《渺小一生》:“這太蠢了。”

　 That had been two months ago, and now they were standing in the cold on their roof, and that window was their only hope. “Fuck, fuck,” he groaned. His head hurt. “Just tell me how to do it, and I’ll open it.”

那是兩個月前了，現(xiàn)在他們站在屋頂?shù)暮L中，那扇窗子成了他們唯一的希望?！霸撍赖模彼緡伒?，他的頭好痛，“告訴我怎么做就好了，我會破解的?！?

　 “It’s too difficult,” Jude said. By now they had forgotten Malcolm and JB were standing there, watching them, JB quiet for once. “I won’t be able to explain it.”

“太難了?！濒玫抡f。此時他們已經(jīng)忘記馬爾科姆和杰比也站在旁邊，看著他們，杰比難得沒開口?！拔覜]辦法解釋?！?

　 “Yeah, I know you think I’m a fucking moron, but I can figure it out if you only use small words,” he snapped.

“是，我知道你認為我是個他媽的智障。不過如果你用簡單的話解說，我聽得懂的。”他兇巴巴地說。

　 “Willem,” said Jude, surprised, and there was a silence. “That’s not what I meant.”

“威廉，”裘德驚訝地說，然后頓了一下，“我不是這個意思?！?

　 “I know,” he said. “Sorry. I know.” He took a deep breath. “Even if we were to do this, though—and I don’t think we should—how would we even lower you down?”

“我知道?！彼f，“對不起，我知道?！彼钗豢跉?，“就算我們要用這個辦法好了——我實在覺得不應(yīng)該——那我們要怎么把你放下去？”

　 Jude walked to the edge of the roof, which was bordered on each side by a flat-topped shin-high wall, and peered over it. “I’ll sit on the wall looking out, directly above the fire escape,” he said. “Then you and JB should both sit by it. Each of you hold one of my hands with both of your own, and then you’ll lower me down. Once you can’t reach anymore, you’ll let go and I’ll drop the rest of the way.”

屋頂邊緣的四周環(huán)繞著一道高至小腿的平頂矮墻。裘德走到屋頂邊，往下看著墻?！拔颐娉庾谶@道墻上，就在防火梯正上方。”他說，“然后你和杰比兩個人坐在墻里頭，一人抓住我一只手，把我慢慢放下去。等到?jīng)]辦法再往下放了，就松手，讓我跳下去?！?

　 He laughed, it was so risky and dumb. “And if we did this, how would you reach the bedroom window?”

他大笑，這計劃聽起來又冒險又愚蠢：“如果我們成功了，你要怎么夠到臥室的窗子？”

　 Jude looked at him. “You’re going to have to trust I can do it.”

裘德看著他：“你們只好相信我能做到了?！?

　 “This is stupid.”

“這太蠢了。”

　 JB stopped him. “This is the only plan, Willem. It’s fucking freezing out here.”

杰比插嘴了：“威廉，這是唯一的方案了。這里他媽的冷死了?！?

　 And it was; only his rage was keeping him warm. “Have you not noticed his whole fucking arm is completely bandaged up, JB?”

的確，他是靠著怒氣才保持溫暖的。“杰比，你沒發(fā)現(xiàn)他有一整只手臂都他媽的包著繃帶嗎？”

　 “But I’m fine, Willem,” said Jude, before JB could respond.

“可是威廉，我沒事?！濒玫?lián)屧诮鼙乳_口之前說。

　 It was ten more minutes of the two of them bickering until Jude finally marched back over to the edge. “If you won’t help me, Willem, Malcolm will,” he said, although Malcolm looked terrified as well.

他們兩個又吵了十分鐘，裘德才大步走到屋頂邊緣?！巴绻悴粠臀?，馬爾科姆會幫我的?！彼f，雖然馬爾科姆看起來也很害怕。

　 “No,” he said, “I will.” And so he and JB knelt and pressed themselves against the wall, each holding one of Jude’s hands with both of their own. By now it was so cold that he could barely feel his fingers close around Jude’s palm. He had Jude’s left hand, and all he could sense anyway was its cushion of gauze. As he squeezed it, an image of Andy’s face floated before him, and he was sick with guilt.

“不?！蓖f，“我會幫你?！庇谑撬徒鼙裙蛳聛?，身體靠著矮墻，用雙手各抓住裘德的一只手。此時他的手指已經(jīng)凍得快麻痹了，幾乎感覺不到手指底下裘德的手掌。他握的是裘德的左手，唯一能感覺到的就是厚厚的繃帶。當他用力握緊時，安迪的臉浮現(xiàn)在眼前，害他羞愧得想吐。

　 Jude pushed off the side of the ledge, and Malcolm gave a little moan that ended in a squeak. Willem and JB leaned over as far as they could, until they were in danger of tipping over the edge themselves, and when Jude called to them to let go, they did, and watched him land in a clatter on the slat-floored fire escape beneath them.

