雙語譯林·小婦人 第三十九章　懶蟲勞倫斯 LAZY LAURENCE

第三十九章　懶蟲勞倫斯

勞里去尼斯，只打算住上一個禮拜，卻耽擱了個把月。一個人獨(dú)自閑逛，他已經(jīng)感到厭倦了。然而，有艾美在一邊陪伴，她那熟悉的身影，對于她融入其中的異國景致而言，似乎增添了家鄉(xiāng)般的迷人魅力。勞里很懷念往日受到的“寵愛”，又舊夢重溫，其樂融融。哪怕過往陌生人紛紛投來羨慕不已的眼神，其快意根本就無法跟家鄉(xiāng)姑娘的愛慕相比。艾美絕不會像姐姐們那樣寵愛他的，卻很樂意看著他，貼近他，因?yàn)樗X得，他代表的是親愛的家人。對于他們，她十分想念，盡管口頭上不說。這時，他倆自然地為彼此朝夕相處而感到寬慰，相互之間可謂形影不離，不是一塊兒騎馬，一塊兒散步，就是一塊兒跳舞，一塊兒閑逛。因?yàn)?，在尼斯游玩季?jié)，誰都無法老是辛勤工作。不過，他倆表面上在無拘無束地自娛自樂，卻在漫不經(jīng)心地了解對方，形成自己的看法。艾美在朋友的評價里蒸蒸日上，但勞里在她的評價里卻下降了。他倆不用開口就心中有數(shù)了。艾美總想討他喜歡，而且旗開得勝，因?yàn)?，她十分感激勞里給予的許多快樂，經(jīng)常為他做一點(diǎn)兒事，作為回報。對于這種照顧，母性十足的女人都知道該怎樣添上超越言語的風(fēng)情韻味。勞里卻無所用心，看上去隨心所欲，任其自然，試圖忘掉過去。由于被女人冷落過，他覺得所有的女人都欠他一句友善的話。他非?？犊?，這根本不費(fèi)吹灰之力，如果她愿意接受，他滿可以把尼斯的飾件統(tǒng)統(tǒng)都買來相送。同時，他覺得自己很難改變艾美正在對他形成的看法，也怕看見艾美目光犀利的藍(lán)眼珠，似乎在注視他時帶有那種既悲傷又輕蔑的驚詫神情。

“大家今天都去摩納哥了，但我喜歡待在家里，寫幾封信。信寫好了，我打算去瓦爾羅薩玫瑰谷寫生，你去嗎？”天空爽朗，中午時分，勞里照例懶洋洋地走進(jìn)門時，艾美湊上去問道。

“哦，好吧，不過，走這么遠(yuǎn)的路，太熱了吧？”他慢吞吞地答道，剛才戶外陽光眩目，陰涼的客廳十分誘人。

“我會去叫一輛四輪馬車，巴蒂斯特來駕車。你只管撐陽傘，不用管其他事。手套都不會弄臟的。”艾美說著，譏諷的目光瞥了一眼一塵不染的小山羊皮手套，那是勞里的嗜好。

“那我樂意奉陪。”勞里說完話，便伸出手去接她的寫生本。但艾美卻將本子夾在腋下，尖刻地說：

“不麻煩了。我不費(fèi)力，你倒看上去拿不動似的。”

勞里瞠目結(jié)舌，見艾美奔下樓，便步履悠閑地跟著走下樓。他們上了馬車，勞里一把抓住韁繩。小巴蒂斯特?zé)o事可做，只好雙臂抱著胳膊，在后車廂睡覺了。

他倆從不吵嘴——艾美很有教養(yǎng)，而眼下勞里懶得吵。不一會兒，他以好奇的神情瞅了一眼艾美的帽檐底下。艾美微笑相答，一團(tuán)和氣，雙雙上路。

馬車沿著蜿蜒曲折的鄉(xiāng)間車道輕快地行駛，沿途景色秀麗，令人賞心悅目。不一會兒，一座古老的修道院映入眼簾，飄逸入耳的是修道士們詠誦的那些莊重肅穆的贊美詩。后來，他倆看見一個戴著尖頂帽，光腿穿著木拖鞋的牧羊人。只見那人一個肩上搭著粗布上衣，坐在巖石上吹口哨。一只只山羊有的在巖石間奔跑，有的就躺在他的腳邊。沒多久，一隊脾氣溫順的灰色毛驢馱著一筐筐剛收割的青草，從路邊經(jīng)過，青翠草堆上要么坐著一位頭戴寬邊帽的漂亮姑娘，要么坐著一個老婦人，一路上不停地捻著紡織桿。路邊的奇怪石棚子中，跑出不少淺色眼睛、棕色皮膚的孩子，兜售一束束鮮花和一個個帶枝葉的橘子。放眼望去，漫山遍野都是枝節(jié)粗壯，葉片濃綠的橄欖樹。果園里，金色的果實(shí)掛滿枝頭。路旁開滿了紅色的大銀蓮花。綠色的山坡和峻峭的山頂后面，白雪皚皚的濱海阿爾卑斯山，在意大利蔚藍(lán)的天空下，高聳入云。

玫瑰谷真是名不虛傳，一年四季，氣候溫暖，玫瑰花到處盛開。繁茂的花朵懸掛在拱道上方，伸出院門的柵欄，散發(fā)出宜人的芳香，歡迎過路的行人。檸檬樹下，葉面柔軟的棕櫚樹下，野花盛開，四處蔓延，一路生長，連山上的別墅旁，都能見到。每一處樹陰下，開放的鮮花簇?fù)碇⒙涞淖?，讓人見了就想停住腳步，坐上去歇息。這兒的巖洞，陰涼爽氣，洞內(nèi)的大理石仙子塑像在花瓣的掩映下微笑。這兒的噴泉，映照出的是或紅或白的玫瑰花的顏色。這些垂掛的玫瑰花似乎都在為自己的美麗姿容流露出得意的笑容。這兒，家家戶戶的房墻上，都布滿了玫瑰花，有的爬臥在飛檐上，有的纏繞在梁柱上，還有不少隨意蔓延，在房屋露天平臺的欄桿上生長。從高處眺望，可以看見陽光照耀下，波光粼粼的地中海，以及海岸邊城中的白色房屋。

“這是蜜月旅行的天堂，不是嗎？你看見過這樣的玫瑰花嗎？”艾美問道。她在屋頂?shù)穆短炱脚_上停下腳步，欣賞眼前的景致，貪婪地呼吸隨風(fēng)飄來的濃郁馨香。

