《柯南脫口秀》第162期:沒(méi)有退貨政策

You don't come back with the TV like it's broken.It's broken?Did you put your penis on it? 你不能帶著電視回去說(shuō) 電視壞了 壞了嗎 你是不是用老二蹭了

I did.You did.And we can't take it back.That's number one on the list. 是的 是的 我們不能收回 這是第一條要求

I just got back from Montreal,beautiful city. 我剛從蒙特利爾回來(lái) 那里很美

I don't konw if you have been there,but they speak France there and I don't speak France. 我不知道你們是否去過(guò) 但大家都說(shuō)法語(yǔ) 我不會(huì)說(shuō)法語(yǔ)

And I was wondering the streets kind of lonely. 我一個(gè)人在街上亂走

I was looking for a comanion and I looked in this window and there was a phone number and below it,it said a and I thought,thank you 我想找個(gè)伴兒 我往窗戶(hù)里看去 有個(gè)電話(huà)號(hào)碼 下面寫(xiě)著 情人 我想著謝謝

But I don't speak France.It actually said aluaroa which for rent. 但我不說(shuō)法語(yǔ) 實(shí)際上寫(xiě)的是Alouer 是出租的意思

So I had a totally different conversation that I thought I was going to have. 所以我進(jìn)行的對(duì)話(huà) 跟我想象中的完全不同

I called,this woman picked up.Bonjour.I said yeah,the lover. 我打了電話(huà) 一個(gè)女人接了 她說(shuō)你好 我說(shuō) 喂 我找情人

And she goes,yeah,Ok,American.It is 1,500.I said ok,that's expensive. 她說(shuō) 好吧 美國(guó)人 要一千五百美金 我說(shuō) 好吧 這真貴

And then she said,and I must meet you first. 她說(shuō) 我必須先跟你見(jiàn)面

I said that's not how this goes.I have done this before.We're both rolling the here lady,ok. 我說(shuō)不是這樣的 我之前有過(guò)經(jīng)驗(yàn) 咱倆都冒著風(fēng)險(xiǎn) 女士

And then she said,I must remind youj,no pets. 然后她說(shuō) 我必須提醒你 不能帶寵物

I said lady,for 1,500 dollars,I'm bring a pet.You guys,on Andrew Santino.Happy birthday Dad. 我說(shuō) 女士 你要價(jià)一千五 我必須帶寵物 各位 我是安德魯·桑蒂諾 生日快樂(lè) 爸爸

Hey,Andrew,that was great.Really nice job.Thank you very much.Great.Andrew Santino,ladies and gentlemen.That's our show.Good night,everybody. 安德魯 真棒 真好笑 非常感謝 很棒 安德魯·桑蒂諾 女生們先生們 節(jié)目到此結(jié)束 晚安 各位