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雙語譯林·小婦人 第三十二章 柔情的煩惱 TENDER TROUBLES

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2022年04月29日

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第三十二章 柔情的煩惱

“喬,我替貝絲擔心。”

“為什么,媽媽?雙胞胎出世以后,她看起來特別好。”

“我不是擔心她的身體,而是精神狀態(tài)。我肯定她有心事,希望你能搞它清楚。”

“您為什么這么想,媽媽?”

“她經(jīng)常獨自一人坐著,跟你爸談話也沒像以前多。有一天,我發(fā)現(xiàn)她抱著雙胞胎掉眼淚。她唱的歌總是很傷感,臉上不時出現(xiàn)一種我無法理解的表情。那不像貝絲,讓我很著急。”

“您問過她嗎?”

“我試過一兩次,她要么避而不答,要么顯得很痛苦,我只好不問了。我從不強迫孩子們向我袒露心事,靠自覺的,而且等待時間通常不長。”

馬奇太太說著看了一眼喬,可是對方那張臉的表情說明,她一點也沒有替貝絲隱瞞的煩躁。喬做著針線,思考了一會兒,說:“我想她長大了,所以開始做夢了,有希望,有恐懼,有不安,可又不知道為什么,也解釋不清楚。哎唷,媽媽,貝絲十八歲了,我們都沒意識到她長大了,還把她當小孩,忘了她是個女人了。”

“那倒是的,心肝寶貝,真快,你們都長大了。”母親嘆口氣微笑著說。

“這是沒辦法的,媽咪,所以您對所有的擔憂必須泰然處之,讓您的鳥兒一個一個地飛出巢。我答應(yīng)絕不飛得很遠,如果這樣對您有點安慰的話。”

“足慰我心,喬。你在家我總感到很踏實,美格出嫁了,貝絲太弱,艾美太年輕還不能靠她。有苦力活的時候,你總是樂于幫著我做。”

“沒什么的。您知道我不怕干苦力活,一個家總要有人干的。艾美擅長精細工作,而我不會。當所有的地毯要清理的時候,或者全家有一半人同時病倒的時候,我就覺得自己得心應(yīng)手。艾美在國外表現(xiàn)很杰出,家里如果有點什么事,我就是您的幫手。”

“那么,我把貝絲交給你,她會首先對她的喬打開她柔弱的心靈。要非常友善,別讓她感到有人在觀察或者議論她。要是她能恢復(fù)健康和快樂,我就再也沒什么心愿了。”

“真是幸福的女人!我可有一大堆心愿呢。”

“乖乖,那都是些什么?”

“先把貝絲的麻煩解決掉,再找您說說我的。它們不是很煩人,所以先擱一擱。”喬做著針線,明智地點點頭,讓媽媽放下心,至少暫時不必為她擔心。

喬在表面上專心做自己的事兒,暗地里卻觀察著貝絲。她作了許多推測,但都不能自圓其說,最終鎖定了一個,似乎能解釋她的變化。她認為,一件微不足道的小事,給了她解開秘密的線索,接下來的工作可是需要活躍的想象和愛心去完成了。一個禮拜六的下午,她和貝絲單獨在一起。她一邊裝模作樣地忙著寫些東西,一邊注意著妹妹。妹妹這會兒看上去是異乎尋常地安靜。貝絲坐在窗邊,手里的活兒經(jīng)常掉落到腿上,她手托著腦袋,神情沮喪,眼睛凝視著外面毫無生氣的秋景。忽然有人從下面經(jīng)過,吹著口哨,像一只歌喉婉轉(zhuǎn)的烏鶇鳥,接著傳來了說話聲:“萬物寧靜!今晚見。”

貝絲吃了一驚,身子往前靠著。她又是微笑又是點頭,看著這個過路人,直到他急促而沉重的腳步消失在遠處,然后溫柔地自言自語:“那個可愛的男孩,看上去是多么強壯、健康和幸福??!”

“哼!”喬脫口而出,目光仍舊盯著妹妹的臉。這張臉上的興奮紅暈來得快,去得也快,微笑突然不見了,接著一顆淚珠掉在窗臺上閃閃發(fā)亮。貝絲迅速地將它拂去,擔心地瞥了一眼喬。喬正在奮筆疾書,顯然她全神貫注于《奧林匹亞的誓言》。可是,貝絲一轉(zhuǎn)頭,喬又開始觀察她,看到貝絲不止一次地輕輕擦眼睛,側(cè)向一邊的臉上透出一種溫柔的悲哀。喬禁不住熱淚盈眶。她生怕暴露目標,念叨著要去拿些紙,趕緊溜走了。

“天哪,貝絲愛上了勞里!”她在自己房間里坐下,為自認的這一新發(fā)現(xiàn)震驚得臉色煞白,“做夢都沒想到。媽媽會怎么說呢?不知道他會不會——”喬頓住了,突然想到了什么,臉漲得通紅。“如果他不回報她的愛,那會多可怕。他必須愛她。我要讓他愛她!”她惡狠狠地對著男孩的照片搖搖頭。這張照片掛在墻上,神態(tài)淘氣,正對著她笑呢。“噢,我們都猛然長大了。美格已婚并當了媽媽,艾美在巴黎出風(fēng)頭,貝絲戀愛了,只剩下我一個有足夠理智的人不胡鬧。”喬注視著照片,凝神想了片刻,然后舒展開額頭,朝著對方那張臉決斷似的點點頭,說道:“不了,謝謝你,先生。你很誘人,但你比風(fēng)標還不穩(wěn)定。因此,你不必寫動人的紙條,也不必施展諂媚的微笑。這沒有意義,我不會接受的。”

