漢譯英的簡(jiǎn)潔、精煉（四）

　　五、和英語(yǔ)相比，漢語(yǔ)在形式上不太嚴(yán)密，這表現(xiàn)在有時(shí)字面意義和蘊(yùn)涵意義的相隔，有時(shí)漢語(yǔ)句群中、或句子中意義因素的相對(duì)重復(fù)。對(duì)此，譯者要有清醒的認(rèn)識(shí)，不可過(guò)于依附原文字面結(jié)構(gòu)，而要對(duì)其中重復(fù)的語(yǔ)義因素進(jìn)行剪裁、過(guò)濾、消腫。例如：

　　1、當(dāng)它闔起兩只翅膀的時(shí)候，像長(zhǎng)在樹枝上的一片干枯的樹葉。誰(shuí)也不去注意它，誰(shuí)也不瞧它一眼。

　　When it closes its wings, it resembles a withered tree leaf hanging from a branch – scarcely noticeable to human eyes. (“誰(shuí)也不去注意它，誰(shuí)也不瞧它一眼”是語(yǔ)義重復(fù)，翻譯時(shí)可省去一個(gè)小句。)

　　2、窗口下，會(huì)有幾個(gè)攤點(diǎn)賣著西瓜什么的，在他們的頭頂方向，是電信塔樓和城市報(bào)時(shí)鐘。

　　Below the window were several melon stalls, and above them was the Telecom Tower with a big clock on top of it. (如果將“城市報(bào)時(shí)鐘”按字面譯為topped with the turret clock telling the city time，譯文將是臃腫不堪。)

　　3、赫賽的重溫故鄉(xiāng)之夢(mèng)結(jié)束了。當(dāng)我在車廂和他話別時(shí)，……

　　When Hersey’s visit to Tianjin was over and I got on board the train to say good-bye, … (“重溫故鄉(xiāng)之夢(mèng)”不可譯為the dream of visiting Tianjin，否則，不但會(huì)使譯文增重，還會(huì)使譯文的意義發(fā)生改變。)

　　4、只要這個(gè)人看得起我們，我們就會(huì)將我們?nèi)艺鎿吹?、充滿敬意和感激的情意奉獻(xiàn)給這個(gè)人。

　　As long as that someone would meet us face to face, we would offer our most heartfelt gratitude and affection. (“真摯的、充滿敬意和感激的情意” 不可照字面譯為sincere, respectful and grateful affection。)

　　5、母親停止了切菜，轉(zhuǎn)臉瞧著她說(shuō)：“……”

　　Mother stopped cutting cabbage and wheeled around. “…”(“瞧著她說(shuō)”根據(jù)上下文語(yǔ)境可以省去不譯。)

　　6、三月里劉薰宇君來(lái)信，說(shuō)互生病了，而且是沒有希望的病。

　　In March I heard from Mr. Liu Xunyu that Husheng was sick and hopelessly at that. (and hopelessly at that就將“而且是沒有希望的病”的語(yǔ)式簡(jiǎn)潔地表達(dá)出來(lái)，沒有必要譯為and it was a hopeless sickness。)

　　7、他辦立達(dá)便飲食坐臥只惦著立達(dá)，再不想別的。

　　When he was running Lida School, he had all his thoughts on the school, whatever he did.(“飲食坐臥” 不可照字面譯為when eating, sitting or sleeping。)

　　8、你剛開口說(shuō)由哪里來(lái)的時(shí)候，一杯很熱的濃茶，就遞在你的下巴上。

　　Scarcely have you begun to tell where you come from when a cup of hot and strong tea is handed over to you.(“遞在你的下巴上”如果譯為hand over to your chin，不但復(fù)雜，讓英語(yǔ)讀者也覺得唐突。)

　　9、不同支系的青年男女戀愛敘衷腸時(shí)，男子往往主動(dòng)使用女子支系的語(yǔ)言，以示愛慕之心。

　　When a boy is in love with a girl from a different branch, the boy usually speaks in the girl’s language voluntarily to show respect. (請(qǐng)比較：如果譯成when a boy and a girl, who are from different branches, are in love with each other, the boy usually speaks in the girl’s language voluntarily to show his respect.則過(guò)分貼附于字面了。)

　　10、憶昔當(dāng)年，日寇強(qiáng)敵入境，山河破碎，風(fēng)雨飄搖。日寇軍閥窮兇極惡，遣無(wú)數(shù)本國(guó)精壯，到海外屠殺無(wú)辜，……

　　During the war, the atrocious Japanese militarists sent Japanese armies to China to slaughter the innocent people, bringing the country to the point of disintegration.(本句譯文中“山河破碎，風(fēng)雨飄搖”譯為bringing the country to the point of disintegration即可，沒有必要分別譯出兩個(gè)短語(yǔ)。)