“沒有，也沒有碰到過這樣的花刺呢。”勞里一邊說，一邊將拇指送進(jìn)口中。剛才，他想伸手去摘一朵孤零零的鮮紅玫瑰花，但就差一點(diǎn)距離，沒有夠著。

“彎下腰嘛，摘那些沒有刺的。”艾美說完話，從身后鮮花點(diǎn)綴的墻上采摘了三朵奶油色小薔薇，然后，把薔薇插在對方衣服的扣子孔中，作為講和的禮物獻(xiàn)給勞里。勞里表情古怪地低頭盯著三朵薔薇，凝神了一會兒。他有意大利血統(tǒng)，有點(diǎn)迷信。此刻，他的心境是悲喜交加，好不郁悶，就跟那些富于想象的小伙子一樣，能從小事中悟出奧秘，到處都有浪漫的題材。勞里剛才伸手去摘那棵帶刺的紅玫瑰時，想到了喬，她就配生動艷麗的花朵，身上常戴家中溫室里摘下的這種玫瑰。而艾美剛才遞給勞里的淺色薔薇是意大利人捧在死者手里的，婚禮的花環(huán)從不使用這種。這時，勞里猶豫了一會兒，不知這不祥之兆是針對喬的，還是他本人。但他很快就恢復(fù)了美國人的常識，戰(zhàn)勝了多愁善感，并爽朗地開口大笑。出國以來，艾美從未聽他這樣笑過。

“是個好建議，你最好從善如流，保全手指要緊。”艾美說道，心想自己的話把勞里逗樂了。

“謝謝，我會的。”他玩笑著答道。殊不知，幾個月之后，他卻真心誠意地照辦了。

“勞里，什么時候去你爺爺那兒？”艾美突然問道。問完話，她坐在一個樹枝編制的座位上。

“很快。”

“這三周來，你說過無數(shù)次了。”

“我想，簡潔的回答可以免掉麻煩。”

“他盼著你去，你確實(shí)應(yīng)該去。”

“你真熱心！我知道的。”

“那為何沒有行動？”

“我想，天生墮落吧。”

“你的意思是生性懶惰。真可怕??！”艾美說話時，一臉嚴(yán)肅。

“還沒這么嚴(yán)重。去了他那兒，只會煩他，所以，我不妨就待在這兒，再煩你一陣子，你忍受能力強(qiáng)。其實(shí)，我想，這樣非常適合你的胃口。”勞里調(diào)整了身體，準(zhǔn)備躺在欄柵的寬闊橫木上。

艾美搖了搖頭，以逆來順受的神情打開速寫本。其實(shí)，她已經(jīng)決定教訓(xùn)一下這小子。沒過多久，她又開口了。

“你在干什么呀？”

“看蜥蜴。”

“不是這個意思。我問你打算，或者希望干什么？”

“我想抽支煙，可以嗎？”

“你真氣人！我不贊成抽煙，除非你讓我把你畫進(jìn)速寫才可以。我需要人影。”

“愿意效勞。你怎么畫我——是全身的，還是大半身，畫倒立呢，還是直立？我斗膽建議，畫一張臥姿吧，然后，把你自己也畫進(jìn)去，取名《無所事事樂融融》。”

“別動，如果你喜歡，睡覺也行。我可要大干了。”艾美精力充沛地說道。

“真是熱情高萬丈！”他心滿意足地靠在一只巨型陶甕上。

“喬如果現(xiàn)在看見你，會說什么呢？”艾美不耐煩地問道，希望提到比她更精力充沛的姐姐大名之后，能夠激發(fā)勞里的熱情。

“老一套，‘走開，特迪。我很忙！'”勞里笑著說道。但他的笑容并不自然，臉上掠過一絲陰影，熟悉的名字刺痛了心中還未愈合的傷口。勞里的口氣和面色都打動了艾美，先前見過這種面色，也聽過這種口氣。她抬起頭，正好看見勞里的表情變了——一副嚴(yán)峻憤恨的神態(tài)，滿臉痛苦，不滿現(xiàn)實(shí)，悔恨交加。但艾美還未仔細(xì)端詳，該表情早已消失，恢復(fù)了一副無精打采的模樣。艾美以藝術(shù)的愉悅注視了勞里一陣子，心想，他多么像意大利人啊。只見他沐浴在陽光下，頭上沒有遮蓋，眼睛里流露出南國的夢幻感，他似乎忘記了身邊的姑娘，沉醉于幻想之中。

“你看上去就像一位躺在墓穴上的年輕騎士。”她一邊說，一邊細(xì)心地勾勒畫像的線條，深色巖石的背景，輪廓清晰的剪影。

“希望如此??！”

“愚蠢的愿望，除非你早已空度一生。你變化太大了，有時候，我想——”但說到這里，艾美停頓了，神情半羞半神往，此時無言勝有聲。

勞里心領(lǐng)神會，明白了艾美欲言又止，所要表示的溫情的擔(dān)心。他直視艾美的雙眸，以往常跟她母親說話的口吻講道：“沒事的，小姐。”

艾美聽罷滿意了，將近來開始惹她揪心的疑慮都拋到了一邊。勞里的話還感動了她。她說話時親切的口吻就表明了這一點(diǎn)。

“你能這樣想，我真高興！我也并沒有認(rèn)為你是一個嚴(yán)重的惡少，不過，想來你也許在德國巴登巴登那個鬼地方浪費(fèi)了不少錢，要么連心都被哪個迷人的法國有夫之婦勾走了，要么在異國他鄉(xiāng)陷入困境。一些年輕人往往認(rèn)為是出國旅游在所難免的。別待在太陽底下，過來，在草地上躺一會兒，以前，喬邀我坐在沙發(fā)的一角，開始聊秘密時常這樣說：讓我們友好地在一起。”

勞里順從地往草地上一躺，將一些雛菊插在旁邊地上艾美帽子的系帶上，自娛自樂。

“我早就準(zhǔn)備好了，快講秘密吧。”勞里抬頭看了一眼，眼里明顯露出饒有興趣的神情。

“我沒有什么可講。你說吧。”

“沒有福氣擁有秘密。我還以為，你大概收到了家里的消息。”

“最近的消息你都聽過了。難道你不是經(jīng)常聽到的嗎？還以為喬會給你寄許多信。”

“她很忙。我到處游逛，你知道，不可能按時聯(lián)系。你什么時候開始藝術(shù)大作呢，我的女拉斐爾？”勞里停頓了一會兒，突然問道，將話題轉(zhuǎn)開。其實(shí)，剛才他在納悶，艾美是否了解自己的秘密，想談?wù)撍恕?/p>

