伍迪單口相聲精選 第15期:軍隊(duì)The Army

And I was not in the army, in case you werewondering. I was in the canine corps.

不知道你們是不是想知道，我沒當(dāng)過兵，但我加入過狗兵團(tuán)。

Strange story, when I was young, I wanted a dog,and we had no money, we were very...my father atthat time was a caddie at a miniature golf course inBrooklyn, y'know.

很奇怪的故事。在我年輕的時(shí)候，我很想得到一條狗，但我們家沒錢，我們非常?我父親那時(shí)是布魯克林一家微型高爾夫球場(chǎng)的球童。

I couldn't get a dog, 'cause it was too much, and they finally opened up in my neighbourhood,in Flatbush, a damaged pet shop.

我不能養(yǎng)狗，因?yàn)樗F了。后來有人在我家附近、在弗拉特布什大街上開了家殘疾寵物店。

They sold damaged pets at discount, y'know, you could get a bent pussycat if you wanted, astraight camel, y'know.

他們打折出售有毛病的寵物。如果你想要，你可以買到駝背的貓，直背的駱駝。

I got a dog that stuttered.

我買了條結(jié)巴的狗。

When the cats would give him a hard time, he would go "B-b-b-b-bow wow", y'know.

當(dāng)貓咪們捉弄它時(shí)，他會(huì)發(fā)出“喔?喔?喔?喔?汪汪”的聲音。

He'd turn all red, y'know. We wanted to send him into the army, but the papers got crossed up,and they got me instead of him.

它的臉憋得通紅。我們想把他送到部隊(duì)里去，但是文件被弄混淆了，他們沒讓它去而是讓我去了。

I was in the canine corps for two weeks. Me and eleven dogs was the outfit. Taught me how toheel.

我在狗兵團(tuán)里待了兩周，我和11條狗組成一隊(duì)。教我如何像狗那樣尾隨。

Sergent was a little mexican hairless, y'know.

軍士長(zhǎng)是一條小的墨西哥無毛犬。

I was not in the regular army. I was classified '4P' by the draft board, we went to war, I'm ahostage.

我沒參加過正規(guī)的軍隊(duì)，我被征兵局劃入了“4P”(按美國的義務(wù)兵役制(Selective Service System)，被劃入“1A”的可以參加任何兵種，而“4F”則因身體、精神、或品格上的原因不能入伍。伍迪在這里虛構(gòu)了個(gè)“4P”等級(jí)顯然是想說明自己倒霉到家了。)一類，如果爆發(fā)戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，我能充當(dāng)人質(zhì)。