第九季:第16集 霍德華夫婦的懷孕焦慮癥(上)
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Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
《生活大爆炸》前情提要
Oh, look at all that chest hair. And overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.
看看你茂密的胸毛和小齙牙，完全就是沃羅威茨家族的一員呀
Son of a bitch, he bit me. Okay, I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
我勒個去，他咬了我，我還是去自己急診室確認一下吧
Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
華仔，這只是你的臆想病犯了
When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf, that was my hypochondria.
我坐到靜音鍵上，以為自己聾了，那才叫臆想病
We'll find another time to tell him I'm pregnant.
我們另找個時間告訴他我懷孕了吧
Morning. Morning. "We"
早，早，"我們"
What is thisI don't know. Maybe it says something on the back.
這是什么，我不知道，也許后面寫了什么吧
"Continued on milk." If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast, it didn't work for my mom, and it won't work for you.
"后續(xù)提示，請看牛奶盒"，如果你是想騙我自己做早飯，我媽從前沒成功，你也別想得逞
"Are." "We are..." "See spoons for more."
"是"，"我們是""預(yù)知后事，請看勺子"
What could it be?
會是什么呢
"We are Groot""We are the champions""We are family""I got all my sisters with me."
"我們是格魯特"，"我們是冠軍"，"我們是一家人"，"我永遠同我的姐妹們在一起"
Are you seriousYeah. Are you surePretty positive.
你是說真的嗎，是的，你確定嗎，確定一定以及肯定（陽性）
That's a joke, because the pregnancy test says...
這是個雙關(guān)語笑話，因為懷孕測試也是...
Oh, my God. This is incredible. We're gonna be parentsWe're gonna get to board planes first.
我的天啊，太棒了，我們要當爸爸媽媽了，以后我們可以優(yōu)先上飛機了
Finally gonna get to see what's in that family bathroom at the mall.
終于可以看看商場的家庭衛(wèi)生間長什么樣子了
I know, it's crazy. I mean, how do you... prepare for something like thisI'm not even sure I've held a baby before.
我知道，這事太瘋狂了，這種事情該如何準備呢，我都不確定自己以前抱過嬰兒沒有
Oh, it's okay, you'll figure it out.
沒關(guān)系，你會慢慢學(xué)會的
But how's this all gonna work?Do we get a nanny?I mean, can we afford a nanny?
可還有其他的事呢，我們需要找保姆嗎，我是說，我們請得起保姆嗎
And if we can, we can't get a pretty one, 'cause it'll wreck our marriage.
就算請得起，也不能找漂亮的，否則我們的婚姻就會出現(xiàn)危機
We can't get an ugly one, 'cause it'll scare the kid.
但也不能找太丑的，否則會嚇壞寶寶的
II don't know, Howie. Are we in a good school district?
我不知道，華仔，我們這里算是好學(xué)區(qū)嗎
You're Catholic, I'm Jewish. What religion do we raise itAnd if it's a boy, do we get him circumcised?
你信天主教，我是猶太人，我們的孩子應(yīng)該信什么教呢，如果生了男孩，應(yīng)該讓他行割禮嗎
People say it's barbaric, but if we don't, it looks like a pig in a blanket.
有人說割禮是野蠻的行為，但如果不割，看起來又像面包裹臘腸
Calm down, it's gonna be okay.
冷靜一下，一切都會好的
How's it gonna be okay?Look at me, I'm a mess. And that means this baby's gonna half a mess.
怎么可能會好，你看看我，我整個人一團糟，這就表示這孩子會是半團糟
And that's even before we screw it up with our cutrate moderately attractive nanny.
孩子早就輸在起跑線上了，加上保姆廉價長相一般就更慘了
Hey, Raj, I read a couple guys in your department may have discovered a new planet in our solar system?
拉杰，我看新聞?wù)f你們學(xué)院的一群人好像在太陽系發(fā)現(xiàn)了新的行星
Oh, I heard about that.Why didn't you discover it?
我也聽說了,怎么不是你發(fā)現(xiàn)的呢
Because instead of being in the telescope room, I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays.
因為我沒有泡在望遠鏡室里，而是忙著給你們幾個做節(jié)日手工果醬
Well, you be sure to let us know when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry.
當你憑借波森莓果醬贏得諾貝爾獎時，記得通知我們
Hello. Hey, bud. Ready to play when you are.
大家好，你好啊，你準備好就能開玩了
Yeah, um, in a minute. I actually need to tell you guys something.
先等一等，我有事要告訴你們
If it's "Thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December, congratulations, you're the first one.
如果是為了12月的手工果醬說謝謝，恭喜你，你是第一個這么做的人
What's going on?
出什么事了
I'm, uh...uh, gonna be a father.
那個，我...要當爸爸了
That's so amazing. WhatCongratulations. Oh, no.
太棒了，什么，恭喜你，太糟了
Why "Oh, no"?
你干嘛說太糟了
Because this changes everything. What about comic book night?