“永遠(yuǎn)不做。”艾美答道，口氣沮喪，但卻斬釘截鐵，“羅馬滅了我的虛榮心，看了那里的藝術(shù)奇跡，我覺得自己活在世界上真是十分渺小，失望中，就放棄了所有不明智的期盼。”

“你如此精力充沛，才華橫溢，為什么要這樣呢？”

“問題就在這兒——因?yàn)?，才華不是天才，精力再充沛也無法造就的。我想要么成名成家，要么一事無成。我不想成為一名平庸的畫匠，所以，就不想再努力了。”

“敢問你現(xiàn)在自己有何打算？”

“磨煉自己的其他才能，為社會增光添彩，當(dāng)然，得有機(jī)會。”

艾美的講話很有個性，聽上去很有魄力。年輕人就得無所畏懼，而且艾美的抱負(fù)具有良好的基礎(chǔ)。這時，勞里笑了。艾美發(fā)現(xiàn)自己長期向往的目標(biāo)無望實(shí)現(xiàn)，便毫不遲疑地另起爐灶，沒有愁眉苦臉。這種精神，他很喜歡。

“好哇！我說，那個弗雷德·沃恩就在這里插足了。”

艾美審慎地保持沉默，但低垂的臉上露出一絲會意的神色。勞里見了，趕緊坐起身，板起臉問道：“我現(xiàn)在當(dāng)你的哥哥，問幾個問題，行嗎？”

“不保證一一回答。”

“你呀，嘴硬，面軟。乖乖，你可不是那種深藏不露的情場老手啊。去年，我聽到過你和弗雷德之間的流言飛語。我個人認(rèn)為，如果不是他突然奉詔回家，又絆住那么久，嗨，會發(fā)生什么事了吧？”

“這不該我來回答。”艾美一本正經(jīng)地回答，但嘴角還掛著一絲笑容。她的眼神泄露出火花，坦白了她的內(nèi)心世界：了解自己的魅力，并因此而得意非凡。

“希望你還沒有訂婚吧？”勞里一下子變得就像一個大哥哥，看上去很嚴(yán)肅。

“沒有。”

“但你會的，假如他回來，在你面前規(guī)矩地跪下，不是嗎？”

“很可能。”

“那么，你喜歡弗雷德這個老家伙？”

“如果我接受了，那自然就是喜歡他了。”

“但是，時機(jī)不到，你是不打算接受了，是嗎？天哪，真是異乎尋常的謹(jǐn)小慎微??！他是個好人，艾美，但不是我心目中你會喜歡的那種男人。”

“他有錢，而且溫文爾雅，風(fēng)度翩翩。”艾美答道，試圖讓自己顯得沉著冷靜，不亢不卑，但她感到有一點(diǎn)兒不好意思，盡管她是真心誠意的。

“知道了。社交女王可離不開錢啊。所以，你打算嫁得好，而且就此開始生活？世道就是這樣的嘛，很不錯，循規(guī)蹈矩，但從你母親的女兒嘴里說出來，卻有點(diǎn)兒怪異。”

“然而千真萬確。”

回答相當(dāng)簡潔，但說話時的平靜和斷然卻一反常態(tài)，小姑娘的表現(xiàn)很奇怪。勞里本能地感覺到這一點(diǎn)，便又往草地上一躺，帶著一副自己難以說清的失望感。他的這種神態(tài)以及他的沉默，還有那種發(fā)自內(nèi)心的自責(zé)，讓艾美感到生氣。于是，她決定立刻教訓(xùn)他一頓。

艾美口氣尖銳地說：“希望你幫個忙，給我提起精神來。”

“你幫幫我提吧，乖乖女。”

“有可能，如果試試看。”艾美看上去似乎真的雷厲風(fēng)行。

“那么就試試看吧。我準(zhǔn)許你。”勞里答道。他長期獨(dú)自一人，茶余飯后，就愛戲弄人。這可是久違的消遣。

“過五分鐘，你就會生氣的。”

“我從來不跟你生氣的。單塊火石打不出火來的。你呀，就跟白雪一樣冰冷柔軟。”

“你不知道我的能耐。雪如果堆積得當(dāng)，也會發(fā)光，也會刺眼。你無動于衷，其實(shí)，有點(diǎn)兒做作。好好刺激一下，就能證實(shí)。”

“盡管來刺激吧，傷害不到我的，或許你倒會快活一陣。就像大男人說的那樣，小妻子揍大丈夫——隔靴搔癢嘛。就把我當(dāng)成丈夫，或者一塊地毯吧?？梢砸恢贝虻骄Ａ?，如果這樣的鍛煉運(yùn)動對你挺合適的話。”

艾美著實(shí)惱怒，加上很想看見勞里能夠擺脫那種使他大變的淡漠情感，便削尖了鉛筆，口氣也尖利逼人地問道：

“弗洛和我給你取了個新名字，叫‘懶蟲勞倫斯’，喜歡嗎？”

艾美以為勞里會生氣，但他僅僅將胳膊墊在頭下，心如止水地說：“不錯呀。謝謝女士們。”

“你想知道我對你的真實(shí)看法嗎？”

“洗耳恭聽。”

“好吧，我鄙視你。”

哪怕艾美用怒氣沖沖，或者撒嬌的聲音說“我討厭你”，勞里都會大笑，而且很喜歡聽的，但這一次，艾美的嗓音卻低沉傷心，勞里聽了不禁睜開眼睛，立刻問道：

“請問為什么啊？”

“因?yàn)椋惚究梢宰鲆粋€正直有為的好男孩。但你卻屢犯錯誤，讓消沉和痛苦去折磨自己。”

“語重心長啊，小姐。”

“愿意聽，我可以接著講。”

“愿聞其詳，真有意思。”

“我想，你會覺得有意思的。自私自利的人總愛談?wù)撟约旱摹?rdquo;

“我也自私嗎？”勞里聽罷，不禁大吃一驚，隨即脫口而出地問了一句，因?yàn)?，慷慨大方是他引以為豪的唯一?yōu)點(diǎn)。

“是啊，而且相當(dāng)自私。”艾美接著說，嗓音沉穩(wěn)冷峻，其效果簡比平時的氣話更有殺傷力，“我可以說明根據(jù)的：我們在一起嬉笑逗樂時，我注意過你，對你感到很不滿意。你已經(jīng)出國將近半年了，可以說，一事無成，就知道消磨時光，揮霍鈔票，讓你的朋友非常失望啦。”

