How am I supposed to sleep? I've been married less than 24 hours, and my wife isn't speaking to me.
Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light.In one day, you've managed to do what it takes many couples decades to achieve.
You couldn't sleep either? Of course not.
Me neither. But I just had a tickle in my throat. Not profound marital problems.
What are we gonna do? I don't know. Please, tell me how I can fix it.
Glad you asked. As I see it, there's a simple solution. Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman.
It seems only logical that to restore balance to the relationship, you should find another man and dally with him.
And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouthonmouth action.
Okay, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Actually, I think he's onto something.
Y-You can't be serious. 'Cause I messed up and made out with a girl, you're gonna do the same with a random guy?
I'm currently single. That's true. You are. What is happening?!
I will tell you what is happening. I am saving my best friend's marriage.
Sheldon, I don't think you understand how being broken up works. The only way I can sort through my feelings is if there is space between us.
Every time I see you, it retraumatizes me. I go through the pain all over again.
Well, hello to you, too. What do you want?
I understand we're no longer a couple, but I would like to remind you that we made a baby together. What baby?
I'm hanging up. Great. See you in about half an hour.
Sheldon, I am not doing "Fun With Flags" with you. Why not? Because we're broken up.
謝爾頓,我才不要跟你錄那個(gè)節(jié)目。為啥不要?因?yàn)槲覀兎质至?/div>
Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
索尼與雪兒就做到啦,他們的綜藝節(jié)目在離婚后還維持了很久,直到現(xiàn)在還被我們聊起
No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
沒(méi)人聊索尼與雪兒好嗎
You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, 'cause you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.
你一定是想到了唐尼與瑪麗,因?yàn)槲腋憬^對(duì)是在聊索尼與雪兒
Sheldon, this has to stop. I know it's hard. It's hard for me, too.
謝爾頓,到此為止吧。我知道這很困難,這對(duì)我也不容易
But I've seen and talked to you more in the two days we've been broken up than in the last two months that we were together.
但分手后的這兩天我們見(jiàn)面與說(shuō)話的量遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)勝過(guò)我們分手前兩個(gè)月的總和
Well, if you want to see less of me, maybe we should go out again.
如果你想少見(jiàn)到我一點(diǎn),那或許我們應(yīng)該重修舊好
I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chao.
真不敢相信你跟曼蒂·周親熱過(guò)
Trust me, I wish it never happened.
相信我,我希望這事從未發(fā)生過(guò)
And you knew about this this whole time? I did. And you didn't think to tell me?
而你一直以來(lái)都知道這事。是的。而你沒(méi)想過(guò)告訴我嗎
Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
萊納德要我保密
Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment. This is about you and me.
現(xiàn)在這事跟萊納德沒(méi)關(guān)系,這是我跟你之間的事
Wait, wait, wait, how is my dayold marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
等等,我一天就快散的婚姻怎么變成你們的問(wèn)題了
Hang on. What do I need to do to make you trust me?
你等等,我該怎么做才能讓你信任我
You think it's hard having one wife, try having two.
你覺(jué)得有一個(gè)老婆就很辛苦了嗎?你試試有兩個(gè)
I bet you told Bernadette all about he was screwing around with Mandy Chao.
你肯定告訴伯納黛特他跟曼蒂·周胡搞瞎搞的事情
Oh, we didn't screw around. We just got drunk and made out.
我們才沒(méi)有胡搞瞎搞,我們只是喝醉酒,打個(gè)啵兒
Whatever. It would have been nice to hear it from you.
隨便啦,我更希望這話從你口中聽(tīng)到
What are you doing here?
你來(lái)干嘛
I'm here to return your belongings. That's what people who've broken up do.
我來(lái)把你的東西還給你,情侶分手都這么做
And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I would open the door.
而你故意不用你強(qiáng)迫癥式的敲門(mén)方式好讓我沒(méi)戒心就開(kāi)門(mén)
On the contrary, you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities. We're not friends with benefits.
那你就錯(cuò)了,你現(xiàn)在沒(méi)資格享受我可愛(ài)的小怪癖。我們不再是有"福利"的朋友
Just give me the box.
把箱子給我吧
W-Wait. Don't you want to go through it to make sure I haven't forgotten anything?
等等,你不想過(guò)一遍里面的東西嗎?以免有東西我給忘拿了
Fine. My old scarf.
