An Experiment in Love　愛(ài)的試驗(yàn)

An Experiment in Love　愛(ài)的試驗(yàn)

◎ Jo Coudert

The dog discovered them—four newborn kittens abandoned in tall grass beside the road. When I returned from my walk carrying the tiny creatures in the palm of my hand, my husband, Mike, said firmly, “No more animals.” Mike had already been saddled with my dog and three cats, and he wasn’t used to a houseful of pets.

我的狗發(fā)現(xiàn)了他們——被人丟棄在路邊茂密草叢里的4只剛剛出生的小貓。當(dāng)我手心里捧著這些小生命散步回來(lái)的時(shí)候，我的丈夫邁克堅(jiān)決反對(duì)：“不能再養(yǎng)動(dòng)物了?！边~克對(duì)我養(yǎng)的狗和3只貓已經(jīng)很忍讓了，他不習(xí)慣滿屋子都是寵物。

“I won’t keep them,” I promised. “Just till they’re old enough to be on their own.” Mike looked dubious. “Word of honor,” I assured him, never dreaming how much I’d come to regret the easily uttered words.

“我不會(huì)久留它們的，”我發(fā)誓說(shuō)，“就留它們到能自己生存為止?！边~克半信半疑?！拔矣妹u(yù)擔(dān)保?！蔽蚁蛩ＷC，想也沒(méi)想我將怎樣后悔這輕易說(shuō)出的話。

I made a warm nest for the babies by ripping up an old blue blanket and lining a wicker basket with it. Then I set out for the general store in the village to get advice about feeding them. “You can’t raise kittens that young,” the storekeeper told me. But he sold me a set of toy nursing bottles and I went home to try. I warmed milk, and after we all got the hang of it, the infants drank avidly.

我把一個(gè)舊的藍(lán)色毯子撕碎襯在一個(gè)柳條筐里，給這些小貓崽做了一個(gè)溫暖的窩。然后我就去村里的商店去問(wèn)問(wèn)怎么養(yǎng)活這些貓?！澳闶丘B(yǎng)不活那樣小的貓的。”店主對(duì)我說(shuō)。但是他還是賣(mài)給我一套小奶瓶，我就回去試試。我熱了牛奶，在我們掌握了奶瓶的使用技巧后，貓咪們就如饑似渴地吮吸起來(lái)。

Two hours later they woke and set up an insistent chorus of soft little screams to be fed again. And every two hours after that. Four times in the night, I crawled out of bed to warm their milk, and in the morning I congratulated myself that they were looking just a little bit stronger, a little bit bigger.

兩小時(shí)之后，它們醒了，又開(kāi)始不斷地哼唧著還要吃。就這樣，每隔兩個(gè)小時(shí)喂一次。那天夜里，我爬起來(lái)4次去給他們熱牛奶，早上我恭喜自己，他們看上去強(qiáng)壯了一點(diǎn)兒，長(zhǎng)大了一點(diǎn)兒。

Mike, reporting on their progress to his co-workers, came home one evening with word that his secretary had offered to adopt Peaches, my favorite because of her lovely soft coloring. Now that she soon would be leaving, I found myself picking up Peaches less often. Idly I wondered if no longer being treated as special would affect her personality. Then the thought turned itself around. Suppose I were to give one of the other kittens extra amounts of mothering? Suppose I held and cuddled and talked to him more? Would he grow up to be any different than his siblings? I thought it might be an interesting experiment.

邁克也把它們的成長(zhǎng)情況告訴了他的同事。有天晚上回來(lái)，他說(shuō)他的秘書(shū)想要領(lǐng)養(yǎng)桃子。桃子的毛發(fā)柔軟可愛(ài)，我最?lèi)?ài)的就是它了。既然它很快就要離開(kāi)了，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我不再像以前一樣經(jīng)常去抱它了。我很無(wú)聊地想如果它不再受到特別的寵愛(ài)了，是不是會(huì)影響它的性情？接著我又反過(guò)來(lái)想：如果我給其中一只貓更多的母愛(ài)會(huì)怎樣呢？如果我抱它，和它說(shuō)話比較多的話會(huì)怎樣呢？它長(zhǎng)大后會(huì)和其他的兄弟姐妹不同嗎？我覺(jué)得這可能是一次有趣的試驗(yàn)。

I continued to love all the kittens, but I chose the most unpromising of the kittens as my subject. This was the little black one Mike had named Bat Cat because he was so homely, with his dull fur, squashed, porcine, face and little folded flaps of skin for ears. The runt of the litter, Bat Cat was always on the bottom of the kitten heap, the last to be picked up, the last to be fed, and so the one who got the least attention. I gave the tiny creature a new name—Boston—and I repeated it over and over while I held him for his bottle. He would drink until, blissfully full, he fell asleep. Then I tucked him into my sweater so that he slept against my beating heart while I worked at my desk. When he woke, I snuffled his small body with my warm breath and talked to him before putting him back in the basket to play with his siblings.