“苦學(xué)了四年，我難道不能快活一下呀？”

“你看上去可沒有十分快活呀。反正你依然故我，我可以這么說。我們剛見面時，我說過你有長進(jìn)?，F(xiàn)在，我收回原話，因?yàn)槲铱茨氵€沒有我出國那時候一半好呢。你已經(jīng)懶得令人作嘔，而且喜歡說一些閑言碎語，把時間都浪費(fèi)在雞毛蒜皮的小事上。你還醉心于愚人的寵愛奉承，并沒有得到智者的愛慕尊崇。你有金錢，有才華，有地位，有健康，還有英俊瀟灑——啊，你喜歡那個‘名利場’！這可是千真萬確的，所以我不得不指出來——你有這么些美妙東西去使用，去享受，你居然會覺得，除了游手好閑，簡直無事可做。你沒有做可能成為也應(yīng)該成為的那種人，卻僅僅是——”突然，艾美的話戛然而止，臉上流露出痛苦而憐憫的神情。

“火上煎熬的圣徒勞倫斯啊。”勞里冷冰冰地補(bǔ)充成句。但是，姑娘的訓(xùn)話開始生效了，勞里的眼神透露出一絲如夢初醒的火花，剛才那副漫不經(jīng)心的樣子不見了，臉上的表情看上去既惱火又受傷。

“我想你會這么說的。你們男人都說我們女人是天使，還說我們能夠隨心所欲地把你們變成什么人。但是，一旦真心誠意地想為你們著想，你們馬上就嘲笑我們，聽不進(jìn)去，這只能證明你們的奉承話到底價值多少。”艾美憤憤地說道，背對著正坐在自己腳邊令人發(fā)火的殉道者。

不一會兒，一只手捂在速寫紙上，使她無法畫下去，接著，勞里模仿悔過孩子的滑稽口吻說道：“我要學(xué)好，啊，我要學(xué)好的！”

然而，艾美并沒有笑，她可是認(rèn)真的。這時，她用鉛筆敲擊著勞里張開的手，一字一句地說道：“你難道不為這只手感到羞恥嗎？就跟女人的手一樣柔軟白皙，看上去似乎只會戴朱汶牌高級手套，為女士采摘鮮花而已，別的事，什么都沒有干過。謝天謝地，你又不是花花公子，所以，我很高興看見，除了喬很久以前送給你的那枚又小又舊的戒指之外，手上沒有戴什么鉆石戒指，或者大圖章戒指一類的玩意。親愛的，我真希望，她也在這兒，能夠幫助我！”

“我也如此啊！”

手抽了回去，跟剛才伸出一樣突然。聽了艾美的祝愿話，他的回應(yīng)里現(xiàn)出了足夠的力量，連艾美都高興起來。她低頭朝他看了一眼，腦子里頓時閃過一個新念頭，但勞里正躺在地上，用帽子半遮著臉，似乎是在遮陰，而大胡子則遮住了嘴。艾美只看見他的胸膛隨著一聲深呼吸起伏著。那深呼吸就像是一聲嘆息，他那只戴著戒指的手垂在草叢里，似乎在隱藏一件連提都不宜提及的珍貴或是脆弱的東西。頃刻間，拉拉雜雜的提示和瑣事在艾美的腦海里拼湊成形了，產(chǎn)生了意義，她明白了事情的原委，原來姐姐沒有向她吐露啊。她記得，勞里從未主動談及喬的事情。她想起了剛才勞里臉上掠過的陰影，他性格上的轉(zhuǎn)變，而他戴的那枚舊戒指并不配用來裝飾一只漂亮的手。女孩子觀察這種跡象的速度是極快的，而且迅速感受到了那無言的控訴。艾美曾經(jīng)想象，或許轉(zhuǎn)變的根源是愛情的糾葛，現(xiàn)在，她已經(jīng)確信了。敏銳的眼睛熱淚盈眶，這時，她又開口說話了，嗓音則控制在最為委婉溫柔動聽的程度。

“我知道，自己是沒有權(quán)利跟你這么說話的，勞里。如果你不是世界上脾氣最好的小伙子，你一定會跟我生氣的。可是，我們都很疼愛你，都為你而感到驕傲，所以，想到家里人會像我一樣對你感到失望，我就很不忍心，盡管他們也許比我更理解你的變化。”

“我想，他們會的。”聲音來自帽子底下，語氣冷淡，聽上去有氣無力，令人哀傷。

“他們早就應(yīng)該告訴我，不要讓我繼續(xù)錯上加錯，亂責(zé)備人，我原本應(yīng)該格外親切，格外寬宏大量的。我從來都不喜歡那位蘭德爾小姐，現(xiàn)在我討厭她了！”艾美機(jī)巧地說道，希望這次能夠確認(rèn)自己覺察的事實(shí)。

“去他的蘭德爾小姐！”勞里一邊說，一邊把帽子從臉上推開，臉上的表情毫無疑義地說明他對那位小姐所懷有的感想。

“對不起，我還以為——”她突然很有策略地停止了。

“不，別以為了。其實(shí)，你最清楚了，我除了喬，任何人都不愛。”勞里說這句話時，跟以往一樣口氣沖動，而且，一邊說，一邊轉(zhuǎn)過了頭。

“我就是這么以為的。但他們關(guān)于這件事只字未提，你又出國，所以，我猜想，自己搞錯了。難道喬不肯對你好嗎？哎，我肯定，她愛你愛得很深。”

“她確實(shí)很親切，但卻不到位。如果我就是你認(rèn)為的那種不成大器的人，她不愛我就很幸運(yùn)。不過，她看錯人了，你可以轉(zhuǎn)告她的。”

勞里說話時，臉上的神情又恢復(fù)了嚴(yán)峻憤恨的樣子。這讓艾美感到為難，她不知道這會兒該使用何種安慰劑。

“我自己搞錯了，不知道情況。很對不起，剛才態(tài)度太粗暴，現(xiàn)在不免要希望你能夠善加忍受，特迪乖乖。”

“別這樣，那是她給我取的名字！”勞里急速地?fù)]手，制止了艾美模仿喬的那種柔中帶罵的口氣。“等你親身試一試再說吧。”勞里又低聲加了一句，順手一把一把拔草。

“我會像男子漢一樣坦然對待的，沒有得到愛，也要得到尊重啊。”艾美情況不明決心大。

你看，勞里一直慶幸自己對此事忍受得相當(dāng)好，既沒有埋怨，也沒有企求同情，而將自己的苦惱帶在身邊，獨(dú)自排解。艾美對他的教訓(xùn)，使得他換一種角度看待那件事了。他第一次體會到，頭一次失戀就灰心喪氣，自我封閉，郁悶冷漠，看上去未免就顯得很意志薄弱，自私自利了。他覺得自己似乎突然從一場思緒萬千的睡夢中驚醒，再也無法入睡。沒過多久，他坐了起來，慢悠悠地問道：“你認(rèn)為喬會跟你一樣，看不起我嗎？”

