Never was anything so gallant, so well accoutred, so brilliant, and so fnely disposed as the two armies. The trumpets, ffes, hautboys, drums, and cannon made such harmony as never was heard in Hell itself.The entertainment began by a discharge of cannon, which, in the twinkling of an eye, laid flat about 6,000 men on each side.The musket bullets swept away, out of the best of all possible worlds, nine or ten thousand scoundrels that infested its surface.The bayonet was next the suffcient reason of the deaths of several thousands.The whole might amount to thirty thousand souls.Candide trembled like a philosopher, and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deums to be sung in their camps, Candide took a resolution to go and reason somewhere else upon causes and effects. After passing over heaps of dead or dying men, the frst place he came to was a neighboring village, in the Abarian territories, which had been burned to the ground by the Bulgarians, agreeably to the laws of war.Here lay a number of old men covered with wounds, who beheld their wives dying with their throats cut, and hugging their children to their breasts, all stained with blood.There several young virgins, whose bodies had been ripped open, after they had satisfed the natural necessities of the Bulgarian heroes, breathed their last;while others, half-burned in the flames, begged to be dispatched out of the world.The ground about them was covered with the brains, arms, and legs of dead men.
Candide made all the haste he could to another village, which belonged to the Bulgarians, and there he found the heroic Abares had enacted the same tragedy. Thence continuing to walk over palpitating limbs, or through ruined buildings, at length he arrived beyond the theater of war, with a little provision in his budget, and Miss Cunegund's image in his heart.When he arrived in Holland his provision failed him;but having heard that the inhabitants of that country were all rich and Christians, he made himself sure of being treated by them in the same manner as the Baron's castle, before he had been driven thence through the power of Miss Cunegund's bright eyes.
He asked charity of several grave-looking people, who one and all answered him, that if he continued to follow this trade they would have him sent to the house of correction, where he should be taught to get his bread.
He next addressed himself to a person who had just come from haranguing a numerous assembly for a whole hour on the subject of charity. The orator, squinting at him under his broadbrimmed hat, asked him sternly, what brought him thither and whether he was for the good old cause?
“Sir,”said Candide, in a submissive manner,“I conceive there can be no effect without a cause;everything is necessarily concatenated and arranged for the best. It was necessary that I should be banished from the presence of Miss Cunegund;that I should afterwards run the gauntlet;and it is necessary I should beg my bread, till I am able to get it.All this could not have been otherwise.”
“Hark ye, friend,”said the orator,“do you hold the Pope to be Antichrist?”
“Truly, I never heard anything about it,”said Candide,“but whether he is or not, I am in want of something to eat.”
“Thou deservest not to eat or to drink,”replied the orator,“wretch, monster, that thou art!Hence!Avoid my sight, nor ever come near me again while thou livest.”
The orator's wife happened to put her head out of the window at that instant, when, seeing a man who doubted whether the Pope was Antichrist, she discharged upon his head a utensil full of water. Good heavens, to what excess does religious zeal transport womankind!
A man who had never been christened, an honest Anabaptist named James, was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment showed to one of his brethren, to a rational, two-footed, unfledged being. Moved with pity he carried him to his own house, caused him to be cleaned, gave him meat and drink, and made him a present of two forins, at the same time proposing to instruct him in his own trade of weaving Persian silks, which are fabricated in Holland.
Candide, penetrated with so much goodness, threw himself at his feet, crying,“Now I am convinced that my Master Pangloss told me truth when he said that everything was for the best in this world;for I am infnitely more affected with your extraordinary generosity than with the inhumanity of that gentleman in the black cloak and his wife.”
兩支軍隊的雄壯、敏捷、輝煌和整齊,可以說無與倫比。喇叭、橫笛、長簫、軍鼓、大炮,合奏齊鳴,連地獄里也從來沒有如此和諧的音樂。先是大炮把每一邊的軍隊轟倒六千左右;排槍又替最美好的世界掃除了九千到一萬名玷污地面的壞蛋。刺刀又充分說明了幾千人的死因??倲?shù)大概有三萬上下。老實人像哲學家一樣發(fā)抖,在這場英勇的屠殺中盡量躲藏。
兩國的國王各自在營中叫人高唱吾主上帝,感謝神恩;老實人可決意換一個地方去推敲因果關系了。他從已死和未死的人堆上爬過去,進入一個鄰近的村子,只見一片灰燼。那是阿伐爾人的村莊,被保加利亞人依照公法焚毀了。這兒是戳滿窟窿的老人,眼睜睜地看著他們被殺的妻子,懷中還有嬰兒銜著血污的奶頭;那兒是滿足了英雄們的需要,被開腸破肚的姑娘,正在咽最后一口氣;又有些燒得半死不活的,嚷著求人結(jié)果他們的性命。地下是斷臂折腿,旁邊淌著腦漿。
老實人拔步飛奔,逃往另外一個村子:那是保加利亞人的地方;阿伐爾人對付他們的手段也一般無二。老實人腳下踩著的不是瓦礫,便是還在扭動的肢體。他終于走出戰(zhàn)場,褡褳內(nèi)帶著些干糧,念念不忘地想著居內(nèi)貢小姐。到荷蘭境內(nèi),干糧吃完了;但聽說當?shù)厝巳私允歉晃?,并且是基督徒,便深信他們待客的情誼決不亞于男爵府上,就是說和他沒有為了美麗的居內(nèi)貢而被逐的時代一樣。
他向好幾位道貌岸然的人求布施。他們一致回答,倘若他老干這一行,就得送進感化院,教教他做人之道。
接著他看見一個人在大會上演講,一口氣講了一個鐘點,題目是樂善好施。他講完了,老實人上前求助。演說家斜視著他,問道:“你來干什么?你是不是排斥外道,擁護正果的?”
老實人很謙卑地回答:“噢!天下事有果必有因;一切皆如連鎖,安排得再妥當沒有。我必須從居內(nèi)貢小姐那邊被趕出來,必須挨鞭子。我必須討面包,討到我能自己掙面包為止。這都是必然之事。”
演說家又問:“朋友,你可相信教皇是魔道嗎[3]?”
老實人回答:“我還沒聽見這么說過;他是魔道也罷,不是魔道也罷,我缺少面包是真的。”
那人道:“你不配吃面包;滾開去,壞蛋;滾,流氓;滾,別走近我?!?/p>
演說家的老婆在窗口探了探頭,看到一個不信教皇為魔道的人,立刻向他倒下一大……噢,天!婦女的醉心宗教竟會到這個地步!
一個未受洗禮的再浸禮派[4]信徒,名叫雅各,看到一個同胞,一個沒有羽毛而有靈魂的兩足動物,受到這樣野蠻無禮的待遇,便帶他到家里,讓他洗澡,給他面包、啤酒,送他兩個弗洛冷[5],還打算教老實人進他布廠學手藝,布廠的出品是在荷蘭織造而叫作波斯呢的一種印花布。
老實人差不多撲在他腳下,叫道:“邦葛羅斯老師早告訴我了,這個世界上樣樣都十全十美;你的慷慨豪爽,比著那位穿黑衣服的先生和他太太的殘酷,使我感動多了。”