He could write and calculate all right, but his mathematics were often faulty. He would mistake the Chinese character 十 (meaning 10) for 千 (meaning 1,000) or vice versa. The shop owner was infuriated and often took him to task. But he would only explain apologetically with a grin, "The character 千 differs from 十 in merely having one additional short stroke. Aren't they about the same?"
One day, he wanted to go to Shanghai by train on urgent business. But he arrived at the railway station unhurriedly only to find the train already gone, because he was two minutes late. He stood staring helplessly at the smoke belching from the diminishing train, and shook his head, "Well, all I can do is leave tomorrow. After all, today and tomorrow are about the same. But isn't the railway company taking it too seriously? What's the difference between departing at 8:30 and 8:32?" He walked home slowly while talking to himself and kept puzzling over why the train hadn't waited for him for another two minutes.
One day he suddenly fell ill and immediately told one of his family to fetch Dr. Wāng of East Street. The latter went in a hurry, but couldn't find the physician on East Street. So he fetched instead Veterinarian Wáng of West Street. Mr. Cha Buduo, lying on his sickbed, knew that a wrong person had been brought home. But, what with pain and worry, he could ill afford to wait any longer. So he said to himself, "Luckily, Vet Wáng is about the same as Dr. Wāng. Why not let Vet Wáng have a try?" Thereupon, the veterinarian walked up to his bed to work on him as if he were a cow. Consequently, Mr. Cha Buduo kicked the bucket before an hour was out.
When Mr. Cha Buduo was about to breathe his last, he uttered intermittently in one breath, "Live or die, it's about ... about ... the same ... Whatever we do ... it's OK ... to be ... just ... just about right ... Why ... why ... take it ... so seriously?" As soon as he finished this pet phrase of his, he stopped breathing.
After Mr. Cha Buduo's death, people all praised him for his way of seeing through things and his philosophical approach to life. They say that he refused to take things seriously all his life and that he was never calculating or particular about personal gains or losses. So they called him a virtuous man and honored him with the posthumous reverent title Master of Easy-Going.
His name has spread far and wide and become more and more celebrated with the passing of time. Innumerable people have come to follow his example, so that everybody has become a Mr. Cha Buduo. But lo, China will hence be a nation of lazybones!
胡適（1891—1962）的《差不多先生傳》是一篇針砭社會陋習(xí)的諷刺小品，1924年6月28日發(fā)表在《申報·平民周刊》的創(chuàng)刊號上，曾不脛而走，傳誦一時。此文至今讀來，猶感有極深刻的現(xiàn)實意義。