接著,她嘆口氣,想入非非起來,黃昏時分才回過神來。她下樓重新開始觀察,卻僅僅證實了她的猜測。勞里常常會與艾美調(diào)調(diào)情,與喬開開玩笑,可他對貝絲永遠是特別的友善溫和,不過每個人對貝絲都是這個態(tài)度的。因此,沒有人認為他喜歡貝絲要比喜歡其他人多一點。事實上,最近全家人都有的印象是,“我們的男孩”越來越喜歡喬了,而喬卻不愿聽相關(guān)的話題,如果有人敢暗示一下,她就會激烈地斥罵。要是他們得知,今年喬和勞里之間曾經(jīng)互通款曲,或者說想通款曲卻被扼殺在萌芽狀態(tài)了,他們會非常滿意地說:“我早就跟你說過了。”喬討厭“濫情”,而且也不允許這種事情發(fā)生,總是在危險初露苗頭的時候,用玩笑或者微笑把它擋開。

勞里剛上大學(xué)那會兒,他大概每個月要墜入情網(wǎng)一次,但這些小火花熾熱而短暫,沒有任何傷害。喬感到很好玩,以極大的興趣聽著由追求、絕望、放棄等內(nèi)容交織起來的故事。每禮拜一次的見面,勞里都會向她掏心。但是有一陣子,勞里停止了對眾多神龕的朝拜,他暗示專一的激情,有時候沉浸在拜倫[1]式的憂郁里。于是,他干脆避開溫情的話題,給喬寫起了富有哲理的便條,同時也變得用功起來。他要讓喬知道,他在“鉆研”,打算以優(yōu)異的成績風(fēng)光地畢業(yè)。這比黃昏的交心、溫柔的牽手和含情脈脈的眼睛更合喬的胃口,因為她的腦子比心成熟得早。她更喜歡想象中的英雄,而不喜歡真實的人物,因為當她厭煩他們的時候,想象中的英雄可以關(guān)進鐵皮櫥柜里,什么時候想要了再招出來,而真實的人物就不那么好對付了。

有了重大的發(fā)現(xiàn)之后,形勢就不一樣了:那天晚上喬以前所未有的目光注視著勞里。要不是腦子里有了先入為主的印象,她肯定是看不出什么異樣的。貝絲很文靜,勞里對她很友善。而此刻,喬的想象力異?;钴S,一如快馬馳騁,由于長期想象或虛構(gòu)的寫作,一般的常識反而貧乏,使她不能自拔。與平常一樣,貝絲躺在沙發(fā)上,勞里坐在旁邊的一張矮椅上海闊天空地神聊,逗她高興。她很依賴他每周的“胡編”,而他也從來沒讓她失望過。但那天晚上,在喬的想象中,貝絲的眼神特別快樂地盯著身邊那張充滿生氣的黝黑的臉,饒有興趣地聽他講某場激動人心的板球賽事,盡管“搶斷貼板球”“擊球手撞柱子出局”“左外場中三球”之類的術(shù)語,對她來說就像聽梵語似的一竅不通。喬還想象,很用心地去看,勞里的舉止更親切了,偶爾還放低聲音。他的笑聲比平時少了,有時還有點心不在焉,他把阿富汗羊皮襖蓋在貝絲的腳上,體貼入微,柔情似水。

“誰知道呢?千奇百怪的事情都已經(jīng)發(fā)生了。”喬想著,在屋子里折騰,“她會把他變成一個真正的天使,他會讓那乖乖生活得舒適快樂,只要他們相愛。我看他是無法不愛的,我確實相信他會的,只要我們其他人不擋著路。”

除了自己,其他人都沒有擋著路,喬開始感到要盡快把自己處理掉。但去哪兒呢?心中燃燒著為姐妹情誼獻身的熱情,她坐下來解決這個問題。

且說客廳里的那張舊沙發(fā),簡直是十足的沙發(fā)鼻祖,又長又寬,軟軟的、低低的,看上去有點兒破舊,也應(yīng)該破舊了,因為姑娘們嬰兒時期就在這沙發(fā)上睡覺、爬行;孩提時期,從它靠背后面掏東西,在扶手上騎馬,在沙發(fā)下養(yǎng)寵物;姑娘時期,在沙發(fā)上歇息疲倦了的腦袋、做著美夢、傾聽溫柔的話語。她們都愛它,因為它是家庭的庇護所,有一個角一直是喬最喜歡的歇息處。裝點老資格沙發(fā)的眾多枕頭中,有一個用馬毛織物做成的枕頭,圓圓硬硬的有點兒扎人,兩端各有一個球形的紐扣。這個不討人喜歡的枕頭是她的特殊財產(chǎn),她用這個枕頭作為防衛(wèi)武器,也用它來設(shè)置障礙,或者用它苛刻地防止自己過度睡眠。

勞里很熟悉這個枕頭,有理由對它深惡痛絕,因為在嬉戲喧鬧的孩提時代,他遭受過它的無情痛擊,現(xiàn)在它經(jīng)常使他無緣坐到沙發(fā)角上那個讓他垂涎三尺的緊挨著喬的位子。如果這條“香腸”,他們是這樣稱呼這個枕頭的,豎在那里,這是他可以坐過去休息的信號,如果它平躺著橫在沙發(fā)上,不管是男是女還是小孩,誰敢動它一下,就會倒霉!那天晚上,喬忘了封鎖她那個沙發(fā)角,坐下來還沒到五分鐘,一個龐然大物便出現(xiàn)在她的身邊,兩只手臂攤開著伸到沙發(fā)的背上,兩條長腿伸展在前面,勞里滿足地嘆口氣說:

“嘿,真爽。”

“不準說俚語。”喬急速叫著,砰地把枕頭扔下。但已經(jīng)來不及了,沒有空間了,枕頭滾落到地上,并非常神秘地消失了。

“得啦!喬,別這么渾身帶刺了。人家用功了一周,全身瘦了一圈,也該得到愛撫了。”

“貝絲會愛撫你的。我很忙。”

“不,她不愿意我去煩她,而你喜歡那樣,除非你突然沒興趣了。怎么樣?你不喜歡你的男孩了,想朝他扔枕頭了?”

