雙語(yǔ)名著·追風(fēng)箏的人 The Kite Runner(210)

12歲的阿富汗富家少爺阿米爾與仆人哈桑情同手足。然而，在一場(chǎng)風(fēng)箏比賽后，發(fā)生了一件悲慘不堪的事，阿米爾為自己的懦弱感到自責(zé)和痛苦，逼走了哈桑，不久，自己也跟隨父親逃往美國(guó)。

成年后的阿米爾始終無(wú)法原諒自己當(dāng)年對(duì)哈桑的背叛。為了贖罪，阿米爾再度踏上暌違二十多年的故鄉(xiāng)，希望能為不幸的好友盡最后一點(diǎn)心力，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)驚天謊言，兒時(shí)的噩夢(mèng)再度重演，阿米爾該如何抉擇?

故事如此殘忍而又美麗，作者以溫暖細(xì)膩的筆法勾勒人性的本質(zhì)與救贖，讀來(lái)令人蕩氣回腸。

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TWENTY-FIVE
They won’t let me in.
I see them wheel him through a set of double doors and I follow. I burst through the doors, the smell of iodine and peroxide hits me, but all I have time to see is two men wearing surgical caps and a woman in green huddling over a gurney. A white sheet spills over the side of the gurney and brushes against grimy checkered tiles. A pair of small, bloody feet poke out from under the sheet and I see that the big toenail on the left foot is chipped. Then a tall, thickset man in blue presses his palm against my chest and he’s pushing me back out through the doors, his wedding band cold on my skin. I shove forward and I curse him, but he says you cannot be here, he says it in English, his voice polite but firm. “You must wait,” he says, leading me back to the waiting area, and now the double doors swing shut behind him with a sigh and all I see is the top of the men’s surgical caps through the doors’ narrow rectangular windows.
He leaves me in a wide, windowless corridor crammed with people sitting on metallic folding chairs set along the walls, others on the thin frayed carpet. I want to scream again, and I remember the last time I felt this way, riding with Baba in the tank of the fuel truck, buried in the dark with the other refugees. I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away. There will be no other reality tonight. I close my eyes and my nostrils fill with the smells of the corridor, sweat and ammonia, rubbing alcohol and curry. On the ceiling, moths fling themselves at the dull gray light tubes running the length of the corridor and I hear the papery flapping of their wings. I hear chatter, muted sobbing, sniffling, someone moaning, someone else sighing, elevator doors opening with a bing, the operator paging someone in Urdu.
I open my eyes again and I know what I have to do. I look around, my heart a jackhammer in my chest, blood thudding in my ears. There is a dark little supply room to my left. In it, I find what I need. It will do. I grab a white bedsheet from the pile of folded linens and carry it back to the corridor. I see a nurse talking to a policeman near the restroom. I take the nurse’s elbow and pull, I want to know which way is west. She doesn’t understand and the lines on her face deepen when she frowns. My throat aches and my eyes sting with sweat, each breath is like inhaling fire, and I think I am weeping. I ask again. I beg. The policeman is the one who points.I throw my makeshift _jai-namaz_, my prayer rug, on the floor and I get on my knees, lower my forehead to the ground, my tears soaking through the sheet. I bow to the west. Then I remember I haven’t prayed for over fifteen years. I have long forgotten the words. But it doesn’t matter, I will utter those few words I still remember: ??La iflaha ii Allah,Muhammad u rasul ullah. There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger. I see now that Baba was wrong, there is a God, there always had been. I see Him here, in the eyes of the people in this corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him, not the white masjid with its bright diamond lights and towering minarets. There is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need, I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is. I bow to the west and kiss the ground and promise that I will do _zakat_, I will do _namaz_, I will fast during Ramadan and when Ramadan has passed I will go on fasting, I will commit to memory every last word of His holy book, and I will set on a pilgrimage to that sweltering city in the desert and bow before the Ka’bah too. I will do all of this and I will think of Him every day from this day on if He only grants me this one wish: My hands are stained with Hassan’s blood; I pray God doesn’t let them get stained with the blood of his boy too.
I hear a whimpering and realize it is mine, my lips are salty with the tears trickling down my face. I feel the eyes of everyone in this corridor on me and still I bow to the west. I pray. I pray that my sins have not caught up with me the way I’d always feared they would.

