托福閱讀材料：奧巴馬上脫口秀節(jié)目

Host：Could someone back there please turn off the President's mic? I think the President's mic is hot, please turn it off. Thank you. Thank you.

后臺哪位幫忙把總統(tǒng)的麥克風(fēng)關(guān)一下?我覺得總統(tǒng)的麥克風(fēng)沒有關(guān)，請幫忙關(guān)一下，謝謝，謝謝。

(首爾核峰會上奧巴馬與梅德韋杰夫的私聊由于沒關(guān)麥克風(fēng)被曝光，之前的G20戛納峰會中同樣因?yàn)闆]關(guān)麥克風(fēng)而曝光了他與薩科齊的私聊，兩次事件都在國內(nèi)掀起軒然大波。)

Obama：Great. I gotta get warmed up. I...I'm so in love...God! I totally had that. Seriously guys, what am I doing here?

太棒了，我來個熱身。我……我太愛你……(一月份演講時他唱過Al Green這首歌)天哪!我真是擅長唱歌!說正經(jīng)的各位，我來這是干什么的?

I'm the President of the United States, and I'm openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclear codes, why am I telling "knock knock" jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway?

我可是美國總統(tǒng)啊，我竟然為吉米·凱莫(ABC電視臺深夜脫口秀主持人)熱場?我是手握核武器的統(tǒng)領(lǐng)(美國總統(tǒng)有一只廣為流傳的“核按鈕手提箱”，里面存放著啟動美國核武器的密碼)，干嘛要來這給卡戴珊講“敲門”笑話?她到底為啥出名呢?

(卡戴珊最著名的標(biāo)簽是“帕麗斯·希爾頓的好友”，她是羅伯特·卡戴珊的女兒，奧多姆的大姨子?？ù魃阂蛐詯垡曨l而出名。)

That's it. Next year we send Biden. Now you're right. It's way too risky.

我受夠了。明年讓拜登替我來好了。你說得對，這么干太危險。(拜登可是口誤帝)

Wow, look at my hair. It really went gray. Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the "Just For Men" scale. I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.

哇，看我的頭發(fā)。一片灰白啊!你說我要是染黑一點(diǎn)會有人發(fā)現(xiàn)不?按照“Just For Men”(著名染發(fā)產(chǎn)品)的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，我如今只剩5分黑了。我覺得我要是染成6分黑也應(yīng)該不會有人注意吧。

Is the teleprompter working? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what I'm saying tonight.

提詞器準(zhǔn)備好沒?(自嘲演講全靠提詞器)開什么玩笑?那我一會上場怎么說話啊?我根本不知道今晚要說點(diǎn)什么。

Man! I could really use a cigarette right now.

唉，現(xiàn)在真想抽根煙!(自嘲以前是煙鬼)

Okay, okay, I'm going. God forbid we keep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.

好了好了，這就上場。誰敢讓查克·陶德(美國國家廣播公司政治中心主管)和Glee劇組久等啊!

Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.

女士們先生們，掌聲有請美國總統(tǒng)!

Obama：Thank you! Good evening everybody. Good evening! I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. That is great crowd. They're already laughing. It's terrific.

謝謝!晚上好各位，晚上好!今天我懷著無比激動的心情來出席白宮記者晚宴。這觀眾太好了，還沒開始就笑成這樣，太好了!

Chuck Todd -- love you, brother. I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here. And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man. What’s so funny?

查克·陶德，哥們我愛你哦!我很高興見到Glee劇組也到場了。還有吉米·凱莫，真是榮幸啊!有啥好笑的?

My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary. Last year at this time -- in fact, on this very weekend -- we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.

親愛的美國同胞們，我們歡聚在這具有歷史意義的周年紀(jì)念日。去年的這個時候，實(shí)際上正是在同一個周末，我們終于將世界上最臭名昭著的惡人正法。(“大惡人”Trump中槍，去年晚宴被猛烈吐槽)

Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people. So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama. My mother was born in Kansas. My father was born in Kenya. And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.

今年，在白熱化的大選季我們再次聚首，Axelrod(奧巴馬的顧問)說我不應(yīng)該錯過任何重新向美國人民介紹自己的機(jī)會。所以今晚我打算就這樣開場：我名叫貝拉克·奧巴馬，我母親出生在堪薩斯，我父親出生在肯尼亞，而我出生在：當(dāng)然是夏威夷。(自嘲出生證明事件)

In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges. Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W. Bush. Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences; yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots. And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight. Let’s give them a big round of applause.