裘德的身子翻出了矮墻。馬爾科姆輕輕呻吟一聲，聽起來像尖叫。威廉和杰比的身子盡可能往下探，直到他們自己也快要翻下去。此時裘德叫他們放手，他們照做，然后看著他嘩的一聲落在下方防火梯的鐵柵平臺上。

　 JB cheered, and Willem wanted to smack him. “I’m fine!” Jude shouted up to them, and waved his bandaged hand in the air like a flag, before moving over to the edge of the fire escape, where he pulled himself up onto its railing so he could start untangling the implement. He had his legs twined around one of the railing’s iron spindles, but his position was precarious, and Willem watched him sway a little, trying to keep his balance, his fingers moving slowly from numbness and cold.

杰比歡呼，威廉很想賞他一巴掌?！拔覜]事！”裘德往上朝他們喊，同時舉起包著繃帶的手，像一面旗子一樣揮舞著，然后走到防火梯平臺的邊緣，爬到欄桿上，開始破解窗子上的那個機關(guān)。他的雙腿緊緊纏繞著一根欄桿，但那個姿勢很危險，威廉看到他微微搖晃，想保持平衡，手指在寒風中緩緩移動著。

　 “Get me down there,” he said to Malcolm and JB, ignoring Malcolm’s fluttery protests, and then he went over the edge himself, calling down to Jude before he did so his arrival wouldn’t upset his equilibrium.

“把我也放下去?！彼麑︸R爾科姆和杰比說，沒理會馬爾科姆焦急的抗議。他先往下喊，通知裘德自己要下去，免得破壞他的平衡，然后便翻過屋頂邊緣的矮墻。

　 The drop was scarier, and the landing harder, than he had thought it would be, but he made himself recover quickly and went over to where Jude was and wrapped his arms around his waist, tucking his leg around a spindle to brace himself. “I’ve got you,” he said, and Jude leaned out over the edge of the railing, farther than he could have done on his own, and Willem held on to him so tightly that he could feel the knuckles of Jude’s spine through his sweater, could feel his stomach sink and rise as he breathed, could feel the echo of his fingers’ movements through his muscles as he twisted and unkinked the twigs of wire that were fastening the window into its stile. And when it was done, Willem climbed onto the railing and into the bedroom first, and then reached out again to pull Jude in by his arms, careful to avoid his bandages.

落下去比他想的更可怕，摔得也比他預(yù)期的更重，但他很快就起身，趕到裘德旁邊，雙手環(huán)抱住他的腰，一腿鉤著欄桿撐住自己。“我抓住你了。”他說。裘德傾斜身子探出欄桿，超過了原先他獨自能夠到的距離。威廉把他抱得好緊，都可以感覺到他毛衣底下的一節(jié)節(jié)脊椎，他呼吸時腹部的起伏，透過肌肉可以感受到他的手指正扭動著，試圖解開固定著窗框的鐵絲。等到他解開來，威廉爬到欄桿上，先進入臥室，然后伸出雙臂把裘德拉進去，同時留意不要碰到他的繃帶。

　 They stood back on the inside, panting from the effort, and looked at each other. It was so deliciously warm inside this room, even with the cold air gusting in, that he at last let himself feel weak with relief. They were safe, they had been spared. Jude grinned at him then, and he grinned back—if it had been JB before him, he would’ve hugged him out of sheer stupid giddiness, but Jude wasn’t a hugger and so he didn’t. But then Jude raised his hand to brush some of the rust flakes out of his hair, and Willem saw that on the inside of his wrist his bandage was stained with a deep-burgundy splotch, and recognized, belatedly, that the rapidity of Jude’s breathing was not just from exertion but from pain. He watched as Jude sat heavily on his bed, his white-wrapped hand reaching behind him to make sure he would land on something solid.

他們往后退，站在房間里喘氣，看著對方。雖然冷空氣不斷從窗子涌進來，但室內(nèi)的溫暖太舒適了，他終于讓自己癱軟下來。他們安全了，他們得救了。裘德朝他咧嘴而笑，他也笑開了。如果眼前是杰比，他就會開心地擁抱他，但裘德不習(xí)慣擁抱，于是他沒動。但接著，裘德舉起一只手撥掉頭發(fā)上的鐵銹碎屑，威廉看到他手腕內(nèi)側(cè)的繃帶新染上了一塊深紫紅的污點，這才后知后覺地發(fā)現(xiàn)，裘德急速的呼吸不光是因為剛剛辛苦了半天，也是因為疼痛。他看著裘德退到床邊，包著白色紗布的手探到后頭摸索確認，然后重重坐在床上。

　 Willem crouched beside him. His elation was gone, replaced by something else. He felt himself weirdly close to tears, although he couldn’t have said why.

威廉蹲在他旁邊。他的興高采烈消失了，取而代之的是另一種情緒。他覺得自己就要掉淚了，但說不上來為什么。