“Blue Wednesday”
The first Wednesday in every month was a Perfectly Awful Day—a day to be awaited with dread, endured with courage, and forgotten with haste. Every floor must be spotless, every chair dustless, and every bed without a wrinkle. Ninety-seven squirming little orphans must be scrubbed and combed and buttoned into freshly starched ginghams; and all ninety-seven reminded of their manners, and told to say “Yes, sir,” “No, sir,” whenever a Trustee spoke.
It was a distressing time; and poor Jerusha Abbott, being the oldest orphan, had to bear the brunt of it. But this particular first Wednesday, like its predecessors, finally dragged itself to a close. Jerusha escaped from the pantry where she had been making sandwiches for the asylum's guests, and turned upstairs to accomplish her regular work. Her special care was room F, where eleven little tots, from four to seven, occupied eleven little cots set in a row. Jerusha assembled her charges, straightened their rumpled frocks, wiped their noses, and started them in an orderly and willing line toward the dining room to engage themselves for a blessed half hour with bread and milk and prune pudding.
Then she dropped down on the window seat and leaned throbbing temples against the cool glass. She had been on her feet since five that morning doing everybody's bidding, scolded and hurried by a nervous matron. Mrs. Lippett, behind the scenes, did not always maintain that calm and pompous dignity with which she faced an audience of Trustees and lady visitors. Jerusha gazed out across a broad stretch of frozen lawn, beyond the tall iron paling that marked the confines of the asylum, down undulating ridges sprinkled with country estates, to the spires of the village rising from the midst of bare trees.
The day was ended—quite successfully, so far as she knew. The Trustees and the visiting committee had made their rounds, and read their reports, and drunk their tea, and now were hurrying home to their own cheerful firesides, to forget their bothersome little charges for another month. Jerusha leaned forward watching with curiosity—and a touch of wistfulness—the stream of carriages and automobiles that rolled out of the asylum gates. In imagination she followed first one equipage then another to the big houses dotted along the hillside. She pictured herself in a fur coat and a velvet hat trimmed with feathers leaning back in the seat and nonchalantly murmuring “Home” to the driver. But on the doorsill of her home the picture grew blurred.
Jerusha had an imagination—an imagination, Mrs. Lippett told her, that would get her into trouble if she didn't take care—but keen as it was, it could not carry her beyond the front porch of the houses she would enter. Poor, eager, adventurous little Jerusha, in all her seventeen years, had never stepped inside an ordinary house; she could not picture the daily routine of those other human beings who carried on their lives undiscommoded by orphans.
Je-ru-sha Ab-bott
You are wan-ted
In the of-fice,
And I think you'd
Better hurry up!
Tommy Dillon who had joined the choir, came singing up the stairs and down the corridor, his chant growing louder as he approached room F. Jerusha wrenched herself from the window and refaced the troubles of life.
“Who wants me?” she cut into Tommy's chant with a note of sharp anxiety.
Mrs. Lippett in the office,
And I think she's mad.
Ah-a-men!
Tommy piously intoned, but his accent was not entirely malicious. Even the most hardened little orphan felt sympathy for an erring sister who was summoned to the office to face an annoyed matron; and Tommy liked Jerusha even if she did sometimes jerk him by the arm and nearly scrub his nose off.
Jerusha went without comment, but with two parallel lines on her brow. What could have gone wrong? she wondered. Were the sandwiches not thin enough? Were there shells in the nut cakes? Had a lady visitor seen the hole in Susie Hawthorn's stocking? Had—O horrors!—one of the cherubic little babes in her own room F “sassed” a Trustee?
The long lower hall had not been lighted, and as she came downstairs, a last Trustee stood, on the point of departure, in the open door that led to the porte-cochère. Jerusha caught only a fleeting impression of the man—and the impression consisted entirely of tallness. He was waving his arm toward an automobile waiting in the curved drive. As it sprang into motion and approached, head on for an instant, the glaring headlights threw his shadow sharply against the wall inside. The shadow pictured grotesquely elongated legs and arms that ran along the floor and up the wall of the corridor. It looked, for all the world, like a huge, wavering daddy-long-legs.
