雙語讀?。篊all me by ...（一）51:我能一輩子，永遠(yuǎn)忍受

I was trying to sound arch and mysterious, as though referring to a realm of human experience about which someone like him wouldn’t have the slightest clue. But I had only managed to sound peevish and hysterical.
A less canny reader of the human soul would have seen in my persistent denials the terrified signs of a flustered admission about Chiara scrambling for cover.
A more canny observer, however, would have considered it a lead-in to an entirely different truth: push open the door at your own peril—believe me, you don’t want to hear this. Maybe you should go away now, while there’s still time.
 
我努力讓我的話聽起來調(diào)皮、神秘，好似透露一個(gè)像他那種人完全不可能理解的秘密，可實(shí)際聽起來卻只有暴躁和歇斯底里。
就算是一個(gè)不那么精明的觀察者，也能從我的執(zhí)意否認(rèn)中，看出我只是驚惶不安地拿奇亞拉當(dāng)幌子。
然而，更加敏銳的觀察者，卻能以此為引子，探知完全不同的真相推開這扇門，但后果請(qǐng)自負(fù)——相信我，你不會(huì)想聽到真相的。或許你該及時(shí)掉頭離開。
 
But I also knew that if he so much as showed signs of suspecting the truth, I’d make every effort to cast him adrift right away. If, however, he suspected nothing, then my flustered words would have left him marooned just the same. In the end, I was happier if he thought I wanted Chiara than if he pushed the issue further and had me tripping all over myself. Speechless, I would have admitted things I hadn’t mapped out for myself or didn’t know I had it in me to admit. Speechless, I would have gotten to where my body longed to go far sooner than with any bon mot prepared hours ahead of time. I would have blushed, and blushed because I had blushed, fuddled with words and ultimately broken down—and then where would I be? What would he say?
Better break down now, I thought, than live another day juggling all of my implausible resolutions to try again later.
No, better he should never know. I could live with that. I could always, always live with that. It didn’t even surprise me to see how easy it was to accept.
 
但我也知道，只要他稍微露出一點(diǎn)對(duì)真相表示懷疑的跡象，我就會(huì)不遺余力地讓他再度陷入茫然。然而，如果他毫不起疑，我慌亂不安的言詞可能同樣使他孤立無援。到頭來，與其他繼續(xù)追究，搞得我作繭自縛，倒不如讓他以為我對(duì)奇亞拉有意思，我還比較開心一些。說不出口，我本可能承認(rèn)自己尚未小心、籌劃或者根本不知道已經(jīng)在我心里生根發(fā)芽的那些東西。說不出口，比起幾小時(shí)前事先準(zhǔn)備好的任何妙語，我可能更容易抵達(dá)身體渴望去的地方。我可能會(huì)臉紅，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)是滿臉通紅、胡言亂語、終至崩潰——接著我將如何？他會(huì)怎么說？
我想，與其再花一整天對(duì)關(guān)于“回頭再試”的所有不切實(shí)際的決定思來想去，還不如現(xiàn)在就崩潰的好。
不，最好他永遠(yuǎn)也不知道。我能忍受。我能一輩子，永遠(yuǎn)忍受。我甚至一點(diǎn)都不驚訝自己能如此輕易接受。