好吧,我的舊時(shí)圍巾
You wore it the night we went iceskating. Remember?
我們?nèi)チ锉哪莻€(gè)晚上你圍著它,還記得嗎
You mean the night that I went iceskating, and you stood at the rail googling the symptoms of hypothermia?
你是指我一個(gè)人溜冰,而你在一邊扶著扶手一邊網(wǎng)上搜失溫癥的癥狀那晚嗎
We made one heck of a team, huh?
我們倆真是天造地設(shè)的一對(duì)啊
Whose bra is this? It's not yours?
這是誰(shuí)的胸罩?不是你的嗎?
Oh, my. How embarrassing for both of us. It's Penny's.
老天,這下咱倆都尷尬了。這是佩妮的吧
Hey, you broke up with me. It is none of your business whose naked bosom I'm smooshing around like pizza dough. Goodbye.
咱倆分手了,我把誰(shuí)的咪咪像披薩面團(tuán)那樣搓揉,都不關(guān)你的事。再見(jiàn)
Amy. Amy. Amy. Tables work, too. Good to know.
艾米 ,艾米,艾米。敲桌子也行,學(xué)到新知識(shí)
Ooh, brownies for girls' night!
閨蜜之夜的巧克力蛋糕
Hands off. I'm mad at you.
手拿開(kāi),我在生你的氣呢
Look, I know it's a lot of money, but the guy at the store said in five to seven years, it'll pay for itself.
我知道那是一大筆錢(qián),但那個(gè)店員說(shuō)五到七年內(nèi),就能收回成本
What will pay for itself?
什么東西收回成本
Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?
沒(méi)什么,那你在氣什么呀
I'm mad at you for blabbing to me what Leonard did on the North Sea, and I'm mad that I've had to hide this from Penny for two years.
我氣你告訴我萊納德在北海的所作所為,我還氣你讓我瞞了佩妮整整兩年
And you have every right to be mad about those things. So, why don't you let me handle the credit card bill this month
你完全有權(quán)對(duì)這些事情生氣,不如這個(gè)月的信用卡賬單我來(lái)處理
huh? I mean, don't even look at it.
怎么樣? 你別管了,連看都不用看
I mean, if Penny finds out I've known all this time and haven't told her, she's gonna think I'm a terrible friend.
如果佩妮發(fā)現(xiàn)我一直都知道卻沒(méi)有告訴她,她肯定會(huì)認(rèn)為我是一個(gè)壞朋友
I wish you never told me. And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
真希望你從未告訴我,我也希望萊納德從未告訴我,他才是最壞的那個(gè)
I guess that's true. And you let Penny marry him.
的確是,而你還讓佩妮嫁給他
Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition manscaping kit?
比起這個(gè),我買(mǎi)的喬治·克魯尼限量版的體毛修剪套裝根本不值得一提
Hi. I'm calling about your marriage counseling services and was curious what your rate is.
你好,我想預(yù)約你們的婚姻咨詢(xún)服務(wù),請(qǐng)問(wèn)一般怎么收費(fèi)
Really? Um, okay. Is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? 'Cause we're just talking hours here.
不是吧,好吧,能根據(jù)婚姻的長(zhǎng)短打折嗎?我說(shuō)的是以小時(shí)計(jì)算的婚姻
Hi. Call you back. Can we talk? I would love that.
在呀,等會(huì)打給你。我們能聊聊嗎?我十分樂(lè)意
All right, look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
聽(tīng)著,很抱歉在結(jié)婚之前我說(shuō)我不介意。我討厭我們現(xiàn)在有這矛盾,但我不知道該怎么做
If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counseling.
如果你不介意等團(tuán)購(gòu)劵出來(lái),我們可以試試婚姻咨詢(xún)
Hello. Hey, uh, buddy, can we have some privacy?
你們?cè)谘?,伙?jì),你能回避一下嗎
Oh, of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. This is yours.
當(dāng)然可以,我也不想打擾你們。這是你的
Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
等我跟他談完,咱倆再好好聊聊
Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.
沒(méi)什么不妥的,我就拿來(lái)讓艾米難堪而已
Okay, look, I might be overreacting, but how am I supposed to get past this when I know tomorrow you're gonna go to work and see this woman?