Jerusha's anxious frown gave place to quick laughter. She was by nature a sunny soul, and had always snatched the tiniest excuse to be amused. If one could derive any sort of entertainment out of the oppressive fact of a Trustee, it was something unexpected to the good. She advanced to the office quite cheered by the tiny episode, and presented a smiling face to Mrs. Lippett. To her surprise the matron was also, if not exactly smiling, at least appreciably affable; she wore an expression almost as pleasant as the one she donned for visitors.
“Sit down, Jerusha, I have something to say to you.”
Jerusha dropped into the nearest chair and waited with a touch of breathlessness. An automobile flashed past the window; Mrs. Lippett glanced after it.
“Did you notice the gentleman who has just gone?”
“I saw his back.”
“He is one of our most affluential Trustees, and has given large sums of money toward the asylum's support. I am not at liberty to mention his name; he expressly stipulated that he was to remain unknown.”
Jerusha's eyes widened slightly; she was not accustomed to being summoned to the office to discuss the eccentricities of Trustees with the matron.
“This gentleman has taken an interest in several of our boys. You remember Charles Benton and Henry Freize? They were both sent through college by Mr.—er—this Trustee, and both have repaid with hard work and success the money that was so generously expended. Other payment the gentleman does not wish. Heretofore his philanthropies have been directed solely toward the boys; I have never been able to interest him in the slightest degree in any of the girls in the institution, no matter how deserving. He does not, I may tell you, care for girls.”
“No, ma'am,” Jerusha murmured, since some reply seemed to be expected at this point.
“Today at the regular meeting, the question of your future was brought up.”
Mrs. Lippett allowed a moment of silence to fall, then resumed in a slow, placid manner extremely trying to her hearer's suddenly tightened nerves.
“Usually, as you know, the children are not kept after they are sixteen, but an exception was made in your case. You had finished our school at fourteen, and having done so well in your studies—not always, I must say, in your conduct—it was determined to let you go on in the village high school. Now you are finishing that, and of course the asylum cannot be responsible any longer for your support. As it is, you have had two years more than most.”
Mrs. Lippett overlooked the fact that Jerusha had worked hard for her board during those two years, that the convenience of the asylum had come first and her education second; that on days like the present she was kept at home to scrub.
“As I say, the question of your future was brought up and your record was discussed—thoroughly discussed.”
Mrs. Lippett brought accusing eyes to bear upon the prisoner in the dock, and the prisoner looked guilty because it seemed to be expected—not because she could remember any strikingly black pages in her record.
“Of course the usual disposition of one in your place would be to put you in a position where you could begin to work, but you have done well in school in certain branches; it seems that your work in English has even been brilliant. Miss Pritchard, who is on our visiting committee, is also on the school board; she has been talking with your rhetoric teacher, and made a speech in your favor. She also read aloud an essay that you had written entitled, Blue Wednesday.”
Jerusha's guilty expression this time was not assumed.
“It seemed to me that you showed little gratitude in holding up to ridicule the institution that has done so much for you. Had you not managed to be funny I doubt if you would have been forgiven. But fortunately for you, Mr. ——, that is, the gentleman who has just gone—appears to have an immoderate sense of humor. On the strength of that impertinent paper, he has offered to send you to college.”
“To college?” Jerusha's eyes grew big.
Mrs. Lippett nodded.
“He waited to discuss the terms with me. They are unusual. The gentleman, I may say, is erratic. He believes that you have originality, and he is planning to educate you to become a writer.”
“A writer?” Jerusha's mind was numbed. She could only repeat Mrs. Lippett's words.