“如果她看見你現(xiàn)在的樣子，會的。她一向討厭懶蟲。你何不干一番轟轟烈烈的事情，迫使她愛上你呀？”

“我已經(jīng)使出了渾身解數(shù)，但是沒有用啊。”

“你是指畢業(yè)成績不錯嗎？這不過是你的分內(nèi)事，為你爺爺做的。花了那么多的時間和金錢，如果不畢業(yè)，是很可恥的。因?yàn)榇蠹叶贾溃憧梢猿錾厴I(yè)的。”

“不管你怎么說，反正敗局已定，因?yàn)閱滩豢蠍畚摇?rdquo;勞里說道，心灰意冷地用手支著頭。

“不，你還有機(jī)會，最終你會承認(rèn)的，因?yàn)?，學(xué)業(yè)對你有好處，證明了只要你努力，還是能夠干出個模樣的。你只要找到另一件事情去做，很快就能夠恢復(fù)到舒心愉快的心境，忘記自己的煩惱。”

“這不可能。”

“努力去爭取嘛。你不必聳肩，認(rèn)為‘這姑娘對這種事情知道得不少’，我并不是自作聰明，而是在仔細(xì)觀察，所發(fā)現(xiàn)的比你想象的要多。我很關(guān)心別人的戀愛經(jīng)歷和矛盾行為，盡管不能加以解釋，但可以記在心里，以后為我所用嘛。當(dāng)然，如果你愿意，就一輩子都去愛喬吧，但不要因此而失意。不能因?yàn)樽约旱貌坏剿囊粋€福氣，就拋棄許多美好的東西，這樣做是作惡。哎，我可不想繼續(xù)訓(xùn)話了，因?yàn)?，盡管那個姑娘心腸很硬，但我知道你會幡然醒悟的，重新做一個真正的男子漢。”

他們倆一時間寂寞無語。勞里坐在草地上，擺弄著那個小戒指。艾美正在對說話時所作的速寫做最后的潤色。過了一會兒，她將速寫本放在他的膝上，徑直說了一句話：“覺得怎么樣??？”

勞里看了一眼，不禁笑了，因?yàn)楫嫷锰盍?mdash;—修長的、懶洋洋的身子正躺在草地上，表情淡然，瞇著眼，手上夾著一支雪茄煙，裊裊煙圈籠罩著做夢人的頭部。

“畫得真不錯??！”他說道，對艾美的速寫技巧感到由衷的驚喜。接著，他又似笑非笑地加了一句：“是呀，那不就是我嗎。”

“這是現(xiàn)在的你，而這是過去的你。”艾美又拿出一張速寫，放在旁邊。

這一張畫得不怎么樣，卻很有生氣和靈氣，足以彌補(bǔ)許多的敗筆。這張畫生動地勾勒了如煙往事，小伙子見后，臉上的神情不禁為之一變。只見畫面上寥寥數(shù)筆，顯示勞里正在馴馬，沒有戴帽子，外套脫掉了，所以，身段活躍，線條清晰，面色果敢，威風(fēng)凜凜的姿勢，整張畫洋溢著一股青春活力，耐人尋味。畫中那匹彪悍的馬已經(jīng)馴服，正站在一邊，被韁繩勒著脖子，低著頭，蹄子一個勁兒地刨著地面，但耳朵卻豎立著，似乎在聆聽征服者的號令。鬃毛散亂，騎手頭發(fā)蓬松，神態(tài)警覺，表現(xiàn)化動為靜的畫面，讓人體味到力量、勇氣和青春活力，跟《無所事事樂融融》速寫的躺臥式優(yōu)雅形成鮮明對比。這時，勞里一言不語，眼睛在來回掃視。艾美發(fā)現(xiàn)他臉紅了，并且抿著嘴唇，似乎已經(jīng)理解了她的意思，接受了教訓(xùn)。對此，艾美很滿意，不等勞里開口，爽朗地說開了：

“有一天，你讓拉里和帕克那兩匹馬比賽，我們都在觀看，記得嗎？美格和貝絲都嚇壞了，但喬卻拍手歡騰。我當(dāng)時騎在籬笆上，為你畫速寫。前幾天，在畫夾里找到了這張速寫，稍微潤色了一下，就一直保存著，打算給你看。”

“感激涕零。自那以后，你的速寫技巧突飛猛進(jìn)，恭喜恭喜。雖然在‘蜜月天堂’，我能否冒昧地提醒，你下榻的飯店，晚餐時間在下午五點(diǎn)？”

勞里說著站起來，一邊笑著鞠躬，將畫像歸還，看了一下表，似乎在提醒她，即便是道德說教，也應(yīng)該結(jié)束了。這時，勞里又想擺出以往那副隨意而無所謂的樣子，但這一次，卻很做作了，因?yàn)?，艾美振聾發(fā)聵的談話很靈驗(yàn)，盡管他不愿意坦白。艾美覺察到一絲冷淡的態(tài)度，思忖道：

“是我惹怒了他。哎，如果對他有好處，我就高興了。如果讓他討厭我，那就很遺憾了。這確實(shí)是我的真心話，決不反悔。”

回家的路上，他們又說又笑，身后坐著的小巴蒂斯特心想，先生小姐真是興致勃勃?？墒撬麄儌z都感到很不自在。原先彼此之間坦誠相待的情趣已經(jīng)擾亂了，陽光明媚的天空出現(xiàn)了一片烏云。盡管兩人表面上仍然談笑風(fēng)生，但彼此已經(jīng)打心底里暗自不滿了。

“我們今晚可以見到你嗎，mon frère[1]? ”在嬸嬸的門口分手時，艾美問道。

“不湊巧，我有約在先了。Au revoir, mademoiselle[2]。”勞里說罷，彎下腰，似乎要以外國方式去吻她的手。這可是勞里最拿手的，誰都比不上。艾美看見他的神情，急忙態(tài)度和藹地說：

“不行，跟我來老規(guī)矩，勞里。咱們還是和以前一樣告別吧。我喜歡英國的熱烈握手，不喜歡法國人那些傷感的離別禮節(jié)。”