聽(tīng)著,我可能是反應(yīng)過(guò)度了,但我怎么可能明知道你明天去上班就會(huì)見(jiàn)到她,我怎么不介意會(huì)見(jiàn)到這個(gè)女人
Forgive me for eavesdropping, but as I see it, there's a simple solution.
原諒我偷聽(tīng)了,但在我看來(lái),有一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的解決辦法
Wake up, wake up, wake up. Bring Penny to meet Mandy. What? Why?
醒醒,快醒醒,帶佩妮去見(jiàn)曼蒂。為什么
Well, right now, Penny's imagination is running wild, but if they meet, that will eliminate the mystery and alleviate her fears.
現(xiàn)在佩妮的胡思亂想根本停不下來(lái),但如果她們見(jiàn)面了,就能消除曼蒂的神秘感,減輕佩妮的恐懼感
Like when that Sparkletts guy let me look under his eye patch.
就像那個(gè)獨(dú)眼龍揭了眼罩讓我看
Uh, first of all, you made that guy cry. And we learned that you don't need an eyeball to do that.
首先,你把人家弄哭了,而我們學(xué)到了,沒(méi)有眼珠也能哭
Secondly, I can't think of a more horrible idea than Penny meeting Mandy.
其次,帶佩妮去見(jiàn)曼蒂這個(gè)主意糟透了
Really? Why is that? What, you actually want to meet her?
是嗎,怎么說(shuō)?怎么,你還真想見(jiàn)她
No, but now that you're being weird about it, maybe I should.
不啊,但現(xiàn)在看你對(duì)此反應(yīng)異常,或許我真該去
I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
我才沒(méi)有反應(yīng)異常,我有反應(yīng)異常嗎
Yes. And that's coming from me.
有啊,連我這種怪咖都這么覺(jué)得
Fine, you want to meet her?
好吧,你想見(jiàn)她嗎
No, I just want to know that when you're at work, there's nothing going on.
不,我只想知道你們倆上班時(shí)不會(huì)發(fā)生任何越軌的事
How many times do I have to tell you? I have no interest in this woman.
我得說(shuō)多少遍你才信,我對(duì)這個(gè)女人一點(diǎn)興趣都沒(méi)有
Yeah, well, maybe she has interest in you.
或許人家對(duì)你有興趣呢
In Leonard? Oh, even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.
對(duì)萊納德嗎?就連獨(dú)眼龍都看得出沒(méi)可能好嗎
I guess my big problem is I never saw Leonard as the kind of guy who woulde do something like this.
我想我最在意的點(diǎn)就是我從來(lái)沒(méi)想過(guò)萊納德也會(huì)做這種事
Anybody can make a mistake in a weak moment. What do you think?
人容易在脆弱的時(shí)候犯錯(cuò)。你覺(jué)得呢
Oh, I don't know what to think. But then again, I just found out about it.
我完全沒(méi)有想法,再重申一次,我是剛剛才知道這事
You know, I fell in love with Leonard because he wasn't anything like the guys I was used to dating.
我之所以愛(ài)上萊納德是因?yàn)樗臀以?jīng)交往過(guò)的其他人不同
I mean, I knew those guys weren't above cheating because that's usually how we met.
我知道那些渣男都喜歡出軌,因?yàn)槲揖褪撬麄兊男∪?/div>
Come on, you know Leonard's not like that.
你知道萊納德不是那樣的人
I want to believe you. I really do. Am I being naive?
我很想相信你,真的。是我好傻好天真了嗎
Oh, I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.
我不知道,第一次聽(tīng)到這事,我還在努力消化中
You know, he never would've done this when we first met. He's cockier now.
我們剛認(rèn)識(shí)時(shí),他根本不可能做這種事。他現(xiàn)在可能耐了
That's because you made him more confident. You know, if you think about it, without you, he never would've grown into the person he is now.
那是因?yàn)槟阕屗兊米孕帕?,你仔?xì)想想,如果沒(méi)有你,怎么可能有現(xiàn)在意氣風(fēng)發(fā)的他
I mean, sure, more women might notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you
雖然他現(xiàn)在受歡迎了,但他愿意放棄弱水三千
because he wants to be and not because he thinks he doesn't have any other choice.
與你相守,總好過(guò)他覺(jué)得自己沒(méi)人愛(ài),只好巴著你啊
I never thought about it like that.
我還從沒(méi)這樣想過(guò)
Oh, me neither, not until just now.
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