第二十五章
他們不讓我進(jìn)去。
我看見(jiàn)他們推著他，穿過(guò)一些雙層門(mén)，我跟在后面，沖進(jìn)一扇又一扇的門(mén)，聞到碘酒和消毒水的味道，但我所來(lái)得及看到的，是兩個(gè)戴著手術(shù)帽的男人和一個(gè)穿著綠色衣服的女人圍在輪床之上。我看見(jiàn)白色床單從輪床側(cè)面垂落，拂著污穢的花格地磚。一雙鮮血淋漓的小腳從床單下面伸出來(lái)，我看見(jiàn)左腳大腳趾的指甲被削掉了。接著有個(gè)穿藍(lán)色衣服的高壯漢子用手掌壓住我的胸口，將我從門(mén)口往后推，我的皮膚能感覺(jué)到他那冰涼的結(jié)婚戒指。我向前掙扎，咒罵他，但他用英語(yǔ)說(shuō)你不能留在這兒，聲音禮貌而堅(jiān)決?！澳惚仨毜??！彼f(shuō)，領(lǐng)著我回到等候?，F(xiàn)在雙層門(mén)在他身后砰地關(guān)上，透過(guò)門(mén)上狹窄的長(zhǎng)方形窗口，我只見(jiàn)到那男人的手術(shù)帽。
他把我留在一條寬大的走廊上，沒(méi)有窗，墻邊的金屬折疊椅上坐滿了人，還有人坐在薄薄的破地毯上。我又想尖叫。我想起上次有這種感覺(jué)，是跟爸爸在油罐車(chē)的油罐里面，埋在黑暗和其他難民之間。我想把自己撕成碎片，離開(kāi)這個(gè)地方，離開(kāi)現(xiàn)實(shí)世界，像云朵那樣升起，飄蕩而去，融進(jìn)濕熱的夏夜，在某個(gè)遙遠(yuǎn)的地方，在山丘上方飄散。但我就在這兒，雙腳沉重如水泥塊，肺里空氣一瀉而空，喉嚨發(fā)熱。無(wú)法隨風(fēng)而去。今晚沒(méi)有別的世界。我合上雙眼，鼻子里塞滿走廊的種種味道：汗水和氨水的氣味、藥用酒精和咖喱的氣味。整條走廊的天花板上布滿昏暗的燈管，飛蛾圍繞，我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)它們拍打翅膀的聲音。我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)談話聲、默默的啜泣聲、擤鼻聲；有人在呻吟，有人在哀嘆，電梯門(mén)砰地一聲打開(kāi)，操作員用烏爾都語(yǔ)呼喊某人。
我再次睜開(kāi)眼，知道自己該做些什么。我四周環(huán)顧，心臟怦怦地在胸口跳動(dòng)，耳朵聽(tīng)得見(jiàn)血液流動(dòng)的聲音。我左邊有間又暗又小的儲(chǔ)藏室，我在里面找到自己想要的東西。用它就好了。我從一堆折疊好的白色尼龍床單中抽出一條，帶回走廊。我看見(jiàn)護(hù)士在休息室附近和一名警察交談。我拉拉那名護(hù)士的手肘，問(wèn)她哪個(gè)方位是西邊。她沒(méi)聽(tīng)懂，眉頭一皺，臉色的皺紋更深了。我喉嚨發(fā)痛，汗水刺痛了雙眼，每次呼吸都像在噴火，我想我在哭泣。我又問(wèn)一聲，苦苦哀求，警察把方向指給我。我在地面鋪開(kāi)那張濫竽充數(shù)的禱告毯，雙膝跪倒，頭磕在地上，淚水濕透了床單。我朝西彎下腰，那時(shí)我才想起自己已經(jīng)不止十五年沒(méi)禱告過(guò)了，早巳把禱詞忘得一干二凈。但這沒(méi)有關(guān)系，我會(huì)說(shuō)出依然記得的片言只語(yǔ)：惟安拉是真主，穆罕默德是他的使者?，F(xiàn)在我明白爸爸錯(cuò)了，真主真的存在，一直存在。我看到他在這里，從這條絕望的走廊的人群眼里見(jiàn)到。這里才是真主真正的住所，正是在這里，而非在那些發(fā)出鉆石般明亮光芒的尖塔聳立的清真寺，只有那些失去真主的人們才能找到真主。真主真的存在，他必須存在，而如今我將禱告，我會(huì)祈禱他原諒我這些年來(lái)對(duì)他的漠然不覺(jué)，原諒我曾經(jīng)背叛、說(shuō)謊、作惡而未受懲罰，只有在我的危難時(shí)刻才想起他。我祈禱他如經(jīng)書(shū)記載的那樣慈悲、仁愛(ài)、寬宏。我朝西方磕頭，親吻地面，承諾我將會(huì)施天課，將會(huì)每天禱告，承諾我在齋月期間將會(huì)素食，而當(dāng)齋月結(jié)束，我會(huì)繼續(xù)素食，我將會(huì)熟背他的圣書(shū)中每個(gè)字，我將會(huì)到沙漠中那座濕熱難當(dāng)?shù)某鞘腥コ?，也?huì)在天房之前磕頭。我將會(huì)踐行所有這些，從今日后，將會(huì)每天想起他，只要他實(shí)現(xiàn)我的這個(gè)愿望：我的手已經(jīng)沾上哈桑的血，我祈求真主，別讓它們也沾上這個(gè)小男孩的血。
我聽(tīng)到嗚咽聲，意識(shí)到正是自己發(fā)出來(lái)的，淚水從臉上汩汩而下，流過(guò)嘴唇，讓我嘗到咸味。我感到走廊上每個(gè)人都在看著我，而我依然朝西方磕頭。我祈禱。我祈禱別以這種我向來(lái)害怕的方式懲罰我的罪行。