In the country of Westphalia, in the castle of the most noble Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, lived a youth whom Nature had endowed with a most sweet disposition. His face was the true index of his mind.He had a solid judgment joined to the most unaffected simplicity;and hence, I presume, he had his name of Candide.The old servants of the house suspected him to have been the son of the Baron's sister, by a very good sort of a gentleman of the neighborhood, whom that young lady refused to marry, because he could produce no more than threescore and eleven quarterings in his arms;the rest of the genealogical tree belonging to the family having been lost through the injuries of time.
The Baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his castle had not only a gate, but even windows, and his great hall was hung with tapestry. He used to hunt with his mastiffs and spaniels instead of greyhounds;his groom served him for huntsman;and the parson of the parish offciated as his grand almoner.He was called“My Lord”by all his people, and he never told a story but everyone laughed at it.
My Lady Baroness, who weighed three hundred and fifty pounds, consequently was a person of no small consideration;and then she did the honors of the house with a dignity that commanded universal respect. Her daughter was about seventeen years of age, fresh-colored, comely, plump, and desirable.The Baron's son seemed to be a youth in every respect worthy of the father he sprung from.Pangloss, the preceptor, was the oracle of the family, and little Candide listened to his instructions with all the simplicity natural to his age and disposition.
Master Pangloss taught the metaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology. He could prove to admiration that there is no effect without a cause;and, that in this best of all possible worlds, the Baron's castle was the most magnifcent of all castles, and My Lady the best of all possible baronesses.
“It is demonstrable,”said he,“that things cannot be otherwise than as they are;for as all things have been created for some end, they must necessarily be created for the best end. Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles.The legs are visibly designed for stockings, accordingly we wear stockings.Stones were made to be hewn and to construct castles, therefore My Lord has a magnifcent castle;for the greatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged.Swine were intended to be eaten, therefore we eat pork all the year round:and they, who assert that everything is right, do not express themselves correctly;they should say that everything is best.”
Candide listened attentively and believed implicitly, for he thought Miss Cunegund excessively handsome, though he never had the courage to tell her so. He concluded that next to the happiness of being Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, the next was that of being Miss Cunegund, the next that of seeing her every day, and the last that of hearing the doctrine of Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of the whole province, and consequently of the whole world.
One day when Miss Cunegund went to take a walk in a little neighboring wood which was called a park, she saw, through the bushes, the sage Doctor Pangloss giving a lecture in experimental philosophy to her mother's chambermaid, a little brown wench, very pretty, and very tractable. As Miss Cunegund had a great disposition for the sciences, she observed with the utmost attention the experiments which were repeated before her eyes;she perfectly well understood the force of the doctor's reasoning upon causes and effects.She retired greatly flurried, quite pensive and flled with the desire of knowledge, imagining that she might be a suffcing reason for young Candide, and he for her.
On her way back she happened to meet the young man;she blushed, he blushed also;she wished him a good morning in a flattering tone, he returned the salute, without knowing what he said. The next day, as they were rising from dinner, Cunegund and Candide slipped behind the screen.The miss dropped her handkerchief, the young man picked it up.She innocently took hold of his hand, and he as innocently kissed hers with a warmth, a sensibility, a grace-all very particular;their lips met;their eyes sparkled;their knees trembled;their hands strayed.The Baron chanced to come by;he beheld the cause and effect, and, without hesitation, saluted Candide with some notable kicks on the breech and drove him out of doors.The lovely Miss Cunegund fainted away, and, as soon as she came to herself, the Baroness boxed her ears.Thus a general consternation was spread over this most magnifcent and most agreeable of all possible castles.