“再見，乖乖。”勞里以艾美喜歡聽的口吻說完這句話，跟她握了握手，握手熱烈得手痛，然后走開了。

第二天早晨，沒有像往日那樣的拜訪，但艾美收到一個便條。她看見之后就笑了，但沒有過多久，便嘆氣了：

我的良師益友：

請代我向你嬸嬸告別，愿你開心，因?yàn)?ldquo;懶蟲勞倫斯”像好男兒一樣，陪祖父去了。謹(jǐn)祝冬安。愿上帝保佑你，在玫瑰谷的蜜月幸福美滿！我想，弗雷德有了攪和者，會受益匪淺的。請轉(zhuǎn)告他，并致祝賀。

感謝你的　忒勒瑪科斯[3]

“好小伙！他走了，太好了。”艾美帶著認(rèn)可的微笑說道。但是，她回首望著空蕩蕩的房間時，面色就變了，情不自禁地嘆息道：“是啊，我很高興，可是又會想念他的！”

* * *

[1]法語，兄弟。

[2]法語，再見，小姐。

[3]希臘神話人物，曾助父殺死向其母求婚的人。

CHAPTER 39 LAZY LAURENCE

LAURIE WENT TO Nice intending to stay a week, and remained a month. He was tired of wandering about alone, and Amy's familiar presence seemed to give a homelike charm to the foreign scenes in which she bore a part. He rather missed the “petting” he used to receive, and enjoyed a taste of it again, for no attentions, however flattering, from strangers, were half so pleasant as the sisterly adoration of the girls at home. Amy never would pet him like the others, but she was very glad to see him now, and quite clung to him, feeling that he was the representative of the dear family for whom she longed more than she would confess. They naturally took comfort in each other's society and were much together, riding, walking, dancing, or dawdling, for at Nice no one can be very industrious during the gay season. But, while apparently amusing themselves in the most careless fashion, they were half-consciously making discoveries and forming opinions about each other. Amy rose daily in the estimation of her friend, but he sank in hers, and each felt the truth before a word was spoken. Amy tried to please, and succeeded, for she was grateful for the many pleasures he gave her, and repaid him with the little services to which womanly women know how to lend an indescribable charm. Laurie made no effort of any kind, but just let himself drift along as comfortably as possible, trying to forget, and feeling that all women owed him a kind word because one had been cold to him. It cost him no effort to be generous, and he would have given Amy all the trinkets in Nice if she would have taken them, but at the same time he felt that he could not change the opinion she was forming of him, and he rather dreaded the keen blue eyes that seemed to watch him with such half-sorrowful, half-scornful surprise.

“All the rest have gone to Monaco for the day; I preferred to stay at home and write letters. They are done now, and I am going to Valrosa to sketch, will you come? ” said Amy, as she joined Laurie one lovely day when he lounged in as usual, about noon.

“Well, yes, but isn't it rather warm for such a long walk? ” he answered slowly,for the shaded salon looked inviting after the glare without.

“I'm going to have the little carriage, and Baptiste can drive, so you'll have nothing to do but hold your umbrella, and keep your gloves nice, ”returned Amy, with a sarcastic glance at the immaculate kids, which were a weak point with Laurie.

“Then I'll go with pleasure.” And he put out his hand for her sketchbook. But she tucked it under her arm with a sharp—

“Don't trouble yourself. It's no exertion to me, but you don't look equal to it.”

Laurie lifted his eyebrows and followed at a leisurely pace as she ran downstairs, but when they got into the carriage he took the reins himself, and left little Baptiste nothing to do but fold his arms and fall asleep on his perch.

The two never quarreled—Amy was too well-bred, and just now Laurie was too lazy, so in a minute he peeped under her hatbrim with an inquiring air; she answered him with a smile, and they went on together in the most amicable manner.

It was a lovely drive, along winding roads rich in the picturesque scenes that delight beauty-loving eyes. Here an ancient monastery, whence the solemn chanting of the monks came down to them. There a bare-legged shepherd, in wooden shoes, pointed hat, and rough jacket over one shoulder, sat piping on a stone while his goats skipped among the rocks or lay at his feet. Meek, mouse-colored donkeys, laden with panniers of freshly cut grass passed by,with a pretty girl in a capaline sitting between the green piles, or an old woman spinning with a distaff as she went. Brown, soft-eyed children ran out from the quaint stone hovels to offer nosegays, or bunches of oranges still on the bough. Gnarled olive trees covered the hills with their dusky foliage, fruit hung golden in the orchard, and great scarlet anemones fringed the roadside; while beyond green slopes and craggy heights, the Maritime Alps rose sharp and white against the blue Italian sky.

Valrosa well deserved its name, for in that climate of perpetual summer roses blossomed everywhere. They overhung the archway, thrust themselves between the bars of the great gate with a sweet welcome to passers-by, and lined the avenue, winding through lemon trees and feathery palms up to the villa on the hill. Every shadowy nook, where seats invited one to stop and rest, was a mass of bloom, every cool grotto had its marble nymph smiling from a veil of flowers, and every fountain reflected crimson, white, or pale pink roses, leaning down to smile at their own beauty. Roses covered the walls of the house, draped the cornices, climbed the pillars, and ran riot over the balustrade of the wide terrace, whence one looked down on the sunny Mediterranean, and the white-walled city on its shore.

“This is a regular honeymoon paradise, isn't it? Did you ever see such roses? ” asked Amy, pausing on the terrace to enjoy the view, and a luxurious whiff of perfume that came wandering by.

“No, nor felt such thorns, ” returned Laurie, with his thumb in his mouth, after a vain attempt to capture a solitary scarlet flower that grew just beyond his reach.

“Try lower down, and pick those that have no thorns, ” said Amy, gathering three of the tiny cream-colored ones that starred the wall behind her. She put them in his buttonhole as a peace offering, and he stood a minute looking down at them with a curious expression, for in the Italian part of his nature there was a touch of superstition, and he was just then in that state of half-sweet, half-bitter melancholy, when imaginative young men find significance in trifles and food for romance everywhere. He had thought of Jo in reaching after the thorny red rose, for vivid flowers became her, and she had often worn ones like that from the greenhouse at home. The pale roses Amy gave him were the sort that the Italians lay in dead hands, never in bridal wreaths, and for a moment he wondered if the omen was for Jo or for himself; but the next instant his American common sense got the better of sentimentality, and he laughed a heartier laugh than Amy had heard since he came.

“It's good advice, you'd better take it and save your fingers, ” she said, thinking her speech amused him.