我繼續(xù)愛(ài)著所有的貓，但是我選擇了最不看好的一只作為我的試驗(yàn)對(duì)象。它是一只小黑貓，邁克叫它蝙蝠貓，因?yàn)樗嗝财狡?，毛色暗淡，長(zhǎng)著一張扁豬臉，耳朵皺皺巴巴地耷拉著。又瘦又矮，蝙蝠貓總是被一群貓壓在最下邊，最后一個(gè)被抱起，最后一個(gè)給喂食，所以也是最不受關(guān)注的。我給這個(gè)小生命起了一個(gè)新的名字——波斯頓——給它喂奶的時(shí)候我一遍又一遍地喊它的名字。它就會(huì)一直喝，直到吃飽了，才美美地睡去。然后我把它塞進(jìn)我的毛衣里，這樣我在桌前工作的時(shí)候它就能聽(tīng)著我的心跳睡覺(jué)了。它醒來(lái)的時(shí)候，我就用溫暖的鼻息嗅嗅它那小小的身體，跟它說(shuō)會(huì)話，然后再把它放回到籃子里與它的兄弟姐妹們一起玩。

The effect on the kitten was immediate. His newly opened eyes, vague and unfocused like his siblings, became alert, and he studied my face with interest. Quickly he learned his name and, when I spoke it, he clambered over the folds of the blue blanket as fast as his unsteady little legs could carry him to come to me. Now when he was in the sleeping heap of kittens, he no longer passively accepted the bottom spot; sweetly but determinedly he wriggled out from under and nested himself on top. Was it that, sensing himself valued, Boston began to value himself?

試驗(yàn)很快產(chǎn)生了立竿見(jiàn)影的效果。它那剛剛張開(kāi)的雙眼，曾經(jīng)和它兄弟姐妹們的眼睛一樣混沌、茫然，現(xiàn)在變得機(jī)靈起來(lái)，它還饒有興趣地觀察我的臉。很快它就學(xué)會(huì)了自己的名字，我一叫它，它就以最快的速度從毯子的褶皺里搖搖晃晃地朝我爬過(guò)來(lái)?，F(xiàn)在，在熟睡的貓堆里，它再也不會(huì)被壓在最底下了；它輕輕地，努力從下面扭動(dòng)著爬上來(lái)睡在他們上面。是因?yàn)橐庾R(shí)到自己受到了重視，波斯頓才開(kāi)始去重視自己?jiǎn)幔?

He was the first of the kittens to discover he could purr, the first to make endearingly clumsy attempts to wash himself, the first to undertake the adventure of climbing out of the wicker basket. When the others, exhausted from their tumbling play, fell asleep, he would climb over the side of the basket and search for me.

在這群貓中，波斯頓是第一個(gè)學(xué)會(huì)喵喵叫的，是第一個(gè)又笨又可愛(ài)地給自己洗澡的，第一個(gè)冒險(xiǎn)爬出柳籃的。當(dāng)其他的貓打滾累了睡著的時(shí)候，它就會(huì)爬出籃子尋找我。

It is said that when a child is born into this world, the first years of his life are taken up with finding answers to the most basic of questions: Is it a good and benign world? Can the people in it be trusted? Am I loved? If a little kitten can also be curious about such things, then the special love given Boston answered all those questions with a resounding “Yes.”

據(jù)說(shuō)，當(dāng)一個(gè)孩子來(lái)到這個(gè)世上的時(shí)候，他生命的最初幾年就是尋找最基本問(wèn)題的答案：這是個(gè)親善的世界嗎？這個(gè)世界里的人可信嗎？有人愛(ài)我嗎？如果一個(gè)小貓也對(duì)這些事情感到好奇，那么給予波斯頓的特殊的愛(ài)足以對(duì)這些問(wèn)題作出肯定的回答。

Even Boston’s looks changed. His fur, once rusty and rough, grew sleek and shiny. At first, the luster was just on his head, but gradually the glossiness moved down his entire body until little Boston gleamed from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. Though never beautiful, he became so alert and merry, so trusting and affectionate, that the mere sight of him was a delight.

