真正高情商的人是怎樣的？

You’re curious about people. It doesn't matter if they're introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. And you should be a good judge of character. Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they're about, and understand what they're going through.

你對(duì)人很好奇。無(wú)論是內(nèi)向型還是外向型，情商高的人對(duì)周?chē)娜硕己芎闷?。你?yīng)該是一個(gè)很好的性格判斷者。情商大部分來(lái)自于社會(huì)意識(shí)；讀人的能力，了解他們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么，了解他們正在經(jīng)歷什么。

很難被冒犯到或許也是高情商的人具備的能力。而且就算有這個(gè)能力，遠(yuǎn)離“有毒的人”也是必修功課。

You are difficult to offend. If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it's difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin.
你很難被冒犯到。如果你對(duì)自我有一個(gè)清楚堅(jiān)定的認(rèn)識(shí)，那么別人就很難說(shuō)出或做出一些讓你生氣的事情。情商高的人自信而開(kāi)明，繼而臉皮夠厚。

get your goat：讓你生氣

High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos.
高情商的人通過(guò)控制自己的情緒來(lái)控制與討厭的人的互動(dòng)。如果他們需要面對(duì)一個(gè)討厭鬼，他們會(huì)理性地處理這種情況。他們會(huì)識(shí)別自己的情緒，不會(huì)讓?xiě)嵟虼鞌「屑觿』靵y事態(tài)。

在此之上，委婉是情商最顯著的特征。顯然，網(wǎng)絡(luò)表情包里的年輕人和說(shuō)著“情商高很重要”的長(zhǎng)輩們都掌握了委婉禮貌的語(yǔ)言工具。

但年輕人們調(diào)侃解構(gòu)“情商”的意味更濃：既揶揄了“委婉曲折”的方式，又強(qiáng)化了話語(yǔ)中的意圖和含義。嘴上是“小眾品牌”，但就是想說(shuō)“你賣(mài)不出去”。

“高情商”在中英文語(yǔ)境中的差別

回溯詞源會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，側(cè)重“社交禮貌”本身就是“情商”這個(gè)詞在中文語(yǔ)境的本地化。其含義與英文語(yǔ)境中emotional quotient (EQ) 已經(jīng)大不相同。

中文語(yǔ)境中的“高情商”更多是群體向的，講究禮貌、會(huì)說(shuō)話、委婉；雖然二者都講究“對(duì)他人要友好”，但英文中的EQ還側(cè)重個(gè)人心理健康——不僅在乎別人的情緒，也關(guān)照自身的情緒管理。

高情商的人通常詞匯量豐富且善于準(zhǔn)確描述情感，從而能更好地處理情緒。

You have a robust emotional vocabulary. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” or “anxious.”
你有豐富的情感詞匯。高情商的人能掌握他們的情緒是因?yàn)樗麄兝斫庾约旱那榫w，并且使用大量的情感詞匯來(lái)做到這一點(diǎn)。雖然許多人可能會(huì)簡(jiǎn)單地將自己描述為感覺(jué)“糟糕”，但情商高的人可以準(zhǔn)確地判斷自己是感到“易怒”、“沮喪”，還是“焦慮”。

The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
你選擇的詞越具體，就越能夠準(zhǔn)確了解自己的情緒，情緒背后的原因是什么，以及如何處理這些情緒。

就自身而言，EQ高的人通常不會(huì)苛求完美、善于從壓力中抽離。

更有趣的是，情商高的人可能不會(huì)過(guò)量喝咖啡，而且睡得飽。

你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，情商高不只是待人接物，更是關(guān)照自身情緒——睡好當(dāng)然有助于情緒管理。

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. You also disconnect by keeping your stress under control. You limit your caffeine intake. Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response.
情商高的人不會(huì)有完美主義傾向，因?yàn)樗麄冎劳昝朗遣淮嬖诘摹Ｄ阋部梢酝ㄟ^(guò)控制壓力來(lái)保持疏離。同時(shí)你也會(huì)限制咖啡因的攝入量。過(guò)量飲用咖啡因會(huì)釋放腎上腺素，而腎上腺素能激起“戰(zhàn)斗/逃跑反應(yīng)”。

The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.
戰(zhàn)斗/逃跑機(jī)制會(huì)讓人回避理性思考，它激起更快的反應(yīng)以自我保護(hù)。當(dāng)一只熊在追你時(shí)，這是好事兒，但當(dāng)你回復(fù)一封措辭唐突無(wú)禮的電子郵件時(shí)，該機(jī)制就無(wú)益了。當(dāng)咖啡因使你的大腦和身體處于這種極度興奮的壓力狀態(tài)時(shí)，你的情緒會(huì)越過(guò)你的行為。高情商的人知道咖啡因是個(gè)麻煩，因此不會(huì)受制于咖啡因。

curt：簡(jiǎn)短而失禮的；唐突無(wú)禮的

網(wǎng)絡(luò)世界的高情商語(yǔ)錄通常只是“陰陽(yáng)怪氣”的變體，禮貌委婉是外皮，諷刺揶揄才是內(nèi)里。

但說(shuō)話委婉本身卻沒(méi)錯(cuò)。例如朋友叫你出去玩，你不想馬上答應(yīng)，又不好生硬拒絕的時(shí)候，在英文中就可以說(shuō)：“My schedule is flexible.”（我的安排有調(diào)整空間。）

When making plans with friends or family, saying your schedule is “flexible”, rather than “empty” or “free”, is powerful. You can limit the length or frequency of any activities as well as appear more “in demand”, while not placing any hard limits.
跟家人或朋友做計(jì)劃時(shí)，最好是說(shuō)你的安排“有調(diào)整空間”，別說(shuō)“我沒(méi)事兒”，也別說(shuō)“我有空”，這很有用。你可以控制任何活動(dòng)的時(shí)長(zhǎng)和頻次，同時(shí)可以看起來(lái)像“在忙”，又不用真的設(shè)定什么硬性限制。