The next day, as Candide was walking out, he met a beggar all covered with scabs, his eyes sunk in his head, the end of his nose eaten off, his mouth drawn on one side, his teeth as black as a cloak, snuffing and coughing most violently, and every time he attempted to spit out dropped a tooth.
Candide, divided between compassion and horror, but giving way to the former, bestowed on this shocking figure the two florins which the honest Anabaptist, James, had just before given to him. The specter looked at him very earnestly, shed tears and threw his arms about his neck.Candide started back aghast.
“Alas!”said the one wretch to the other,“don't you know dear Pangloss?”
“What do I hear?Is it you, my dear master!You I behold in this piteous plight?What dreadful misfortune has befallen you?What has made you leave the most magnifcent and delightful of all castles?What has become of Miss Cunegund, the mirror of young ladies, and Nature's masterpiece?”
“Oh, Lord!”cried Pangloss,“I am so weak I cannot stand,”upon which Candide instantly led him to the Anabaptist's stable, and procured him something to eat.
As soon as Pangloss had a little refreshed himself, Candide began to repeat his inquiries concerning Miss Cunegund.
“She is dead,”replied the other.
“Dead!”cried Candide, and immediately fainted away;his friend restored him by the help of a little bad vinegar, which he found by chance in the stable.
Candide opened his eyes, and again repeated:“Dead!Is Miss Cunegund dead?Ah, where is the best of worlds now?But of what illness did she die?Was it of grief on seeing her father kick me out of his magnifcent castle?”
“No,”replied Pangloss,“her body was ripped open by the Bulgarian soldiers, after they had subjected her to as much cruelty as a damsel could survive;they knocked the Baron, her father, on the head for attempting to defend her;My Lady, her mother, was cut in pieces;my poor pupil was served just in the same manner as his sister;and as for the castle, they have not left one stone upon another;they have destroyed all the ducks, and sheep, the barns, and the trees;but we have had our revenge, for the Abares have done the very same thing in a neighboring barony, which belonged to a Bulgarian lord.”
At hearing this, Candide fainted away a second time, but, not withstanding, having come to himself again, he said all that it became him to say;he inquired into the cause and effect, as well as into the suffcing reason that had reduced Pangloss to so miserable a condition.
“Alas,”replied the preceptor,“it was love;love, the comfort of the human species;love, the preserver of the universe;the soul of all sensible beings;love!Tender love!”
“Alas,”cried Candide,“I have had some knowledge of love myself, this sovereign of hearts, this soul of souls;yet it never cost me more than a kiss and twenty kicks on the backside. But how could this beautiful cause produce in you so hideous an effect?”
Pangloss made answer in these terms:
“O my dear Candide, you must remember Pacquette, that pretty wench, who waited on our noble Baroness;in her arms I tasted the pleasures of Paradise, which produced these Hell torments with which you see me devoured. She was infected with an ailment, and perhaps has since died of it;she received this present of a learned Franciscan, who derived it from the fountainhead;he was indebted for it to an old countess, who had it of a captain of horse, who had it of a marchioness, who had it of a page, the page had it of a Jesuit, who, during his novitiate, had it in a direct line from one of the fellow adventurers of Christopher Columbus;for my part I shall give it to nobody, I am a dying man.”
“O sage Pangloss,”cried Candide,“what a strange genealogy is this!Is not the devil the root of it?”
“Not at all,”replied the great man,“it was a thing unavoidable, a necessary ingredient in the best of worlds;for if Columbus had not caught in an island in America this disease, which contaminates the source of generation, and frequently impedes propagation itself, and is evidently opposed to the great end of nature, we should have had neither chocolate nor cochineal. It is also to be observed, that, even to the present time, in this continent of ours, this malady, like our religious controversies, is peculiar to ourselves.The Turks, the Indians, the Persians, the Chinese, the Siamese, and the Japanese are entirely unacquainted with it;but there is a suffcing reason for them to know it in a few centuries.In the meantime, it is making prodigious havoc among us, especially in those armies composed of well disciplined hirelings, who determine the fate of nations;for we may safely affrm, that, when an army of thirty thousand men engages another equal in size, there are about twenty thousand infected with syphilis on each side.”
“Very surprising, indeed,”said Candide,“but you must get cured.”