“That is his wish. Whether anything will come of it, the future will show. He is giving you a very liberal allowance, almost, for a girl who has never had any experience in taking care of money, too liberal. But he planned the matter in detail, and I did not feel free to make any suggestions. You are to remain here through the summer, and Miss Pritchard has kindly offered to superintend your outfit. Your board and tuition will be paid directly to the college, and you will receive in addition during the four years you are there, an allowance of thirty-five dollars a month. This will enable you to enter on the same standing as the other students. The money will be sent to you by the gentleman's private secretary once a month, and in return, you will write a letter of acknowledgment once a month. That is—you are not to thank him for the money; he doesn't care to have that mentioned, but you are to write a letter telling of the progress in your studies and the details of your daily life. Just such a letter as you would write to your parents if they were living.
“These letters will be addressed to Mr. John Smith and will be sent in care of the secretary. The gentleman's name is not John Smith, but he prefers to remain unknown. To you he will never be anything but John Smith. His reason in requiring the letters is that he thinks nothing so fosters facility in literary expression as letter writing. Since you have no family with whom to correspond, he desires you to write in this way; also, he wishes to keep track of your progress. He will never answer your letters, nor in the slightest particular take any notice of them. He detests letter writing, and does not wish you to become a burden. If any point should ever arise where an answer would seem to be imperative—such as in the event of your being expelled, which I trust will not occur—you may correspond with Mr. Griggs, his secretary. These monthly letters are absolutely obligatory on your part; they are the only payment that Mr. Smith requires, so you must be as punctilious in sending them as though it were a bill that you were paying. I hope that they will always be respectful in tone and will reflect credit on your training. You must remember that you are writing to a Trustee of the John Grier Home.”
Jerusha's eyes longingly sought the door. Her head was in a whirl of excitement, and she wished only to escape from Mrs. Lippett's platitudes, and think. She rose and took a tentative step backwards. Mrs. Lippett detained her with a gesture; it was an oratorical opportunity not to be slighted.