再沒聽到過比這更能哄人的動人請求了,但喬用一個嚴肅問題熄滅了“她的男孩”的熱情:“這個禮拜給蘭德爾小姐送了幾束花?”

“一束也沒送,我保證。她訂婚了,怎么樣?”

“我真高興,你愚蠢的揮霍行為之一,就是給那些你一點兒也不在乎的姑娘們送花送物。”喬繼續(xù)斥責說。

“我在乎的聰明姑娘,不讓我送花和禮物,又讓我怎么辦?我的感情需要‘出口’。”

“媽媽不贊成調(diào)情,即便是開玩笑也不行,而你拼命地調(diào)情,特迪。”

“假如能回答說‘彼此彼此’,我愿一擲千金啊。正因為不能,我只說,我覺得這個快活的小游戲無傷大雅,如果大家都明白只是開玩笑。”

“行啦,這玩笑確實顯得快活,但我學(xué)不會怎么開呀。我試過,因為在人堆里不隨大流會難為情,但我似乎毫無長進。”喬說,一時間她忘了好為人師的角色。

“向艾美學(xué)習(xí),她在這方面很有天賦。”

“是的,她在這方面確實做得漂亮,從來不會顯得玩笑過頭。我想,有些人不用努力就天生討人喜歡,而有些人總是在錯誤的地方說錯話做錯事。”

“很高興你不會調(diào)情。看到聰明率直的姑娘,實在令人耳目一新,她不用出洋相就可以做到快活、和善。不瞞你說,喬,我認識的一些姑娘確實有點兒犯賤,我都為她們感到羞恥。我相信她們沒有惡意,但是如果知道我們男孩事后怎么議論她們,我想她們會改過自新的。”

“她們也不甘落后的,她們的舌頭最刻薄,所以被損得最慘的往往是你們。原因是你們和她們一樣愚蠢,不差分毫。如果你們放規(guī)矩些,她們也會注意些。但是她們知道你們喜歡聽她們廢話,所以就大肆說廢話,而你們又反過來怪她們。”

“你倒是知道得不少,小姐。”勞里說話的口氣中帶著優(yōu)越感,“我們不喜歡嬉戲和調(diào)情,有時候是裝作喜歡而已。我們紳士間從不鄙薄漂亮謙和的姑娘,始終畢恭畢敬的。你真天真無邪!要是處在我的位置一個月,就會看到一些讓你吃驚不小的事情。說實話,我看到任何輕浮冒失的女孩,總是要模仿我們的朋友雄歌鴝的聲調(diào)說:‘滾開,呸呸,厚顏無恥的賤貨!'”

勞里在對待女人問題上所表現(xiàn)出來的矛盾讓人覺得很滑稽,忍不住要笑話他。一方面,他對女子謙恭有禮,騎士般的殷勤體貼,不愿意說她們的壞話;另一方面他本能地討厭那些在時髦社會比比皆是的不賢淑的愚蠢行為。喬知道,世俗的媽媽們認為小勞倫斯是最合格的快婿人選,女兒們對他報以青睞,各種年齡的太太都恭維他,使他成了個花花公子。所以她相當妒忌地牢牢看著他,生怕他被寵壞了。當她發(fā)現(xiàn)他依舊信任謙和的女孩時,她內(nèi)心的欣喜溢于言表。她突然回到苦口婆心的口吻,壓低聲音說:“如果你必須要有個‘出口’,特迪,那就專心致志地去愛一個你真正敬重的漂亮謙和的女孩吧,別把時間浪費在愚蠢的女孩身上了。”

“你真的這么建議?”勞里看著她,臉上的表情怪怪的,又憂慮又歡喜。

“是的,真的這么建議。但最好等到讀完大學(xué),一般說來是這樣。這期間你得充實自己,以便能勝任這個角色。你離優(yōu)秀還差得遠呢,配不上——呃,不管這個謙和的女孩是誰。”喬的表情也有點怪,都差點兒把一個名字說出來了。

“我確實不配!”勞里默認了,臉上謙卑的表情是以前沒有過的。他垂下眼簾,茫然地用手指繞著喬圍裙上的穗子。

“天哪!這絕對不行。”喬心里想著,于是大聲地說:“去給我唱個歌聽聽。我很想聽歌,而且總是喜歡聽你唱。”

“謝謝你,我寧愿待在這里。”

“噢,不行,這里沒地方了。去做正事吧,你塊頭太大,當不了裝飾物。你不是討厭被系在女人的圍裙上嗎?”喬引用他自己的逆反言辭來反擊他。

“啊,那要看是誰穿著這圍裙!”勞里大膽地擰了一下穗子。

“你去不去?”喬喝問,跳起來直奔枕頭。

他當即逃開,剛剛唱起“快活鄧迪抬起帽子”,她就溜走了,沒再露面,直到年輕人怒氣沖沖地離開。

那天晚上,喬躺著久久不能入睡,正有點迷迷糊糊的時候,傳來了強忍著的抽泣聲,她沖到貝絲的床邊,焦急地問:“出什么事兒啦,乖乖?”

“以為你睡著了呢。”貝絲哭泣著說。

“寶貝,是不是老毛???”

“不,是新的,但我能忍受。”貝絲努力忍住淚水。

“詳細跟我說說,讓我來治,像我平常治那個毛病那樣。”

“你治不了,沒法治了。”貝絲控制不住自己。她抱著姐姐絕望地哭起來,喬被嚇壞了。

“哪里疼?我去叫媽媽好嗎?”