“Lord help me, how can I?”said Pangloss.“My dear friend, I have not a penny in the world;and you know one cannot be bled or have an enema without money.”
This last speech had its effect on Candide;he few to the charitable Anabaptist, James;he fung himself at his feet, and gave him so striking a picture of the miserable condition of his friend that the good man without any further hesitation agreed to take Dr. Pangloss into his house, and to pay for his cure.The cure was effected with only the loss of one eye and an ear.As he wrote a good hand, and understood accounts tolerably well, the Anabaptist made him his bookkeeper.At the expiration of two months, being obliged by some mercantile affairs to go to Lisbon he took the two philosophers with him in the same ship;Pangloss, during the course of the voyage, explained to him how everything was so constituted that it could not be better.James did not quite agree with him on this point.
“Men,”said he“must, in some things, have deviated from their original innocence;for they were not born wolves, and yet they worry one another like those beasts of prey. God never gave them twenty-four pounders nor bayonets, and yet they have made cannon and bayonets to destroy one another.To this account I might add not only bankruptcies, but the law which seizes on the effects of bankrupts, only to cheat the creditors.”
“All this was indispensably necessary,”replied the one-eyed doctor,“for private misfortunes are public benefits;so that the more private misfortunes there are, the greater is the general good.”
While he was arguing in this manner, the sky was overcast, the winds blew from the four quarters of the compass, and the ship was assailed by a most terrible tempest, within sight of the port of Lisbon.
第二天,他在街上閑逛,遇到一個(gè)花子,身上長(zhǎng)著膿包,兩眼無(wú)光,鼻尖爛了一截,嘴歪在半邊,牙齒烏黑,說(shuō)話逼緊著喉嚨,咳得厲害,嗆一陣就掉一顆牙。
老實(shí)人一見之下,憐憫勝過(guò)了厭惡,把好心的雅各送的兩個(gè)弗洛冷給了可怕的花子。那鬼一樣的家伙定睛瞧著他,落著眼淚,向他的脖子直撲過(guò)來(lái)。老實(shí)人嚇得后退不迭。
“唉!”那個(gè)可憐蟲向這個(gè)可憐蟲說(shuō)道,“你認(rèn)不得你親愛的邦葛羅斯了嗎?”
“什么!親愛的老師,是你?你會(huì)落到這般悲慘的田地?你碰上了什么倒霉事呀?干么不住在最美的宮堡里了?居內(nèi)貢小姐,那女中之寶,天地的杰作,又怎么了呢?”
邦葛羅斯說(shuō)道:“我支持不住了?!崩蠈?shí)人便帶他上雅各家的馬房,給他一些面包。
等到邦葛羅斯有了力氣,老實(shí)人又問:“那么居內(nèi)貢呢?”
“她死了?!?/p>
老實(shí)人一聽這話就暈了過(guò)去。馬房里恰好有些壞醋,邦葛羅斯拿來(lái)把老實(shí)人救醒了。
他睜開眼叫道:“居內(nèi)貢死了!啊,最美好的世界到哪里去了?她害什么病死的?莫非因?yàn)榭吹轿冶凰钭鸫笕艘贿吿?,一邊趕出了美麗的宮堡嗎?”
邦葛羅斯答道:“不是的;保加利亞兵先把她蹂躪得不像樣了,又一刀戳進(jìn)她肚子;男爵上前救護(hù),被亂兵砍了腦袋;男爵夫人被人分尸,割作幾塊;我可憐的學(xué)生和他妹妹的遭遇完全一樣;宮堡變了平地,連一所谷倉(cāng)、一頭羊、一只鴨子、一棵樹都不留了;可是人家代我們報(bào)了仇,阿伐爾人對(duì)近邊一個(gè)保加利亞男爵的府第也如法炮制。”
聽了這番話,老實(shí)人又昏迷了一陣;等到醒來(lái),把該說(shuō)的話說(shuō)完了,便追問是什么因,什么果,什么根據(jù),把邦葛羅斯弄成這副可憐的形景。
邦葛羅斯答道:“唉,那是愛情??;是那安慰人類,保存世界,為一切有情人的靈魂的、甜蜜的愛情啊?!?/p>
老實(shí)人也道:“噢!愛情,這個(gè)心靈的主宰,靈魂的靈魂,我也領(lǐng)教過(guò)了。所得的酬報(bào)不過(guò)是一個(gè)親吻,還有屁股上挨了一二十下。這樣一件美事,怎會(huì)在你身上產(chǎn)生這樣丑惡的后果呢?”