“I trust that you are properly grateful for this very rare good fortune that has befallen you? Not many girls in your position ever have such an opportunity to rise in the world. You must always remember—”
“I—yes, ma'am, thank you. I think, if that's all, I must go and sew a patch on Freddie Perkins's trousers.”
The door closed behind her, and Mrs. Lippett watched it with dropped jaw, her peroration in midair.
憂郁星期三
每個(gè)月的第一個(gè)禮拜三都糟糕透頂——是滿懷恐懼地等待,鼓足勇氣地承受,而后再急急忙忙地忘掉的一天。每層樓的地板都得一塵不染,每把椅子都必須整潔無瑕,每張床都要鋪得一絲不皺。要給九十七個(gè)四處亂爬的小孤兒梳洗干凈,套上剛剛漿洗過的花格布襯衫,一個(gè)個(gè)地提醒他們注意自己的儀態(tài),還要教他們學(xué)會(huì)不管理事什么時(shí)候問話,要回答“是的,先生”或“不,先生”。
這個(gè)時(shí)候真是令人痛苦??蓱z的杰瑞莎·艾伯特作為最年長的孤兒,這一天對(duì)她來說就更倒霉了。像往常一樣,這個(gè)特殊的星期三總算挨到了尾聲,杰瑞莎終于從廚房逃了出來,她剛在這里為客人們做了三明治,又跑到樓上去完成她的日常任務(wù)。她負(fù)責(zé)的是第六室,那里有十一個(gè)四歲到七歲不等的小不點(diǎn)兒,放了十一張排成一行的小床,杰瑞莎好不容易才把他們集合起來,幫他們整理好皺巴巴的上衣,擦了擦鼻涕,讓他們心甘情愿地排成整齊的隊(duì)伍,而后領(lǐng)著他們?nèi)ゲ褪遥悦姘?,喝牛奶,還有李子布丁,享受半個(gè)小時(shí)的快樂時(shí)光。
做完這些后,她跌坐在靠窗臺(tái)的椅子上,將漲得生疼的太陽穴抵住冰冷的玻璃。她從早上五點(diǎn)鐘開始就手腳不停地忙,還時(shí)不時(shí)地被神經(jīng)質(zhì)的女監(jiān)事責(zé)罵、催促,私底下的李佩特太太可并不會(huì)一直保持她面對(duì)理事及女賓時(shí)平靜、莊重的樣子。杰瑞莎的目光越過一片上了凍的開闊草地,越過孤兒院高高的鐵欄桿,落在遠(yuǎn)處起伏的山巒、山間散落著的農(nóng)莊,以及光禿禿的樹叢中露出的村莊尖屋頂上。
這一天結(jié)束了——就她所知,相當(dāng)順利。理事和巡查委員會(huì)成員照例巡視了孤兒院,讀完了報(bào)告,喝完了茶,現(xiàn)在正急匆匆地趕回家享受令人歡欣的爐火,至少要到下個(gè)月才能想起他們照管的這些折磨人的小鬼。杰瑞莎探著身子,好奇并帶著一絲憧憬地望著那成隊(duì)的馬車、小汽車駛出孤兒院的大門。她幻想自己跟隨著一輛又一輛車,去了那些沿著山腰星羅棋布的大房子前。她看到自己穿著皮大衣,戴著插了羽毛的天鵝絨帽子,靠在椅子后背上漫不經(jīng)心地對(duì)車夫說:“回家。”然而到了門檻上,家的畫面便模糊不清了。
杰瑞莎喜歡幻想——李佩特太太告訴她說,幻想,要是不小心的話會(huì)惹麻煩——但是不管她的想象力有多么豐富,都無法帶領(lǐng)她跨過門廊,走進(jìn)那些她想去的屋子里??蓱z的、富有冒險(xiǎn)精神的小杰瑞莎,在她有生的十七年間,從未跨入一扇平常的家門,她根本就想象不出那些沒有孤兒煩擾的人怎樣生活。
杰——瑞——莎 艾——伯——特
辦公室有人找
照我看
你還是快點(diǎn)為妙!
湯米·迪倫參加了唱詩班,從樓梯到走廊他一路都在唱歌,靠近第六室的時(shí)候,他的歌聲越發(fā)嘹亮起來。杰瑞莎從窗口收回了目光,不得不再次面對(duì)生活的煩惱。
“誰找我?”她打斷了湯米的歌唱,急切地問。
辦公室里的李佩特太太
我想她快瘋啦
阿——門!
湯米拖長了聲音唱著,他的語調(diào)并沒有惡意。甚至連心腸最硬的小孤兒也會(huì)對(duì)犯了錯(cuò)被叫到辦公室的姐姐滿懷同情,因?yàn)樗玫睫k公室去面對(duì)招人討厭的老太太。湯米還是蠻喜歡杰瑞莎的,雖然她有時(shí)使勁兒地拽著他的胳膊,或是差點(diǎn)要把他的鼻子給擦下來。
杰瑞莎沒有再說話,走了,只是額頭多了兩條皺紋。她想知道哪里出問題了,是三明治不夠薄嗎?是果仁餅里有殼嗎?還是哪位女賓發(fā)現(xiàn)蘇茜·霍森的長襪上有個(gè)洞呢?是不是——哦,糟糕!——第六室那些天真無邪的小寶貝跟理事頂嘴了?
低矮的長廊上燈還沒有亮,她下樓的時(shí)候,最后一位理事站在那兒,正準(zhǔn)備離開,他站在通向院外的門口,杰瑞莎對(duì)他只有個(gè)一閃即逝的印象——他很高。他正朝著一輛停在彎道上的汽車揮手,車子啟動(dòng)開過來時(shí),耀眼的光芒把他的影子投在了室內(nèi)的墻壁上。影子奇形怪狀的:拉長的四肢沿著地板奔跑,躥上了走廊墻壁,就像人們常常說的“長腿叔叔”——那是一種搖搖晃晃的大蜘蛛。
杰瑞莎緊鎖的眉頭頓時(shí)松開了,發(fā)出了一陣歡快的笑聲。她性格開朗,一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)小事都能把她逗樂。誰能從哪個(gè)理事的難堪之中找到點(diǎn)樂子,自然是意外的驚喜啦!她繼續(xù)往辦公室走去,這個(gè)小小的插曲讓她非常開心,面對(duì)著李佩特太太時(shí)也是笑逐顏開。出乎意料的是,杰瑞莎發(fā)現(xiàn)李佩特太太也相當(dāng)和藹,即便她沒有笑容。她的表情愉快得像在接待來訪的客人。
“坐下,杰瑞莎,我有話要對(duì)你說。”
杰瑞莎坐在了離她最近的椅子上,屏住了呼吸等待著。一輛汽車從窗外閃過,李佩特太太的目光跟在它后頭。
“你注意到剛剛走的這位先生了嗎?”