貝絲沒有回答第一個問題,但是,黑暗中她一只手無意識地按住了胸口,好像就是那里疼,另一只手緊緊抱住喬。她急切地低聲說道:“不,不,別叫她,別告訴。我一會兒就好,你躺下來,憐撫我的頭,我會安靜下來睡著的,真的。”

喬依從了,當她的手溫柔地在貝絲滾燙的前額和沾滿淚水的眼簾上來回撫摸的時候,心里有很多話想說出來。但是盡管她還年輕,卻知道心靈就像花朵,不能粗暴地對待,而是要讓它自然地綻放,所以,雖然她自信知道貝絲新傷痛的原因,但她只是用最柔和的聲音說:“有什么事讓你煩嗎,乖乖?”

“是的,喬。”過了好一會兒,貝絲才回答說。

“把它說出來是不是會好受些?”

“不是現(xiàn)在,還沒到時候。”

“那我就不問了,請記住,小貝絲,媽媽和我永遠會很高興聽你的訴說,如果能幫助你,也肯定會幫的。”

“知道,慢慢會告訴你的。”

“現(xiàn)在疼痛好些了吧?”

“哦,是的,好多了,你真會安慰人,喬!”

“睡吧,乖乖。我在這兒陪著你。”

她們就這樣臉貼著臉睡著了,到了次日早晨,貝絲似乎恢復(fù)了常態(tài)。十八歲的年齡,頭疼心痛都持續(xù)不長,一句愛語可以跟大多數(shù)的病下藥。

喬已經(jīng)打定了主意,醞釀了幾天之后,她向母親透露了自己的計劃。

“您那天問我有什么心愿。媽咪,現(xiàn)在就告訴您一個。”她們單獨坐在一起時,喬開口了,“今年冬天我想到別的地方去,換個環(huán)境。”

“怎么了,喬?”母親迅速抬起頭,似乎喬的話里還有話。

喬一邊埋頭忙著手中的活兒,一邊冷靜地答道:“想做點新鮮事。我感到坐立不安,真想出去長點見識,增加才干。我自己的小事情盤算得太多了,需要活動一下。再說,今年冬天我沒事做,想試著展翅飛翔一下,到不遠的地方去。”

“要飛到哪里去?”

“去紐約。昨天我想到一個好主意,就是這個。你知道,柯克太太給您寫過信,要找一個正派人教她的孩子學(xué)習(xí),并做些針線活。要找適當?shù)倪€真不那么容易,可我如果努力一下的話,還是合適的。”

“天哪,怎么會想到去那膳宿大公寓里做用人!”馬奇太太滿臉驚訝,可并非不開心。

“并不全是做用人??驴颂悄愕呐笥?mdash;—是天底下最善良的人——她會讓我過得開心的,這我知道。她家和其他房間隔開,在那里沒人認識我的。即使有人認識也沒關(guān)系,又不是什么見不得人的事,我不用難為情。”

“我也不會??赡愕膶懽髂兀?rdquo;

“換個環(huán)境,只會更好。能見識一些新東西,獲得新靈感,即使那里空閑時間不多,回家的時候,也可以帶回大批新素材,寫我的那些垃圾。”

“我相信。你突然想起要走,就這原因嗎?”

“不,媽媽。”

“還有其他什么原因,能告訴我嗎?”

喬抬起頭,可又低了下去,突然滿臉通紅,吞吞吐吐地說:“也許是我自我感覺良好,也許并不是這么回事,可——恐怕——勞里變得過于喜歡我了。”

“他開始喜歡你,這顯而易見,難道你不喜歡他嗎?”馬奇太太滿臉愁容地問。

“哎呀,當然!我一向都很喜歡這個可愛的男孩,為他感到非常自豪,可再要有什么,那是不可能的。”

“喬,真要這樣,我很高興。”

“為什么?求您告訴我。”

“因為,乖乖,你倆不般配。做朋友,你們會很開心,可能經(jīng)常吵架,很快也就沒事了??晌遗履銈円浅蔀榻K身伴侶,兩人就會對抗。你們太相像,太喜歡自由,且不提脾氣暴躁、個性很強。你們在一起不可能幸福,婚姻不僅需要愛情,還需要無限的耐心和自制。”

“這正是我的感覺,雖然我表達不來。很高興您也認為他剛剛開始喜歡我。讓他不開心我會很難過的,但不能僅僅出于感激之情而愛上這個親愛的老伙計,您說對嗎?”

“你肯定他對你有這種感情嗎?”

喬臉頰上的紅暈更深了,她的神情很復(fù)雜,高興、自豪、痛苦,女孩子談起初戀情人時往往是這樣。她回答說:“恐怕是的,媽媽。他沒說過什么,但他的表情說明了很多。我想最好在這層紙捅破之前躲開。”

“同意。如果這樣做行得通的話,你就去吧。”

喬松了口氣,沉吟了一會兒,她笑著說:“莫法特太太要是知道了,會很奇怪您是怎么管教孩子的,她也會很高興安妮仍然有希望。”

“哎,喬,母親管教孩子的方法各不相同,但愿望是一樣的,都希望看到孩子幸福啊。美格感到幸福,我很滿意她的成功。你嘛,我讓你去享受你的自由,直到有一天你厭倦了。只有到了那時候,你才會發(fā)現(xiàn)還有更甜蜜的東西?,F(xiàn)在,我主要關(guān)心的是艾美,但她有見識,會應(yīng)付裕如的。至于貝絲,我不奢望別的,只希望她身體好。順便說說,她最近兩天似乎快活點了。你跟她談過了?”