“Thank you, I will, ” he answered in jest, and a few months later he did it in earnest.

“Laurie, when are you going to your grandfather? ” she asked presently, as she settled herself on a rustic seat.

“Very soon.”

“You have said that a dozen times within the last three weeks.”

“I dare say, short answers save trouble.”

“He expects you, and you really ought to go.”

“Hospitable creature! I know it.”

“Then why don't you do it? ”

“Natural depravity, I suppose.”

“Natural indolence, you mean. It's really dreadful! ” And Amy looked severe.

“Not so bad as it seems, for I should only plague him if I went, so I might as well stay and plague you a little longer, you can bear it better, in fact I think it agrees with you excellently.” And Laurie composed himself for a lounge on the broad ledge of the balustrade.

Amy shook her head and opened her sketchbook with an air of resignation, but she had made up her mind to lecture “that boy” and in a minute she began again.

“What are you doing just now? ”

“Watching lizards.”

“No, no. I mean what do you intend and wish to do? ”

“Smoke a cigarette, if you'll allow me.”

“How provoking you are! I don't approve of cigars and I will only allow it on condition that you let me put you into my sketch. I need a figure.”

“With all the pleasure in life. How will you have me—full length or three-quarters, on my head or my heels? I should respectfully suggest a recumbent posture,then put yourself in also and call it‘Dolce far niente'.”

“Stay as you are, and go to sleep if you like. I intend to work hard, ”said Amy in her most energetic tone.

“What delightful enthusiasm! ” And he leaned against a tall urn with an air of entire satisfaction.

“What would Jo say if she saw you now? ” asked Amy impatiently, hoping to stir him up by the mention of her still more energetic sister's name.

“As usual, ‘Go away, Teddy. I'm busy! '” He laughed as he spoke, but the laugh was not natural, and a shade passed over his face, for the utterance of the familiar name touched the wound that was not healed yet. Both tone and shadow struck Amy, for she had seen and heard them before, and now she looked up in time to catch a new expression on Laurie's face—a hard bitter look, full of pain, dissatisfaction, and regret. It was gone before she could study it and the listless expression back again. She watched him for a moment with artistic pleasure, thinking how like an Italian he looked, as he lay basking in the sun with uncovered head and eyes full of southern dreaminess, for he seemed to have forgotten her and fallen into a reverie.

“You look like the effigy of a young knight asleep on his tomb, ” she said, carefully tracing the well-cut profile defined against the dark stone.

“Wish I was! ”

“That's a foolish wish, unless you have spoiled your life. You are so changed, I sometimes think—” There Amy stopped, with a half-timid, half-wistful look, more significant than her unfinished speech.

Laurie saw and understood the affectionate anxiety which she hesitated to express, and looking straight into her eyes, said, just as he used to say it to her mother, “It's all right, ma'am.”

That satisfied her and set at rest the doubts that had begun to worry her lately. It also touched her, and she showed that it did, by the cordial tone in which she said—

“I'm glad of that! I didn't think you'd been a very bad boy, but I fancied you might have wasted money at that wicked Baden-Baden, lost your heart to some charming Frenchwoman with a husband, or got into some of the scrapes that young men seem to consider a necessary part of a foreign tour. Don't stay out there in the sun, come and lie on the grass here and ‘let us be friendly, ' as Jo used to say when we got in the sofa corner and told secrets.”

Laurie obediently threw himself down on the turf, and began to amuse himself by sticking daisies into the ribbons of Amy's hat, that lay there.

“I'm all ready for the secrets.” And he glanced up with a decided expression of interest in his eyes.

“I've none to tell. You may begin.”

“Haven't one to bless myself with. I thought perhaps you'd had some news from home.”

“You have heard all that has come lately. Don't you hear often? I fancied Jo would send you volumes.”

“She's very busy. I'm roving about so, it's impossible to be regular, you know. When do you begin your great work of art, Raphaella? ” he asked, changing the subject abruptly after another pause, in which he had been wondering if Amy knew his secret and wanted to talk about it.

“Never, ” she answered, with a despondent but decided air. “Rome took all the vanity out of me, for after seeing the wonders there, I felt too insignificant to live and gave up all my foolish hopes in despair.”

“Why should you, with so much energy and talent? ”

“That's just why—because talent isn't genius, and no amount of energy can make it so. I want to be great, or nothing. I won't be a common-place dauber, so I don't intend to try any more.”

“And what are you going to do with yourself now, if I may ask? ”

“Polish up my other talents, and be an ornament to society, if I get the chance.”

It was a characteristic speech, and sounded daring; but audacity becomes young people, and Amy's ambition had a good foundation. Laurie smiled, but he liked the spirit with which she took up a new purpose when a long-cherished one died, and spent no time lamenting.

“Good! And here is where Fred Vaughn comes in, I fancy.”

Amy preserved a discreet silence, but there was a conscious look in her downcast face that made Laurie sit up and say gravely, “Now I'm going to play brother, and ask questions. May I? ”

“I don't promise to answer.”

“Your face will, if your tongue won't. You aren't woman of the world enough yet to hide your feelings, my dear. I heard rumors about Fred and you last year, and it's my private opinion that if he had not been called home so suddenly and detained so long, something would have come of it—hey? ”

“That's not for me to say, ” was Amy's grim reply, but her lips would smile, and there was a traitorous sparkle of the eye which betrayed that she knew her power and enjoyed the knowledge.

“You are not engaged, I hope? ” And Laurie looked very elder-brotherly and grave all of a sudden.

“No.”

“But you will be, if he comes back and goes properly down on his knees, won't you? ”

“Very likely.”

“Then you are fond of old Fred? ”

“I could be, if I tried.”

“But you don't intend to try till the proper moment? Bless my soul, what unearthly prudence! He's a good fellow, Amy, but not the man I fancied you'd like.”

“He is rich, a gentleman, and has delightful manners, ” began Amy, trying to be quite cool and dignified, but feeling a little ashamed of herself, in spite of the sincerity of her intentions.

“I understand. Queens of society can't get on without money, so you mean to make a good match, and start in that way? Quite right and proper, as the world goes, but it sounds odd from the lips of one of your mother's girls.”

“True, nevertheless.”

A short speech, but the quiet decision with which it was uttered contrasted curiously with the young speaker. Laurie felt this instinctively and laid himself down again, with a sense of disappointment which he could not explain. His look and silence, as well as a certain inward self-disapproval, ruffled Amy, and made her resolve to deliver her lecture without delay.

“I wish you'd do me the favor to rouse yourself a little, ” she said sharply.