于是邦葛羅斯說(shuō)了下面一席話:
“噢,親愛的老實(shí)人!咱們莊嚴(yán)的男爵夫人有個(gè)俊俏的侍女,叫作巴該德,你不是認(rèn)識(shí)的嗎?我在她懷中嘗到的樂趣,賽過(guò)登天一般;樂趣產(chǎn)生的苦難卻像墮入地獄一樣,使我渾身上下受著毒刑。巴該德也害著這個(gè)病,說(shuō)不定已經(jīng)死了。巴該德的那件禮物,是一個(gè)芳濟(jì)會(huì)神父送的;他非常博學(xué),把源流考證出來(lái)了:他的病是得之于一個(gè)老伯爵夫人,老伯爵夫人得之于一個(gè)騎兵上尉,騎兵上尉得之于一個(gè)侯爵夫人,侯爵夫人得之于一個(gè)侍從,侍從得之于一個(gè)耶穌會(huì)神父,耶穌會(huì)神父當(dāng)修士的時(shí)候,直接得之于哥倫布的一個(gè)同伴。至于我,我不會(huì)再傳給別人了,我眼看要送命的了?!?/p>
老實(shí)人嚷道:“噢,邦葛羅斯!這段家譜可離奇透了!禍根不都在魔鬼身上嗎?”
“不是的,”那位大人物回答,“在十全十美的世界上,這是無(wú)可避免的事,必不可少的要素。固然這病不但毒害生殖的本源,往往還阻止生殖,和自然界的大目標(biāo)是相反的;但要是哥倫布沒有在美洲一座島上染到這個(gè)病,我們哪會(huì)有巧克力,哪會(huì)有做胭脂用的胭脂蟲顏料?還得注意一點(diǎn):至此為止,這病和宗教方面的爭(zhēng)論一樣,是本洲獨(dú)有的。土耳其人、印度人、波斯人、中國(guó)人、暹羅人、日本人都還沒見識(shí)過(guò);可是有個(gè)必然之理,不出幾百年,他們也會(huì)領(lǐng)教的。目前這病在我們中間進(jìn)步神速,尤其在大軍之中,在文雅、安分、操縱各國(guó)命運(yùn)的傭兵所組成的大軍之中;倘有三萬(wàn)人和員額相等的敵軍作戰(zhàn),每一方面必有兩萬(wàn)人身長(zhǎng)毒瘡?!?/p>
老實(shí)人道:“這真是妙不可言。不過(guò)你總得醫(yī)啊。”
邦葛羅斯回答:“我怎么能醫(yī)?朋友,我沒有錢呀。不付錢,或是沒有別人代付錢,你走遍地球也不能放一次血[6]、洗一個(gè)澡?!?/p>
聽到最后幾句,老實(shí)人打定了主意;他去跪在好心的雅各面前,把朋友落難的情形說(shuō)得那么動(dòng)人,雅各竟毫不遲疑,招留了邦葛羅斯博士,出錢給他治病。治療的結(jié)果,邦葛羅斯只損失了一只眼睛和一只耳朵。他筆下很了得,又精通算術(shù)。雅各派他當(dāng)賬房。過(guò)了兩月,雅各為了生意上的事要到里斯本去,把兩位哲學(xué)家?guī)г诖?。邦葛羅斯一路向他解釋,世界上一切都好得無(wú)以復(fù)加。雅各不同意。
他說(shuō):“無(wú)論如何,人的本性多少是變壞了,他們生下來(lái)不是狼,卻變了狼。上帝沒有給他們二十四磅的大炮[7],也沒有給他們刺刀;他們卻造了刺刀大炮互相毀滅。多少起的破產(chǎn),和法院攫取破產(chǎn)人財(cái)產(chǎn)、侵害債權(quán)人利益的事,我可以立一本清賬?!?/p>
獨(dú)眼博士回答道:“這些都是應(yīng)有之事,個(gè)人的苦難造成全體的幸福;個(gè)人的苦難越多,全體越幸福?!?/p>
他們正在這么討論,忽然天昏地黑,狂風(fēng)四起,就在望得見里斯本港口的地方,他們的船遇到了最可怕的颶風(fēng)。
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