從前威斯發(fā)里地方,森特—登—脫龍克男爵大人府上,有個(gè)年輕漢子,天生性情最是和順??此嗝?,就可知道他的心地。他頗識(shí)是非,頭腦又簡(jiǎn)單不過(guò);大概就因?yàn)榇耍思也沤兴骼蠈?shí)人。府里的老用人暗中疑心,他是男爵的姊妹和鄰近一位安分善良的鄉(xiāng)紳養(yǎng)的兒子;那小姐始終不肯嫁給那紳士,因?yàn)樗f家的世系只能追溯到七十一代,其余的家譜因?yàn)槟晟钤戮茫髁恕?/p>
男爵是威斯發(fā)里第一等有財(cái)有勢(shì)的爵爺,因?yàn)樗膶m堡有一扇門(mén)、幾扇窗,大廳上還掛著一幅氈幕,養(yǎng)牲口的院子里所有的狗隨時(shí)可以編成狩獵大隊(duì),那些馬夫是現(xiàn)成的領(lǐng)隊(duì)——村里的教士是男爵的大司祭。他們都稱男爵為大人;他一開(kāi)口胡說(shuō)八道,大家就跟著笑。
男爵夫人體重在三百五十斤上下,因此極有聲望,接見(jiàn)賓客時(shí)那副威嚴(yán),越發(fā)顯得她可敬可佩。她有個(gè)十七歲的女兒居內(nèi)貢,面色鮮紅,又嫩又胖,教人看了饞涎欲滴。男爵的兒子樣樣都跟父親并駕齊驅(qū)。教師邦葛羅斯是府里的圣人,老實(shí)人年少天真,一本誠(chéng)心地聽(tīng)著邦葛羅斯的教訓(xùn)。
邦葛羅斯教的是一種包羅玄學(xué)、神學(xué)、宇宙學(xué)的學(xué)問(wèn)。他很巧妙地證明天下事有果必有因,又證明在此最完美的世界上,男爵的宮堡是最美的宮堡,男爵夫人是天底下好到不能再好的男爵夫人。
他說(shuō):“顯而易見(jiàn),事無(wú)大小,皆系定數(shù);萬(wàn)物既皆有歸宿,此歸宿自必為最美滿的歸宿。豈不見(jiàn)鼻子是長(zhǎng)來(lái)戴眼鏡的嗎?所以我們有眼鏡。身上安放兩條腿是為穿長(zhǎng)褲的,所以我們有長(zhǎng)褲。石頭是要人開(kāi)鑿,蓋造宮堡的,所以男爵大人有一座美輪美奐的宮堡;本省最有地位的男爵不是應(yīng)當(dāng)住得最好嗎?豬是生來(lái)給人吃的,所以我們終年吃豬肉;誰(shuí)要說(shuō)一切皆善簡(jiǎn)直是胡扯,應(yīng)當(dāng)說(shuō)盡善盡美才對(duì)?!?/p>
老實(shí)人一心一意地聽(tīng)著,好不天真地相信著;因?yàn)樗X(jué)得居內(nèi)貢小姐美麗無(wú)比,雖則從來(lái)沒(méi)膽子敢對(duì)她這么說(shuō)。他認(rèn)定第一等福氣是生為男爵;第二等福氣是生為居內(nèi)貢小姐;第三等福氣是天天看到小姐;第四等福氣是聽(tīng)到邦葛羅斯大師的高論,他是本省最偉大的,所以是全球最偉大的哲學(xué)家。
有一天,居內(nèi)貢小姐在宮堡附近散步,走在那個(gè)叫作獵場(chǎng)的小樹(shù)林中,忽然瞥見(jiàn)叢樹(shù)之間,邦葛羅斯正替她母親的女仆,一個(gè)很俊俏、很和順的棕發(fā)姑娘,上一課實(shí)驗(yàn)物理學(xué)。居內(nèi)貢小姐素來(lái)好學(xué),便屏氣凝神,把她親眼看到的、三番四復(fù)搬演的實(shí)驗(yàn),觀察了一番。她清清楚楚看到了博學(xué)大師的根據(jù),看到了結(jié)果和原因,然后渾身緊張、胡思亂想地回家,巴不得做個(gè)博學(xué)的才女;私忖自己大可作青年老實(shí)人的根據(jù),老實(shí)人也大可作她的根據(jù)。
回宮堡的路上,她遇到老實(shí)人,不由得臉紅了;老實(shí)人也臉紅了。她跟他招呼,語(yǔ)不成聲;老實(shí)人和她答話,不知所云。第二天,吃過(guò)中飯,離開(kāi)飯桌,居內(nèi)貢和老實(shí)人在一座屏風(fēng)后面,居內(nèi)貢把手帕掉在地上,老實(shí)人撿了起來(lái);她無(wú)心地拿著他的手,年輕人無(wú)心地吻著少女的手,那種熱情,那種溫柔,那種風(fēng)度,都有點(diǎn)異乎尋常。兩人嘴巴碰上了,眼睛射出火焰,膝蓋直打哆嗦,手往四下里亂動(dòng)。森特—登—脫龍克男爵打屏風(fēng)邊過(guò),一看這個(gè)原因、這個(gè)結(jié)果,立刻飛起大腿,踢著老實(shí)人的屁股,把他趕出大門(mén)。居內(nèi)貢當(dāng)場(chǎng)暈倒,醒來(lái)挨了男爵夫人一頓巴掌。于是在這最美麗最愉快的宮堡里,大家為之驚惶失措。
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