“Do it for me, there's a dear girl.”

“I could, if I tried.” And she looked as if she would like doing it in the most summary style.

“Try, then. I give you leave, ” returned Laurie, who enjoyed having someone to tease, after his long abstinence from his favorite pastime.

“You'd be angry in five minutes.”

“I'm never angry with you. It takes two flints to make a fire. You are as cool and soft as snow.”

“You don't know what I can do. Snow produces a glow and a tingle, if applied rightly. Your indifference is half affectation, and a good stirring up would prove it.”

“Stir away, it won't hurt me and it may amuse you, as the big man said when his little wife beat him. Regard me in the light of a husband or a carpet, and beat till you are tired, if that sort of exercise agrees with you.”

Being decidedly nettled herself, and longing to see him shake off the apathy that so altered him, Amy sharpened both tongue and pencil, and began:

“Flo and I have got a new name for you. It's Lazy Laurence. How do you like it? ”

She thought it would annoy him, but he only folded his arms under his head, with an imperturbable “That's not bad. Thank you, ladies.”

“Do you want to know what I honestly think of you? ”

“Pining to be told.”

“Well, I despise you.”

If she had even said “I hate you” in a petulant or coquettish tone, he would have laughed and rather liked it, but the grave, almost sad, accent in her voice made him open his eyes, and ask quickly—

“Why, if you please? ”

“Because, with every chance for being good, useful, and happy, you are faulty, lazy, and miserable.”

“Strong language, mademoiselle.”

“If you like it, I'll go on.”

“Pray do, it's quite interesting.”

“I thought you'd find it so. Selfish people always like to talk about themselves.”

“Am I selfish? ” the question slipped out involuntarily and in a tone of surprise, for the one virtue on which he prided himself was generosity.

“Yes, very selfish, ” continued Amy, in a calm, cool voice, twice as effective just then as an angry one. “I'll show you how, for I've studied you while we were frolicking, and I'm not at all satisfied with you. Here you have been abroad nearly six months, and done nothing but waste time and money and disappoint your friends.”

“Isn't a fellow to have any pleasure after a four-year grind? ”

“You don't look as if you'd had much. At any rate, you are none the better for it, as far as I can see. I said when we first met that you had improved. Now I take it all back, for I don't think you half so nice as when I left you at home. You have grown abominably lazy, you like gossip, and waste time on frivolous things, you are contented to be petted and admired by silly people, instead of being loved and respected by wise ones. With money, talent, position, health, and beauty—ah you like that Old Vanity! But it's the truth, so I can't help saying it—with all these splendid things to use and enjoy, you can find nothing to do but dawdle, and instead of being the man you ought to be, you are only—” There she stopped, with a look that had both pain and pity in it.

“Saint Laurence on a gridiron, ” added Laurie, blandly finishing the sentence. But the lecture began to take effect, for there was a wide-awake sparkle in his eyes now and a half-angry, half-injured expression replaced the former indifference.

“I supposed you'd take it so. You men tell us we are angels, and say we can make you what we will, but the instant we honestly try to do you good, you laugh at us and won't listen, which proves how much your flattery is worth.” Amy spoke bitterly, and turned her back on the exasperating martyr at her feet.

In a minute a hand came down over the page, so that she could not draw, and Laurie's voice said, with a droll imitation of a penitent child, “I will be good, oh, I will be good! ”

But Amy did not laugh, for she was in earnest, and tapping on the outspread hand with her pencil, said soberly, “Aren't you ashamed of a hand like that? It's as soft and white as a woman's, and looks as if it never did anything but wear Jouvin's best gloves and pick flowers for ladies. You are not a dandy, thank Heaven, so I'm glad to see there are no diamonds or big seal rings on it, only the little old one Jo gave you so long ago. Dear soul, I wish she was here to help me! ”

“So do I! ”

The hand vanished as suddenly as it came, and there was energy enough in the echo of her wish to suit even Amy. She glanced down at him with a new thought in her mind, but he was lying with his hat half over his face, as if for shade, and his mustache hid his mouth. She only saw his chest rise and fall, with a long breath that might have been a sigh, and the hand that wore the ring nestled down into the grass, as if to hide something too precious or too tender to be spoken of. All in a minute various hints and trifles assumed shape and significance in Amy's mind, and told her what her sister never had confided to her. She remembered that Laurie never spoke voluntarily of Jo, she recalled the shadow on his face just now, the change in his character, and the wearing of the little old ring which was no ornament to a handsome hand. Girls are quick to read such signs and feel their eloquence. Amy had fancied that perhaps a love trouble was at the bottom of the alteration, and now she was sure of it. Her keen eyes filled, and when she spoke again, it was in a voice that could be beautifully soft and kind when she chose to make it so.

“I know I have no right to talk so to you, Laurie, and if you weren't the sweetest-tempered fellow in the world, you'd be very angry with me. But we are all so fond and proud of you, I couldn't bear to think they should be disappointed in you at home as I have been, though, perhaps they would understand the change better than I do.”

“I think they would, ” came from under the hat, in a grim tone, quite as touching as a broken one.

“They ought to have told me, and not let me go blundering and scolding, when I should have been more kind and patient than ever. I never did like that Miss Randal and now I hate her! ” said artful Amy, wishing to be sure of her facts this time.

“Hang Miss Randal! ” And Laurie knocked the hat off his face with a look that left no doubt of his sentiments toward that young lady.

“I beg pardon, I thought—” And there she paused diplomatically.

“No, you didn't, you knew perfectly well I never cared for anyone but Jo, ” Laurie said that in his old, impetuous tone, and turned his face away as he spoke.

“I did think so, but as they never said anything about it, and you came away, I supposed I was mistaken. And Jo wouldn't be kind to you? Why, I was sure she loved you dearly.”

“She was kind, but not in the right way, and it's lucky for her she didn't love me, if I'm the good-for-nothing fellow you think me. It's her fault though, and you may tell her so.”

The hard, bitter look came back again as he said that, and it troubled Amy, for she did not know what balm to apply.

“I was wrong, I didn't know. I'm very sorry I was so cross, but I can't help wishing you'd bear it better, Teddy, dear.”

“Don't, that's her name for me! ” And Laurie put up his hand with a quick gesture to stop the words spoken in Jo's half-kind, half-reproachful tone. “Wait till you've tried it yourself, ” he added in a low voice, as he pulled up the grass by the handful.

“I'd take it manfully, and be respected if I couldn't be loved, ” said Amy, with the decision of one who knew nothing about it.

Now, Laurie flattered himself that he had borne it rem