GRE寫(xiě)作怎樣修補(bǔ)漏洞

　　The nonmainstream areas can do harm to[1] the society, only when people don't inquire them merely for fun, but for resolution[2] of life instead. It is ignorance because no one in the world could point out way for others, neither does the God[3]. Only those people with confidence have the possibility to successfully solve problems.

　　語(yǔ)言修改

　　Nonmainstream areas can harm society when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignorance, since nobody, not even God, can provide any answers. Only people with confidence can successfully solve their problems.

　　gre作文內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改

　　這是習(xí)作的第三段，作者進(jìn)一步提出如果是為了好玩而相信迷信的東西是沒(méi)有關(guān)系的。假設(shè)你是用迷信的東西來(lái)解決生活問(wèn)題就會(huì)出問(wèn)題。因?yàn)檫@個(gè)世界上沒(méi)有人能夠?yàn)槠渌娜酥该鞯缆?，上帝也不行。他所說(shuō)的最后這句話有點(diǎn)過(guò)于絕對(duì)，很多人是可以為他人指明道路，他們的職業(yè)就是這樣的，比方說(shuō)輔導(dǎo)員、老師。

　　這段與前一段的問(wèn)題一樣，只闡明了觀點(diǎn)，但是沒(méi)有提出任何的例證來(lái)支持觀點(diǎn)。只說(shuō)論點(diǎn)，不講證據(jù)是中國(guó)學(xué)生的普遍問(wèn)題。另外，在英語(yǔ)國(guó)家里，上帝是主流的而不是“非主流的”。在內(nèi)容上又有點(diǎn)偏題。文章的題目是主流與非主流，可以定義為科學(xué)與迷信，但是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社會(huì)是居于主流地位的。這一段的措辭有點(diǎn)像是討論科學(xué)與宗教的關(guān)系，這是不恰當(dāng)?shù)?。不過(guò)，這篇習(xí)作有一個(gè)突出的優(yōu)點(diǎn)就是每一段的開(kāi)頭句都有topic sentence開(kāi)宗明義。

　　如果想要使這段的論述更加充實(shí)，不妨添加下面這些例子。如一個(gè)人如果得病的話應(yīng)該去找醫(yī)生而不是去找算命的。星象學(xué)家也許會(huì)相信星座的移動(dòng)造成了流行性感冒，但是真正治療感冒癥狀的可能是阿司匹林。另外，不能只提出只有那些具備信心和解決問(wèn)題能力的人才能克服困難，要用例子支持一下，可以舉出如果因?yàn)樾亲鶎谡f(shuō)你在找工作方面有非常好的運(yùn)氣，你就對(duì)一次找工作的面試掉以輕心，那就可能會(huì)把好機(jī)會(huì)糟蹋了。這就是對(duì)“只有那些有信心的人、有自信的人才能解決問(wèn)題”的說(shuō)明。

　　gre作文修改范例

　　Nonmainstream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. A person who becomes ill should seek help from a health care professional but should not resort to consulting a fortune-teller. Astrologers may believe that the rotation of planets accounts for influenza, yet aspirin is definitely more effective in treating its symptoms. As for individuals, only people with confidence and problem-solving skills can surmount difficulties. If you treat an important interview lightly just because the astrology column says that you have fabulous luck in job-hunting, you may ruin a great opportunity.

　　gre作文原稿(第四段)

　　And[4] the mainstream science plays the very vital role to provide people with reasonable methods[5]. These science are based on practical experiments, carefully analize and reasoning[6]. They may not seem as good as those nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.

　　語(yǔ)言修改

　　On the other hand, science plays the very vital role of providing people with reasoned[7] methods to conduct life. Science is based on practical experiments, careful analysis, and reasoning. They may not seem as miraculous as nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.

　　gre作文內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改

　　這一段大問(wèn)題跟前面類似，只是提出了主流的科學(xué)給人們提供合理的方法。這些科學(xué)是基于實(shí)驗(yàn)，仔細(xì)的分析和邏輯的方法的。它們看上去不如非主流的追求那樣滿足人們的追求，但是卻能給人提供真正的幫助。這是作者的觀點(diǎn)，但是沒(méi)有具體說(shuō)明科學(xué)是如何給人們提供合理的方法，缺乏真正能夠支持論點(diǎn)的實(shí)例。下面的修改范例在內(nèi)容上對(duì)原稿進(jìn)行了補(bǔ)充。不僅提出科學(xué)不像那些迷信那樣能夠給人們提供奇跡的、不可思議的方法，但是在科學(xué)樸實(shí)的外表之下它能夠給人們帶來(lái)真正的幫助，并例舉了

