暮光之城?暮色 第198期:第十二章 平衡(14)
“你確定?”
"Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish — we're down to atwo, maybe three years' supply."
“完全肯定，爸爸。還有，冰箱里的魚少得有點(diǎn)危險(xiǎn)——我們只剩下可吃兩年，或者三年的存量了。”
"You're sure easy to live with, Bella." He smiled.
“你能撐得過去的，貝拉。”他笑了起來。
"I could say the same thing about you," I said, laughing. The sound of my laughter was off, buthe didn't seem to notice. I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's adviceand told him where I would be. Almost.
“對(duì)你我也可以這樣說。”我說著，大笑起來。我的笑聲有些突兀，但他沒注意到。我為欺騙他而深感內(nèi)疚，幾乎就要采納愛德華的建議，告訴他要去那里了。只是幾乎。
After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately it wasthe kind of job that only keeps hands busy. My mind definitely had too much free time, and itwas getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was verynearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myselfthat I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I pulled his note out of my pocket muchmore often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. He wants me to besafe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desirewould win out over the others. And what was my other choice — to cut him out of my life?Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him. But atiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much… if it endedbadly.
晚飯后，我把衣服疊好，又放了一堆進(jìn)烘干機(jī)。不幸的是，這種工作只能讓手忙著。我的腦子依然無所事事，于是它完全失控了。我在兩種念頭間動(dòng)蕩不安著，一方面我的期望是如此的強(qiáng)烈以致于這種感覺幾近痛苦，而另一方面一種潛伏著的恐懼正蠶食著我的決心。我不得不一再地提醒自己，我已經(jīng)作出了我的選擇，而且我不打算回頭。我太過頻繁地把他的字條從口袋里拿出來看，汲取著他所寫的兩個(gè)小小的字。他希望我平安，我一遍又一遍地告訴自己。我只需要堅(jiān)信著這一點(diǎn)，最終，這個(gè)渴望將戰(zhàn)勝一切別的念頭。而我的另一個(gè)選擇——把他從我的生活里剔除掉又會(huì)怎么樣呢?這將是我生命中不能承受之痛。此外，從我來到福克斯時(shí)起，他就已經(jīng)成為了我的生命中的一切。 但在我心底的一個(gè)小小的聲音在擔(dān)心著，想知道這會(huì)不會(huì)非常地讓人受創(chuàng)……如果結(jié)局不好的話。
I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far toostressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberately took unnecessarycold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn'tcondone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough withoutme being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugsto kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would weartomorrow.
當(dāng)時(shí)間已經(jīng)太晚，已經(jīng)到了睡覺時(shí)間的時(shí)候，我很是寬慰。我知道自己太緊張，根本沒法睡著，所以我做了一件我從沒做過的事。我故意吃了點(diǎn)感冒藥，盡管我并不需要——這種藥片能讓我昏睡過去，好好地睡上八個(gè)小時(shí)。正常情況下我不會(huì)寬恕自己的這種行為，但明天的情況已經(jīng)夠復(fù)雜的了，我沒有必要在所有別的事情之外，再雪上加霜地讓自己因?yàn)樗卟蛔愣杌璩脸?。在我等著藥物生效的時(shí)候，我擦著自己洗得干干凈凈的頭發(fā)，直到它直得無懈可擊為止，然后焦躁不安地準(zhǔn)備好明天要穿的衣服。
