各名校招生官對(duì)文書的建議

頂尖名校的招生官的肺腑之言

U.S.News 采訪了一些全美排名前15的綜合性大學(xué)及文理學(xué)院的招生官們，請(qǐng)他們分享什么樣的大學(xué)申請(qǐng)文書能脫穎而出。這些專家給出的建議可謂是多年經(jīng)驗(yàn)總結(jié)的肺腑之言。雖說不是長篇大論，但是每個(gè)字都不是白說的。

Abigail Conyers，招生顧問

威廉姆斯學(xué)院，全美文理學(xué)院第一

建立聯(lián)系。去年，Conyers讀了一篇關(guān)于語言的優(yōu)秀文書。申請(qǐng)者想在威廉姆斯學(xué)院學(xué)習(xí)語言和神經(jīng)科學(xué)。他在文書中講到，他是如何通過與患有癡呆癥的祖母分享故事，因而發(fā)展出對(duì)語言的熱愛。為了了解祖母的病癥，他加入了一間神經(jīng)科學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)室。他想要繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)大腦如何處理語言，并有可能深入理解癡呆癥。

Conyers說，這位學(xué)生將生命里所有的元素把這篇文書塞得滿滿的，但是他的確可以將所有經(jīng)歷都聯(lián)系到一起，并讓招生官明白他真正關(guān)心的是什么。

Ellen Kim，本科招生系主任

約翰霍普金斯大學(xué)，全美第十

不要試圖去猜測(cè)招生官想聽什么。 Kim曾讀到過一篇引人注意的文書，作者每天早晨都把霍普金斯網(wǎng)站上的新聞一條不落地讀完。他解釋了這樣做的理由，以及每天讀晨報(bào)帶給他的收獲。

盡管閱讀晨報(bào)本身沒什么值得注意，但招生官們覺得這位學(xué)生的人格魅力超過了他的成就。從這篇文書里，招生官可以看到該學(xué)生在興奮的時(shí)候是如何反應(yīng)的，他在社區(qū)里扮演著怎樣的角色。

Sam Prouty，高級(jí)招生助理指導(dǎo)

明德學(xué)院，全美文理學(xué)院第四

誠實(shí)地對(duì)待自己。Prouty說有的大學(xué)文書是真的有意思。去年，他讀到一篇文書，學(xué)生寫自己熱衷于收集pez糖，他甚至有自己專門的存儲(chǔ)間。每當(dāng)這位學(xué)生向人們展示這種熱情時(shí)，別人都會(huì)對(duì)此表示奇怪。而作者恰恰用有趣的方式看待人們的不解。不僅是這篇文書的內(nèi)容，更是它的敘述方式引起了Prouty的注意。

“文書并不是用來證明你和別人一樣的。恰恰相反，我們想了解你的怪癖，你的個(gè)性，”他說，“如果你很有趣，你就應(yīng)該展現(xiàn)出有趣的一面，如果你不會(huì)搞笑，你大可不必去嘗試，但如果你有講故事的欲望，那么請(qǐng)把你的故事告訴我們。”

Jarrid Whitney，招生執(zhí)行主任和金融援助

加州理工，全美排名十二

緊密關(guān)聯(lián)。加州理工的申請(qǐng)者需要展現(xiàn)他們對(duì)數(shù)學(xué)和科學(xué)的熱情，但并不一定需要通過有組織的校園活動(dòng)來展現(xiàn)，可以是修車庫，或做計(jì)算機(jī)。

Whitney 讀了許多文書都是講自己還是孩童時(shí)就喜歡玩樂高(一種益智積木玩具)，于是長大后渴望成為一名工程師，但這兩件事的關(guān)聯(lián)性不強(qiáng)。最好的關(guān)于樂高的文書，是將樂高與真實(shí)經(jīng)歷聯(lián)結(jié)得更緊密的那些。

J.T. Duck， 招生辦主任

斯?fàn)査鼓獙W(xué)院，全美文理學(xué)院第四

展示你自己。Duck最近看了一篇文書，作者自稱為“bro”，一個(gè)超級(jí)陽剛的家伙。他寫自己每天去學(xué)校和朋友們一起打發(fā)時(shí)光，但放學(xué)后，他會(huì)登錄多人在線視頻游戲網(wǎng)站，和朋友們說說走心的話題，比如一次被拒的約會(huì)。

“這個(gè)年輕人寫自己和朋友們一起玩視頻游戲，但是我體會(huì)到的是他如何與其他人建立關(guān)系，”Duck說。

Lee Coffin，招生執(zhí)行主任和金融援助

達(dá)特茅斯學(xué)院，全美排名十一

不要過度思考。有一篇文書吸引了Coffin的注意，申請(qǐng)者寫自己在一個(gè)劇場(chǎng)里扮演一個(gè)幕后角色的故事。這篇文書非常詳盡地描述了他將在校園里扮演的角色，以及他為什么想學(xué)習(xí)戲劇。

Coffin說，有時(shí)候，申請(qǐng)者們?cè)趯ふ易屨猩?ldquo;WOW”的元素。他們也許會(huì)創(chuàng)造一個(gè)完美但空洞的故事，一直到結(jié)束也沒寫出任何有看頭的東西。

Parke Muth

弗吉尼亞大學(xué)的國際學(xué)生錄取主管

“大多數(shù)學(xué)生覺得個(gè)人申請(qǐng)論文要寫得像一部史詩般的電影，要概述人生所有的高潮，其中大部分高潮還是悲劇性的。這種想法的問題在于要用區(qū)區(qū)650字概述你的一生就像是用長鏡頭來拍電影一樣。我們錄取官員只能看到遠(yuǎn)處地平線上幾個(gè)模模糊糊，很渺小的影子，離得太遠(yuǎn)，看不清楚。