　　具體的科學(xué)門(mén)類所給人們提供的幫助。

　　gre作文修改范例

　　On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply demonstrated that, science based on experiments and analysis, provide people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Psychology explains human behavior. Sociology enlightens people on their relationship with their surrounding environment. Modern medicine has advanced so much that it is now possible to predict cancer even before a child is born.

　　gre作文原稿(第五段)

　　Generally speaking, the so-called[8] nonmainstream areas color our life to a great extent, but we should believe in[9] the mainstream science when we want to resolve problems[10].

　　gre作文語(yǔ)言修改

　　Mainstream areas color our lives to a great extent, but we should put our trust in mainstream science when we want to solve real problems.

　　習(xí)作總評(píng)

　　這篇習(xí)作所犯的錯(cuò)誤非常有代表性，提出的觀點(diǎn)幾乎完全沒(méi)有例證。這是中國(guó)學(xué)生最大的通病。許多學(xué)生似乎覺(jué)得如果觀點(diǎn)是公認(rèn)的，就不需要例證了。但是現(xiàn)在是在考寫(xiě)作能力，其中最重要的一條就是能否用恰當(dāng)?shù)乩C支持觀點(diǎn)。至于觀點(diǎn)是否新穎還是其次的考量。

　　第二個(gè)錯(cuò)誤，也是非常普遍的錯(cuò)誤就是沒(méi)有表現(xiàn)出對(duì)問(wèn)題的復(fù)雜性的理解。有老師把這一點(diǎn)說(shuō)成是“表達(dá)復(fù)雜思想的能力”。這樣說(shuō)不準(zhǔn)確。GRE作文不要求表達(dá)“復(fù)雜的思想”,而是表現(xiàn)出洞悉議題的復(fù)雜性的能力。GRE的題目往往不是黑白分明的，你可以有自己的觀點(diǎn)，多么強(qiáng)烈都可以，但是從第一段起，就要注意展現(xiàn)對(duì)問(wèn)題復(fù)雜性的認(rèn)識(shí)。具體說(shuō)，就是認(rèn)識(shí)到你反駁或不同意的觀點(diǎn)往往也有它的道理。

　　[1] “Do harm to”改為“harm”，因?yàn)檫@樣說(shuō)更直接。英語(yǔ)里有 “does more harm than good”, “did little harm”這樣的表達(dá)法，但是“對(duì)…有害”應(yīng)該直接用 “harm”, 或者be harmful to, be detrimental to.

　　[2] “resolution” 是“決心”的意思，如New Year resolution. 此外還有“決議”的意思，如：a resolution of the dispute.“解決問(wèn)題”中的“解決”要用“solve” 或者“solution”。

　　[3] “the God”改為“God ”或是“the Gods”。

　　[4]表示轉(zhuǎn)折的詞中and是很少用的。這一段和上一段的關(guān)系是轉(zhuǎn)折，應(yīng)該用but。

　　[5]原稿中只提到了methods，而沒(méi)有說(shuō)是干什么的方法。改后稿改為methods to conduct life，具體說(shuō)明了處理生活的方法。

　　[6]第二句犯了parallelism的錯(cuò)誤，不能夠真正的平行。practical experiments是個(gè)名詞, carefully analize 是副詞加動(dòng)詞，而reasoning是動(dòng)名詞。“科學(xué)看上去不如非主流的追求那樣滿足人們的追求。”這句話在內(nèi)容上也是有問(wèn)題的。

　　[7] reasoned表示“合乎邏輯的”，reasonable表示“較為合理的”不一定是合乎邏輯的。reasonable還表示“費(fèi)用不高的”。

　　[8] 用法錯(cuò)誤：“So-called”暗示所提及的內(nèi)容不是真正意義上的非主流，只是這樣叫罷了。

　　[9] believe in: 信仰, trust, put trust in: 信任。

　　[10] resolve conflict解決沖突，解決問(wèn)題直接用solve problems就可以了。real problem表示現(xiàn)實(shí)當(dāng)中的問(wèn)題。