“我看到了他的背影。”
“他是我們最富有的理事之一,給救濟(jì)院捐贈(zèng)了大筆的款項(xiàng)來支持我們。我沒有權(quán)利說出他的名字,他特別要求不要說出他的名字。”
杰瑞莎的眼睛微微睜大,她不習(xí)慣被召到辦公室里來和監(jiān)事談?wù)摾硎聜兊墓殴制狻?/p>
“這位先生一直很關(guān)注我們的幾個(gè)男孩子。你記得查理·本頓和亨利·弗瑞茲吧?他們兩個(gè)都是——這位,呃……理事先生送去大學(xué)的,他們兩個(gè)人都很用功,都以良好的成績回報(bào)了這位先生的慷慨資助。別的回報(bào)這位先生并不想要。迄今為止,他的善心僅限于男孩子,我從來沒能讓他對(duì)這里的女孩子有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的興趣,不管是多么值得的姑娘。我可以告訴你,他不喜歡女孩子。”
“是的。太太。”杰瑞莎訥訥地回答,因?yàn)榇藭r(shí),這樣的回答似乎是李佩特太太希望聽到的。
“今天在例會(huì)上,有人提到了你的前途問題。”
李佩特太太略微停頓了片刻,而后又慢條斯理地說了下去,這讓她的聽眾的神經(jīng)驟然緊繃了起來。
“你也知道,通常,孩子們十六歲以后就不能留在這里了,但你是個(gè)例外。你十四歲就完成我們的課程,成績不錯(cuò)——但也不盡然,得說你的操行并非一向優(yōu)良——我們才讓你繼續(xù)在村里的中學(xué)讀書。如今你就要畢業(yè)了,當(dāng)然,院里不能再負(fù)擔(dān)你的費(fèi)用。即便如此,你也比大部分孩子多讀了兩年書。”
李佩特太太全然不提在這兩年里,杰瑞莎為了自己的食宿賣力地工作。救濟(jì)院一直是第一位的,她的學(xué)習(xí)排在第二位,一旦遇到像今天這樣的日子,杰瑞莎就得被留下來打掃衛(wèi)生。
“我剛才說了,有人提出你的前途問題,討論了你的表現(xiàn)——一場(chǎng)徹底的討論。”
李佩特太太用譴責(zé)的目光望著這個(gè)“被告席上的小囚犯”,而“犯人”也配合地露出有罪的神情。因?yàn)檫@種表情是李佩特太太希望看到的,并不是因?yàn)樗约河浧鹆俗约河惺裁醋屓藗?cè)目的污點(diǎn)記錄。
“自然,像你這種情況,通常安排一個(gè)工作就可以了。但是你在學(xué)校的時(shí)候有些學(xué)科學(xué)得很不錯(cuò),英文甚至可以說非常優(yōu)秀。普里查德小姐是我們巡查委員會(huì)的委員,也是學(xué)校理事會(huì)的成員,她曾經(jīng)和你的語文老師談過話,她說了一大通你的好話。她還大聲地朗讀了你寫的一篇作文,叫作《憂郁星期三》。”
這下杰瑞莎可真的知罪了。
“你嘲笑這個(gè)為你做了這么多事情的救濟(jì)院,這讓我感覺你絲毫不知道感恩。要是你沒有這么幽默的話,我懷疑會(huì)不會(huì)有人原諒你。然而,幸運(yùn)的是,那位先生,剛剛走掉的那位理事先生表現(xiàn)出了極大的幽默感,就因?yàn)槟瞧獰o禮的作文,他決定送你去上大學(xué)。”
“上大學(xué)?”杰瑞莎瞪大了雙眼。