“是的,她承認有點煩惱的事,答應(yīng)慢慢告訴我。我沒再說什么,我覺得我知道是什么了。”喬講了這個小故事。

馬奇太太搖搖頭,并沒把事情想得這么浪漫。她神情嚴肅,重申了自己的看法,為了勞里,喬應(yīng)該離開一段時間。

“在計劃落實下來以前,先不要告訴他。他還沒回過神來,還來不及悲傷,我已經(jīng)走了。貝絲肯定以為,我是為了過得開心才離開,其實也是這么回事。我不能對她說起勞里。可等我走后,她會安慰他的,替他消除浪漫的意識。這種小挫折他見得多了,也習(xí)慣了,很快就會擺脫失戀的痛苦。”

喬滿懷希望地說著,可心中揮不去那不祥的預(yù)感。這次“小挫折”比其他的更難接受,勞里無法像以前那樣輕松地擺脫“失戀”的痛苦。

家庭會議討論并通過了這個計劃??驴颂廊唤邮芰藛蹋饝?yīng)給她安排舒服的生活環(huán)境。家教夠她自食其力,空閑時間還可以寫作賺錢,新環(huán)境和新社交既對她的創(chuàng)作有用,又令人愉快。喬憧憬著紐約的日子,迫不及待地想出發(fā),因為家在她看來已經(jīng)太狹窄,鳥兒要出巢放飛其不平靜的個性和冒險精神。一切準備就緒,她戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢地去告訴勞里,但讓她吃驚的是,他居然很平靜地接受了。他最近比平常更嚴肅了,但很快樂。當大家開玩笑說,他要翻開新的一頁重新做人時,他審慎地回答說:“是的,我要讓這一頁永遠翻開著。”

喬感到很欣慰,勞里的美德心境來得正是時候,使得她能夠輕輕松松地打點行裝。而貝絲似乎也更高興了,喬希望自己正在為所有的人盡力。

“有件事兒我要拜托你,你要特別關(guān)照。”出發(fā)前夜她說。

“你是說你的那些稿件?”貝絲問。

“不,是我的男孩。請你好好待他,可以嗎?”

“當然,我會的,但我替代不了你,他會非常想念你的。”

“這傷不了他,所以別忘了,我把他交給你照看,煩擾他,寵愛他,管著他。”

“為了你,我會盡力的。”貝絲答應(yīng)著,心里納悶,喬為什么如此奇怪地看著她。

勞里說再見的時候,意味深長地低聲說道:“這樣做沒有一點好處,喬。我的眼睛盯著你呢,所以你做事要小心,否則,我會趕過去把你帶回家的。”

* * *

[1]英國詩人(1788—1824)。

CHAPTER 32 TENDER TROUBLES

“JO, I'M ANXIOUS ABOUT BETH.”

“Why, Mother, she has seemed unusually well since the babies came.”

“It's not her health that troubles me now, it's her spirits. I'm sure there is something on her mind, and I want you to discover what it is.”

“What makes you think so, Mother? ”

“She sits alone a good deal, and doesn't talk to her father as much as she used. I found her crying over the babies the other day. When she sings, the songs are always sad ones, and now and then I see a look in her face that I don't understand. This isn't like Beth, and it worries me.”

“Have you asked her about it? ”

“I have tried once or twice, but she either evaded my questions or looked so distressed that I stopped. I never force my children's confidence, and I seldom have to wait for long.”

Mrs. March glanced at Jo as she spoke, but the face opposite seemed quite unconscious of any secret disquietude but Beth's, and after sewing thoughtfully for a minute, Jo said, “I think she is growing up, and so begins to dream dreams, and have hopes and fears and fidgets, without knowing why or being able to explain them. Why, Mother, Beth's eighteen, but we don't realize it, and treat her like a child, forgetting she's a woman.”

“So she is. Dear heart, how fast you do grow up, ” returned her mother with a sigh and a smile.

“Can't be helped, Marmee, so you must resign yourself to all sorts of worries, and let your birds hop out of the nest, one by one. I promise never to hop very far, if that is any comfort to you.”

“It's a great comfort, Jo. I always feel strong when you are at home, now Meg is gone. Beth is too feeble and Amy too young to depend upon, but when the tug comes, you are always ready.”

“Why, you know I don't mind hard jobs much, and there must always be one scrub in a family. Amy is splendid in fine works and I'm not, but I feel in my element when all the carpets are to be taken up, or half the family fall sick at once. Amy is distinguishing herself abroad, but if anything is amiss at home, I'm your man.”

“I leave Beth to your hands, then, for she will open her tender little heart to her Jo sooner than to anyone else. Be very kind, and don't let her think anyone watches or talks about her. If she only would get quite strong and cheerful again, I shouldn't have a wish in the world.”

“Happy woman! I've got heaps.”

“My dear, what are they? ”

“I'll settle Beth's troubles, and then I'll tell you mine. They are not very wearing, so they'll keep.” And Jo stitched away, with a wise nod which set her mother's heart at rest about her for the present at least.

While apparently absorbed in her own affairs, Jo watched Beth, and after many conflicting conjectures, finally settled upon one which seemed to explain the change in her. A slight incident gave Jo the clue to the mystery, she thought, and lively fancy, loving heart did the rest. She was affecting to write busily one Saturday afternoon, when she and Beth were alone together; yet as she scribbled, she kept her eye on her sister, who seemed unusually quiet. Sitting at the window, Beth's work often dropped into her lap, and she leaned her head upon her hand, in a dejected attitude, while her eyes rested on the dull, autumnal landscape. Suddenly some one passed below, whistling like an operatic blackbird, and a voice called out,“All serene! Coming in tonight.”

Beth started, leaned forward, smiled and nodded, watched the passer-by till his quick tramp died away, then said softly as if to herself, “How strong and well and happy that dear boy looks.”

