五年后的熱門(mén)職業(yè)會(huì)有哪些？

The world around us is changing so quickly that only those who don’t even try to understand it have any chance of dealing with it. Jobs that used to pay the bills will soon fade into the murk along with such former occupations as stevedore, elevator operator, and the guy who separates editorial content from advertising. The good news is that as old careers disappear, new ones are arising to take their place. Here are just a few.

Fitbit walker: Face it. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or inclination to do your steps. This employee will don your wearable tech and do your 10,000 for you, making sure you stay in shape.

Identity broker: Increasingly, our "real" selves are simply too quotidian to make it where it counts in the virtual space. These entrepreneurs will provide personae that are much more engaging and marketable. I plan to be a pugnacious, idealistic mountaineer looking for fun, but still capable of deep commitment if the right person comes along.

Online shaming consultant: Along with an Internet rage manager, these professionals will work with you to make sure that you’re properly gang-bullying the right people on Twitter and Facebook and not being attacked by the angry mob yourself for a random joke, comment, or honest opinion.

Self-driving-car driver: Silicon Valley will have its way, and at some point pretty soon none of us will have the right or ability to drive ourselves. Instead, vehicles powered by AI almost as stupid as we are will be in control. When they get into trouble, individuals capable of running a yellow light in order to avoid an accident will be needed.

Genuine friend locator: I have many "friends" who are unknown to me. When they wish me happy birthday, it’s about as meaningful as when a talking elevator tells me to have a nice day. Somewhere buried in all those contacts, I must have some real friends who mean something to me. This person will help me find them.

Disrupter disrupter: I’m sick of these buttheads and their enablers in the media and would pay big money to see somebody with some mad skills mess them up.

Emoji exterminator: There are simply too many. Some must die.

Geriatric navigator: Egotistical billionaire moguls are working hard to live forever. It appears they’ll be around for 10, 20, even 40 years longer than prior generations. By the time they hit 120, they’ll be physically fine but unable to tell which end is up or how many third homes they own.

Cyber-pet euthanizer: What do you do with a 60-year-old cyborg Shih Tzu who won’t stop its high, strobed-out barking? Someone will be needed to take Fluffy out and gently remove its tiny little silicon brain center.

Brain rebooter: Drugs will appear soon that make us smarter, faster, and more fun at parties. In addition, they’ll tend to separate our cerebellums from our corpora callosa. Enter this specialist to get our heads back together—until we choose to scramble them again.

Dirt farmer: What’s old is new again. Experts tell us we’re only about 30% through the whole climate change thing. When the entire world is covered with nothing but dust, we’re still going to need broccoli.

Funeral director on Mars: Elon Musk wants to die there. He’s been right about a lot of things so far. A clear opportunity for the right mortician awaits.

我們身邊的世界變化太快，只有那些甚至都不試圖去理解它的人，才有機(jī)會(huì)去應(yīng)對(duì)它。曾經(jīng)提供薪水的那些工作，很快就會(huì)像裝卸工、電梯操作員和區(qū)分社論和廣告的職位一樣，消失在歷史長(zhǎng)河之中。好消息是，舊的工作會(huì)消失，新的工作又會(huì)涌現(xiàn)。以下僅舉幾例。

帶上手環(huán)替你跑：面對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)吧。有時(shí)候你沒(méi)有時(shí)間或是不想走路。請(qǐng)個(gè)人，讓他戴上你的可穿戴設(shè)備，替你走上1萬(wàn)步，這樣就能確保你心安理得了。

營(yíng)造身份幫你裝：我們的“真實(shí)”自我實(shí)在太平凡，越來(lái)越難在現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中脫穎而出。這些經(jīng)紀(jì)人可以為我們營(yíng)造更有魅力、更有賣(mài)相的形象。我計(jì)劃成為一個(gè)尋找樂(lè)趣、斗志高昂、理想主義的登山家，就算內(nèi)行出現(xiàn)，我也仍然很難被識(shí)破。

對(duì)付網(wǎng)絡(luò)暴民：與網(wǎng)絡(luò)怒氣管理者一道，這些專(zhuān)家可以幫助你避免在Twitter和Facebook惹到不該惹的人，同時(shí)不會(huì)因?yàn)槟尘渫嫘?、評(píng)論或誠(chéng)實(shí)的觀點(diǎn)遭到憤怒的網(wǎng)絡(luò)暴民圍攻。

幫你開(kāi)自動(dòng)駕駛汽車(chē)：硅谷會(huì)繼續(xù)發(fā)展自動(dòng)駕駛汽車(chē)，很快，我們可能都沒(méi)有權(quán)利和能力來(lái)自己開(kāi)車(chē)了。但實(shí)際上，驅(qū)動(dòng)這些汽車(chē)的人工智能幾乎和我們一樣笨，也得有人控制。當(dāng)這些汽車(chē)遭遇麻煩時(shí)，能夠讓汽車(chē)亮起黃燈避免事故的人就需要登場(chǎng)了。

尋找真正的朋友：我有許多不熟的“好友”。他們祝我生日快樂(lè)，就和電梯語(yǔ)音讓我今天過(guò)得愉快一樣，意義不大。在這些聯(lián)系的背后，我需要有一些對(duì)我有意義的真實(shí)的好友。這個(gè)人能幫助我找到他們。

修理高調(diào)的成功人士：我已經(jīng)受夠了這些傲慢的混蛋和在媒體上吹噓他們的人，愿意花大價(jià)錢(qián)讓某個(gè)擁有瘋狂技術(shù)的人把他們修理一翻。

根除表情符號(hào)：現(xiàn)在的表情太多了，是時(shí)候去掉一些了。

老壽星幫手：自負(fù)的富豪名流想要努力獲得永生?？雌饋?lái)他們可能會(huì)比上一代人多活10年、20年甚至40年。到他們120歲的時(shí)候，他們可能身體還行，但是分辨不出哪邊是北，或是擁有多少套住房了。

給電腦寵物實(shí)施安樂(lè)死：一只已經(jīng)60歲的電子獅子狗還在高亢地吼叫，你應(yīng)該怎么辦?這時(shí)候你需要一個(gè)人來(lái)打開(kāi)它蓬松的腦袋，關(guān)掉它那個(gè)小小的硅制腦中樞。

重啟你的大腦：很快就會(huì)誕生讓我們?cè)谂蓪?duì)聚會(huì)上變得更聰明、更快、更風(fēng)趣的藥物。此外，它們可能還會(huì)把我們的小腦從腦胼胝體中分離。我們可以找這樣的專(zhuān)家來(lái)把我們的腦子組合在一起——直到我們決定再次把大腦搞得一團(tuán)糟。

自耕農(nóng)：古老的事物又要重新出現(xiàn)了。專(zhuān)家告訴我們，氣候變化的進(jìn)程目前只進(jìn)行了30%。當(dāng)整個(gè)世界只剩下塵土?xí)r，我們依然需要吃蔬菜。

火星葬禮承辦人：伊隆·馬斯克想要死在火星上。到目前為止，他預(yù)測(cè)對(duì)了很多事情。這是殯葬業(yè)者期待的好機(jī)會(huì)。