品茗經(jīng)典-Unit 05 What Motherhood Really Means 母愛的真諦
What Motherhood Really Means
Time is running out for my friend. While we are sitting at lunch she casually mentions she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know , " she says , " no more sleeping in on weekends , no more spontaneous holidays..."
But that's not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal , but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be vulnerable forever.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without thinking: "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children , she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I looked at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is , becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.
I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will he professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting, and she will think her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is all right.
I want my friend to know that every decision will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at a restaurant will become a major dilemma. The issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may he lurking in the lavatory. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the added weight of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her own life, now so important, will be of less value lo her once she has a child. She would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years not to accomplish her own dreams — but to watch her children accomplish theirs.
I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a ball. 1 want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog lor the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.
My friend's look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," 1 say finally. Then, squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way inlo this holiest of callings.
母愛的真諦
歲月如梭，朋友已經(jīng)老大不小了。我們坐在一起吃午飯的時(shí)候，她不經(jīng)意提到她和她丈夫正考慮“要小孩”。她的意思不外乎是說，她的生物鐘開始進(jìn)入倒計(jì)時(shí)，不得不考慮為人之母的事情了。
“我正在做一項(xiàng)調(diào)查，”她半開玩笑地說道。“你覺得我該要小孩嗎？”
“它會(huì)改變你的生活，”我謹(jǐn)慎的回答道，盡量使自己的語(yǔ)氣保持客觀。
“這我知道，”她答道。“周六睡不成懶覺，再也不能隨心所欲的休假了。。”
但我說的絕非這些。我在琢磨該怎么跟她說。我想讓她知道她在分娩課上永遠(yuǎn)不可能學(xué)到的東西；分娩的有形傷口可以愈合，但是做母親的情感傷口會(huì)裸露在外，她因此變得永遠(yuǎn)脆弱。我想告誡她：每當(dāng)她看報(bào)紙時(shí)就會(huì)情不自禁地聯(lián)想：“如果那是我的孩子可如何是好？”每一次飛機(jī)失事，每一場(chǎng)火災(zāi)，都會(huì)讓她提心吊膽。每當(dāng)看到那些忍饑挨餓的孩子們的照片，她就會(huì)思索：世上還有什么比眼睜睜地看著自己的孩子餓死更悲慘的呢？
我打量著她精修細(xì)剪的指甲和時(shí)尚前衛(wèi)的著裝，心想：不管她打扮得多么精致，做了母親后，她會(huì)變得像護(hù)崽的母熊那樣原始。一聲緊急的呼喊--“媽咪!”會(huì)讓她毫不猶豫地甩掉最好的水晶。
我覺得應(yīng)該提醒她，不管她在職業(yè)生涯上打拼了多少年，一旦為人之母，工作就會(huì)脫離常軌。她當(dāng)然可以請(qǐng)人照顧孩子，但說不定哪天她要去參加一個(gè)非常重要的商務(wù)會(huì)議，卻忍不住想起寶寶身上的甜甜乳香。她不得不拼命克制自己，才不至于為了看看孩子是否安然無(wú)恙而中途跑回家。
我想讓朋友知道，她將再也不能按部就班地去過每一天。在餐館，5歲的男孩想進(jìn)男廁而不愿進(jìn)女廁將成為擺在她眼前的一大難題。尊重孩子的獨(dú)立性和性別意識(shí)，還是冒險(xiǎn)被潛伏在廁所的兒童性騷擾者侵害？任憑她在辦公室多么果斷干練，作為一名母親，她就得經(jīng)常左思右想。
注視著我這位漂亮迷人的朋友，我想讓她放心，她最終會(huì)恢復(fù)到懷孕前的體重，但是她對(duì)自己的感覺已然不同。對(duì)她來(lái)說，她現(xiàn)在非常珍視的生命將隨著孩子的誕生而變得微不足道。為了救自己的孩子，她時(shí)刻愿意獻(xiàn)出自己的生命。而且她也開始了新一輪的期盼，不是為了實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的夢(mèng)想，而是看著她的孩子夢(mèng)想成真。
我朋友和她丈夫的關(guān)系也會(huì)發(fā)生變化，只是并非她現(xiàn)在想的那樣。我希望她能理解，對(duì)一個(gè)總是細(xì)心地給嬰兒搽粉或從來(lái)都毫不猶豫地和孩子玩耍的男人，你真是愛也愛不夠，我想她應(yīng)該知道，她會(huì)由于一些現(xiàn)在看來(lái)毫不浪漫的原因而再次深深地戀上丈夫。
我想向朋友形容自己看到孩子學(xué)會(huì)擊棒球時(shí)的喜悅之情，與她分享寶寶第一次觸摸狗狗絨毛時(shí)的捧腹大笑。我想讓她感受這些快樂，這真實(shí)得令人心痛的快樂。
朋友疑惑的表情讓我意識(shí)到自己已是熱淚盈眶。“你永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)后悔，”我最后說道。然后，我緊緊地握住朋友的手，為她，為我，也為每一位艱難跋涉，準(zhǔn)備響應(yīng)那神圣召喚的平凡女性獻(xiàn)上自己的祈禱。
