結(jié)了婚，就跟變了個(gè)人似的

Marriage can be a wonderful life-long partnership between two people that often results in raising children, shared experiences, better health, and, ultimately, happiness. It can also fall apart, leading to divorce, lifelong trauma for you and the kids, as well as loneliness, which has all the hallmarks of a nationwide epidemic. 47% of Americans do not have meaningful interactions with friends or family on a daily basis, says a 2018 survey by the nationwide insurer Cigna.

美好的婚姻可以成就一段美妙的終身伴侶關(guān)系。你會(huì)養(yǎng)育你們的小孩兒，分享彼此的經(jīng)歷 ，一起活地更快樂(lè)，并且最重要的是你們感到幸福與快樂(lè)。但倘若是一段不幸的婚姻，你最終可能會(huì)離婚，給孩子和自己都留下無(wú)法抹去的傷痛，孤獨(dú)和憂愁都會(huì)圍繞著你，這些癥狀就像全國(guó)性的流行病一樣纏繞著你。世界最大保險(xiǎn)醫(yī)療金融公司之一信諾，在2018年做了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查，結(jié)果顯示47% 的美國(guó)人都沒(méi)有與朋友或家人進(jìn)行有意義的互動(dòng)。

Making marriage last requires both work and an understanding of the ebbs and flows that are a part of any relationship. According to a recent study "Personality Change Among Newlyweds" by the researchers from the University of Georgia and the University of California, achieving marital satisfaction also calls for understanding how the personalities of the partners inevitably change over time. The scientists found that personality changes begin right from the onset of a marriage, as partners adjust to their new roles. The most significant difference that takes place is that husbands and wives become less agreeable.

激情退卻、矛盾涌現(xiàn)是每一段感情中都會(huì)碰到的問(wèn)題，而維持一段良好的婚姻必不可少的一點(diǎn)就是學(xué)會(huì)理解，你也得為關(guān)系中出現(xiàn)的這些摩擦做出改變，付出努力。根據(jù)格魯吉亞大學(xué)和加利福尼亞大學(xué)的研究人員最近的一項(xiàng)"新婚夫婦的性格變化"的研究表明，婚姻中也需要理解，理解伴侶的性格變化，因?yàn)檫@些變化是隨著時(shí)間的流逝不可避免的，這樣你才能獲得足夠的滿(mǎn)意度。科學(xué)家們發(fā)現(xiàn)，性格的改變從婚姻開(kāi)始之時(shí)就開(kāi)始了，因?yàn)殡p方都在適應(yīng)他們的新角色。同結(jié)婚前最顯著的區(qū)別在于，丈夫和妻子都變得不那么好相處了，總有矛盾和分歧存在。

By studying 169 newlywed heterosexual couples for 18 months after marriage, the researchers identified some clear and measurable changes. Husbands, it turned out, became more conscientious, while wives became less anxious and depressed, exhibiting less "neuroticism". For husbands, the changes resulted from working harder and trying to become more responsible. The wives were less prone to emotional swings due to feeling more secure with stable attachments.

實(shí)驗(yàn)研究了169對(duì)結(jié)婚18個(gè)月的新婚夫婦，他們發(fā)現(xiàn)了一些明確、可衡量的變化：丈夫會(huì)變得更加認(rèn)真，而妻子變得不那么焦慮和沮喪，也不會(huì)那么"神經(jīng)質(zhì)"了。 丈夫的改變是因?yàn)闀?huì)更努力地工作，也更努力地去承擔(dān)責(zé)任;至于妻子，則是因?yàn)楦械礁踩?，?nèi)心有了寄托。

On the flip side, husbands became less extroverted, spending more time at home. And both husbands and wives became less patient with each other and more disagreeable. One explanation for this - once the courtship period is over, old habits can come back.

但另一方面，丈夫也沒(méi)有以前那么外向了，更多的時(shí)候都是宅在家里。兩個(gè)人對(duì)彼此也沒(méi)有從前的耐心了，相處也沒(méi)有以前和諧了。對(duì)于這種現(xiàn)象，其中一種可能的解釋是，一旦求愛(ài)期結(jié)束，兩人的舊習(xí)慣又冒出來(lái)了。

According to a theory by the best-selling relationship self-help guru, Harville Hendrix in the book "Getting the Love You Want," there are stages to marriage. Romantic Love, the first stage, has couples bringing out the best in each other. After that sweetest of periods, a Power Struggle follows. During that difficult stage, life is much more worrisome and couples bring out the worst in each other, explains the theory David Woodfellow, Ph.D, a couples therapy expert.

暢銷(xiāo)的自助大師哈維爾 · 亨德里克斯在《得到你想要的愛(ài)》一書(shū)中寫(xiě)道，婚姻是有階段性的。“浪漫的愛(ài)情”是第一階段，情侶們會(huì)向彼此展現(xiàn)出最好的一面;在那最甜蜜的時(shí)期之后，一場(chǎng)權(quán)力斗爭(zhēng)隨之而來(lái)。夫妻關(guān)系專(zhuān)家大衛(wèi) · 伍德菲爾德解釋道: 在這個(gè)困難的階段，生活讓人更加心煩，夫妻之間也會(huì)暴露出自己最糟糕的一面。

The goal of a good marriage is then to move past the inevitable power struggle towards Real Love. If you're wondering, the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce in the U.S. is eight years. As the new study shows, figuring out how to deal with the changes while not getting mired in a power struggle may be the direction that can keep a marriage going.

而一段美滿(mǎn)的婚姻，就是越過(guò)權(quán)利爭(zhēng)斗的這一段時(shí)光，進(jìn)而邁入“真愛(ài)期”。美國(guó)以離婚告終的婚姻平均持續(xù)時(shí)間為8年。據(jù)一份新的研究顯示，倘若你學(xué)會(huì)了如何在權(quán)利斗爭(zhēng)期妥善處理你們之間出現(xiàn)的變化，你們的婚姻生活就會(huì)越來(lái)越順利地向前進(jìn)。