2009年我就任總統(tǒng)時面臨眾多艱巨挑戰(zhàn)?，F(xiàn)在許多人說我把太多問題歸咎于前任身上，但大家別忘了，這樣的做法是小布什首創(chuàng)的。(這句本身就是推給前任)從那時起，國會跟我就矛盾不斷，但我盡量保持風(fēng)度，從不陰損吐槽。所以我今天要特別感謝那些從無所事事的百忙之中抽空到場的國會議員。(這就是cheap shot陰損吐槽啊)大家把熱烈的掌聲獻(xiàn)給他們吧。

Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.

盡管險阻重重，但自我上任以來，許多事都有所改變，四年前，我跟希拉里在初選中斗得你死我活;四年后，她一喝多就從Cartagena給我發(fā)短信(希拉里最近走紅的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓門的發(fā)生地)。

Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider. Four years later, I’m at this dinner. Four years ago, I looked like this. Today, I look like this. And four years from now, I will look like this. That’s not even funny.

四年前，我是首都政界圈外人;四年后，我出現(xiàn)在白宮晚宴上。四年前，我長這樣;四年后，我長這樣;再過四年，我就會長成這樣了(摩根·弗里曼)。一點(diǎn)也不好笑。

Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper. I mean, look at this party. We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference. Unbelievable. Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.

總之，我很高興今晚來到這宏偉輝煌的希爾頓舞廳，或者用羅姆尼的話來說叫“日久失修的小破屋”(暗指羅姆尼是富二代)。我想說，瞧這派對，有穿著燕尾服的紳士，穿晚禮服的淑女，醉人美酒和一流演出——聽說這不是GSA大會我才放心(聯(lián)邦政府總務(wù)署公款吃喝事件)。難以置信啊!連讀心術(shù)都看不到他們腦子里的想法(指腦袋空空)。

Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C. -- a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.

當(dāng)然了，白宮記者晚宴又被成為“首都畢業(yè)舞會”。發(fā)明這個詞的記者顯然從沒真正參加過真正的畢業(yè)舞會。

Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel -- who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic -- people who fall asleep during Nightline. Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show. In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.

我們今晚的“監(jiān)護(hù)人”是吉米·凱莫(指畢業(yè)舞會的成年監(jiān)護(hù)人)，他是這個職位的不二人選，因?yàn)榻裢碛^眾都是他的目標(biāo)人群:那些看Nightline(凱莫節(jié)目之前播出的晚新聞)睡著沒關(guān)電視的人。吉米多年前在“男人秀”出道。在華盛頓，“男人秀”是關(guān)于女性避孕藥品的國會聽證(聽證會全是男人出席)。

And plenty of journalists are here tonight. I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize. You deserve it, Arianna. There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day. Give them a round of applause. And you don’t pay them -- it's a great business model.

今晚眾多媒體人到場，我必須要恭喜“赫芬頓郵報(bào)”獲得普利策獎。Arianna(該報(bào)女掌門)，你們當(dāng)之無愧!沒人能像你們一樣每天“鏈接”到這么多的犀利新聞(指赫芬頓郵報(bào)的新聞都是盜用別家鏈接)。請把掌聲獻(xiàn)給他們。你們還不付原作者錢，這是偉大的經(jīng)營模式啊!

Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show -- which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious. A little soy sauce.

連佩林都重返舞臺了，在“今日秀”做嘉賓主持。這使我想起一句老話：“冰球老媽和牛頭犬有什么不同”(這句的內(nèi)涵是說二者一樣)。牛頭犬的味道好極了。(自嘲6歲吃狗肉事件)再加點(diǎn)醬油。

Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich. Newt, there's still time, man. But I'm not going to do that -- I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates. Take Mitt Romney -- he and I actually have a lot in common. We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree. We also both have degrees from Harvard; I have one, he has two. What a snob.

現(xiàn)在，說道這里我知道很多人都在期待我出言攻擊未來的對手，金里奇。紐特你還來得及啊!但我不會那么做。我不會攻擊任何共和黨候選人。比如魯姆你，我們兩個其實(shí)有很多共同點(diǎn)，我們都認(rèn)為自己的老婆比自己更優(yōu)秀。而且民意調(diào)查顯示，令人震驚而難堪的是，很大一部分美國人也這樣認(rèn)為(他倆都沒老婆受歡迎)。我們都有哈佛的學(xué)位，我有一個，他有兩個。真是勢利小人。

Of course, we've also had our differences. Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon. In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show. Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games -- some of you have seen it. It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing. I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him. I have not seen The Hunger Games; not enough class warfare for me.

