考研英語(yǔ)作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(2)

In the picture,there is an unbalanced(改為imbalanced，imbalance表示“失衡，不平衡”，而unbalance表示“[力]失衡，精神錯(cuò)亂”) seesaw on which the one side sitting a woman with her body shaking(可改為where a women is sitting with her body shaking on the one side), and on the other side,15 men are going down on their knees asking(改為to ask，用動(dòng)詞不定時(shí)表示目的) the woman to marry them. The picture reveals the unbalanced(改為imbalanced)sex ratio in our country. So what causes this phenomenon?In my opinion, there are mainly two reasons. First, the conception "prefer sons to daughters" is very popular in our country. Through(改為Though，through為介詞“通過(guò)”，though則表示“雖然”) it is not as intensive as in the old society, most parents,especially the ones in remote areas still want to have a son. Further more, along with the "Birth control" policy, some parents would(情態(tài)動(dòng)詞使用不當(dāng)，可改為may) choose to abandon their child when they know she is a girl.In order to solve this problem, various measures have to be adopted. As to the government, it should draw up laws to reinforce the punishment of abortion. As to the parents, they should change their prejudice to children, and build up the conception of "It makes no differences if the baby is a girl or a boy". I think under the joint effort of the government and the individuals, the condition of unbalanced(改為imbalanced) sex ratio will be improved in the near future.

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

整體來(lái)說(shuō)，文章寫得不錯(cuò);但還存在個(gè)別簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來(lái)回讀文章，便會(huì)減少不必要的錯(cuò)誤?？佳凶魑牡恼w思路你已經(jīng)基本掌握，后面要做的就是多積累高分佳句，為自己的文章增彩;再者，寫完之后一定要認(rèn)真檢查，減少失分點(diǎn)。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：13分(滿分20分)