Quora精選：兩難的選擇

Q: Due to my circumstances, I have to pick between my girlfriend, whom I absolutely love, and my dream job, which pays 5 times as much as I currently make. What do I do?

出于一些個(gè)人原因，我必須在女友和工作之間做出選擇，我真的很愛我的女友，但這份工作是我夢(mèng)寐以求的，工資是現(xiàn)在的5倍。我該怎么做才好？

Essentially, I have to pick between love and an incredible career due to relocation etc. I absolutely cannot have both.

大體上來說，因?yàn)楣ぷ鞯攸c(diǎn)的變更，我必須在愛情和一份極其理想的工作等之間做出選擇，兩者不能兼得。

Answered by Justin Cremer

Justin Cremer的回復(fù)：

I had this choice once. I chose the girl.

我也有過這種抉擇，我當(dāng)時(shí)選了愛情。

It is the only regret I have in my life.

而這是我一生中唯一的遺憾。

The job was on a NASCAR pit crew.

我本來可以在全國(guó)運(yùn)動(dòng)汽車競(jìng)技協(xié)會(huì)（NASCAR）當(dāng)后勤維修人員。

The girl is long-gone. As was the NASCAR opportunity by the time that was sorted out.

現(xiàn)在女友早就離開我了，NASCAR的工作機(jī)會(huì)也更是在我們分手之前就不復(fù)存在了。

The most important thing that stands out to me from here, now, is "why did I perceive these to be mutually exclusive choices?" That was a false problem. If she really loved me, the job wouldn't have stood in the way. We could have worked it out together.

現(xiàn)在，我覺得最重要的一點(diǎn)是：“為什么當(dāng)初我會(huì)把這看成是一個(gè)兩難的抉擇呢？”不應(yīng)該有這樣的問題啊。如果她真的愛我，工作絕不會(huì)是我們之間的阻礙。我和她完全可以一起想辦法來解決。

Love always finds a way.

愛不是總能穿云破霧嗎？

No, what's clear to me now is that I created a false dilemma because I didn't believe I was worthy to do what I really dreamed of doing.

不，不是的，我現(xiàn)在才很清楚的知道，我當(dāng)初是自找煩惱。因?yàn)槲也幌嘈抛约旱膬r(jià)值，而放棄去做自己真正想做的事（注1）。

I created a false problem and it was an excuse to avoid my fear of being exposed as a below-average engineer. NOW - today - I know that I'm not below average. Back then, I wasn't sure. NOW I know I'm great. And that has nothing to do with anyone else - or the averages of those anyone else's.

我捏造了一個(gè)問題，也正好給了自己一個(gè)借口，我害怕自己只是一個(gè)資質(zhì)平平的工程師?，F(xiàn)如今，我知道我并不比別人差，但以前，我并不確信?，F(xiàn)在我知道我很優(yōu)秀，這與他人無關(guān)——或者說與其他人的平均水平無關(guān)。

I threw away my life's dream because I was scared.

曾經(jīng)，因?yàn)槟懬?，我放棄了自己畢生的?mèng)想。

So I'll pose the same question to you: why do you perceive these to be mutually exclusive? Are they really?

現(xiàn)在我要對(duì)你提出同樣的問題：為什么你會(huì)認(rèn)為愛情和工作不可調(diào)節(jié)，必須二選其一？事實(shí)真的如此嗎？

Choose the career and the relationship becomes difficult not impossible. Choose to pass on the career choice and that career choice is now impossible, not difficult.

選擇工作的話，維系你們的關(guān)系會(huì)有點(diǎn)困難，但并不是不可能。而如果你放棄這個(gè)工作機(jī)會(huì)，這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)將馬上溜走，一點(diǎn)也不困難。

My advice is to get real with yourself. Keep asking why you want what you want and why to that answer and why to the answer of that until you land on "real."

我的建議是直面自己。多問問你到底想要什么，為什么你要這么選擇，為什么你選這個(gè)而不選那個(gè)，直到你認(rèn)識(shí)到“真我”。

You know what you want. It's in there. You owe it to yourself to be real. Then you can have a fair conversation with her about what you want, what she wants, and how it might work. You owe it to her too.

你知道你要的是什么。答案就在你心中。你應(yīng)該誠(chéng)實(shí)面對(duì)自己，然后你才能公平地和她談你想要什么，而她又希望得到什么，怎樣才能兩全其美。這也是你應(yīng)該為她做的。

Answered by Susie Johnson

Susie Johnson的回復(fù)：

My old psychology lecturer taught me this one.

我以前的心理學(xué)講師教過我一個(gè)竅門。

Flip a coin. But do not focus on whether it comes up heads or tails.

拋一枚硬幣。不要關(guān)注它掉下來后是正面朝上還是反面朝上。

Instead, focus on the moment the coin went into the air. What were you hoping would happen? Were you hoping it would be tails and that the universe is telling you to stay with your beautiful partner? Or were you hoping it would be heads, to take a risk on that new job venture? Believe me, you already know what you want. Bring the answer into your consciousness!

注意體會(huì)拋硬幣的那一瞬。你希望會(huì)發(fā)生什么？你是希望硬幣反面朝上，這樣就表示老天注定你要選擇你漂亮的女友？或者是你希望硬幣正面朝上，然后你大可去冒險(xiǎn)嘗試新職業(yè)？相信我，你其實(shí)已經(jīng)知道你想要什么了。認(rèn)真思考一下你的答案吧。

Good luck. :)

祝你好運(yùn)。:)