I'm late, I know. 我遲到了,我知道
I just got a text from Chestnut. 我剛接到栗寶的短信
"Where are you? I'm wearing my best suit." 他問(wèn):"你們?cè)谀哪??我穿著最好的西裝恭候大駕呢"
He spelled suit with a four, but that's pretty good for a horse. 他把西裝打成"四"裝,不過(guò)馬蹄打字,情有可原
I have a good reason. 我有正當(dāng)理由
15 chicken pot pies. Regular price: $1.47. Coupon price: Free! 15個(gè)雞肉餅,原價(jià)1塊47分,折價(jià)后,免費(fèi)
'Cause I bought 15 and used the double coupon in-store sale combo. 因?yàn)槲屹I了15個(gè),用雙倍折價(jià)券正好免費(fèi)
Listen to me with the lingo already. 瞧我折價(jià)界行話說(shuō)的多溜啊
Reminds me of my first day interning on Wall Street. 讓我想起去華爾街實(shí)習(xí)的第一天
Chicken pot pies? You don't even like them. 雞肉餅?你自己都不愛(ài)吃
What does it matter if I like them or not? They were free. 我愛(ài)不愛(ài)吃又如何?反正是免費(fèi)的
It's free money. Who doesn't like free money? 不要錢啊。誰(shuí)不喜歡天上掉餡餅的好事
I don't know about free money, 天上有沒(méi)有掉餡餅我不知道
but this is like watching someone free base for the first time. 我只知道某人看起來(lái)像第一次嘗到毒品甜頭似的
Chestnut's fine. It's not a big deal. 栗寶沒(méi)事的。晚個(gè)一天又不會(huì)怎么樣
Ooh, oh, I just got another text from Chestnut. 哎喲,栗寶又給我發(fā)來(lái)一條短信
"I'm so lonely, I just tried smoking." "我好孤單哦,唯有以煙慰籍"
We can go tomorrow. 我們可以明天去看他嘛
In the Lifetime movie version, we just missed the day we were appointed by the court, 如果這是生活臺(tái)的劇,那劇情就是,我們錯(cuò)過(guò)法庭指定的日子
and Chestnut's new parents move him out of town. And we cry. 現(xiàn)在栗寶要被新爸媽帶去別城市了。然后我們淚灑當(dāng)場(chǎng)
I get it, it's just that after last night, 我明白,只是昨晚嘗過(guò)甜頭后
I woke up fascinated by the concept of coupons. 我就對(duì)折價(jià)券的好念念不忘,連醒來(lái)都想著
So I did some research. 所以我上網(wǎng)搜了下
I found this woman online who calls herself the Williamsburg Coupon Queen. 搜到網(wǎng)上有名奇女子自封為"威廉斯堡折價(jià)券女皇"
Only she calls them "Cue-pons." Is that the correct way to pronounce it? 只不過(guò)她念成折"家"券。難道那樣才是正確的念法嗎
Eh, I'm gonna go with her way after all, she is the queen. 算了,我也那樣念吧。畢竟人家才是女皇嘛
Canned pumpkin? 罐裝南瓜
Ten cans, double coupon, five cents each. 10罐,雙倍折扣后,5分錢一罐
Great, 'cause I'm always lying in bed at night thinking I wish I could crack open a can of pumpkin. 太好了,我一直有個(gè)晚上躺床上想著要能開(kāi)一罐南瓜會(huì)有多爽的夢(mèng)呢
Oh, and I found a coupon for you to send your mom an edible arrangement for her birthday. 我找到了個(gè)折"家"券,你可以送給你媽,一個(gè)可自選的花籃當(dāng)生日禮物
A pretty pineapple daisy says so much more than cash in a card. 一朵鳳梨雕的雛菊比賀卡夾現(xiàn)金有意義多了
And it's for 40% off the regular price. 而且能打六折呢
That's perfect because my mom was 40% off a regular mom. 太巧了,我媽也是個(gè)六折媽
And Max, I do have something else for you in this bag. 麥克斯,袋子里還有要給你的小禮物哦
Somet'hing that'll make you very happy. 你見(jiàn)了包準(zhǔn)欣喜若狂喲
Canned yams for when I get tired of canned pumpkin? 開(kāi)膩南瓜罐后,換口味的地瓜罐嗎
Better, look. 比那個(gè)還棒,你瞧
Look out, Han Lee. I'm about to get my tamp on. 接招吧,李憨。老娘要"棉"起抗戰(zhàn)啦