我總是跟學(xué)生說，寫大學(xué)個(gè)人申請(qǐng)不是拍電影而是拍廣告。我閱讀一篇個(gè)人申請(qǐng)所花的時(shí)間大概和看一個(gè)耐克公司的廣告一樣長。我很喜歡看耐克公司的廣告，究其原因不是因?yàn)樗麄兓〝?shù)年的時(shí)間來找到最好的素材，而是因?yàn)槟涂藦V告里有大量的近鏡頭特寫和運(yùn)動(dòng)員流的汗。。。

我(作為錄取官員)能不能聽到，看見，觸摸，品嘗甚至聞到你所代表的世界? 不是整個(gè)的世界，而是其中的一個(gè)小角落。讓(essay中)一個(gè)時(shí)刻表達(dá)一個(gè)更高的意義。就像詩人所說的，“用一粒沙代表一個(gè)世界”。

Martha C.Merrill

康涅狄格學(xué)院錄取與獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金辦公室副院長

“給我講一個(gè)好的故事。不要簡單地宣稱你是一個(gè)愛思考的人。告訴我你為什么是一個(gè)這樣的人。要真誠。不要去猜想我想要聽到什么，試圖來打動(dòng)我。你只要告訴我對(duì)你來說最重要的是什么。”

2021屆學(xué)生優(yōu)秀文書賞析(JHU)

20 Questions

“Is it bigger than a breadbox?”

“Yes.”

I have always been tall, decidedly tall. Yet, my curiosity has always surpassed my height. Starting at a young age, I would ask countless questions, from “How heavy is the Earth?” to “Where does rain come from?” My curiosity, displayed in questions like these, has truly defined me as a person and as a student. Therefore, it is not surprising that I became transfixed the first time I played 20Q (the electronic version of Twenty Questions). Somehow, a little spherical device guessed what I was thinking. The piece of technology sparked my curiosity and instilled in me a unique interest in 20Q. This interest would later reveal valuable character traits of mine while also paralleling various facets of my life.

“Does it strive to learn?”

“Yes.”

I became determined to discover how 20Q guessed correctly. After some research, I discovered artificial intelligence, more specifically, artificial neural networks—systems which learn and improve themselves. This idea fascinated me. I wanted to learn more. I read avidly, seeking and absorbing as much information as I could. When given the opportunity years later, I signed up for the first computer programming class available to me. I found myself in an environment I loved. I would stay after class, go in during free periods, make my own apps, and work over Cloud-based IDEs. I prized the freedom and the possibilities.

“Is it driven?”

“Yes.”

After my introduction to 20Q, I began to play Twenty Questions (the traditional parlor game) and became determined to rival the guessing accuracy of the artificial intelligence. At first I was mediocre. However, through long car rides with family, good-natured yet heated competitions with friends, logical strategy, and time, I became more effective. I discovered the “secrets” to success: practice and perseverance.

“Does it apply what it learns?”

“Yes.”

As 20Q implements what it learns, so do I. Throughout high school, I applied the “secret” of practice to my basketball career. I spent countless hours sharpening my skills in 90° summer heat to 20° late-winter cold, countless afternoons playing pickup games with my friends, and countless weekends traveling to AAU basketball tournaments. As a result, I became a starter for my school’s varsity team. I applied another “secret,” this time the “secret” of perseverance, by dedicating myself to physical therapy after knee surgery in order to quickly return to football. Later that year, I became the first player in my grade to score a varsity touchdown.

“Does it attempt to better itself?”

“Yes.”

Once I became proficient at Twenty Questions, I strengthened my resolve to become masterful. To do so, I needed to become a skillful inquisitor and to combine that with my analytical nature and interpersonal skills, all of which are vital for success in Twenty Questions. Because I had been debating politics with my friends since the 8th grade, I recognized that debate could sharpen these skills. I began to debate more frequently (and later more effectively) in English and government class, at the lunch table and family gatherings, and whenever the opportunity presented itself. This spurred in me an interest for how public policy and government work, leading me to attend Boys State and receive a nomination for The United States Senate Youth Program.

“Does it think deeply?”

“Yes.”

So far, I have realized that thriving at Twenty Questions, just like life, is all about tenacity, rationality and interpersonal skills. I have found that, as in Twenty Questions, always succeeding is impossible; however, by persevering through difficulties and obstacles, favorable outcomes are often attainable. As I have become better at Twenty Questions, so too have I improved in many other aspects of my life. Nonetheless, I realize that I still have unbounded room to grow. And much like 20Q, I will continue to learn throughout my life and apply my knowledge to everything I do.

“Are you thinking of me?”

“Yes.”

招生委員會(huì)點(diǎn)評(píng)：文書形式新穎，成功地吸引了我們的注意力。內(nèi)容詳實(shí)，具體實(shí)例展現(xiàn)了申請(qǐng)人廣泛的興趣愛好，從計(jì)算機(jī)到籃球再到政治辯論。透過文書，我們相信這是我們想要的有競(jìng)爭(zhēng)力的學(xué)生。

We were impressed by the unique format Ben chose to describe himself and the lessons learned through his interest in computer science. However, the essay’s creative style succeeds due to the strength of its content. Ben simulates electronic 20 questions to hook the reader’s attention while effectively bridging his academic interests and future aspirations. The essay showcases his versatile interests, from computer science to basketball to political debate, as concrete examples that demonstrate his personal philosophy of ‘practice and perseverance.’ The essay successfully tells us about Ben’s personality, academic and social interests, and future ambitions, showing us a competitive student who would thrive here.

希望上述建議對(duì)你寫文書有啟發(fā)作用哦!