因為所有的事都要改變了，咱們以后的漫畫之夜怎么辦
Uh, what about playing games togetherWhat about our trips to Disneyland?
我們還能愉快地一起打游戲嗎，我們還能一起去迪斯尼樂園嗎
How can we do those things with a child around?
以后有了孩子，我們還怎么做這些事呀
Relax, there's room for two babies in this group.
別緊張，我們大家可以忍受兩個小寶寶
Oh, dear Lord...Penny's pregnant, too?
我勒個去，佩妮也懷孕了嗎
You're the other baby.
另一個寶寶就是你
Oh, really?Okay, well, would a baby have to shave once every 11 days?
真的嗎，有哪個寶寶每隔11天就需要刮一次胡子啊
Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers because one of them was broken?
有哪個成年人會拒絕吃他的全麥餅干僅僅因為其中一塊破掉了嗎
I guess we'll call this a draw.
這局我們倆平手
So, I'm glad you guys are here. There's something I want to share with you. Howie and I are going to...
我很高興你們倆都在這里，有件事我要告訴你們，華仔和我要...
Leonard says you're pregnant. What?
萊納德說你懷孕了，什么
"Don't say anything. Act surprised when she tells you."
不要說出來，她告訴你時要裝成很驚訝的樣子"
All right, how you want to do thisI'm pregnant.
好吧，你想我們怎么演，我懷孕了
Oh, my God, I can't believe it! This is so exciting!
我的天，我真不敢相信，太激動人心了
Yeah, it's all real exciting. Areare you not happy about this?
是呀，是挺讓人激動的，你，你不開心嗎
I am. Ofof course I am. I'm...I'm sure it's just the hormones.
開心呀，我當然開心，可能只是荷爾蒙作祟吧
But it's weird. Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years, and I was all excited to tell him
但還是很奇怪，華仔這么多年來一直想要小孩，我本來很開心地告訴他
because I thought he'd be thrilled, but then he started to flip out and now this feels like a bad idea and I'm gonna get fat.
以為他會激動到瘋掉，結(jié)果他慌成一團，搞得我現(xiàn)在覺得這不是好事，而且我還會變胖
No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat. You're gonna be beautiful and glowing and and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
不，不，別這樣，你不會變胖，你只會越來越美，煥發(fā)母性的光輝，變成最性感最可愛的孕媽寶貝
Easy for you to say, skinny bitch. Sorry, hormones.
你說起來倒容易，你個瘦皮猴，抱歉，都是荷爾蒙作祟
Oh, that's all right. All I heard was "skinny."
沒關(guān)系，我只聽到了"瘦"這個字
I wouldn't make too much out of Howard not reacting the way you expected him to.
雖然霍華德的表現(xiàn)和你想象的不一樣，但我覺得你不用擔(dān)心
Yeah, I'm sure it was just the initial shock of it all.
沒錯，他只是一開始有點被嚇到了
You're probably right. After we talked about it, he started to calm down.
你們說得對，我們好好談過之后，他開始平靜下來了
I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.
我就不該養(yǎng)孩子，我自己都不愛吃蔬菜
Buddy, II think you might be overreacting.
老兄，你可能反應(yīng)過度了
And then there's this nose. I mean, what if he looks like me?Or worse...what if she looks like me?
還有我這個鼻子，如果他長得像我怎么辦，更糟糕的是...如果女兒長得像我怎么辦
Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change.
更別提對我們這個社交圈子的影響了，所有一切都會隨之改變
Howard won't be able to come over as much.
霍華德不能像以前那樣頻繁地過來了
Well, he could bring the baby here.
他也可以把孩子帶來呀
Oh, but then we'd have to babyproof the apartment. You know, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom.
但那樣的話，我們就得給公寓裝上嬰兒保護了，我姐姐的廁所里就有那么一個馬桶鎖
I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.
我擁有雙博士學(xué)位，都只能憋屈尿洗手池里
Oh, my God, and do you have any idea how expensive having a kid is?
天啊，你們知不知道，養(yǎng)一個孩子有多費錢啊
I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
有人寫過，在洛杉磯養(yǎng)一個孩子到念完大學(xué)，費用超過一百萬美元
A million dollarsGod, it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.
一百萬美元不行了，感覺我蛋蛋相攻，蛋疼不已
That's it I got to start earning more money right now.
好的，我懂了，我要現(xiàn)在就開始多賺錢
I know you could ask Bernadette for a raise in your allowance.
我知道了，你可以跟伯納黛特申請，讓她多給你點零花錢
This isn't a joke. I wasn't joking. It'll be fine.
這不是玩笑，我沒開玩笑，船到橋頭自然直
People have kids every day. You'll figure this out.
天天都有人生孩子你會想到辦法的
Yeah, come on, this is great news and you know it.
就是，別這樣，你也知道，這是大好的消息
You're right, it is, I'm just...A little overwhelmed right now.
