海倫·凱勒自傳《我的生活》第49期

　　第二十章

　　The struggle for admission to college was ended, and I could now enter Radcliffe whenever I pleased. Before I entered college, however, it was thought best that I should study another year under Mr. Keith. It was not, therefore, until the fall of 1900 that my dream of going to college was realized.

　　為踏入大學校門所做的拼搏結(jié)束了，現(xiàn)在，只要我愿意，我隨時都可以進入拉德克利夫?qū)W院。然而，在入學之前，人們認為最為穩(wěn)妥的計劃，就是我應(yīng)該在凱斯先生門下再學一年。因此，直到1900年秋天，我才實現(xiàn)了上大學的夢想。

　　I remember my first day at Radcliffe. It was a day full of interest for me. I had looked forward to it for years. A potent force within me, stronger than the persuasion of my friends, stronger even than the pleadings of my heart, had impelled me to try my strength by the standards of those who see and hear. I knew that there were obstacles in the way; but I was eager to overcomethem. I had taken to heart the words of the wise Roman who said, "To be banished from Rome is but to live outside of Rome." Debarred from the great highways of knowledge, I was compelled to make the journey across country by unfrequented roads—that was all; and I knew that in college there were many bypaths where I could touch hands with girls who were thinking, loving and struggling like me.

　　我仍然記得入學第一天的情景，對我而言，那真是興味盎然的一天。我期盼這一天已經(jīng)很多年了。在我心里蘊涵著一股強大的力量，它比朋友們的規(guī)勸更具有說服力，它甚至比我內(nèi)心的祈求更加強烈，它驅(qū)策我竭盡全力向那些耳目功能俱全的正常人看齊。我深知行路艱難，但是我有克服一切困難的雄心。我將睿智的古羅馬格言銘記于心：“雖然被逐出羅馬，卻依舊活在羅馬城下。”我已被阻擋在知識的大道之外，那么我只能迫使自己穿越人跡罕至的鄉(xiāng)村小路——這就是我所做的一切。我當然知道大學里面遍布著許多條這樣的小路，在行進途中，我用雙手觸摸到的姑娘們都懷著和我一樣的心理，她們勤于思考，熱愛知識，而且斗志昂揚。

　　I began my studies with eagerness. Before me I saw a new world opening in beauty and light, and I felt within me the capacity to know all things. In the wonderland of Mind I should be as free as another. Its people, scenery, manners, joys, tragedies should be living, tangible interpreters of the real world. The lecture-halls seemed filled with the spirit of the great and the wise, and I thought the professors were the embodiment of wisdom. If I have since learned differently, I am not going to tell anybody.

　　我滿懷激情地開始了我的大學生涯。在我面前，我看到了一個光明而美麗的新世界;內(nèi)心深處，我已經(jīng)做好了接納一切知識的準備。在神奇的精神王國里，我會擁有像其他人一樣的自由。這個王國的子民、風景、習俗、歡樂和悲傷也應(yīng)該是鮮活而真切的。這里的講堂擠滿了偉大而睿智的靈魂，我把講臺上的教授們視做智慧的化身。

　　But I soon discovered that college was not quite the romantic lyceum I had imagined. Many of the dreams that had delighted my young inexperience became beautifully less and "faded into the light of common day." Gradually I began to find that there were disadvantages in going to college.

　　但是我很快就發(fā)現(xiàn)大學并非如我想象的那樣浪漫。我那年幼無知的美麗夢想隨即變得暗淡無光，如同平淡無奇地過日子。漸漸地，我開始感受到了上大學的種種不利因素。

　　The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one’s thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures—solitude, books and imagination—outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.

　　令我感觸最深的是時間不夠用。過去，我習慣于利用時間來思考問題或表達觀點。我們會在某個夜晚圍坐在一起，傾聽發(fā)自心靈的歌聲，只有在悠閑恬靜的時刻，你才能聽到詩一般的旋律在深深地撥動著靈魂的心弦。但是在大學里，你沒有時間同自己的思想談心。你上大學就是為學習來的，似乎并不是為了思考而來的。一旦你步入學習的大門，你就要把最鐘情的樂趣——獨處、書籍和幻想——連同颯颯作響的松樹一起留在外面。我想我應(yīng)該從思想中尋找到一些慰藉，并以此作為我未來幸福的積蓄。但問題是我沒有足夠的資本來支取當下的快樂，因而也不可能儲存對抗凄風苦雨的財富。