傲慢與偏見11 A Young Lady Thinks about Matters
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A Young Lady Thinks about Matters
When she awoke the next morning, Elizabethbegan to think again about the same thoughts which shehad fallen asleep to. It was impossible to think ofanything else, and she did not feel any better. Afterbreakfast , she went out on her favorite walk. Then sheremembered that she had often met Mr. Darcy there,so she walked up a street that ran next to the parkinstead.
She was passing one of the gates when she saw agentleman approaching. Afraid that it was Mr. Darcy,she hurried to turn away. But she was not quickenough and the gentleman stepped forward and calledher name. She recognized the voice of Mr. Darcy. Hewas holding out a letter, and said. looking deeply ather, "Will you do me the honor and read this letter?"
Then, with a slight bow, he turned away and shesoon lost sight of him among the trees.
Elizabeth was very curious. She opened the letterand, walking slowly, began to read it.
"Do not be afraid , madam , by this letter. I donot write about those offers which last night caused youso much pain."
" I hope you will forgive my free action of askingfor your attention , but I must speak to you about twothings that you said I was guilty of. The first wasthat , despite the feelings of both people , I made Mr.Bingley leave your sister - the second was that I hadruined the future wealth of Mr. Wickham . After youread this letter about my actions and their actions andtheir reasons , I hope to be excused of the blame whichyou put on me last night.
" It was not long, in Hertfordshire, before Iknew that Bingley had feelings for your elder sister.In fact, I knew that he liked her more than any otheryoung woman there. Knowing him as I have , I mustsay that I had often seen him in love before. But at thedance at Netherfield , I became aware that his feelingsfor Miss Bennet were much greater than any I hadever seen in him before. I also watched your sister.Her look and manners were open, cheerful andpleasant . But I came to believe that she did not reallycare for Bingley. If you are not mistaken about thetruth of your sister's love, then I am wrong and yourhatred for me. is correct. But other causes, made meworry about Miss Bennet. The social background ofyour mother's family only bothered me a little . Whatreally upset me was their total lack of manners, whichher and your three younger sisters showed that night.Please excuse me. It pains me to hurt you. I hope youunderstand that I have nothing but high feelingstoward the conduct of yourself and Miss Jane Bennet.I only wished to save my friend from what I thoughtto be a most unhappy marriage in the future. I liedand told him that your sister did not return hisfeelings . Then I took him off to London. Please let mealso say there is another part of my actions which I amnot happy with. I hid from Mr. Bingley the fact thatyour sister was also in town. He does not even knowabout it. I now feel that this was a very low way ofacting. If I have hurt your sister's feelings or causedher pain , then I did this unknowingly.
"About injuring Mr. Wickham, which youbrought up last night , I can only explain by tellingyou the history of his connection with my family. Mr.Wickham is the son of a very respectable man. Hisfather had taken care of the management of thePemberley property for many years. My father wasgrateful to him , and supported Mr. Wickham's sonat school. He also continued to support him when hewent to university at Cambridge. Mr. Wickham wasnot able to educate his own son because of lack ofmoney. My father greatly enjoyed the company of Mr.Wickham's son, and he hoped that the son wouldchoose the church as his job. The son's life, however,was full of lazy times and he was not responsible. Buthe was very careful to keep my father from knowingabout his life. However, I was also a young man ofthe same age and it was easy for me to know. Whenmy father died. Wickham wrote me a letter. He saidthat he had decided not to enter into the church.Instead, he had decided to study law. My father hadleft him one thousand pounds, and he said that thiswould not be enough to support him through lawschool. I wished. rather than believed. that he wastelling me the truth. I knew before that he had noplans to work for the church. He left the church andasked for a total of three thousand pounds. I neveranswered and I thought that our relationship wouldend at that time. Though he lived in town , he wasnot studying law. Three years later he wrote to meagain and asked me to give him the three thousandpounds. He said that my father had promised it tohim . Maybe now you can understand why I refused todo so. But this was not the end. Last summer, hecame back into my life. My sister, Georgiana, who issixteen years old, had been at Ramsgate, which iswhere her teacher. a lady , teaches and educates her.Mr. Wickham went there and started to visitGeorgiana . After this , Georgiana was certain that shewas in love with him, and she agreed to a secretmarriage. I went to visit her unexpectedly a day ortwo before they planned to marry. Georgiana couldnot bear the thought of hurting me , so she told me oftheir plan . I wrote a letter to Mr. Wickham askinghim about the marriage , and he left the placeimmediately. It was easy to tell that his main purpose.was getting my sister's fortune, which is thirtythousand pounds . I also cannot help believing that hehoped to take revenge upon me by making my sister'slife miserable .
"These, madam, are the true facts abouteverything we spoke about last night. You maypossibly be wondering why I did not tell you about thislast night. At the time I was very upset by yourrefusal and did not know what I could or ought to say.If you feel the need to check on the truth of theseevents, you can speak to Colonel Fitzwilliam. He wasone of the lawyers of my father's will, so he has muchknowledge of these happenings.
I will only add, God bless you.
DARCY
Elizabeth's feelings were very confused after shefinished the letter. First, she was amazed that hebelieved an apology would fix anything. His reasonsagainst the match between Bingley and Jane made hervery angry. It was all pride on his part.
His story about Mr. Wickham, however, madeher feel surprised and afraid. "It cannot be! It must befalse ! " she told herself. But then she re-read the letterand had no doubt about its truth. She remembered theconversation between Wickham and herself. Sheremembered that he had told her that he did not fearMr. Darcy. Yet he had not attended the Netherfielddance. He had also told another lie - he said that hisrespect for the father would always stop him fromsaying bad things about the son. But how quick he wasto tell her about how Darcy had wronged him!Everything now appeared very differently. This madeElizabeth feel very ashamed of herself. She realized thatshe had been blind, prejudiced, and foolish toward bothDarcy and Wickham.
Then she thought about Jane and her behavior atthe dance. She realized that Jane had not shown herfeelings very strongly. Still, she knew that it was notlike a lady to act so. When she remembered hermother's behavior during the supper at Netherfield, sheunderstood Darcy's belief. She herself had beenembarrassed by Mrs. Bennet's behavior. When sherealized that Jane's disappointment was because of hersisters and mother, she felt unhappier than she hadever been before.
At last she decided to return home. Sheimmediately learned that the two gentlemen fromRosings had each called on her while she was away.Mr. Darcy only stayed for a few minutes, but ColonelFitzwilliam had been sitting with them for at least anhour, hoping for her return. Elizabeth pretended to beconcerned that she had missed him, but she wassecretly grateful. She was too upset for polite talk. Shecould think only of her letter.
The next morning the two gentlemen left Rosings.