李佩特太太點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
“他留下來和我談了條件,條件不同尋常。我覺得這位先生相當(dāng)古怪。他認(rèn)為你很有天分,他想把你培養(yǎng)成作家。”
“作家?”杰瑞莎的腦袋一下就蒙了,只能重復(fù)李佩特太太的話。
“這只是他的愿望,能否成功將來自然會(huì)知道的。他會(huì)給你提供充裕的零花錢,對(duì)一個(gè)從來沒管過錢的女孩子來說,幾乎是過于慷慨了。不過他把事情的細(xì)節(jié)都計(jì)劃好了,我感覺似乎不能再提建議了。今年夏天你還是在這里,普里查德小姐慷慨地答應(yīng)幫你添置衣服。至于你的膳食費(fèi)以及學(xué)費(fèi),直接由那位先生付給校方。大學(xué)的四年里,你每個(gè)月會(huì)有三十五美元的零用錢,這足以使你和其他學(xué)生的情況相當(dāng)。這位先生的私人秘書每個(gè)月會(huì)把錢寄給你,而你每個(gè)月收到錢以后要寫信給他。并不是要你感謝他給的零用錢,他不在乎你提不提這個(gè),而是讓你寫一封信說說你的學(xué)習(xí)進(jìn)展,以及生活細(xì)節(jié),就好像你的父母還在世,你會(huì)給他們寫的信一樣。收信人的名字叫約翰·史密斯,信件由他的秘書轉(zhuǎn)交。這并不是他的真名,他寧愿不讓人知道他的真名。對(duì)你而言,他永遠(yuǎn)就是約翰·史密斯。他讓你寫信,是因?yàn)樗J(rèn)為沒什么能比寫信更能培養(yǎng)人的文學(xué)表達(dá)能力,既然你沒有家人可以通信,他希望你用給家人寫信的方式來給他寫信。同樣地,他也希望能知道你的進(jìn)展。他不會(huì)回你的信,也不會(huì)特別挑剔你的來信。他不喜歡寫信,也不希望寫信成為你的負(fù)擔(dān)。如果有什么緊急問題,有必要回復(fù)你的話——譬如你被開除,我相信這種事是不會(huì)發(fā)生的——你可以和他的秘書格利茲先生聯(lián)系。對(duì)你這一方,這些信件則是絕對(duì)的義務(wù),這是史密斯先生對(duì)你唯一的要求。因此,你必須把信當(dāng)成要按時(shí)支付的賬單一樣準(zhǔn)時(shí)寄出。我希望你的語氣能一直保持恭敬,這能反映出你所受到的教育。你必須牢牢記住,你的信是寫給約翰·格里爾之家的一位理事。”
杰瑞莎的眼神急切地找尋門在哪里,她已經(jīng)興奮得暈頭轉(zhuǎn)向了,這會(huì)兒,她只希望從李佩特太太的老生常談中逃開,而后想一想。她起身,試探著退了一步,李佩特太太用手勢(shì)示意她留下來——這可是一個(gè)難得的演說機(jī)會(huì)。
“我相信,對(duì)于這從天而降的好運(yùn)氣你一定是心存感激吧?像你這種情況的女孩子很少有這種見世面的機(jī)會(huì),你必須永遠(yuǎn)地記住——”
“我——是的,太太,謝謝您。我想,要是沒有其他事的話,我得去補(bǔ)弗雷德的褲子了。”
門在她身后關(guān)上了。李佩特太太盯著門咽下了一肚子被打斷的嘮叨。她才剛剛說到興頭呢。
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