◎ Ronit Baras
My newlywed husband said the same thing every morning, “You’re beautiful today.”
我的新婚丈夫每天早晨都會(huì)對(duì)我說(shuō)同樣的話:“你今天真美!”
One glance in the mirror revealed[97] that it was far from the truth.
我只要往鏡子里一瞥,就知道他說(shuō)的根本不是事實(shí)。
A skinny girl with mashed hair on one side of her head and no makeup smiled back at me. I could feel my sticky morning breath.
鏡子里有一個(gè)瘦瘦的、沒化妝的女孩,她那亂亂的頭發(fā)倒向一邊,正微笑地望著我。我還能感覺到早晨起來(lái)時(shí)嘴里那股難聞的氣味。
“Liar,” I shot back with a grin.
“撒謊。”我咧嘴笑著答道。
It was my usual response. My mother’s first husband was not a kind man and his verbal[98] and physical abuse forced her and her two children to find a safe place. He showed up on her doorstep one day with roses. She let him in and he beat her with those roses and took advantage of her. Nine months later she gave birth to a 9 lb. 13 oz. baby girl—me.
我總是這樣回敬我的丈夫。我母親的第一個(gè)丈夫不是一個(gè)善良的男人,他粗暴的言語(yǔ)攻擊和身體虐待迫使我母親帶著兩個(gè)孩子去尋找一個(gè)安全的地方。有一天,他出現(xiàn)在我母親的門前,手捧著一束玫瑰花。她讓他進(jìn)了門,他卻用那些玫瑰花打了她,還強(qiáng)行占了她的便宜。于是,9個(gè)月后,她生下了一個(gè)9磅13盎司重的女孩——就是我。
The harsh words we heard growing up took root. I had trouble seeing myself as someone of value. I had been married two years when I surprised myself. My husband wrapped his arms around me and told me I was beautiful.
成長(zhǎng)過程中,我所聽到的那些刺耳的話語(yǔ)深深地埋藏在我心中。我無(wú)法將自己看成一個(gè)有價(jià)值的人??山Y(jié)婚兩年后,我簡(jiǎn)直驚呆了,因?yàn)槲业恼煞螂p手擁著我,告訴我我是美麗的。
“Thank you,” I said.
“謝謝?!蔽艺f(shuō)。
The same thin girl with the mousy brown hair still stared back at me in the mirror, but somehow the words had finally blossomed in my heart.
鏡子里,同樣瘦弱、一頭灰褐色頭發(fā)的女人正盯著我,可那溫柔的話語(yǔ)終于讓我心花怒放。
A lot of years have passed. My husband has grey in his hair. I’m no longer skinny. Last week I woke up and my husband’s face was inches from mine.
許多年過去了。我的丈夫已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)出了灰白色的頭發(fā),我也不再骨瘦如柴。上周的一天早晨,我醒來(lái)時(shí),發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫的臉離我只有幾英寸的距離。
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“你在干什么?”我問。
I covered my mouth, trying to hide my morning breath. He reached down and kissed my face.
我掩住了自己的嘴,免得讓他聞到嘴里的味道。他俯身過來(lái),親吻了我的臉。
“What I do every morning,” he said.
“做我每天早晨做的事??!”他說(shuō)。
He leaves in the early hours of the morning while I sleep. I miss our morning conversations, but I had not realized that he continued to tell me that he loved me even while I slept. When he left, I rolled over and hugged my pillow. I envisioned the picture of me lightly snoring with my mouth open and giggled.
他總是在清晨時(shí)就得出門,那時(shí)我還在睡覺。我很想念我們之間久違的晨間對(duì)話,可我還未意識(shí)到他一直在告訴我他愛我,即使在我熟睡的時(shí)候。他離開后,我便會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)個(gè)身,抱著一個(gè)枕頭。我想象著自己睡覺時(shí)打鼾、嘴巴微張的樣子,不禁笑出了聲。
What a man! My husband understands my past. He’s been beside me as I’ve grown from an unsure young girl to a confident woman, mother, speaker and author.
他就是這樣一個(gè)男人!我的丈夫知道我的過去。在我從一個(gè)不自信的年輕女子變成一個(gè)成熟自信的女人、母親、演講者和作家的過程中,他一直在我身邊。
But I’m not sure that he understands the part he played in that transition[99] . The words I heard growing up pierced my soul, yet his words pierced even deeper.
可我不確定他是否明白在這個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)變過程中他所扮演的角色。伴我長(zhǎng)大的話語(yǔ)曾那樣刺痛我的靈魂,然而,他的話語(yǔ)更是深深地感動(dòng)了我的靈魂。
This Anniversary Day I plan to wake early. I want to tell Richard how much I love him. He may look in the mirror and see an extra pound or two, or wish for the day when his hair was dark and curly, but all I’ll see is the man who saw something in me when I couldn’t see it myself, and who leaves butterfly kisses, even after twenty-three years of marriage.
今天是結(jié)婚周年紀(jì)念日,我決定早點(diǎn)起來(lái)。我想告訴理查德我有多愛他。照鏡子時(shí),他也許會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己又發(fā)福了,或者期盼著有一天他的頭發(fā)又變得烏黑鬈曲??墒?,在我眼中他是這樣一個(gè)男人:是他發(fā)現(xiàn)了我身上的那些東西,而我未能發(fā)現(xiàn);即便是在結(jié)婚23年后,他還是天天給我留下蝶吻。