就連波斯頓的外形也發(fā)生了變化。它當(dāng)初鐵銹色粗糙的毛發(fā)也變得順滑而有光澤。一開(kāi)始，只是它的頭部毛發(fā)有了光澤，但是漸漸地，小波士頓從頭到腳全身的毛發(fā)都閃耀著光澤。盡管不漂亮，但是它變得那么機(jī)靈、歡樂(lè)，那么的忠實(shí)、熱情，以至于一看到它就開(kāi)心。

He was in his usual spot one evening when Mike walked in and heard us “talking”.

一天晚上，邁克走進(jìn)來(lái)的時(shí)候，波斯頓正在它的“老地方”呆著，它聽(tīng)到了我們的“談話”。

“You’re going to miss him when he goes,” Mike said.

“它走了之后，你會(huì)想它的?！边~克說(shuō)。

I wheeled from the sink. “Oh, Mike...”

我從水池邊轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身，說(shuō)：“唉，邁克……”

Mike looked steadily back. I saw from his expression that this was a test between us. Would I keep my word to him or did I value a little black kitten more than his wishes? During our relationship, Mike and I had had our troubles learning to trust. I couldn’t jeopardize the confidence I had struggled to gain.

邁克回過(guò)頭，直視著我。從他的表情中，我看得出這是我們之間的一個(gè)考驗(yàn)。我是應(yīng)該遵守我對(duì)他許下的諾言還是把一只小黑貓看得比他的意愿還重？自從我們相識(shí)以來(lái)，我和邁克好不容易才學(xué)會(huì)了相互信任，我不想破壞我努力贏得的信任。

“Yes,” I said as evenly as I could. “Yes, I’m going to miss him.”

“是的，”我盡量平靜地說(shuō)?！笆堑?，我會(huì)想念它的?！?

Soon all but Boston went to new homes. When Mike came home with word of a church fairth at was requesting kittens be donated for sale at a pet table, it was obvious that these were to be my last days with Boston. Now when I cradled him in my arms, it was often tears on my cheeks that he patted. “Oh, little Boss, it’s going to be so empty without you, I would tell him and his eyes would narrow with the effort to understand my distress.”

很快，除了波斯頓，其他的貓都被送給新的家庭了。一天，邁克回家來(lái)說(shuō)教會(huì)組織的義賣(mài)要在寵物柜臺(tái)開(kāi)展一個(gè)小貓義賣(mài)活動(dòng)，很明顯這將是我與波斯頓在一起的最后幾天了?，F(xiàn)在當(dāng)我把它抱在懷里的時(shí)候，它總是輕拍掉我雙頰的淚水?！鞍?，親愛(ài)的波斯，沒(méi)有你，我會(huì)多么的空虛呀，如果我能告訴它，它則會(huì)瞇起雙眼努力讀懂我的憂傷?！?

I was in the kitchen getting dinner that night when Mike came home. Boston went to the door to greet him but I couldn’t; I was fighting too hard not to cry. It was a long time before Mike joined me. When he did, he was carrying Boston, who had a big red ribbon tied around his neck. Silently Mike held out an envelope. Inside was a Christmas card and written on it was: “It’s only November, but let’s give ourselves a Christmas present.”

那晚，邁克回來(lái)的時(shí)候，我正在廚房做晚飯。波斯頓跑去門(mén)口迎接他，但我做不到；我強(qiáng)忍著不讓自己哭出來(lái)。過(guò)了好久，邁克才進(jìn)來(lái)，進(jìn)來(lái)的時(shí)候，手里抱著波斯頓，他脖子上系著一條大的紅絲帶。邁克什么也沒(méi)有說(shuō)，拿出一個(gè)信封。里面有一張圣誕卡片，上面寫(xiě)著：“盡管現(xiàn)在才11月，但是現(xiàn)在讓我們送給自己一份圣誕禮物吧?！?

I reached out to hug Mike through my tears.

我淚眼蒙地伸出雙臂擁抱了邁克。

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