你說得對，我只是一時有些接受不了
Hey, you know what we should do?
知道我們該去干嘛嗎
All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?
全體去做輸精管切除術(shù)，以免后患嗎
Go out and celebrate. But not your worst idea.
一起出去慶祝，剛才不是你說過最差的主意
Hey, let's go do something to get your mind off this.
我們一起去放松放松心情吧
Yeah, yeah, we should go out. Where?
好啊，我們應(yīng)該出去，去哪
Uh, I don't know, a barCan't drink.
不知道，酒吧，不能喝酒
We can, but all right. Are you hungryHow about that sushi place you love?
我們能喝，但好吧，你餓嗎，要不要去你喜歡的那家壽司店
Doctor said I can't have sushi.
醫(yī)生說我不能吃壽司
Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
好的，我們也可以哪都不去，我們可以就待在這，在浴缸里聊天
Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
醫(yī)生說我不能泡浴缸
Maybe you should get a new doctor. What, he said you can't laugh either?
要不你還是換個醫(yī)生吧，干嘛，他也說了你不能笑嗎
I'd like to propose a toast to our friend, Howard his, um, his big heart, his beautiful soul...And his tight little pants that somehow did not make him sterile. Cheers.
讓我們舉杯敬我們的朋友，霍華德一個胸懷寬廣，靈魂美麗，穿著勒蛋小緊褲也沒有因此不育的男人，干杯
Well, look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money.
看這個發(fā)明這個小雨傘的人，估計是不用擔(dān)心沒錢了
He can have all the kids he wants. And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.
他想生幾個孩子就生幾個，還能擋掉頭頂?shù)囊恍〔糠謪^(qū)域的雨滴
If I'm gonna have any chance of raising this kid, I need to come up with a big idea to make some money.
如果我要養(yǎng)這個孩子，必須想出超級賺錢的點子
There's no reason you can't.
沒理由不行啊
That's easy for you to say. You and Sheldon already came up with your superfluid helium model.
你說得倒容易，你和謝爾頓已經(jīng)想出了超流氦模型
That's just research. We're never gonna make any money from it.
那只是研究，根本沒機會用來賺錢
Forget helium. The real superfluid is the fruit punch in this mug.
去他的氦，這杯子里的旁趣酒才是真正的超流逼
Reminds me of my daddy's secret "Don't Tell Mama" juice. "
讓我想起我爸的秘密，不許告訴媽媽"果汁
Uh, these are strong, you should slow down.
這酒挺烈的，你慢點喝
I'll just take one last sip.
那我再喝最后一口
Okay, how about this for an invention slightly... bigger cocktail umbrellas.
好吧，這個發(fā)明怎么樣，稍微大一點的雞尾酒小雨傘
How is that a new invention?
這算什么新發(fā)明
I don't know, all Apple does is change the size of things and we keep buying them.
我不知道，蘋果公司也只是產(chǎn)品大小變換，我們不也買個不停嗎
It's true. I like my giant iPad and my little iPad almost as much as my regularsized iPad.
真的，我對我的大iPad和我的小iPad的喜愛幾乎等同于我對正常尺寸iPad的喜愛
This place is terrific. Whywhy have we never been here before?
這個地方太棒了，我們之前怎么沒來過
The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff you.
跟其他好玩卻不能做的事一樣，因為你啊
That's some smart talk from a guy who can't even keep his face in focus.
挺伶牙俐齒，牙尖嘴利，就是臉上焦距老跑掉啊
Where's the bathroom?Uh, it's in the corner. Excuse me.
廁所在哪，在拐角處，失陪
Hey, how you doin'?
你們好呀
I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.
希望男女廁標識明顯一點
Doesn't matter. He's headed for the kitchen anyway.
無所謂，反正他是往廚房方向走去了
Maybe that's an idea guidance systems for drunk people.
這個主意也許行，給醉酒人士的導(dǎo)向系統(tǒng)
They have that. It's called Uber.
早有了，叫優(yōu)步叫車
In your supercooled helium experiments, did you create quantum vortices.Yeah. Why?
在你的過冷氦試驗中創(chuàng)建過量子漩渦嗎，有，怎么了
Well, if you made a guidance system, couldn't you use those vortices as a gyroscope?
如果你建立一個導(dǎo)向系統(tǒng)，是不是可以把漩渦當做螺旋儀使用
I've never thought about that. And since it's in a quantum state, it would maintain an infinite persistence.
我從來沒想過，而且由于是在量子態(tài)下就能保持無限持續(xù)
Groundbreaking revelations, tropical drinks.
開創(chuàng)性啟示，熱帶雞尾酒
Tell me this isn't like the best episode of Sex and the City. You may have actually just come up with something.
這簡直是最棒的一集《欲望都市》了，你真有可能想出了好點子
You think so?I really do.
你覺得是嗎，真的
You guys, the bathroom here is amazing. There's people cooking in it.
大伙，這里的廁所太妙了，里面有人在做飯呢
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