雙語美文：五個讓你虛度人生的簡單步驟

How to fuck up your entire day(or life)in 5 simple steps

五個會讓你虛度人生的簡單步驟：

Step1.Grab your dumb phone as soon as you wake up,before stretching and having a tall glass of water,and start looking at all the shit everyone else is doing in life to make themselves feel more important and posting it on their wall so this way you can start to feel insignificant when your postings aren’t as exciting as theirs.(I suggest Instagram or Facebook to start).

步驟1，在你醒來做伸展運動并且喝一大杯水之前，抓住你沉默的手機，看看其他人在做什么對于他們而言重要并且把它們寫在社交網(wǎng)站上的事，如果你的目標并不如他們的讓人振奮，那么你會覺得自己的目標不那么重要(我建議看一下Instagram或者Facebook)。關掉你的手機或者一天最多看兩遍(這種網(wǎng)站)!通常來說，短信和消息并不是會話，它只是一種浪費時間的猜測游戲。如果你很重要的話，別人會打電話給你的。

Step2.Ask”why”.Stupid questions like “why am here”I will give you a hint...so you can die dumb-ass.Truth is no one but you asks why.Do something you have never done before,punch yourself in the face...as hard as you can...make your nose bleed...taste in the back of your throat.That is living and experiencing in the finest sense.If you have time to ask why ,you have time to punch yourself in the face.

步驟2，問“為什么”。如果你問“為什么我在這”這種愚蠢的問題，我會給你一個提示......你可以去死了笨蛋!事實并不是什么高深的東西但是你問了為什么。有沒有什么你之前從來沒有做過的事......給自己幾巴掌......用你最大的力氣打.......打到你鼻子流血......嘗一下你喉嚨深處的血的味道吧。那是生活和歷練的最好的形式。如果你有時間去問為什么，那么你不如那這時間狠狠地給自己一拳。

Step3,Think that there is a purpose to your life.There is not.You are born,you will experience,you will die.Your friends are not here to validate you,just to provide you with experiences.Your phone isn’t here to make you a better person,and in all possibility,it is probably the reason that you are having such a miserable life.Get off that fucking thing,go outside and take a walk in the rain...No one has died from walking in the rain.

步驟3，想象一下你生活的目標。這里沒有目標。你一旦出生，你就會經(jīng)歷生活，你也會去世。你的朋友不是來驗證你的存在的，而是用經(jīng)驗來裝備你的。你的手機不能讓你變成一個更好的人，十有八九，它往往是你過得如此悲慘的原因。關掉手機吧，出去散散步。如果外面在下雨，就在雨中走吧......沒有人會因為在雨中行走而死的。

Step4.Keep collecting things.Things are like weights that weigh you down and keep you in the can’t.I would love to move but I can’t.I would love to travel but I have this house with all the stuff and I can’t.For everything you own,consider it a 250lb weight.Pair of extra shoes,500lbs.college degree,250lbs,extra pair of pants 250lbs,60 inch flatscreen LCD-250lbs.The more shit you own,the fatter you are.The less likely you can get out of bed and go to the gym because you have all these shit weighing you down.Fuck the clutter and get rid of it,most or some.

步驟4，保持收集東西的習慣。收集的東西就像負重一樣，能壓倒你，讓你一直處在“不能”之中。我很樂意去移動但是我不能。我想去旅游但是這里有我所有的物品所以我不能去。把你所擁有的每一樣的東西都想成250磅。一雙特別的鞋，500磅。本科學位250磅，特別的褲子250磅，60英尺超薄液晶顯示屏250磅，你有越多的雜物，你就越胖。你就越不可能從你的床上起來去健身房鍛煉，因為這些都在壓著你。或多或少地擺脫這些沒用的雜物吧。

Step5.Self doubt:”Am I good enough?”,”Am I qualified enough for this job?”.”and I really the love of his/her life?”Doubting yourself for even one millisecond is an essential way to fuck up your day,your month and potentially even your life.This is the fastest way to kill yourself,your dreams,your family,your friends,any relationship you have ever had.Questioning is good:”what was James Brown second album?how was Prince influenced by James Brown?”Doubting is stupid.Self doubts are reasons your life suck goat balls.Live your life,accept your going to piss people off and say what you feel.Never ever doubt yourself and if you do ,punch yourself in said face.

步驟5，自我懷疑。“我做的夠好嗎?”或者“我有資格獲得這份工作嗎?”又或者“我是他/她生命中的真愛嗎?”哪怕你只有一毫秒的時間在懷疑自己都是在浪費你的一天、一個月、甚至是你的一生。這是殺死你自己、你的夢想、你的家庭、你的朋友還有你所有一切關系的最快的方法。有一個問題是很好的“詹姆斯.布朗的第二張專輯怎么樣?王子受詹姆斯.布朗的影響有多深呢?”懷疑則是愚蠢的。自我懷疑只是你虛度人生的借口罷了。過自己的生活，接受你對其他人的不滿并且說出你的想法。永遠不要懷疑你自己。如果你懷疑了，那就狠狠地給自己幾巴掌。

Wake up.kick ass and be awesome.sleep and repeat.

醒醒吧。拍拍屁股，你仍然很酷。睡覺然后重復新的一天。