當(dāng)然我倆也有不同之處，近年來他的競選團(tuán)隊(duì)批評我和吉米·法倫表演的“最慢新聞風(fēng)”。實(shí)際上，我知道羅姆尼州長氣瘋了，一直問手下能否上“Merv Griffin秀”(1986年就停播的電視節(jié)目)也來這么一長段。而且我舉得羅姆尼最近的心情還是不錯的，因?yàn)榍皫滋焖闀r間去看了“饑餓游戲”，有些人看過了，電影講述的是一群人圍了取悅贊助人殘忍搏殺，直到剩下最后一位幸存者的故事。他看了這片子絕對可以轉(zhuǎn)換心情啊。我還沒看過“饑餓游戲”，對我來說片中的“階級斗爭”還不夠(共和黨將稅務(wù)問題稱為“階級斗爭”)。

Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits. Dogs, however, are apparently fair game. And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly,I think crossed the line. I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick? (Video is played.)

當(dāng)然我知道大家都認(rèn)為本屆選戰(zhàn)將會不擇手段，幸好，我們都同意不可殃及家人。但是對于狗，顯然就是公平競爭了。雙方陣營都拿這事玩得很開心。某天我看到這段外圍組織制作的視頻，說實(shí)話，我覺得過分了。我知道羅姆尼自稱跟他的“超級PAC”絕無串通，我們來看一下這段宣傳廣告吧。(播放視頻)

That’s pretty rough，but I can take it,because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.

這一段太兇殘了，但我還能忍受得住。因?yàn)槲业睦^父經(jīng)常教導(dǎo)我，這是個“童咬狗”的世界(被羅姆尼陣營曝光的6歲吃狗肉事件)。

Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the--let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right. So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.

現(xiàn)在，如果我真的贏得連任，我想告訴所有熱愛陰謀論的右派朋友，你們認(rèn)為我企圖進(jìn)行某些秘密計(jì)劃，你們說得一點(diǎn)沒錯。所以結(jié)尾部分我要預(yù)告一下在我的第二任期內(nèi)將出現(xiàn)的秘密計(jì)劃。

In my first term, I sang Al Green; in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy. Michelle said, yeah. I sing that to her sometimes. In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq; in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas. In my first term, we repealed the policy known as "don't ask, don't tell" -- wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men. In my first term, we passed health care reform; in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.

在我的第一任期我唱了Al Green的歌，在我的第二任期，我要唱Young Jeezy。米歇爾說：“好啊。”我有時候會給她唱。在我的第一任期我們結(jié)束了伊拉克戰(zhàn)爭，在第二任期，我們會打贏“圣誕之戰(zhàn)”(共和黨上綱上線捏造的戰(zhàn)爭)。在我的第一任期，我們推翻了“不問不說”政策(軍隊(duì)的歧視同性戀政策)，先別急，在我的第二任期，我們會將此政策替換成“漫天男人”(經(jīng)典的同性戀歌曲)。在我第一任期，我們通過了醫(yī)保改革;在我的第二任期，我想我得再通過一次(共和黨企圖推翻醫(yī)保改革)。

I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note -- whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face. And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize. And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.

其實(shí)我想用正經(jīng)點(diǎn)的內(nèi)容做今晚的結(jié)語，無論明年一月誰宣誓就職都會面臨嚴(yán)峻的考驗(yàn)，但他也會繼承使我們能戰(zhàn)勝考驗(yàn)的傳統(tǒng)精神。今晚各位所代表的就是這樣的傳統(tǒng)精神。媒體自由讓我們不怕質(zhì)疑，敢于調(diào)查，直言批判。而為了這樣的目標(biāo)，你們所有人都做出了犧牲。

Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin-- who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time. So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do. I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time -- and I certainly like to return the favor-- but I never forget that our country depends on you. You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.

今晚，讓我們來紀(jì)念像Anthony Shadid和Marie Colvin這樣的勇敢記者(都是在國外報(bào)道時去世)，他們?yōu)榱藢?dāng)代最重大的新聞公諸于世做出了崇高的犧牲。所以無論你是博客作者還是廣播主持，無論你是在國內(nèi)盡力報(bào)道還是在海外身處險境，我都對你們的事業(yè)表示最高的尊敬和贊賞。我知道有時候你們讓我不好過，我也非常想讓你們不好過。但我從未忘記我們的國家要仰仗你們。你幫助捍衛(wèi)我們的自由、我們的民主和我們的生活方式。

And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners. In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.

最后說正經(jīng)的，我確實(shí)喜歡參加這樣的晚宴。事實(shí)上我還準(zhǔn)備了很多段子，但我得讓特勤工們早點(diǎn)回家跟妻子報(bào)到。

Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you.

非常感謝各位，謝謝!