That the life of man is but a dream, many a man has surmised heretofore; and I, too, am everywhere pursued by this feeling. When I consider the narrow limits within which our active and inquiring faculties are confined; when I see how all our energies are wasted in providing for mere necessities, which again have no further end than to prolong a wretched existence; and then that all our satisfaction concerning certain subjects of investigation ends in nothing better than a passive resignation, whilst we amuse ourselves painting our prison-walls with bright figures and brilliant landscapes,—when I consider all this, Wilhelm, I am silent. I examine my own being, and find there a world, but a world rather of imagination and dim desires, than of distinctness and living power. Then everything swims before my senses, and I smile and dream while pursuing my way through the world.
All learned professors and doctors are agreed that children do not comprehend the cause of their desires; but that the grown-up should wander about this earth like children, without knowing whence they come, or whither they go, influenced as little by fixed motives, but guided like them by biscuits, sugar-plums, and the rod,—this is what nobody is willing to acknowledge; and yet I think it is palpable.
I know what you will say in reply; for I am ready to admit that they are happiest, who, like children, amuse themselves with their playthings, dress and undress their dolls, and attentively watch the cupboard, where mamma has locked up her sweet things, and, when at last they get a delicious morsel, eat it greedily, and exclaim, “More!” These are certainly happy beings; but others also are objects of envy, who dignify their paltry employments, and sometimes even their passions, with pompous titles, representing them to mankind as gigantic achievements performed for their welfare and glory. But the man who humbly acknowledges the vanity of all this, who observes with what pleasure the thriving citizen converts his little garden into a paradise, and how patiently even the poor man pursues his weary way under his burden, and how all wish equally to behold the light of the sun a little longer,—yes, such a man is at peace, and creates his own world within himself; and he is also happy, because he is a man. And then, however limited his sphere, he still preserves in his bosom the sweet feeling of liberty, and knows that he can quit his prison whenever he likes.
人生如夢,這是許多人早已有過的感受;而我呢,到哪里也會生此同感。我常??匆娙说膭?chuàng)造力和洞察力都受到局限;我常??匆娙说囊磺谢顒?,都是為了滿足某些需要,而這些需要除去延長我們可憐的生存,本身又毫無任何目的;臨了,我還發(fā)現(xiàn),人從某些探索結(jié)果中得到的自慰,其實只是一種夢幻者的怠惰,正如一個囚居斗室的人,把四面墻壁統(tǒng)統(tǒng)畫上五彩繽紛的形象與光輝燦爛的景物一般——這一切,威廉喲,都令我啞口無言。我只好回到自己的內(nèi)心,去發(fā)現(xiàn)一個世界!為此又更多地依靠預(yù)感與朦朧的渴望,而不依靠創(chuàng)造與活力。這一來,一切對于我的感官都是游移不定的;我也如在夢里似的,繼續(xù)對著世界微笑。
大大小小的學(xué)究們一致斷定,小孩兒是不知何所欲求的;豈止小孩兒,成人們還不是在地球上東奔西闖,同樣不清楚自己打哪兒來,往哪兒去,同樣干起事來漫無目的,同樣受著餅干、蛋糕和樺木鞭子的支配。這個道理誰都不肯相信,但我想?yún)s是顯而易見。
因為我知道你聽了會說些什么,我樂于向你承認:我認為,那些能像小孩兒似的懵懵懂懂過日子的人,他們是最幸福的。他們也跟小孩兒一樣拖著自己的布娃娃四處跑,把它們的衣服脫掉又穿上,穿上又脫掉,不然就乖乖兒圍著媽媽藏甜點心的抽屜轉(zhuǎn)來轉(zhuǎn)去;終于如愿以償了,便滿嘴滿腮地大嚼起來,一邊嚷嚷著:還要!還要!——這才是幸福的人啰。還有一種人,他們給自己的無聊勾當(dāng)以至欲念想出種種漂亮稱呼,美其名曰為人類造福的偉大事業(yè);他們也是幸福的?!干系圪n福給這樣的人吧!可是,誰要虛懷若谷,正視這一切將會有怎樣的結(jié)果;誰要能看見每一個殷實市民如何循規(guī)蹈矩,善于將自己的小小花園變成天國,而不幸者也甘負重荷,繼續(xù)氣喘吁吁地行進在人生的道路上,并且人人同樣渴望多見一分鐘陽光——是的,誰能認識到和看到這些,他也會心安理得,自己為自己創(chuàng)造一個世界,并且為生而為人感到幸福。這樣,他盡管處處受著限制,內(nèi)心卻永遠懷著甜滋滋的自由感覺:因為只要他愿意,他隨時可以離開這座監(jiān)獄。
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