“Hum! ” said Jo, still intent upon her sister's face, for the bright color faded as quickly as it came, the smile vanished, and presently a tear lay shining on the window ledge. Beth whisked it off, and glanced apprehensively at Jo, but she was scratching away at a tremendous rate, apparently engrossed in Olympia's Oath.The instant Beth turned,Jo began her watch again, saw Beth's hand go quietly to her eyes more than once, and in her half-averted face read a tender sorrow that made her own eyes fill. Fearing to betray herself, she slipped away, murmuring something about needing more paper.

“Mercy on me, Beth loves Laurie! ” she said, sitting down in her own room, pale with the shock of the discovery which she believed she had just made.“I never dreamed of such a thing.What will Mother say?I wonder if her—” there Jo stopped and turned scarlet with a sudden thought. “If he shouldn't love back again, how dreadful it would be. He must. I'll make him! ” And she shook her head threateningly at the picture of the mischievous-looking boy laughing at her from the wall.“Oh dear,we are growing up with a vengeance. Here's Meg married and a mamma, Amy flourishing away at Paris, and Beth in love. I'm the only one that has sense enough to keep out of mischief.” Jo thought intently for a minute with her eyes fixed on the picture, then she smoothed out her wrinkled forehead and said, with a decided nod at the face opposite, “No thank you, sir, you're very charming, but you've no more stability than a weathercock. So you needn't write touching notes and smile in that insinuating way, for it won't do a bit of good, and I won't have it.”

Then she sighed, and fell into a reverie from which she did not wake till the early twilight sent her down to take new observations, which only confirmed her suspicion. Though Laurie flirted with Amy and joked with Jo, his manner to Beth had always been peculiarly kind and gentle, but so was everybody's. Therefore, no one thought of imagining that he cared more for her than for the others. Indeed, a general impression had prevailed in the family of late that “our boy” was getting fonder than ever of Jo, who, however, wouldn't hear a word upon the subject and scolded violently if anyone dared to suggest it. If they had known the various tender passages which had been nipped in the bud, they would have had the immense satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.” But Jo hated “philandering, ” and wouldn't allow it, always having a joke or a smile ready at the least sign of impending danger.

When Laurie first went to college, he fell in love about once a month, but these small flames were as brief as ardent, did no damage, and much amused Jo, who took great interest in the alternations of hope, despair, and resignation, which were confided to her in their weekly conferences. But there came a time when Laurie ceased to worship at many shrines, hinted darkly at one all-absorbing passion, and indulged occasionally in Byronic fits of gloom. Then he avoided the tender subject altogether, wrote philosophical notes to Jo, turned studious, and gave out that he was going to“dig, ” intending to graduate in a blaze of glory. This suited the young lady better than twilight confidences, tender pressures of the hand, and eloquent glances of the eye, for with Jo, brain developed earlier than heart, and she preferred imaginary heroes to real ones, because when tired of them, the former could be shut up in the tin kitchen till called for, and the latter were less manageable.

Things were in this state when the grand discovery was made, and Jo watched Laurie that night as she had never done before. If she had not got the new idea into her head, she would have seen nothing unusual in the fact that Beth was very quiet, and Laurie very kind to her. But having given the rein to her lively fancy, it galloped away with her at a great pace, and common sense, being rather weakened by a long course of romance writing, did not come to the rescue. As usual Beth lay on the sofa and Laurie sat in a low chair close by, amusing her with all sorts of gossip, for she depended on her weekly “spin”, and he never disappointed her. But that evening Jo fancied that Beth's eyes rested on the lively, dark face beside her with peculiar pleasure, and that she listened with intense interest to an account of some exciting cricket match, though the phrases, “caught off a tice”,“stumped off his ground”, and “the leg hit for three” were as intelligible to her as Sanskrit. She also fancied, having set her heart upon seeing it, that she saw a certain increase of gentleness in Laurie's manner, that he dropped his voice now and then, laughed less than usual, was a little absent-minded, and settled the afghan over Beth's feet with an assiduity that was really almost tender.

“Who knows? Stranger things have happened, ” thought Jo, as she fussed about the room. “She will make quite an angel of him, and he will make life delightfully easy and pleasant for the dear, if they only love each other. I don't see how he can help it, and I do believe he would if the rest of us were out of the way.”

As everyone was out of the way but herself,Jo began to feel that she ought to dispose of herself with all speed. But where should she go? And burning to lay herself upon the shrine of sisterly devotion, she sat down to settle that point.

Now, the old sofa was a regular patriarch of a sofa—long, broad, well-cushioned, and low; a trifle shabby, as well it might be, for the girls had slept and sprawled on it as babies, fished over the back, rode on the arms, and had menageries under it as children, and rested tired heads, dreamed dreams, and listened to tender talk on it as young women. They all loved it, for it was a family refuge, and one corner had always been Jo's favorite lounging place. Among the many pillows that adorned the venerable couch was one, hard, round, covered with prickly horsehair, and furnished with a knobby button at each end. This repulsive pillow was her especial property, being used as a weapon of defense, a barricade, or a stern preventive of too much slumber.

Laurie knew this pillow well, and had cause to regard it with deep aversion, having been unmercifully pummeled with it in former days when romping was allowed, and now frequently debarred by it from the seat he most coveted next to Jo in the sofa corner. If “the sausage” as they called it, stood on end, it was a sign that he might approach and repose; but if it lay flat across the sofa, woe to man, woman, or child who dared disturb it! That evening Jo forgot to barricade her corner, and had not been in her seat five minutes, before a massive form appeared beside her, and with both arms spread over the sofa back, both long legs stretched out before him, Laurie exclaimed, with a sigh of satisfaction—

“Now,this is filling at the price.”

“No slang, ” snapped Jo, slamming down the pillow. But it was too late, there was no room for it, and coasting onto the floor, it disappeared in a most mysterious manner.

“Come, Jo, don't be thorny. After studying himself to a skeleton all the week, a fellow deserves petting and ought to get it.”

“Beth will pet you. I'm busy.”

“No, she's not to be bothered with me; but you like that sort of thing, unless you've suddenly lost your taste for it. Have you? Do you hate your boy, and want to fire pillows at him? ”

Anything more wheedlesome than that touching appeal was seldom heard, but Jo quenched “her boy” by turning on him with a stern query,“How many bouquets have you sent Miss Randal this week? ”

“Not one, upon my word. She's engaged. Now then.”

“I'm glad of it, that's one of your foolish extravagances—sending flowers and things to girls for whom you don't care two pins, ” continued Jo reprovingly.

“Sensible girls for whom I do care whole papers of pins won't let me send them ‘flowers and things', so what can I do? My feelings need a‘vent'.”

“Mother doesn't approve of flirting even in fun, and you do flirt desperately, Teddy.”

“I'd give anything if I could answer, ‘So do you.' As I can't, I'll merely say that I don't see any harm in that pleasant little game, if all parties understand that it's only play.”

“Well, it does look pleasant, but I can't learn how it's done. I've tried, because one feels awkward in company not to do as everybody else is doing, but I don't seem to get on, ” said Jo, forgetting to play mentor.

“Take lessons of Amy, she has a regular talent for it.”

“Yes, she does it very prettily, and never seems to go too far. I suppose it's natural to some people to please without trying, and others to always say and do the wrong thing in the wrong place.”

“I'm glad you can't flirt. It's really refreshing to see a sensible, straightforward girl, who can be jolly and kind without making a fool of herself. Between ourselves, Jo, some of the girls I know really do go on at such a rate I'm ashamed of them. They don't mean any harm, I'm sure, but if they knew how we fellows talked about them afterward, they'd mend their ways, I fancy.”

“They do the same, and as their tongues are the sharpest, you fellows get the worst of it, for you are as silly as they, every bit. If you behaved properly, they would, but knowing you like their nonsense, they keep it up, and then you blame them.”

“Much you know about it, ma'am, ” said Laurie in a superior tone.“We don't like romps and flirts, though we may act as if we did sometimes. The pretty, modest girls are never talked about, except respectfully, among gentleman. Bless your innocent soul! If you could be in my place for a month you'd see things that would astonish you a trifle. Upon my word, when I see one of those harum-scarum girls, I always want to say with our friend Cock Robin—

Out upon you, fie upon you,

Bold-faced jig! ”

It was impossible to help laughing at the funny conflict between Laurie's chivalrous reluctance to speak ill of womankind, and his very natural dislike of the unfeminine folly of which fashionable society showed him many samples. Jo knew that “young Laurence” was regarded as a most eligible parti by worldly mammas, was much smiled upon by their daughters, and flattered enough by ladies of all ages to make a coxcomb of him, so she watched him rather jealously, fearing he would be spoiled, and rejoiced more than she confessed to find that he still believed in modest girls. Returning suddenly to her admonitory tone, she said, dropping her voice,“If you must have a‘Went',Teddy,go and devote yourself to one of the ‘pretty, modest girls' whom you do respect, and not waste your time with the silly ones.”

“You really advise it? ” And Laurie looked at her with an odd mixture of anxiety and merriment in his face.

“Yes, I do, but you'd better wait till you are through college, on the whole, and be fitting yourself for the place meantime. You're not half good enough for—well, whoever the modest girl may be.” And Jo looked a little queer likewise, for a name had almost escaped her.

“That I'm not! ” acquiesced Laurie, with an expression of humility quite new to him, as he dropped his eyes and absently wound Jo's apron tassel round his finger.

“Mercy on us, this will never do.” thought Jo, adding aloud, “Go and sing to me. I'm dying for some music, and always like yours.”

“I'd rather stay here, thank you.”

“Well, you can't, there isn't room. Go and make yourself useful, since you are too big to be ornamental. I thought you hated to be tied to a woman's apron string? ” retorted Jo, quoting certain rebellious words of his own.

“Ah, that depends on who wears the apron! ” and Laurie gave an audacious tweak at the tassel.

“Are you going? ” demanded Jo, diving for the pillow.

He fled at once, and the minute it was well, “Up with the bonnets of bonnie Dundee, ” she slipped away to return no more till the young gentleman departed in high dudgeon.

Jo lay long awake that night, and was just dropping off when the sound of a stifled sob made her fly to Beth's bedside, with the anxious inquiry, “What is it, dear? ”

“I thought you were asleep, ” sobbed Beth.

“Is it the old pain, my precious? ”

“No, it's a new one, but I can bear it.” And Beth tried to check her tears.

“Tell me all about it, and let me cure it as I often did the other.”

“You can't, there is no cure.” There Beth's voice gave way, and clinging to her sister, she cried so despairingly that Jo was frightened.

“Where is it? Shall I call Mother? ”

“No, no, don't call her, don't tell her. I shall be better soon. Lie down here and ‘poor' my head. I'll be quiet and go to sleep, indeed I will.”

Jo obeyed, but as her hand went softly to and fro across Beth's hot forehead and wet eyelids, her heart was very full and she longed to speak. But young as she was, Jo had learned that hearts, like flowers, cannot be rudely handled, but must open naturally, so though she believed she knew the cause of Beth's new pain, she only said, in her tenderest tone, “Does anything trouble you, deary? ”

“Yes, Jo, ” after a long pause.

“Wouldn't it comfort you to tell me what it is? ”

“Not now, not yet.”

“Then I won't ask, but remember, Beth, that Mother and Jo are always glad to hear and help you, if they can.”

“I know it. I'll tell you by-and-by.”

“Is the pain better now? ”

“Oh, yes, much better, you are so comfortable, Jo.”

“Go to sleep, dear. I'll stay with you.”

So cheek to cheek they fell asleep, and on the morrow Beth seemed quite herself again, for at eighteen neither heads nor hearts ache long, and a loving word can medicine most ills.

But Jo had made up her mind, and after pondering over a project for some days, she confided it to her mother.

“You asked me the other day what my wishes were. I'll tell you one of them, Marmee, ” she began, as they sat along together. “I want to go away somewhere this winter for a change.”

“Why, Jo? ” And her mother looked up quickly, as if the words suggested a double meaning.

With her eyes on her work Jo answered soberly, “I want something new. I feel restless and anxious to be seeing, doing, and learning more than I am. I brood too much over my own small affairs, and need stirring up, so as I can be spared this winter, I'd like to hop a little way and try my wings.”

“Where will you hop? ”

“To New York. I had a bright idea yesterday, and this is it. You know Mrs. Kirke wrote to you for some respectable young person to teach her children and sew. It's rather hard to find just the thing, but I think I should suit if I tried.”

“My dear, go out to service in that great boardinghouse! ” And Mrs. March looked surprised, but not displeased.

“It's not exactly going out to service, for Mrs. Kirke is your friend—the kindest soul that ever lived—and would make things pleasant for me, I know. Her family is separate from the rest, and no one knows me there. Don't care if they do. It's honest work, and I'm not ashamed of it.”

“Nor I. But your writing? ”

“All the better for the change. I shall see and hear new things, get new ideas, and, even if I haven't much time there, I shall bring home quantities of material for my rubbish.”

“I have no doubt of it, but are these your only reasons for this sudden fancy? ”

“No, Mother.”

“May I know the others? ”

Jo looked up and Jo looked down, then said slowly, with sudden color in her cheeks. “It may be vain and wrong to say it, but—I'm afraid—Laurie is getting too fond of me.”

“Then you don't care for him in the way it is evident he begins to care for you? ” and Mrs. March looked anxious as she put the question.

“Mercy, no! I love the dear boy, as I always have, and am immensely proud of him, but as for anything more, it's out of the question.”

“I'm glad of that, Jo.”

“Why, please? ”

“Because, dear, I don't think you suited to one another. As friends you are very happy, and your frequent quarrels soon blow over, but I fear you would both rebel if you were mated for life. You are too much alike and too fond of freedom, not to mention hot tempers and strong wills, to get on happily together, in a relation which needs infinite patience and forbearance, as well as love.”

“That's just the feeling I had, though I couldn't express it. I'm glad you think he is only beginning to care for me. It would trouble me sadly to make him unhappy, for I couldn't fall in love with the dear old fellow merely out of gratitude, could I? ”

“You are sure of his feeling for you? ”

The color deepened in Jo's cheeks as she answered, with the look of mingled pleasure, pride, and pain which young girls wear when speaking of first lovers, “I'm afraid it is so, Mother. He hasn't said anything, but he looks a great deal. I think I had better go away before it comes to anything.”

“I agree with you, and if it can be managed you shall go.”

Jo looked relieved, and after a pause, said, smiling, “How Mrs. Moffat would wonder at your want of management, if she knew, and how she will rejoice that Annie may still hope.”

“Ah, Jo, mothers may differ in their management, but the hope is the same in all—the desire to see their children happy. Meg is so, and I am content with her success. You I leave to enjoy your liberty till you tire of it, for only then will you find that there is something sweeter. Amy is my chief care now, but her good sense will help her. For Beth, I indulge no hopes except that she may be well. By the way, she seems brighter this last day or two. Have you spoken to her? '

“Yes, she owned she had a trouble, and promised to tell me by-and-by. I said no more, for I think I know it.” And Jo told her little story.

Mrs. March shook her head, and did not take so romantic a view of the case, but looked grave, and repeated her opinion that for Laurie's sake Jo should go away for a time.

“Let us say nothing about it to him till the plan is settled, then I'll run away before he can collect his wits and be tragic. Beth must think I'm going to please myself, as I am, for I can't talk about Laurie to her. But she can pet and comfort him after I'm gone, and so cure him of this romantic notion. He's been through so many little trials of the sort, he's used to it, and will soon get over his lovelornity.”

Jo spoke hopefully, but could not rid herself of the foreboding fear that this “little trial” would be harder than the others, and that Laurie would not get over his “lovelornity” as easily as heretofore.

The plan was talked over in a family council and agreed upon, for Mrs. Kirke gladly accepted Jo, and promised to make a pleasant home for her. The teaching would render her independent, and such leisure as she got might be made profitable by writing, while the new scenes and society would be both useful and agreeable. Jo liked the prospect and was eager to be gone, for the home nest was growing too narrow for her restless nature and adventurous spirit. When all was settled, with fear and trembling she told Laurie, but to her surprise he took it very quietly. He had been graver than usual of late, but very pleasant, and when jokingly accused of turning over a new leaf, he answered soberly, “So I am, and I mean this one shall stay turned.”

Jo was very much relieved that one of his virtuous fits should come on just then, and made her preparations with a lightened heart—for Beth seemed more cheerful—and hoped she was doing the best for all.

“One thing I leave in your especial care, ” she said, the night before she left.

“You mean your papers? ” asked Beth.

“No, my boy. Be very good to him, won't you? ”

“Of course I will, but I can't fill your place, and he'll miss you sadly.”

“It won't hurt him, so remember, I leave him in your charge, to plague, pet, and keep in order.”

“I'll do my best, for your sake, ” promised Beth, wondering why Jo looked at her so queerly.

When Laurie said good-by, he whispered significantly, “It won't do a bit of good, Jo. My eye is on you, so mind what you do, or I'll come and bring you home.”

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